# the FUCK?! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 23, 2012, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024 "2012-06-23T04:04:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024/61 "2012-06-23T07:52:28Z")
You’re not weaseling out of your threads that easily \*\* umkay\*\*. I thought from the username and other things about that post that there was no way that is how someone claiming to be who they were would approach the situation if it were true. But I was still glum and a little sickened by it all day. Either it had to be true however unlikely, or someone breathing the same air as us is actually that deranged and empty. Not a great choice. I’m very glad my faith in humanity has not been restored at all, and that you are back from your absence with good news. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024/62 "2012-06-23T08:01:11Z")
Do you have a theory as to who it was? ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024/63 "2012-06-23T08:09:58Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > Do you have a theory as to who it was? I’m sure the Mods have access to the email Notokay signed up with, it wouldn’t be too hard to trace it and narrow things down a bit. Very glad you’re not dead, Umkay 🙂 (Wow that’s a weird sentence to write!) ---
**Author:** ![Bumbershoot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbershoot/32/3428_2.png) [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024/64 "2012-06-23T08:27:04Z")
Well now you know what we really think of you! I’m happy to hear you’re alive, umkay. As I said in the “dead” thread, I’m a member of the Umkay Fan Club. And I think an “Umkay Has Risen From The Grave” Memorial Wake/Dopefest is a great idea. ---
**Author:** ![fifty-six](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@fifty-six](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fifty-six)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024/65 "2012-06-23T08:52:17Z")
I am so very glad I read this first. I went back to read the other thread and still sobbed. ---
**Author:** ![Linus\_Van\_Pelt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@Linus\_Van\_Pelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linus_Van_Pelt)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024/66 "2012-06-23T08:56:55Z")
I’ll admit that my BS meter had taken a bit of a hit. For a couple of reasons. First was the timing. What are the odds that you’d succumb to a fatal incident so shortly after arriving here and making such a big splash? Also, I did find the phrasing (“her last days”) a bit odd. Actually (since we’re being all honest here), I also entertained the notion that **everything** about your appearance here was part of an elaborate hoax. Why? Well, to start with (and please don’t take this the wrong way), you’re kind of _too_ perfect. By which I don’t mean actually perfect. But you’re a young, smart, pretty, and witty woman who suffered a tragic accident during your foolish teen years, yet you’ve chosen to face life with a remarkably positive attitude. You have, by your own admission, flaws (of course). But that only makes the hoax (if there was one) more believable, as it makes you more real. Then, after sweeping in and making such an impression here, you disappear for a week and “die”. If it were fiction… well you must admit that it would look like an attempt to hit all the right buttons. And before anyone asks “Well, why, if your BS meter went off, did you respond?”, here’s why: First, even though the phrasing sounded odd, I wrote it off as a hastily written note by someone in stressful circumstances. And if it had all been a hoax, so what? Some pathetic loser gets their jollies at one more comment. So I chose to take it all at face value and simply tell the truth on that assumption: **Umkay’s** appearance here **has** been remarkable, both in it’s impact and in what I (and others, I assume) have learned. Happily, it appears that the only hoax was the tragic ending. Oh - and for the record, I _don’t_ believe you’ve been BSing us. Truth is frequently stranger than fiction and your posts have had a ring of truth to them. And a note to the pathetic loser - If you see a Tricked-Out Flying Death-Chair coming at you, don’t run. It’ll just make it worse. Welcome back, **Umkay** ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024/67 "2012-06-23T09:00:14Z")
> [@voltaire](#): > > But, you gotta feel sorry for **Notokay** , since they obviously have no life whatsoever and being a troll is what they must resort to for fun. Just imagine how much it must suck to be that lame. Yeah, yeah, let’s all take a moment to pity the poor pathetic loser. Okay, moment’s over. Now somebody go get the ban hammer. The big one with the spikes. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024/68 "2012-06-23T09:05:34Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > What was it exactly that set off your bullshit meter? I’m guessing it might have been my “brother” posting on a thread I’d already said a few times he didn’t know about, before I’ve been “dead” even 24 hours? Yeah, I bet it was that. 🙂 The “NotOk” username seemed a trifle flippant for someone who’d going through a sudden and tragical bereavement. I hadn’t posted yet because I felt like something was off about the announcement and I wanted to wait for more information. Glad you’re not dead 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024/69 "2012-06-23T09:27:40Z")
> [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](#): > > “I died on the Dope.” "Kids – Dope kills you! (Temporarily)" 😃 I’m just so glad right now I’m out of synch with the rest of the board – signed off yesterday (my) evening vaguely\* worried about you, got on this afternoon, and I am just glad I didn’t have to go through the stage of actually **believing** this cruel joke. And I’ll throw out Zombie Joke #13 just for the hell of it! 😃 - OK, who am I kidding – \*\*\*extremely \*\*\*worried; you hadn’t signed in for over a week! I’m just glad right now that you’re OK and hopefully over this medical emergency! ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024/70 "2012-06-23T09:33:47Z")
> [@Enkel](#): > > Holy crap what a day! I’d been thinking about umkay and what a tragedy to loose someone so young and so vibrant. Then I get back on and find this! Personally, I’m glad I missed all the drama and didn’t tune in (or, dope in?) until after **umkay** had already said WTF?!?! Otherwise, I might’ve been riding along on the emotional roller coaster with you, **Enkel**. Because of the chair, I think a baseball cap would work better than a t-shirt for **umkay** - it’d be easier to read the back. FRONT = Still Kicking! BACK = Notokay: Pardon me, but you’ve obviously mistaken me for someone who cares what you say. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024/71 "2012-06-23T09:40:55Z")
To be honest, **umkay** sounded too good to be true to begin with. So when she ‘died’, I thought it may have been a joke. This whole thing is beyond weird. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024/72 "2012-06-23T09:40:57Z")
I’m glad you’re here, **umkay** ; I’m glad you’re alive. I’ve not posted in your thread, but I have been following it. I did see the thread that announced your death, but something didn’t jibe. Good to know my instincts were right. I hope you have many happy years of joining in here at the SDMB. Note to Self: Keep trusted, longterm Dopers in the loop as to my health, so if I do kick off, the SDMB will get the news from folks we all know and trust. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024/73 "2012-06-23T10:08:35Z")
Umkay, if we ever get avatars (and if you’re a Pratchett fan), I suggest you go with [http://cdn.instructables.com/F96/PZ0B/GI0TK0EA/F96PZ0BGI0TK0EA.MEDIUM.jpgthis](http://cdn.instructables.com/F96/PZ0B/GI0TK0EA/F96PZ0BGI0TK0EA.MEDIUM.jpgthis) one. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024/74 "2012-06-23T11:11:07Z")
The flowers…can we reroute them to **Notokay’s** funeral instead? Because I think he’s gonna need 'em! ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024/75 "2012-06-23T12:12:50Z")
I’m so glad you’re back, **umkay** …High Five!! C’mon!..don’t leave me hangin’! Oops, never mind. 🙂 mmm ---
**Author:** ![Jman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jman/32/4416_2.png) [@Jman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jman)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024/76 "2012-06-23T12:20:18Z")
Man…I posted about zombie **umkay** in her questions thread, and now I see it’s been posted twice here…I feel like such an unoriginal putz. Anyway, I think you missed an opportunity here…it’s the absolute perfect time to have simply posted (in a British accent): “I’m not dead…” “I’m getting better…I think I’ll go for a walk. I feel HAPPY!” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Jman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jman/32/4416_2.png) [@Jman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jman)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024/77 "2012-06-23T12:25:39Z")
> [@Linus\_Van\_Pelt](#): > > I also entertained the notion that **everything** about your appearance here was part of an elaborate hoax. I briefly entertained that thought as well and then dismissed it. I was REALLY hoping we weren’t in the middle of another **WallyM7** type incident. But I think it’d be one of the most elaborate hoaxes in quite some time… and as I thought about it, I dismissed it. THAT would have REALLY pissed me off. Not that what NotOkay did wasn’t absolutely awful. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024/78 "2012-06-23T12:34:20Z")
Whoa! I’m so glad you never left, **umkay**. I’d been reading the heart-attack ‘can drop dead without warning’ thread, and hadn’t read much of the other thread, so I didn’t pick up on any falseness… ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024/79 "2012-06-23T12:44:37Z")
> [@umkay](#): > > _ **I DIED?!** _ I dunno, you look pretty lively to me at this point… HAPPY DANCE! UMKAY IS STILL ALIVE! > [@](#): > > Count me in as one of the people who’d be _ **real** _ fuckin’ interested in those wake details, since a corpse-less funeral should be pretty fuckin’ strange. Ditto that fuckin’ obituary. We could still have a [del]wake[/del] party. We’ll lay you out all purdy with a lily in your hands and you lie there all still with your eyes closed and when someone leans over you all overwrought you can open your eyes and yell BOO! It’ll be like that old classic Ray Stevens song [I Ain’t Sittin’ Up With the Dead No More](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNmcB50NALQ), except with less sittin’ up. > [@](#): > > I’ll fill anyone in who wants to know what I’ve been up to this week, which has been a whole lot of medical bullshit and out of town travel to see specialists and FINALLY a diagnosis of gastric ulcers, on my other thread. That is, if I can pull off a double resurrection–one for **me** , one for my **thread**. Of course we want to know what’s up with you, dear. Don’t worry, we’ll get the threads all sorted out, just give the mods a bit of time. Oh, and there’s that little trip we have to take under the bridge, to do a little extermination. > [@](#): > > …Or did you think a fuckin’ tummyache could really take me out? Please. I survived a fuckin’ _ **broken neck** _. Well, you know… it’s like, I always thought Steve Irwin would die from being chomped on my a big ol’ crocodile and it turned out he was taken out by a sting ray. The universe is perverse, ya know? You survive a broken neck, then get taken out by a papercut. Or something equally innocuous. Go ahead and be angry. The rest of us are relieved you’re still around to BE angry. > [@Sarabellum1976](#): > > I thought the whole thing smelled a little fishy, but I didn’t want to barge into the thread and start saying stuff I was getting a little suspicious myself due to a lack of details and failure to post wake/funeral info as promised. I hope the bastard didn’t PM anyone with info to send money or flowers. > [@umkay](#): > > It’s me!!! I can absolutely verify that I am alive and ki–well, not “kicking,” but you get the idea. 😃 _:::: mounts steel spikes to front of wheelchair :::_ RUN HIM DOWN GIRL! RUN HIM DOWN WITH YOUR TRICKED OUT FLYING ALL TERRAIN DEATH-CHAIR!!! _::: wipes spittle from lips :::_ > [@WordMan](#): > > If I got my hands on **Notokay** , I’d break his freakin’… Don’t do that. If you do that he won’t be able to feel the rest of the beat-down he has coming… > [@Bootis](#): > > So zombies do remain paralyzed. Umkay speculated she would back in the “zombie chapter” of her thread, but it’s cool to know for sure And that is one of the cool things about this place – fighting of ignorance. We now have a definitive answer to this earth-shaking question. > [@lavenderviolet](#): > > I’ve always thought it’s a shame that people wait til someone is dead to talk about how great the person was. Be fair – people were telling her how awesome she is even before the greatly exaggerated rumors of her death. > [@Toucanna](#): > > Who wants to spearhead the collection to get **umkay** a, “I died and came back to life and all I got was this lousy T-shirt” T-shirt? OOOOO! Let’s DO IT! And next time someone asks why she’s in a wheelchair she can say “the reanimation process isn’t perfect.” ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2012, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024/80 "2012-06-23T13:10:35Z")
> [@Sarabellum1976](#): > > I thought the whole thing smelled a little fishy, but I didn’t want to barge into the thread and start saying stuff (just in case it WAS true, I didn’t want to be “that heartless cynical bitch”) but anyway… > > Glad you’re alive, girl! It’s kinda why I asked for the link to the obit in the other thread… just in case… I wanted to read it, of course if true, but also as subtle verification… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fuck/626024.md?page=5)