# The Friday Night and Feeling Like Shit Thread. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 12, 2017, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408 "2017-08-12T04:37:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2017, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408/21 "2017-08-12T23:17:21Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > That sort of mindset actually _makes_ you less attractive. We all have our issues, but you have to suck it up, put your best qualities forward, and _believe_ you are worth it. Yes but when your reality consists of nothing but rejection after rejection after rejection, it’s hard to _not_ internalize some of that. It then bleeds through into all your interactions with women, and “faking it til you make it” is see-through and doesn’t work. So you can’t really have success unless you have confidence but you can’t develop confidence without (at least some) success. It’s a vicious pattern and not as easy to break as some are suggesting. > [@Stringbean](#): > > I know this may be considered poor form, but you may want to reply to her and ask why she isn’t interested. It could be something correctable (like poor clothing choice, you smelled bad, etc.) that you could learn from and address. Even if it’s a personality issue, it never hurts to hear the flaws that need some work. > mind. For so many reasons, this is a bad idea. As mentioned above, it’s quite stalkerish plus **you will never get an honest answer. Ever.** ---
**Author:** ![Tee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Tee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tee)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2017, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408/22 "2017-08-13T01:38:54Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Salem becomes something of a madhouse leading up to Halloween. I would think September would be free of the worst of it, but I can’t say for sure. I used to live in Lynn and got used to that. I figured I’d be visiting either the Willows or Major Magleashe’s, but I’ve never heard of that pizza place, so thanks again. Sorry for going off topic. :o ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2017, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408/23 "2017-08-13T01:58:04Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I did that before I even started this thread. OK, good for you. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, so take credit of that! ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2017, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408/24 "2017-08-13T02:17:27Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Yes but when your reality consists of nothing but rejection after rejection after rejection, it’s hard to _not_ internalize some of that. It then bleeds through into all your interactions with women, and “faking it til you make it” is see-through and doesn’t work. So you can’t really have success unless you have confidence but you can’t develop confidence without (at least some) success. It’s a vicious pattern and not as easy to break as some are suggesting. The whole “be confident” thing always seemed incomplete to me, like a preposition without a noun. > [@Tee](#): > > Sorry for going off topic. :o Nah, knock yourself out. > [@John\_Mace](#): > > OK, good for you. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, so take credit of that! Yeah, once it was a complete failure I managed not to fuck it up any further. ---
**Author:** ![StrangeBird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e480ec/32.png) [@StrangeBird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StrangeBird)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2017, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408/25 "2017-08-13T02:54:29Z")
I wish I had some advice to give you that would help you find someone, but I don’t (otherwise I wouldn’t be single). All I can say is that I can relate, dating is difficult and frustrating. From what little I know, you seem like a nice person, I hope things get better for you. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2017, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408/26 "2017-08-13T21:08:01Z")
> [@StrangeBird](#): > > I wish I had some advice to give you that would help you find someone, but I don’t (otherwise I wouldn’t be single). > > All I can say is that I can relate, dating is difficult and frustrating. > > From what little I know, you seem like a nice person, I hope things get better for you. I appreciate the kind thoughts. I don’t know if I’m more worried that there won’t be a next time, or that there will. Would I be happier if I could just give up the whole damn idea, or is that even possible? Was skimming through Shagnasty’s “how do you stay attracted to women your own age” thread. Sometimes I don’t think I live in the same world with everyone else. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2017, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408/27 "2017-08-13T21:43:54Z")
The two things that have me feeling crappy since Friday and before: 1. Rabies; I’ve had exposure to not just one, but two potentially rabid animals, and while the chances of getting rabies from either is probably infinitesimally small, my OCD has been going crazy over it for days; 2. i’m almost 30 and I’ve never had a “normal” dating relationship in my life. Every dating relationship in my life involved a woman who had major mental problems, or was in some major way incompatible, or the relationship lasted only a few weeks, or was long-distance and we spent only a few hours together in person. In fact, two women essentially demanded a commitment to marriage when my relationship with them had involved less than 50 hours of time together in person; a commitment I could not give in that little time together in person. I have never once had a dating relationship where 1) We were both in the same city/region, 2) we were compatible, and 3) the relationship lasted longer than just a few weeks or months. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2017, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408/28 "2017-08-14T03:32:14Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > The two things that have me feeling crappy since Friday and before: > > 1. Rabies; I’ve had exposure to not just one, but two potentially rabid animals, and while the chances of getting rabies from either is probably infinitesimally small, my OCD has been going crazy over it for days; > 2. i’m almost 30 and I’ve never had a “normal” dating relationship in my life. Every dating relationship in my life involved a woman who had major mental problems, or was in some major way incompatible, or the relationship lasted only a few weeks, or was long-distance and we spent only a few hours together in person. In fact, two women essentially demanded a commitment to marriage when my relationship with them had involved less than 50 hours of time together in person; a commitment I could not give in that little time together in person. I have never once had a dating relationship where 1) We were both in the same city/region, 2) we were compatible, and 3) the relationship lasted longer than just a few weeks or months. I’m almost jealous. Not for the rabies, the other thing. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2017, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408/29 "2017-08-14T04:21:47Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > The two things that have me feeling crappy since Friday and before: > > 1. Rabies; I’ve had exposure to not just one, but two potentially rabid animals, and while the chances of getting rabies from either is probably infinitesimally small, my OCD has been going crazy over it for days; Please get to a doctor ASAP if you haven’t already. Rabies is one of those illnesses where, once the symptoms start, death cannot be prevented. I know you’re already scared about this, but it scares me too. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2017, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408/30 "2017-08-14T10:32:29Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > The two things that have me feeling crappy since Friday and before: > > 1. Rabies; I’ve had exposure to not just one, but two potentially rabid animals, and while the chances of getting rabies from either is probably infinitesimally small, my OCD has been going crazy over it for days; I get it. I was possibly exposed to measles, and went OCD for days because I’m currently being tested for an immunodeficiency disorder, which would make me have a less-robust response to vaccines. I don’t have measles. ETA: another vote for “see a doctor ASAP”. Even if you do have to get the vaccines, they don’t give them in the stomach anymore. It’s just an IM shot. > [@](#): > > 1. i’m almost 30 and I’ve never had a “normal” dating relationship in my life. Every dating relationship in my life involved a woman who had major mental problems, or was in some major way incompatible, or the relationship lasted only a few weeks, or was long-distance and we spent only a few hours together in person. Well…I’ll half-jokingly say that what you describe is a pretty normal course of events, at least IME. There is a LOT of crazy out there. (A friend of mine put on his [Match.com](http://Match.com) profile, “You must have two or fewer personalities…”) Hang in there. The normal should come. ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2017, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408/31 "2017-08-14T10:51:34Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I appreciate the kind thoughts. I don’t know if I’m more worried that there won’t be a next time, or that there will. Would I be happier if I could just give up the whole damn idea, or is that even possible? > > Was skimming through Shagnasty’s “how do you stay attracted to women your own age” thread. Sometimes I don’t think I live in the same world with everyone else. I’m there with you brother. Once you’re “of a certain age” it is ridiculously hard to find the right match. I’m 53, and have been single for about 5 years now, and still have not found “the right one”. I go through phases of trying the online sites, but the dates I’ve had a result have all been disappointing. Seems like no one is really honest on their profiles. So, after one or two bad dates, I’ll drop off the sites for 3-4 months. And then I go back. rinse, repeat. I’ve decided to do something different. I’m determined to “get my shit together” and do things to make myself feel better and improve my lot in life. Theory is that doing those things will make me feel better about myself, which will likely make me a more attractive candidate in the dating pool. Take care of yourself first, other stuff will come. Also, dude, none of live in **Shagnasty’s** world. And that is a good thing. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2017, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408/32 "2017-08-14T12:27:10Z")
A couple of random thoughts. What do you look like (What do you wear, hair, etc)? Are you interesting? What are your hobbies? I used to date but got tired of the whole thing. Now I’m far too busy to be a good partner so I’ve opted out of dating. For what it’s worth, I’d be more than happy to give a blunt assessment. Right now, and I know it’s not fair to judge by this thread, you’re coming off as mopey; a gloomy gus. Believe me, I know what you’re going though, but you either decide to change things completely or you’ll never break out of this cycle. If you are shy or introverted, there are a lot of self-help books out there on starting conversations. It sounds cheesy, I know, but they can work if you want them to. I used to be very shy but I forced myself to meet people and talk to people I didn’t know. Eventually, it became a habit and actually fun. My biggest complaint with guys in general was that few of them were interesting. They didn’t do anything aside from work and “hang out”. There was no passion in their lives. I couldn’t see myself spending time with them. The interesting guys had something they were passionate about and/or did volunteer work. Is that possible for you? A lot of places are happy to have even an hour here and there. If nothing else, consider taking something up that you have no idea about. The challenge keeps your mind occupied. For example, take up a foreign language or woodburning or drawing. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2017, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408/33 "2017-08-14T13:37:42Z")
> [@leftfield6](#): > > Also, dude, none of live in **Shagnasty’s** world. And that is a good thing. 😉 Yeah, but to read his thread he seems to have no shortage of prospects. I don’t know where he finds them. We’re even in the same city. > [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](#): > > A couple of random thoughts. > What do you look like (What do you wear, hair, etc)? > Are you interesting? What are your hobbies? Short hair (just got it cut two days before the date), goatee (going somewhat gray); nothing fancy. For the date, tan shirt, gray pants, dark green wingtips. The pictures on my profile aren’t terribly flattering, but not sure what to do differently with them. Bicycling in the summer, curling in the winter. Built a robotic Etch-A-Sketch. Volunteered at the tall ships event in Boston this summer; 55 hours over 5 days, working with a ship I sailed on about ten years ago. > [@](#): > > Right now, and I know it’s not fair to judge by this thread, you’re coming off as mopey; a gloomy gus. In this thread, I don’t doubt it. How did I come off on Thursday when I was having a great time? ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2017, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408/34 "2017-08-14T13:52:18Z")
> [@StrangeBird](#): > > All I can say is that I can relate, dating is difficult and frustrating. Difficult and frustrating? Try being married. At least you can quit dating not have to give up half your shit. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2017, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408/35 "2017-08-14T13:58:15Z")
I always feel weird jumping into these threads because I’ve been with the same dude since I was 19, and we have a good marriage. But single people don’t corner the market on being lonely, depressed, or frustrated with their lives. Or feeling inadequate and wondering if anything is ever going to change. Our culture intensely romanticizes the idea of finding a mate to make us complete. But it’s basically bullshit. You can be madly in love with one of the greatest people on the planet (like I am) and still feel like shit on a Friday night. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2017, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408/36 "2017-08-14T14:03:38Z")
Eurika! I think we’ve isolated the problem! The issue is: Friday Night. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2017, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408/37 "2017-08-14T14:42:57Z")
They call it “Stormy Monday”, but Tuesday’s just as bad. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2017, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408/38 "2017-08-14T15:14:10Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > I always feel weird jumping into these threads because I’ve been with the same dude since I was 19, and we have a good marriage. But single people don’t corner the market on being lonely, depressed, or frustrated with their lives. Or feeling inadequate and wondering if anything is ever going to change. > > Our culture intensely romanticizes the idea of finding a mate to make us complete. But it’s basically bullshit. You can be madly in love with one of the greatest people on the planet (like I am) and still feel like shit on a Friday night. I know, it’s not some magic pathway to happiness, and yet people still go out of their way to find it. I don’t know if Maslow’s hierarchy is still worth the paper it’s printed on, but love and belonging are right square in the middle of it. The desire for companionship, permanent or temporary, seems to be hard-wired into just about everything that walks, trots, or slithers. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2017, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408/39 "2017-08-14T16:58:00Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > Please get to a doctor ASAP if you haven’t already. Rabies is one of those illnesses where, once the symptoms start, death cannot be prevented. I know you’re already scared about this, but it scares me too. I saw a doctor the very day after the dog bite. He told me that it was highly unlikely that I’d get rabies (the dog is rabies-vaccinated, also all but certain to successfully clear its quarantine observation) and also that he couldn’t authorize a rabies vaccination - that the ER would have to do it. Another doctor told me my chances of getting rabies were near zero. With the ER, I’d be looking at a medical bill of perhaps thousands of dollars that my insurance might not cover. I did get a tetanus shot though. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2017, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408/40 "2017-08-14T16:59:37Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > In this thread, I don’t doubt it. How did I come off on Thursday when I was having a great time? I know it’s more of a rhetorical question, but it could be any number of things. I don’t want to sound like I’m kicking you when down, or how you take things… I don’t know you personally. I figured maybe a person like me or others here could help because I/we have no biases. Reasons I can think of that might have been an issue: hygiene, unflattering haircut, bad teeth, lack of table manners, boring conversation, someone hard to talk to… or maybe it’s your choice of women. When I was trying online dating, I can’t tell you how many guys wanted a date even though it was clear we were incompatible. Why they wanted to go out with me was beyond me. An example would be a guy that mentions church and Jesus… I’m atheist. We’re not a match. Friends always told me: give them a chance! They were wrong and I stopped “giving chances” when I knew it would be a waste of everyone’s time. As for pictures, have someone take some of you. Even little things such as standing up straight or better lighting can make all the difference. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friday-night-and-feeling-like-shit-thread/793408.md?page=3)