# The Fortunately/Unfortunately Game **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 15, 2003, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419 "2003-11-15T13:21:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2003, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419/101 "2003-11-24T00:18:55Z")
Fortunately, **ETF** is an experienced cat wrangler, always dressed in hairball-proof garments. The unsightly mess is removed from the map before it can stain and obliterate more than a small portion. Unfortunately, that portion is the exact location of the treasure trove. Fortunately, **Diceman** believes he can remember fairly well what the last stage of the trek should be, so our merry band of troublemak… er, ah, _adventurers_ sets out once more across the vast Plains of Ogramorg, headed toward the River of Giant Leeches and the dark, brooding Foothills of Breathlessness beyond. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2003, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419/102 "2003-11-24T01:29:08Z")
Fortunately, **norinew** always keeps a spray bottle of Clorox Map Cleaner and Barf Remover™ in her backpack! ---
**Author:** ![Gmork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f19dbf/32.png) [@Gmork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gmork)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2003, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419/103 "2003-11-24T02:28:42Z")
Unfortunately - the Foothills of Breathlessness cause the entire party to lose their breath. The ability to breathe thus misplaced, the fall down unconscious one by one. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2003, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419/104 "2003-11-24T02:33:44Z")
Fortunately, a blast of air roars down from the Mountains of Honkin Huge Winds that lie beyond the Foothills of Breathlessness. The gale revives everyone, and they scurry up and out of the foothills while it still blows. Unfortunately, **norinew** has been overcome by fumes from her Clorox Map Cleaner and Barf Remover™ and even the gale can’t revive her; she has to be carried to the safety of the mountains by **BigDaiv** and **Gmork**. ---
**Author:** ![Gmork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f19dbf/32.png) [@Gmork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gmork)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2003, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419/105 "2003-11-24T05:14:20Z")
Fortunately, **BigDaiv** & **Gmork** are completely up to this task and **norinew** is safely carried to the mountains, where she is revived by **RCracer** ’s ‘Revivo-Plus’ solution. Unfortunately, some of the ‘Revivo-Plus’ solution gets on **ETF** and **Diceman** and they become hyperactive and excited, annoying the rest of the group no end - as they are quite tired from carrying people, being carried and watching people carry people. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2003, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419/106 "2003-11-24T12:24:07Z")
Fortunately, **norinew** has some Extra-Strength Kava Kava capsules in her backpack, so when no one’s looking, she empties several capsules into **ETF’s** and **Diceman’s** coffee cups, calming them down quickly, and saving everyone from feeling homicidal towards the two. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2003, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419/107 "2003-11-24T13:24:48Z")
Unfortunately, in all the excitement, **Gmork** drops the bag holding the group’s emergency rations of Snickers bars and Cheez-Its down a nearby crevasse. ---
**Author:** ![Gmork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f19dbf/32.png) [@Gmork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gmork)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2003, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419/108 "2003-11-24T13:33:47Z")
Fortunately, in the spirit of tasty-chocolate-treats, **Gmork** lowers a rope and braves the perils of the crevasse to retrieve the emergency candy… ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2003, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419/109 "2003-11-24T23:56:06Z")
Unfortunately, just as **Gmork** grabs the bag of supplies, the crevasse’s walls crumble, sending **norinew** and [pb]BigDaiv\*\*, who’ve been holding the other end of the rope, tumbling down upon the hapless **Gmork**. Fortunately, the bottom of the crevasse is quite shallow, filled with soft, cushiony snow, and the adventurers are unhurt. They’re able to walk out of the nearby end of the crevasse and rejoin their companions. Unfortunately, **Gmork** dropped the supply bag in the scramble, and a further collapse of the crevasse buries it beyond retrieval. The party is left with two bags of Doritos, a sack of jerky sticks, and five pounds of maple-flavored instant oatmeal. ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2003, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419/110 "2003-11-25T12:56:15Z")
Fortunately, there is a skiing lodge nearby, and it has emergency rations, plus comfy furnature and a fireplace! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Gmork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f19dbf/32.png) [@Gmork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gmork)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2003, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419/111 "2003-11-26T12:17:37Z")
Unfortunately, one such piece of comfy furniture was the legendary Comfy Chair™ as used by the Spanish Inquisition! Fortunately, the Spanish Inquisition rush in at that moment to collect their chair. Unfortunately, nobody was expecting them. So all the food had been eaten - and Cardinels Ximinez, Biggles & Fang have to go hungry. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2003, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419/112 "2003-11-26T13:25:07Z")
Fortunately, just at that moment **RCracer** , who’d somehow become separated from the group, staggers in with a Thanksgiving dinner – turkey and all the trimmings! Enough for the whole crowd, plus leftovers for breakfast for the next three days! Much merriment and gluttony ensue. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2003, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419/113 "2003-11-26T16:00:57Z")
Unfortunately, the turkey was improperly cooked, putting everyone in danger of salmonella poisoning! ---
**Author:** ![Chimpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@Chimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimpy)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2003, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419/114 "2003-11-26T16:53:06Z")
fortunately no one does get salmonella because they were only in danger of it not getting it and the powers of probability meant the whole group got away not at all however the Spanish Inquisistion all get salmonella and the gang are out of Clorox Map Cleaner and Barf Remover™ … ---
**Author:** ![RCracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cdc98d/32.png) [@RCracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RCracer)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2003, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419/115 "2003-11-26T16:55:57Z")
Fortunately, **RCracer** reappears once again and manages to deflect the lethal hairball by incredibly diving over the map and taking the painful weight (and stench) of the hairball, saving **ETF** and the map. Unfortunately, due to all the stomach acid (?) on the hairball the hairball scorches **RCracer** ’s skin exposing his stomach, liver and so on. Fortunately, **RCracer** manages to survive his burns and exposed internal organs for an incredibly stupid reason. Unfortunately, a pack of flesh-eating hyenas come laughing their way towards **RCracer** and feast on his stomach, liver and so on. Fortunately, the hyenas end up with food-poisoning because of that home-made fruit cake that I ate earlier. Unfortunately…I have no internal organs left… Fortunately, a life saving doctor just happens to be nearby and so fixes me up with a new improved stomach, liver and so on (and a new brain for some reason), and so the quest can continue along with the aid of the new, super-improved, ultra-deluxe… **RCracer**! Unfortunately I then drop dead for obvious reasons… ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2003, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419/116 "2003-11-26T19:48:58Z")
But fortunately, since you’re just a bunch of electrons anyway, rebooting the thread revives you, and you’re ready for the group’s continuing quest for the Treasure of the Sierra Padre. Unfortunately, the map has once again been stained by regurgitation, this time from the Spanish Inquisition, and the best efforts of **norinew** to cleanse it still leave significant portions of the trek ahead uncertain. But hey – when did that ever stop our merry band? Fortunately, the first part of the route – across the Mouintains of Honkin’ Huge Winds through the Pass of Acrophobia, and on to the Savannah of Sabertoothed Carnivores, is still legible. ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419/117 "2003-11-27T00:24:33Z")
Unfortunately, the first part of the route – across the Mouintains of Honkin’ Huge Winds through the Pass of Acrophobia, and on to the Savannah of Sabertoothed Carnivores, is still legible. But fortunately, our intrepid little band of explorers finds a river that flows in the same general direction, and there is a large raft tied up along the riverbank. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419/118 "2003-11-27T01:27:31Z")
Unfortunately, **RCRacer** is very prone to sea-sickness. ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419/119 "2003-11-27T02:46:09Z")
Fortunately, **ETF** has some Dramamine, so with **RCracer’s** stomache quelled we all pile onto the raft and cast off. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2003, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419/120 "2003-11-27T02:51:14Z")
Unfortunately, iin the scramble to get everybody aboard, **Diceman** loses his grip on the steering pole, and it falls into the swiftest part of the river’s current just as the raft drifts away from shore. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fortunately-unfortunately-game/213419.md?page=7)