# The Friend Zone **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 9, 2011, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055 "2011-03-09T15:26:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![TheWhoToTheWhatNow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a88e4f/32.png) [@TheWhoToTheWhatNow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheWhoToTheWhatNow)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2011, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/41 "2011-03-10T05:06:47Z")
> [@Electric\_Warrior](#): > > Picked up = had meaningful relationships with? You could ask my current girlfriend of 5 months or my ex I dated for 2 years. It’s very easy to go from fuckbuddies to a relationship. > [@Electric\_Warrior](#): > > Deliberately inserting sexual references into otherwise non-sex-related conversations to try and make a woman see you as a sexual person is creepy and a turn-off. If I had to perform surgery with no training I would take the advice of a doctor who regularly performs said surgery rather than the advice of one of his patients. 🙂 > [@Electric\_Warrior](#): > > Trying to turn a friendship into something deeper however requires actual interest in women as people rather than emotional lesser beings you can use and throw away. “I love women. I have all their albums.” - TWTTWN ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2011, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/42 "2011-03-10T13:42:29Z")
> [@HazelNutCoffee](#): > > I think this is mostly correct. I’ve never experienced being attracted to a friend at first but then losing sexual/romantic interest in him because of the length of time we’ve been friends. (Although I might become unwilling to sleep with him over time for different reasons.) If you don’t mind sharing, what are those reasons? ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2011, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/43 "2011-03-10T15:04:57Z")
> [@Electric\_Warrior](#): > > I will tell you what the Pick Up Artist stuff does quite well, though. It is quite good at signaling to women that you are interested in having sex with them, because it’s quite transparent. Trying to turn a friendship into something deeper however requires actual interest in women as people rather than emotional lesser beings you can use and throw away. PUA methodologies are just tools, they can be used for good or evil. Just because you use them to become involved with someone does not mean you are doing it just to get laid. I dont know about you but I generally want to have a relationship with someone who wants to have sex with me, if they dont want that, any future relationship is already in trouble for most folks. ---
**Author:** ![tech\_bonus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4da419/32.png) [@tech\_bonus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tech_bonus)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2012, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/44 "2012-10-20T00:51:55Z")
What’s with this “Friend Zone” crap anyway? Hmm…I can’t help but notice how among all of the given advice, the most effective and meaningful piece of advice isn’t mentioned. Which is not surprising, considering how highly taboo this particular piece of advice is, here in America. This particular brand of knowledge and understanding requires patience and a great amount of dedication. The payoff, however, can be tremendously beneficial. You stack up as many funds and appropriate resources as possible, learn a new language or two and emigrate to another country where the “Friend Zone” and “Sex Zone” are known to be coterminous. During this interim, sacrifices may even have to be made, depending on your monetary position. Some have gone as far as to virtually withdraw socially from this society to work hard on their exit strategy. Those greener pastures are in fact very, very lush and well worth it. I’m referring to a great unspoken truth about the good ol’ USofA. To the American Male: What you guys have to understand is that the American Woman really is a special brand of female among the planet’s female populace. Through no fault of her own, she’s actually been socially engineered to be who she is, for atleast a century now. What America doesn’t want it’s male populace to know is that sampling women beyond these confining borders IN other countries/cultures can be a very rewarding endeavor. And it’s downright empowering to be able to have one’s basic human needs met without having to resort to STUPID, very unhealthy, social games put forth by American culture i.e., roleplaying, treating women badly, and any other foolish mess out there. Once you’ve experienced this first-hand…you will know TRUTH. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2012, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/45 "2012-10-20T01:09:32Z")
Translation: I was Googling about shitty relationships and found people talking **a year and a half ago** about dating problems, so I think I’ll recommend getting a green-card-seeking chick from overseas! (Hint: This isn’t an all-American board, so your griping about American women is pretty funny.) ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2012, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/46 "2012-10-20T01:15:20Z")
tech bonus! Welcome to the straight dope! You have just committed the egregious sin of posting on an old thread and bringing it to the top of the forums. And your post was kind of inflammatory and didn’t really contribute much of anything. Enjoy your stay! ---
**Author:** ![tech\_bonus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4da419/32.png) [@tech\_bonus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tech_bonus)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2012, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/47 "2012-10-20T01:16:41Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > Translation: I was Googling about shitty relationships and found people talking **a year and a half ago** about dating problems, so I think I’ll recommend getting a green-card-seeking chick from overseas! > > (Hint: This isn’t an all-American board, so your griping about American women is pretty funny.) Perhaps…but am I lying? And let’s be honest here - what are the chances that the OP _isn’t_ American? ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2012, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/48 "2012-10-20T03:40:21Z")
> [@tech\_bonus](#): > > Perhaps…but am I lying? > > And let’s be honest here - what are the chances that the OP _isn’t_ American? Without looking to see who it is, on this board, it’s about…a 40/50 percent chance, since I’m including Canada in the non-American pool. Probably a bit higher than you imagined. Of course I’m probably off by a bit. But I expect at least 25 percent of the board to be non-American. The rest of us are just un-american. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2012, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/49 "2012-10-20T03:50:52Z")
They’re not attracted to you, and if they are real friends they’d be helping you find another woman. If they’re not doing that then they’re not really friends, they’re using you. Don’t be used. ---
**Author:** ![Jake\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Jake\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake_Jones)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2012, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/50 "2012-10-20T04:18:31Z")
I didn’t read most of the replies, sorry if this is repetitive. “Friend Zone” is both real and bullshit at the same time. If you believe you’re stuck in it, what do you possibly have to lose by saying “I know we’ve been just friends for a long time, but I’m attracted to you and want the chance to be your boyfriend. Will you let me take you on a date?” As a guy, you win either way. You either get a date, or the chance to move on. Nut-up or shut-up, nice guys! ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2012, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/51 "2012-10-20T05:57:43Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > It’s just that not everyone wants to date everyone else, even if they like them well enough to be friends. > [@jsgoddess](#): > > Because instead of accepting that someone may not find you relationship material, the “friend zone” theories seem to be claiming that she would have if only she didn’t have such weird, arcane, and hard-to-comprehend-for-us-poor-men rules. > > It’s “She isn’t attracted to me/I’ve never told her how I feel” versus “She has a whole system set up and I’m doomed never to get out of it because I didn’t do precisely the right thing at the right time and now her rules will always prevent me from finding happiness even though I’m sure she would have found me so attractive if only…” \* > > \*Exaggerated for effect. You’ve got this nailed, IMHO. Timing is important when it comes to dating and I’ve often met men I might otherwise be interested in dating but the timing was off. That said, regardless of timing I _have_ to be interested in them for a relationship. Friendship is great and I have some great guy friends, but I don’t want to date any of them. It’s not a zone I put them in or a ladder I put them in because they didn’t strike while the iron was hot. The iron wasn’t hot at any time. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2012, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/52 "2012-10-20T06:16:54Z")
And damnit, I just realized this is an old thread. Regardless, I stand by my praise of **jsgoddess!** ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2012, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/53 "2012-10-20T07:08:59Z")
> [@MN\_Maenad](#): > > Bolding mine. > > I think the idea of “being exiled to the friend zone” implies that in friendships with women, \*\*all \*_women, there’s a period of time where they may want to date you_. That assumption is incorrect. A lot of times, she just doesn’t feel a romantic/sexual/something-more-than-friends attraction for you, and that’s all there is to it. You’re always a friend, just a friend, since the spark isn’t there - there was no magical window of time where you could have pitched woo and succeeded if only you’d known. Quoted for truth. A lot of the time you are _never_ interested in being anything more than friends with a particular guy, so it’s not like he missed an opportunity in the first place. And while there are guys I’ve given up hope on and resigned myself to being just friends with, some of them eventually recaptured my interest, so even though they didn’t make a move at “the right” time it doesn’t mean they would never again have a shot…but only because they ever had one in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![polar\_bear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ec9cab/32.png) [@polar\_bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/polar_bear)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2012, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/54 "2012-10-20T09:48:00Z")
Although I doubt we’ll see **tech\_bonus** again, it is suprising how often this kind of thing a bout ‘American women’ comes up. I really have heard this ‘rant’ a lot. I personally have no experience with ‘American women’, so I don’t know if its true… but to some American guys it apparantly seems so (not the folks that are the happiest in ‘love’ I would think). ---
**Author:** ![enomaj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/59ef9b/32.png) [@enomaj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enomaj)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2012, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/55 "2012-10-20T16:21:40Z")
> [@Snowboarder\_Bo](#): > > Kiss her. But what if this happens: https://www.youtube.com/embed/me6Y16NpDug?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque&list=PL26DCDFAC26C6C245 ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2012, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/56 "2012-10-20T18:00:45Z")
> [@fjs1fs](#): > > Kiss her anyway! Looking back, I didn’t say it half well enough. Kiss her. Kiss her like her toes need curling; someday they might. Kiss her like you want to rock her world (and make her friends dive for doorways for miles around). Kiss her like you only have one kiss to give in this lifetime & have to make it count. Kiss her like you want Faith Hill to look up and say “Daymn. Now I’m going need to re-do that song…” Kiss her like you want to make her happy. And if you do, kiss her again, so she stays that way. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2012, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/57 "2012-10-20T18:47:05Z")
\*\*Count Blucher, \*\*that’s romantic and all. Straight out of a John Hughes movie for sure. But I’m a man’s woman, meaning most of my friends are guys, and they are in the mythical friend zone because _I’m not attracted to them_. If any one of the 7 or so men I spend time with suddenly grabbed me and kissed me, I’d consider it an assault and respond accordingly. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/58 "2012-10-21T14:08:02Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > \*\*Count Blucher, \*\*that’s romantic and all. Straight out of a John Hughes movie for sure. But I’m a man’s woman, meaning most of my friends are guys, and they are in the mythical friend zone because _I’m not attracted to them_. If any one of the 7 or so men I spend time with suddenly grabbed me and kissed me, I’d consider it an assault and respond accordingly. I do Not condone assault, sexual or otherwise. If ANYONE read that as me giving them a free pass to commit assault on someone, _SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP NOW!!!_ A kiss could be a simple as a kiss on the cheek, done with feeling. Its a risk. The woman might slap the sh-t out of him and leave him with a swollen face & a black eye for it. Or he could wait 10 years chasing an illusion, finally see she wasn’t into him, and have lost 10 years of his youth, which he’ll never get back. I just saw this as slow band-aid vs fast band-aid removal. Bonus: she’s rid of him 10 years sooner! ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/59 "2012-10-21T14:36:56Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > I do Not condone assault, sexual or otherwise. If ANYONE read that as me giving them a free pass to commit assault on someone, _SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP NOW!!!_ > > A kiss could be a simple as a kiss on the cheek, done with feeling. Its a risk. The woman might slap the sh-t out of him and leave him with a swollen face & a black eye for it. Or he could wait 10 years chasing an illusion, finally see she wasn’t into him, > and have lost 10 years of his youth, which he’ll never get back. I just saw this as slow band-aid vs fast band-aid removal. > > Bonus: she’s rid of him 10 years sooner! Not even close. I wouldn’t consider an unwanted kiss as the precursor to rape, but an unwanted kiss from a friend would be as welcome as one from a stranger. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/60 "2012-10-21T15:29:45Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > A kiss could be a simple as a kiss on the cheek, done with feeling. It is difficult to believe this is what you meant when you also said: > [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > Looking back, I didn’t say it half well enough. > > Kiss her. > > Kiss her like her toes need curling; someday they might. > > Kiss her like you want to rock her world (and make her friends dive for doorways for miles around). > > Kiss her like you only have one kiss to give in this lifetime & have to make it count. > > Kiss her like you want Faith Hill to look up and say “Daymn. Now I’m going need to re-do that song…” > > Kiss her like you want to make her happy. And if you do, kiss her again, so she stays that way. > [@Troppus](#): > > \*\*Count Blucher, \*\*that’s romantic and all. Straight out of a John Hughes movie for sure. But I’m a man’s woman, meaning most of my friends are guys, and they are in the mythical friend zone because _I’m not attracted to them_. If any one of the 7 or so men I spend time with suddenly grabbed me and kissed me, I’d consider it an assault and respond accordingly. So, if you were attracted to one of them, how would you let him know? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055.md?page=4)