# The Food Network, as programmed by me. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 14, 2007, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-food-network-as-programmed-by-me/426331 "2007-11-14T03:51:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-food-network-as-programmed-by-me/426331/41 "2007-11-15T19:30:59Z")
Definitely Justin Wilson and the Original Iron Chef! ---
**Author:** ![Ceejaytee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ceejaytee/32/2956_2.png) [@Ceejaytee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ceejaytee)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-food-network-as-programmed-by-me/426331/42 "2007-11-15T19:47:21Z")
I worship Jacques Pepin. He teaches at the French Culinary Institute in Manhattan and they have a fabulous restaurant there, L’Ecole. I used to eat there often when I lived in Manhattan. Great food, excellent prices. Reruns of Julia and Jacques would be well worth it. They’re both fun to watch. Alton’s fabulous and should be on more or less constantly. I wouldn’t mind seeing Martin Yan either. If they could only get Tony Bourdain to stop swearing so much. I’d love to watch him cook. Rachael Ray has a grating voice. I just can’t listen to her for more than a few minutes. Paula Deen’s nasal whine is also annoying, but I love to watch how much incredibly fattening things she puts into her recipes. They make me hungry. I saw her make some kind of potato casserole with mashed potatoes (certainly filled with butter and cream), sliced potatoes, tons of cheese, sour cream, a stick of butter and bacon). Og bless her cholesterol-laden heart. Wait! I found Paula’s [recipe](http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,,FOOD_9936_33092,00.html)! Mmm. ---
**Author:** ![Maui\_Lion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ea666f/32.png) [@Maui\_Lion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maui_Lion)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-food-network-as-programmed-by-me/426331/43 "2007-11-15T20:04:51Z")
More Alton Brown and Robert Irvine would be in my lineup. Was anyone else disappointed when Robert didn’t take off his shirt when losing that modeling episode’s bet? When he had to walk down the runway wearing slippers (flip-flops) and swimming trunks? I know I was. That guy is _built_. 😃 Rachael Ray I like. Emeril not so much. Bobby Flay can just disappear. Guy Fieri is awesome, I love watching him on Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives. > [@blondebear](#): > > I would like to see a mini-series entitled “In Search of the Perfect Onion Ring”. That would be awesome. It’s so hard to find good ones. They tend to be so battery right around the onion, and the onion just slips out and it’s all gooey and..ew. ---
**Author:** ![Key\_Lime\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/48db29/32.png) [@Key\_Lime\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Key_Lime_Guy)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-food-network-as-programmed-by-me/426331/44 "2007-11-15T20:09:38Z")
I guess I’m in a small minority - I actually enjoy Emeril quite a bit. But Bourdain’s No Reservations is the best food show on TV, and maybe ever. ---
**Author:** ![PharmBoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/74df32/32.png) [@PharmBoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PharmBoy)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-food-network-as-programmed-by-me/426331/45 "2007-11-15T20:43:17Z")
More Good Eats More Iron Chef Give Rachel her walking papers arrange to have Paula Dean and her exagerated Southern accent to be eaten by wolves on-air. ---
**Author:** ![PharmBoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/74df32/32.png) [@PharmBoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PharmBoy)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-food-network-as-programmed-by-me/426331/46 "2007-11-15T20:45:17Z")
[QUOTE=silenus] Giada just bugs me somehow. Don’t know why. [/QUOTE] I know why; she’s a fraud and you sense that, You just know she doesn’t actually eat anything… ---
**Author:** ![SaharaTea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SaharaTea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaharaTea)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-food-network-as-programmed-by-me/426331/47 "2007-11-15T21:00:59Z")
[QUOTE=PharmBoy] arrange to have Paula Dean and her exagerated Southern accent to be eaten by wolves on-air. [/QUOTE] As long as her husband and two dumb sons get eaten too, I’ll watch. I’m the opposite of the OP, in that I think the FN is way too dumbed down these days. I actually like the food Ina Garten makes. Yes she’s smug, but she makes tasty, healthy meals that don’t involve corn nuts or weiners. Alton Brown, Giada, Nigella…these are all good chefs who make good food. Sandra Lee and RayRay are hacks. I like Bobby Flay too. _ducks_ I can do without _Throwdown_, but _Boy Meets Grill_ is a great show. ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-food-network-as-programmed-by-me/426331/48 "2007-11-15T22:18:59Z")
[QUOTE=Ceejaytee] … I saw her make some kind of potato casserole with mashed potatoes (certainly filled with butter and cream), sliced potatoes, tons of cheese, sour cream, a stick of butter and bacon). Og bless her cholesterol-laden heart. [/QUOTE] That sounds… deadly. Yikes. But I wonder if she’s the one who’s been fattening up Tyler Florence for the spit. Because I saw him making turkey-related stuff the other night, and I expected oompa-loompas to come on-screen to roll him away to the pressing room. Dude has just blown all up, and not just his face. Although that also is quite large now. [QUOTE=PharmBoy] I know why; she’s a fraud and you sense that, You just know she doesn’t actually eat anything… [/QUOTE] Nah. She’s mentioned strict portion control as the only way she doesn’t blimp out like Tyler. And on her show, you see her take a few bites when she’s at dinners, and then no more. Speaking as someone who had to choose to limit myself to small portions of _good_ food, I understand completely. And her food is good; haven’t had a dud recipie from her yet. Plus, she’s had her sister, mom, and aunt on her show, and they all look fabulous. It’s particularly amusing when her aunt is on, since she keeps berating Giada for doing things the wrong way. … Now if her aunt would just berate her for overpronouncing Italiano names, too, it would all be good. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-food-network-as-programmed-by-me/426331/49 "2007-11-15T23:45:35Z")
[QUOTE=Unauthorized Cinnamon] That . . . that . . . it is an atrocity beyond comprehension. It probably tastes the same coming back up as it does going down - and I have little doubt it would cause instant reverse peristalsis. Store bought vanilla icing mixed with cocoa, teamed up with canned apple pie filling and Corn Nuts? 😕 :eek: [/QUOTE] She has a Hanukkah cake too, but I can’t find a picture on the website. It’s a blue-frosted angel food cake with marshmallows in the middle, and a big wire thing stuck on it that’s supposed to be a Star of David. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-food-network-as-programmed-by-me/426331/50 "2007-11-16T00:12:14Z")
[QUOTE=Maui\_Lion] More Alton Brown and Robert Irvine would be in my lineup. Was anyone else disappointed when Robert didn’t take off his shirt when losing that modeling episode’s bet? When he had to walk down the runway wearing slippers (flip-flops) and swimming trunks? I know I was. That guy is _built_. 😃 [/QUOTE] Aw yeah. I’d do wonderfully nasty things with that man in a heartbeat. My dream lineup, yanking shows off PBS, Travel Channel, and BBC-America at whim too: Good Eats Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares (not the Fox version) - alert: another buff guy taking off his shirt about every episode Dinner: Impossible Julia Child, with or without Jacques Pepin Mexico: One Plate at a Time (Rick Bayless) America’s Test Kitchen No Reservations (Anthony Bourdain) Molto Mario A little Iron Chef here and there Giada’s Italian cooking show - **not** her travel show Whichever Emeril show doesn’t have the audience - Essence of Emeril? In that one he doesn’t “BAM!”, doesn’t overdose on particular ingredients for no good reason. I want to smack Rachael Ray every time I hear one of her cute-isms: “E-V-O-O, that’s extra virgin olive oil,” “stoup,” “sammy,” etc. Her $40 A Day show is annoying; she makes orgasm-noises over everything and undertips. Oh yeah, and on a Mother’s Day episode she had her mother on to cook with her, and constantly addressed her as “Mommy.” :smack: Sandra Lee makes me want to cry. Her show’s set matches her “tablescape” every episode, including a new color of a KitchenAid stand mixer that she **never even touches**. She buys crappy convenience foods and spends the saved time on doing obnoxious home crafts and raiding the nearest craft store to overburden a table with tacky decorations, to draw attention away from the subpar food. Most of her menus include a mixed alcoholic drink, which I’d love to drown my sorrows at what she’s doing to food. Plus she calls her sister “Kimber,” “Kimmy,” “Kimmers,” etc., over and over. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-food-network-as-programmed-by-me/426331/51 "2007-11-16T05:23:24Z")
> [@](#): > > If I ran TFN, there’d be a lot more of: > > - Chicken thighs roasted in butter, Lawry’s salt and teriyaki. > > - Kraft Mac 'N Cheese with cut-up wieners. > > - Lasagna that can be assembled and baked in 90 minutes or less. I can help you with the lasagna. First, you have to get over the notion that it must be made with wide flat noodles. Simply use another sort of pasta, like wagon wheels or bowties, cooked about 2/3 the way done. Cook the meat(s) and veggies as normal. Mix meat(s), cheeses, veggies, sauce, and pasta in a casserole dish. Bake until the cheeses are wonderfully bubbly. It’ll taste like lasagna, it just won’t be layered like lasagna. ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-food-network-as-programmed-by-me/426331/52 "2007-11-16T15:49:55Z")
[QUOTE=Ceejaytee] Wait! I found Paula’s [recipe](http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,,FOOD_9936_33092,00.html)! Mmm. [/QUOTE] You know, she made fried butter once. Not kidding. Cold butter, deepfried. On her Paula’s Party show. ---
**Author:** ![Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bambi_Hassenpfeffer)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-food-network-as-programmed-by-me/426331/53 "2007-11-16T17:55:18Z")
[QUOTE=silenus] Giada just bugs me somehow. Don’t know why. [/QUOTE] Heh. I’m giggling quietly because I’ve always referred to her as a praying mantis. ---
**Author:** ![Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bambi_Hassenpfeffer)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-food-network-as-programmed-by-me/426331/54 "2007-11-16T17:58:46Z")
[QUOTE=chaoticbear] You know, she made fried butter once. Not kidding. Cold butter, deepfried. On her Paula’s Party show. [/QUOTE] For the doubters, [here’s the recipe](http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,1977,FOOD_9936_34925,00.html). ---
**Author:** ![jali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecae2f/32.png) [@jali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jali)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-food-network-as-programmed-by-me/426331/55 "2007-11-16T19:04:33Z")
Mr. Lagasse shakes audience members’ hands - then cooks. Yuck! I like Giada - I think she’s plucky. I love Paula Deen. Love her. My shows: Dinner Impossible - just because Robert is so cute. Throwdown - I love to see Bobby lose - he’s very gracious, which surprised me. Paula’s Party - home fried fun. Nigella - I enjoy watching her enjoy cooking. Either of Giada’s shows - Rachel Ray - New drinking game - a shot each time she says “evoo” or “sammie”. Good Eats - The best! There was a show on a few years back on PBS that featured a different chef each segment and the narrator (a woman) gave the viewer cooking instructions to compliment the chef’s actions on screen. I would love to see the show again. Anyone know the name? ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-food-network-as-programmed-by-me/426331/56 "2007-11-17T01:59:20Z")
[QUOTE=jali] There was a show on a few years back on PBS that featured a different chef each segment and the narrator (a woman) gave the viewer cooking instructions to compliment the chef’s actions on screen. I would love to see the show again. Anyone know the name? [/QUOTE] I remember one on (Discovery channel?) called Great Chefs, Great Cities. Is that what you’re thinking of? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-food-network-as-programmed-by-me/426331.md?page=2)