# The first storyline patent has been applied for. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 7, 2005, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-storyline-patent-has-been-applied-for/329866 "2005-11-07T03:59:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-storyline-patent-has-been-applied-for/329866/1 "2005-11-07T03:59:04Z")
[From the USPTO website itself](http://appft1.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-Parser?Sect1=PTO2&Sect2=HITOFF&p=1&u=%2Fnetahtml%2FPTO%2Fsearch-bool.html&r=1&f=G&l=50&co1=AND&d=PG01&s1=Knight.IN.&s2=Andrew.IN.&OS=IN/Knight+AND+IN/Andrew&RS=IN/Knight+AND+IN/Andrew): > [@](#): > > Process of relaying a story having a unique plot > > **Abstract** > > A process of relaying a story having a timeline and a unique plot involving characters comprises: indicating a character’s desire at a first time in the timeline for at least one of the following: a) to remain asleep or unconscious until a particular event occurs; and b) to forget or be substantially unable to recall substantially all events during the time period from the first time until a particular event occurs; indicating the character’s substantial inability at a time after the occurrence of the particular event to recall substantially all events during the time period from the first time to the occurrence of the particular event; and indicating that during the time period the character was an active participant in a plurality of events. So it’s finally come to this. First there were software patents, where Fraunhofer could patent the MP3 file format, and business method patents, where Amazon could patent one-click shopping. Nobody stepped up to prevent those abuses, nobody stepped up to reform the patent system and clean out the abuses, so now Andrew F. Knight is patenting a plot. There is nothing in the recent behavior of the USPTO that suggests they would reject this patent. _Nothing._ That is why I’m Pitting it instead of treating it like the bad joke it is. If this is eventually rejected, I will celebrate and state in this thread just how wrong I was. I don’t think I’ll need to do that, and it frightens me. ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-storyline-patent-has-been-applied-for/329866/2 "2005-11-07T04:00:34Z")
I’m sure we can find plenty of prior art. ---
**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-storyline-patent-has-been-applied-for/329866/3 "2005-11-07T04:03:26Z")
> [@asterion](#): > > I’m sure we can find plenty of prior art. and a manner of new manufacture as well? ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-storyline-patent-has-been-applied-for/329866/4 "2005-11-07T04:04:12Z")
> [@asterion](#): > > I’m sure we can find plenty of prior art. I was thinking of using this thread as a contest to find out who can name the most, and a betting pool on whether it makes a damned bit of difference. ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-storyline-patent-has-been-applied-for/329866/5 "2005-11-07T05:21:28Z")
> [@Derleth](#): > > There is nothing in the recent behavior of the USPTO that suggests they would reject this patent. _Nothing._ You mean like the new examination guidelines (2 weeks old, I think) setting out what is statutory subject matter under 35 USC 101? Which this clearly is not? People can apply for patents on whatever stupid thing they wish. It doesn’t mean they’ll get them. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-storyline-patent-has-been-applied-for/329866/6 "2005-11-07T05:53:12Z")
How’s this for prior art? > [@](#): > > [Terence] doesn’t deny that in his _Eunuch_ he has transported characters out of the Greek; but … if the same characters will not be permitted, how is it more permissible to depict a servant on the run, or to make use of good old women, evil courtesans, a gluttonous parasite, a braggart soldier, a changeling, an old man duped by a servant, or even love, hate, and suspicion? In short, nothing is said that has not been said before. > > - Terence (c. 195-159 B.C.), _The Eunuch_, Prologue ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-storyline-patent-has-been-applied-for/329866/7 "2005-11-07T05:57:23Z")
In the unlikely event this patent is granted, wouldn’t it just be laughed out of court? ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-storyline-patent-has-been-applied-for/329866/8 "2005-11-07T06:24:27Z")
> [@](#): > > Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy and girl end up together. I am so gonna make a fortune. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-storyline-patent-has-been-applied-for/329866/9 "2005-11-07T07:05:54Z")
> [@ENugent](#): > > You mean like the new examination guidelines (2 weeks old, I think) setting out what is statutory subject matter under 35 USC 101? Which this clearly is not? > > People can apply for patents on whatever stupid thing they wish. It doesn’t mean they’ll get them. When the USPTO rescinds the patent on the combover, you’ll have a leg to stand on. Statutes are only pertinent if the relevant bodies are willing to enforce them. The patent on the combover is actually more defensible than this one, since it actually referrs to a physical process instead of an abstract idea. Correct me if I’m wrong, but under the system we originally had wasn’t it impossible to apply any sort of protection to an abstract idea? A patent (in days gone by) had to be applied to a physical object, a copyright could only be applied to an actual work of fiction or creativity, and a trademark could only be applied to an actual mark in use to distinguish goods or services in the marketplace. None of the three pillars, as originally concieved, applied to anything so abstract as a plot outline. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-storyline-patent-has-been-applied-for/329866/10 "2005-11-07T07:12:25Z")
Sorry, I missed this the first time. > [@Larry Borgia](#): > > In the unlikely event this patent is granted, wouldn’t it just be laughed out of court? That only works if the defendent (or respondent, or whatever the accused party is called in a trial over a patent violation) has enough money to sink into defending himself in a courtroom. If he does not, the accuser wins by default and can reap the award. If TimeWarner or whoever decides to quash your competition, they can simply spend you into submission without any regard for who technically ‘wins’ or ‘loses’: They force you into penury and prevent you from doing what they didn’t like, winning the only victory that matters. Cross-licensing deals and patent warchests prevent any of the large players from being hurt by this process. ---
**Author:** ![Nanoda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Nanoda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nanoda)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-storyline-patent-has-been-applied-for/329866/11 "2005-11-07T07:57:03Z")
Well crap! Everyone knows there are only 7 different stories in the world, and now **FinnAgain** and this Andrew F. Knight character have two of them. I’m going to patent ‘two or three unbelievably saccharine furry animals go on an adventure with dubbed-over voices’. I am gonna _own_ Disney. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-storyline-patent-has-been-applied-for/329866/12 "2005-11-07T08:30:27Z")
> [@Larry Borgia](#): > > In the unlikely event this patent is granted, wouldn’t it just be laughed out of court? It sure gave me a good chuckle. I felt like I was reading an article off of The Onion but then I realized this couldn’t be The Onion because I was laughing too hard. You can’t make shit like this up folks. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-storyline-patent-has-been-applied-for/329866/13 "2005-11-07T10:47:18Z")
> [@Derleth](#): > > [From the USPTO website itself](http://appft1.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-Parser?Sect1=PTO2&Sect2=HITOFF&p=1&u=%2Fnetahtml%2FPTO%2Fsearch-bool.html&r=1&f=G&l=50&co1=AND&d=PG01&s1=Knight.IN.&s2=Andrew.IN.&OS=IN/Knight+AND+IN/Andrew&RS=IN/Knight+AND+IN/Andrew) Bottom in _A Midsummer Night’s Dream_. Ooh, I’m gonna be rich - rich, I tells ya! ---
**Author:** ![Futile\_Gesture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f05b48/32.png) [@Futile\_Gesture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Futile_Gesture)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-storyline-patent-has-been-applied-for/329866/14 "2005-11-07T11:47:10Z")
> [@](#): > > Man has unsocial habits and attitudes. Something happens to him that makes him reconsider these. Man changes unsocial habits and attitudes to become better person. > [@](#): > > Animal is given intelligence, desires and motivations of a human. Animal has conflict against uncaring subset of humanity. Animal wins with help of children. > [@](#): > > Tormented loner discovers he has special skill and destiny. Loner spends a period in isolation with ancient mentor, training in these skills and learning of destiny. Loner returns to usual life to put tormenters in their place. Also wins heart of girl. Hands off! I called them first! ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-storyline-patent-has-been-applied-for/329866/15 "2005-11-07T13:15:47Z")
I want to patent wacky farces that result in marriage. Hugh Grant will never work in Hollywood again. ---
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-storyline-patent-has-been-applied-for/329866/16 "2005-11-07T14:02:49Z")
You guys are pikers. I’m gonna patent the cop/combat vet/ blue-collar white guy has girl friend/comrade in arms/wife/family that gets killed by drug traffickers/terrorists/gangbangers and goes on a rampage to get revenge. Stallone? Schwarzenegger? Van Damme? Them boys gonna be my \* bee-yotches … \* ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-storyline-patent-has-been-applied-for/329866/17 "2005-11-07T14:53:24Z")
I must admit, I don’t get it. The heading mentions “the process of relating a story,” but not that the patent will cover the _story_. I don’t see how the story itself will pass the “utility” portion of the “novelty, utility, and nonobviousness” test, either. And if he succeeds, the patent will last 20 years from the time of application, which is far, FAR shorter than the term of copyright (life plus 70 years). So, I fail to understand why someone would do this. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-storyline-patent-has-been-applied-for/329866/18 "2005-11-07T17:23:38Z")
Tell me how the filed, AND GRANTED, patent on “[Method of exercising a cat](http://www.freepatentsonline.com/5443036.html)” with a laser pointer passed the “nonobvious” part of the test? US intellectual property law is majorly fucked up. I won’t be suprised at all if this patent is granted. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-storyline-patent-has-been-applied-for/329866/19 "2005-11-07T18:16:18Z")
I’m going to patent the drive-by post. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2005, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-storyline-patent-has-been-applied-for/329866/20 "2005-11-07T20:57:21Z")
Well, I’m patenting the nausetatingly happy ending after a series of very bad situations. I’m also patenting the “childhood friends struggle with the supernatural up until a lame ending” plot. Then I’ll have King and Spielberg by the balls. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-storyline-patent-has-been-applied-for/329866.md?page=2)