# The Florida Face-Eater vs. the Hackensack Intestines-Flinger **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 31, 2012, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-florida-face-eater-vs-the-hackensack-intestines-flinger/623658 "2012-05-31T15:03:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-florida-face-eater-vs-the-hackensack-intestines-flinger/623658/1 "2012-05-31T15:03:39Z")
Now that the Zombie Apocalypse has begun, we must choose sides. Who is your favorite terrifying insane, drug-addled lunatic? The Florida Face-Eater ([Miami face-eater is identified; cause of attack is a mystery](http://www.latimes.com/news/nation/nationnow/la-na-nn-naked-face-eating-attack-20120529,0,2974308.story)) or the New Jersey Intestines-Flinger ([New Jersey man throws intestines at cops after repeatedly stabbing himself | Fox News](http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/05/30/new-jersey-man-throws-intestines-at-cops-after-repeatedly-stabbing-himself/)), ironically from “Hackensack?” If only someone had chewed off Tan Mom’s face and flung it at the cops we would have a Tabloid Trifecta. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-florida-face-eater-vs-the-hackensack-intestines-flinger/623658/2 "2012-05-31T15:08:36Z")
I’ll choose sides only when a literal asshat makes its first appearance. Until then, it’s all child’s play. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-florida-face-eater-vs-the-hackensack-intestines-flinger/623658/3 "2012-05-31T15:25:08Z")
You forget the [Montreal body-parts mailer](http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/story/2012/05/31/body-parts-killing-suspect.html). ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-florida-face-eater-vs-the-hackensack-intestines-flinger/623658/4 "2012-05-31T15:32:04Z")
Well, you have to admire the gut-wrenching intensity of the team from New Jersey, but I think the in-your-face attitude of the Florida lunatic seals the deal. ---
**Author:** ![Enkel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/df705f/32.png) [@Enkel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enkel)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-florida-face-eater-vs-the-hackensack-intestines-flinger/623658/5 "2012-05-31T15:41:14Z")
I’ll give the Hackensack Flinger credit for gumpshun, but aren’t you all forgetting that Japanese artist formerly known as male? He should get credit for raising zombie to a more sophisticated level of grossness. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-florida-face-eater-vs-the-hackensack-intestines-flinger/623658/6 "2012-05-31T15:55:00Z")
I’m voting for the intestines guy. He at least knows how to save face. ---
**Author:** ![Astral\_Rejection](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/258eb7/32.png) [@Astral\_Rejection](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astral_Rejection)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-florida-face-eater-vs-the-hackensack-intestines-flinger/623658/7 "2012-05-31T16:14:12Z")
We should put them both in an arena for a face-off. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-florida-face-eater-vs-the-hackensack-intestines-flinger/623658/8 "2012-05-31T16:15:23Z")
> [@Astral\_Rejection](#): > > We should put them both in an arena for a face-off. That would take guts. ---
**Author:** ![Astral\_Rejection](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/258eb7/32.png) [@Astral\_Rejection](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astral_Rejection)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-florida-face-eater-vs-the-hackensack-intestines-flinger/623658/9 "2012-05-31T16:31:23Z")
I need to face the facts… I can’t stomach the idea of a match between these two. ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-florida-face-eater-vs-the-hackensack-intestines-flinger/623658/10 "2012-05-31T16:54:31Z")
Just as an editorial comment on the article about the guts-flinger: I’d say he was in pretty critical condition _before_ “repeatedly stabbing himself with a 12-inch knife and throwing his intestines at cops.” ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-florida-face-eater-vs-the-hackensack-intestines-flinger/623658/11 "2012-05-31T17:12:04Z")
Face Eater all the way. Not only was he a pure aggressor, but he sustained at least one gunshot and _continued eating_. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-florida-face-eater-vs-the-hackensack-intestines-flinger/623658/12 "2012-05-31T17:44:44Z")
> [@Acid\_Lamp](#): > > Face Eater all the way. Not only was he a pure aggressor, but he sustained at least one gunshot and _continued eating_. Well, yeah, but on behalf of the New Jersey Intestines-Flinger, “continuing to eat” would have been problematic in his case. ---
**Author:** ![Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/half_man_half_wit/32/21766_2.png) [@Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Half_Man_Half_Wit)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-florida-face-eater-vs-the-hackensack-intestines-flinger/623658/13 "2012-05-31T17:54:08Z")
Strangely enough, the thing that struck me as the most odd about these stories was that in the Florida face-eater case, not only the attacker, but also the victim apparently was naked (and ‘MacArthur Causeway’ just doesn’t sound like the type of place you’d expect to stumble across naked men all that often, but then again, it’s Florida). I mean, I can take an insane naked cheek-chomper, but assaulting another randomly naked dude? Am I missing something here? ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-florida-face-eater-vs-the-hackensack-intestines-flinger/623658/14 "2012-05-31T18:12:36Z")
> [@Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](#): > > Strangely enough, the thing that struck me as the most odd about these stories was that in the Florida face-eater case, not only the attacker, but also the victim apparently was naked (and ‘MacArthur Causeway’ just doesn’t sound like the type of place you’d expect to stumble across naked men all that often, but then again, it’s Florida). I mean, I can take an insane naked cheek-chomper, but assaulting another randomly naked dude? Am I missing something here? Face-eater removed the victim’s clothing. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-florida-face-eater-vs-the-hackensack-intestines-flinger/623658/15 "2012-05-31T18:14:28Z")
I’m going old school, and taking the Canadian Cutting Off A Head and then Eating It On A Bus guy. Remember that one? Ah, good times. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-florida-face-eater-vs-the-hackensack-intestines-flinger/623658/16 "2012-05-31T18:15:20Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > Face-eater removed the victim’s clothing. Well it’s always awkward when you’re the only one naked. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-florida-face-eater-vs-the-hackensack-intestines-flinger/623658/17 "2012-05-31T18:49:23Z")
> [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > I’m going old school, and taking the Canadian Cutting Off A Head and then Eating It On A Bus guy. Remember that one? Ah, good times. You know those “no smoking” and “no radios” logos inside the circle with the line through it? They are having a \*helluva \*time designing one for _that_. ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-florida-face-eater-vs-the-hackensack-intestines-flinger/623658/18 "2012-05-31T19:10:09Z")
> [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > I’m going old school, and taking the Canadian Cutting Off A Head and then Eating It On A Bus guy. Remember that one? Ah, good times. That guy has apparently been “rehabilitated” and is being allowed day passes to tour around Ottawa. Be aware of your transit seat mates, Ottawa-ians. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-florida-face-eater-vs-the-hackensack-intestines-flinger/623658/19 "2012-05-31T19:12:38Z")
> [@Soylent\_Juicy](#): > > That guy has apparently been “rehabilitated” and is being allowed day passes to tour around Ottawa. Be aware of your transit seat mates, Ottawa-ians. Interesting a poster named “Soylent” knows so much about a bus-riding maneater… ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-florida-face-eater-vs-the-hackensack-intestines-flinger/623658/20 "2012-05-31T19:22:56Z")
> [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > I’m going old school, and taking the Canadian Cutting Off A Head and then Eating It On A Bus guy. Remember that one? Ah, good times. For general reference: [Canadian Cutting Off A Head and then Eating It On A Bus guy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Tim_McLean) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-florida-face-eater-vs-the-hackensack-intestines-flinger/623658.md?page=2)