# The Friend Zone **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 9, 2011, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055 "2011-03-09T15:26:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/61 "2012-10-21T15:44:30Z")
I would tell him, but only if I had some idea he was interested, too. I would never make an uninvited sexual advance on someone without some hint that he was open to it. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/62 "2012-10-21T16:24:14Z")
Isn’t the hint, itself, a sexual advance? Or do you mean that you, personally, would never make an uninvited sexual advance without some hint of interest but that you want others to hint at interest without requiring a previous sign of interest? ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/63 "2012-10-21T16:38:23Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > Isn’t the hint, itself, a sexual advance? Or do you mean that you, personally, would never make an uninvited sexual advance without some hint of interest but that you want others to hint at interest without requiring a previous sign of interest? Just like men, different women will handle it differently. Personally I’d probably say something like “We have so much fun we should try dating instead of just being awesome friends. Want to give it a try?” If he did, great. If he didn’t, I still have a friend. Just kissing someone to show you like them more than a friend is ridiculous and happens only in movies for a reason. Use your words. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/64 "2012-10-21T16:41:31Z")
What **Sleeps** said. I really can’t stress enough exactly how put off I would be by an unexpected kiss from someone I’m not dating. And no, flirting or suggesting a date is not a sexual advance. Find out if she’s interested before you get physical. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/65 "2012-10-21T16:48:09Z")
Well, wait, but also no, a hint of interest is not a sexual advance; bloody hell. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/66 "2012-10-21T16:51:34Z")
> [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](#): > > Well, wait, but also no, a hint of interest is not a sexual advance; bloody hell. There is a big difference between a verbal question or suggestion and grabbing someone and putting your month on theirs without permission or invitation. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/67 "2012-10-21T16:54:53Z")
Right, that’s what I’m saying. I think I missed your edit. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/68 "2012-10-21T17:05:34Z")
> [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](#): > > Well, wait, but also no, a hint of interest is not a sexual advance; bloody hell. Just in case you were actually asking for clarification instead of nitpicking, both are sexual advances. But one is also sexual assaulty. If a guy can’t tell the difference, he should probably stick to emailing such an inquiry to a female friend. Is anyone else creeped out by the idea that guys are hanging around pretending to be friends while waiting for an opening to nail her? ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/69 "2012-10-21T17:05:44Z")
Troppus, There is. Just to be sure, are you saying that if someone flirts and suggests a date, I haven’t yet found out if that person is interested? Chitwood, Yes, bloody hell. > **[Advance Definition & Meaning | Dictionary.com](https://www.dictionary.com/browse/advance?s=t)** > > Advance definition, to move or bring forward: The general advanced his troops to the new position. See more. a. attempts at forming an acquaintanceship, reaching an agreement, or the like, made by one party. b. actions or words intended to be sexually inviting. > **[Definition of ADVANCE](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/advances?show=0&t=1350838817)** > > to accelerate the growth or progress of; to bring or move forward; to raise to a higher rank… See the full definition 4 : a first step or approach made \ ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/70 "2012-10-21T17:31:25Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Just in case you were actually asking for clarification instead of nitpicking I’m not sure how I offended you but I wasn’t aiming for it. I wasn’t addressing your post at all. I was addressing **Michael’s** claim that a hint of interest is a sexual advance. > [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > Chitwood, > Yes, bloody hell. > [ADVANCE Definition & Meaning | Dictionary.com](http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/advance?s=t) > > a. > attempts at forming an acquaintanceship, reaching an agreement, or the like, made by one party. > > b. > actions or words intended to be sexually inviting. > > [ADVANCES Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster](http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/advances?show=0&t=1350838817) > 4 > > : a first step or approach made \ Halfway home! Now all we need to do is learn what a hint is! This feels like a conversation you’d have with a bear that learned how to speak English and wanted to learn human customs. A hint of interest is not a sexual advance, because it isn’t sexual. When you’re walking next to each other and then stop to look at something and she stops so that her hip’s brushing against yours, or grabs your arm to punctuate a point she’s making, those are hints. If you ask her about her boyfriend to find out whether or not she has one, or pay for her drink, those are hints. Those are not intended to be sexually inviting. A sexual advance is when she puts her hand on your penis or you say “I would like for you to put your hand on my penis.” Those are intended to be sexually inviting. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/71 "2012-10-21T17:35:24Z")
It never ceases to amaze me how women will regard the same exact behavior as “romantic and exciting” or “disgusting and offensive” depending solely on THEIR attraction to the man behaving that way. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/72 "2012-10-21T17:37:54Z")
**Jimmy Chitwood** , yes to everything you said. Not in the least offended, just hard to spot humor in a thread where every comment has to be clarified, picked apart, and rendered uber literal. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/73 "2012-10-21T17:39:43Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > It never ceases to amaze me how women will regard the same exact behavior as “romantic and exciting” or “disgusting and offensive” depending solely on THEIR attraction to the man behaving that way. What the hell else would you base it on? Would you have the same reaction if Halle Berry stuck her tongue in your mouth as you would if Kathy Bates did it? ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/74 "2012-10-21T17:43:41Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > It never ceases to amaze me how women will regard the same exact behavior as “romantic and exciting” or “disgusting and offensive” depending solely on THEIR attraction to the man behaving that way. And that’s why every time you see a woman you’re interested in, you immediately try to make out with her, right? Because you’re constantly amazed by the idea that there’s some sort of context to take into account. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/75 "2012-10-21T17:43:55Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > What the hell else would you base it on? Would you have the same reaction if Halle Berry stuck her tongue in your mouth as you would if Kathy Bates did it? Ignore it. That’s a popular battle whine of the “life is unfair and I’m a niiiiiiiice guy” contingent. You’ll see a few of the repeat offenders trotting that out in threads like this from time to time. A few of them come around like clockwork. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/76 "2012-10-21T17:44:48Z")
Honestly? I’d need to recognize that I’d encouraged Ms. Bates to do so, if I had, not to say “Can you BELIEVE this disgusting harridan stuck her slimy diseased tongue down my throat, where does she get off, the filthy whore…” etc, you know the way women get all self-righteous about it? That’s what I’d try to avoid, the self-righteous, “I almost got raped,” “Who does this guy think he is?” stuff. BFD–you got hit on. You don’t want that sometimes, try joining a convent. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/77 "2012-10-21T17:49:20Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > Honestly? I’d need to recognize that I’d encouraged Ms. Bates to do so, if I had, not to say “Can you BELIEVE this disgusting harridan stuck her slimy diseased tongue down my throat, where does she get off, the filthy whore…” etc, you know the way women get all self-righteous about it? That’s what I’d try to avoid, the self-righteous, “I almost got raped,” “Who does this guy think he is?” stuff. > BFD–you got hit on. You don’t want that sometimes, try joining a convent. You really still don’t get it after [this fiasco](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=497712)? I’m sorry but you choose not to get it and it speaks of your opinion of women in general. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/78 "2012-10-21T17:50:57Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > \ > > Is anyone else creeped out by the idea that guys are hanging around pretending to be friends while waiting for an opening to nail her? No, not really - I’ve seen “When Harry Met Sally.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/79 "2012-10-21T17:54:38Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > Honestly? I’d need to recognize that I’d encouraged Ms. Bates to do so, if I had, not to say “Can you BELIEVE this disgusting harridan stuck her slimy diseased tongue down my throat, where does she get off, the filthy whore…” etc, you know the way women get all self-righteous about it? That’s what I’d try to avoid, the self-righteous, “I almost got raped,” “Who does this guy think he is?” stuff. > BFD–you got hit on. You don’t want that sometimes, try joining a convent. Getting hit on is not a big deal. Can you show me where anyone said that? But if a friend grabs me with no warning and plants one on me because he lives in an 80’s teen movie fantasy world I’m going to be angry and he’s going to get corrected. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055/80 "2012-10-21T18:21:52Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > You really still don’t get it after [this fiasco](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=497712)? I’m sorry but you choose not to get it and it speaks of your opinion of women in general. Wow. I’d be scared of this guy IRL. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-friend-zone/574055.md?page=5)