# The Freakiest Thing Ever on Network TV **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 29, 2001, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-freakiest-thing-ever-on-network-tv/63763 "2001-04-29T22:16:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Philosophocles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Philosophocles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philosophocles)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2001, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-freakiest-thing-ever-on-network-tv/63763/1 "2001-04-29T22:16:32Z")
I just saw the episode of the A-Team with Boy George…you know, the one where Culture Club performs “Karma Chameleon” at a bar full of Marlboro Man cowboy types…or maybe they were Village People cowboy types. Anyway, it’s a bit of a head trip to get clubbed over the head with two huge 80’s nostalgia things simultaneously. I mean, where else will you see Mr.T grooving to the sounds of Boy George? Okay, I’ll admit that I’ve watched some parts of the TV land “A-Team” marathon, which just has reinforced for me that no plot line on the A-Team ever made any sense, but hey, that was what made it so fun. Every episode, the formula is: lots of explosions, gun fights with lots of assault rifles and no one ever getting shot, chases and crashes, some insanely convoluted scheme by Colonel Hannibal Smith, and Mr. T busting foo’ ass all over the place. OMG, now they’re showing the episode with Hulk Hogan, Mr.T’s old buddy from Rocky III. It seems like all these 80s things cross pollinated each other…anyone remember when Mr.T was on Diff’rent Strokes and Arnold got his hair done like Mr.T? Alright, well now I’m gonna have to wait and see if Punky Brewster, Ricky Schroder, or KITT show up. Who you callin’ a sissy? I pity the foo’ who don’t like Boy George!!! ---
**Author:** ![Wicked\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/2acd7d/32.png) [@Wicked\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wicked_Blue)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2001, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-freakiest-thing-ever-on-network-tv/63763/2 "2001-04-29T23:10:09Z")
I love the A Team, I admit it. 🙂 I watched a couple episodes yesterday, and I’m a little annoyed I missed the Boy George one. The best one I saw yesterday was the one about the rival cab companies. Mr. T modified a car wash to quickly repaint cars stolen from the ‘bad’ cab company. Hannibal and Face stole the cars right off a moving truck. Lots of car chases and explosions, and a big shoot out at the end. Oh yeah, and Murdoch thought he was Cab Man, and was wearing a cape and mask. Mr. T scolded him for that. Ah, 80s cheese at it finest. Rose ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2001, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-freakiest-thing-ever-on-network-tv/63763/3 "2001-04-30T08:56:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Philosophocles \* > **Alright, well now I’m gonna have to wait and see if Punky Brewster, Ricky Schroder, or KITT show up.** Conversely, see if you can find reruns of Silver Spoons: there was an episode where Rick(y) hired Mr. T to be his bodyguard. Don’t remember if he was playing himself. ---
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2001, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-freakiest-thing-ever-on-network-tv/63763/4 "2001-05-01T04:45:09Z")
> [@](#): > > **Okay, I’ll admit that I’ve watched some parts of the TV land “A-Team” marathon, which just has reinforced for me that no plot line on the A-Team ever made any sense, but hey, that was what made it so fun. Every episode, the formula is: lots of explosions, gun fights with lots of assault rifles and no one ever getting shot, chases and crashes, some insanely convoluted scheme by Colonel Hannibal Smith, and Mr. T busting foo’ ass all over the place.** Actually, there was one episode where they defeated the bad guys by spraying them with all-natural fruit juice at 5 gallons/second. I’m not kidding about this. ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2001, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-freakiest-thing-ever-on-network-tv/63763/5 "2001-05-01T05:52:13Z")
Well, this relates to the OP at least marginally… In 1985, I was way into “The A-Team”. My sister gave me a birthday card that year with a cartoon on the front depicting Mr. T., drawn to look like a big steak. The caption underneath read: “I pity the fool who puts steak sauce on my face!” When you opened the card, it read, “Happy Birthday from Mr. T-Bone”. Bwahahahahahaha! ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2001, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-freakiest-thing-ever-on-network-tv/63763/6 "2001-05-01T15:44:54Z")
“Hello…um…my name is Dire Wolf and…uh…[sup]I like the A-Team[/sup].” There. I admitted it. I’ve seen every episode 2 or 3 times each. It’s pretty bad if I didn’t even watch any of this weekend’s marathon, since every time I flipped channels, I knew the episode immediately. And there was at least one time when someone actually got shot - Murdoch. With all those bullets flying, it was bound to happen sooner or later. ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2001, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-freakiest-thing-ever-on-network-tv/63763/7 "2001-05-02T02:34:00Z")
Dan Ackroyd drinking bass juice… ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2001, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-freakiest-thing-ever-on-network-tv/63763/8 "2001-05-02T03:36:41Z")
That was on SNL. You mean it was on the A-Team as well? ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2001, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-freakiest-thing-ever-on-network-tv/63763/9 "2001-05-02T06:56:36Z")
Hey, I just read the title and hit reply. No, Mr. T never drank bass juice (but now I have _that_ picture in my mind…) ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2001, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-freakiest-thing-ever-on-network-tv/63763/10 "2001-05-02T13:01:41Z")
Teh freakiest thing I’ve ever seen on network TV was “Who Wants To Marry A Multi-Millionaire?” It’s cliche to bash that show now, but I’m telling you, watching that was the most surreal experience of my life. It helps that I’d never heard about it and just stumbled across it while channel surfing. I was thinking, “Is this for real? Have I stumbled into some alternate dimension?” ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2001, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-freakiest-thing-ever-on-network-tv/63763/11 "2001-05-02T13:50:07Z")
Re: the title; I thought it wa when Nancy reagan came on Different Strokes. What a fine actress! Or the time Tiny Tim sang Do YA Think I’m Sexy on the Tonight SHow and writhed around on the floor pulling his clothes off. Well, not completely off, thank God… ---
**Author:** ![Ross](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@Ross](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ross)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2001, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-freakiest-thing-ever-on-network-tv/63763/12 "2001-05-02T21:16:42Z")
Ever notice that every crash in The A-Team was EXACTLY THE SAME ONE? Like they have a hidden ramp which the car drives up with one side, and which flips it over onto its back? EVERY SINGLE TIME, man, I’m TELLING you. It doesn’t _quite_ beat Knight Rider, though. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2001, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-freakiest-thing-ever-on-network-tv/63763/13 "2001-05-03T00:43:42Z")
Freakiest thing? How about Buddy Ebsen singing Jethro Tull on “Barnaby Jones”? (“My God” from “Aqualung”). He even accompanied himself on guitar. And there’s the David Bowie/Bing Crosby duet of “Little Drummer Boy.” ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2001, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-freakiest-thing-ever-on-network-tv/63763/14 "2001-05-03T00:51:15Z")
I’ve only seen clips: The Captain and Tenille Show. AAAAAAHHH!!! _ducks under the desk with stuffed chameleon_ ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2001, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-freakiest-thing-ever-on-network-tv/63763/15 "2001-05-03T02:38:59Z")
Doh! You’re right, cornflakes; I realized it after I sent. My entry: Newlyweds Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley on some awards show (Grammys?) I kept waiting for the punchline! And also Rod Stewart on the Muppet Show. He sang “School’s Out” wearing a body stocking, which meant he was effectively naked. I was terrified that my parents would forbid me to ever watch the Muppets again. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2001, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-freakiest-thing-ever-on-network-tv/63763/16 "2001-05-03T18:40:44Z")
Alice Cooper singing “I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family” (yeap, the Barney theme song) on Something Wilder. I doubt anyone else even remembers this show, which starred Gene Wilder, but that scene will stay in my head forever. ---
**Author:** ![Kamandi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5daacb/32.png) [@Kamandi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamandi)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2001, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-freakiest-thing-ever-on-network-tv/63763/17 "2001-05-04T01:26:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RealityChuck \* > \*\*And there’s the David Bowie/Bing Crosby duet of “Little Drummer Boy.” \*\* That scene gives me Christmas nightmares every time I see it. It’s just the creepiest, freakiest Christmas duet imaginable. I like Bowie, but I always think that at the end of the song he’s going to reach over and suck Bing’s brain out his ear. ---
**Author:** ![doomraisin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d78d45/32.png) [@doomraisin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doomraisin)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2001, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-freakiest-thing-ever-on-network-tv/63763/18 "2001-05-04T19:45:42Z")
Easy - the dream sequence from Twin Peaks. You know, with the dancing dwarf. I remember sitting slack-jawed in front of the TV, wondering how on earth this EVER got on network television. David Lynch made his mark and TV hasn’t been the same since. ---
**Author:** ![Zarathustra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/898d66/32.png) [@Zarathustra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zarathustra)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2001, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-freakiest-thing-ever-on-network-tv/63763/19 "2001-05-04T22:53:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ross \* > **Ever notice that every crash in The A-Team was EXACTLY THE SAME ONE? Like they have a hidden ramp which the car drives up with one side, and which flips it over onto its back? EVERY SINGLE TIME, man, I’m TELLING you.** And every time, we would see the driver and all other henchmen crawl out of the car unscathed, so as to let the kiddies at home know that when a car rolls over, nobody _ever_ gets their neck broken. I swear it’s true–go watch. For my contribution to the OP, I’d say every episode of _Tales of the Gold Monkey_, but especially the one where the crafty Japanese princess is sitting naked in a hot tub, and orders Jake to get in with her. This was in 1982 or 1983. ---
**Author:** ![Torgo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@Torgo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Torgo)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2001, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-freakiest-thing-ever-on-network-tv/63763/20 "2001-05-05T21:58:47Z")
Andy Kaufman on “Late Night with David Letterman”, circa 1983, '84 or so. He announced that he had just adopted three boys and how wonderful they were. Then he called for them to be brought out; they were three young black men in their 20s and they seemed as if they were pulled off the street. Kaufman went on blathering about how talented they were, then asked one of them to demonstrate his outstanding typing skills. The guy sat at a typewriter and tortuously attempted to type out a single sentence, Kaufman looking over his shoulder encouraging him the way a father encourages his 3 year old on a tricycle. It was all very strange, politically incorrect and charged with an uneasy, pederastic sexual overtone. Check this out, from a 1975 variety show called “Joey & Dad”; Sherman Hemsley & Pat Paulsen steal (word for word practically) the Monty Python dead-parrot sketch. [http://www.tvparty.com/variety3.html](http://www.tvparty.com/variety3.html) Scroll down 'til you see “Joey & Dad” and you’ll find a link for the audio file. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-freakiest-thing-ever-on-network-tv/63763.md?page=2)