# The fucking ghouls who stole Alistair Cooke's bones **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 24, 2005, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fucking-ghouls-who-stole-alistair-cookes-bones/337062 "2005-12-24T05:56:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![JonScribe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3be4f8/32.png) [@JonScribe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JonScribe)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fucking-ghouls-who-stole-alistair-cookes-bones/337062/1 "2005-12-24T05:56:03Z")
OK. It’s terrible that this happened to anyone’s loved one. [Officials probe reports that Alistair Cooke’s bones were sold](http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1135335328762&call_pageid=968332188492&col=968793972154&t=TS_Home) > [@Toronto Star](#): > > NEW YORK — Authorities are investigating allegations that the body of British broadcaster Alistair Cooke — among hundreds of others — was illegally carved up in the back room of a funeral home and sold so its parts could be used in transplants. But, Alistair Cooke? You’ve defiled the body of one of the few non-Americans who tried to explain America to the rest of the world. That’s just fucking low. If I get the chance, I’ll shit on your grave. ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fucking-ghouls-who-stole-alistair-cookes-bones/337062/2 "2005-12-24T05:58:22Z")
It’s fucking low that they’ve apparently defiled scores of other bodies as well. What price humanity? Apparently around $500 a corpse. Despicable. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![NicePete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ee7513/32.png) [@NicePete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NicePete)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fucking-ghouls-who-stole-alistair-cookes-bones/337062/3 "2005-12-24T07:36:28Z")
Ghastly! However, if this has been an ongoing problem, stealing an obscure celebrities remains could have a positive result. Perhaps the celebrity-induced increased attention will result in additional law enforcement resource being brought to bear on the problem. The light of publicity could help to eliminate this nasty practice. Still, it sucks for Cooke’s family. ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fucking-ghouls-who-stole-alistair-cookes-bones/337062/4 "2005-12-24T08:11:02Z")
I was gonna come in and make a “masterpiece” joke, but then I decided it’d be gauche. Ghouls, all of them. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fucking-ghouls-who-stole-alistair-cookes-bones/337062/5 "2005-12-24T08:15:36Z")
Can a 95 year old’s tissue (or even that of an 85 year old which they claimed he was) really be of much use in transplants? Of course I was doubly shocked because I didn’t realize Alistaire Cooke was dead. In fact, I was kind of relieved to know it once I learned his bones had been stolen and sold. ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fucking-ghouls-who-stole-alistair-cookes-bones/337062/6 "2005-12-24T08:22:08Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Can a 95 year old’s tissue (or even that of an 85 year old which they claimed he was) really be of much use in transplants? Not much, I’d think. But they lie about how the people died as well on the forged documents. And by the time folk find out it does no good for them – how can they trace anything back? A smooth scheme. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 8:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fucking-ghouls-who-stole-alistair-cookes-bones/337062/7 "2005-12-24T08:58:53Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Can a 95 year old’s tissue (or even that of an 85 year old which they claimed he was) really be of much use in transplants? I wouldn’t think so, but no doubt medical education supply houses could use the parts. Those “smokers” lungs had to come from _somebody_. I think the best solution to the problem would simply to be to publish the home address of the heads of the funeral home, and make sure that there was **no** police protection available for them. Natural selection in action, you see. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fucking-ghouls-who-stole-alistair-cookes-bones/337062/8 "2005-12-24T14:59:47Z")
The worst part is that the bones were sold for transplant purposes, and Cooke died of _bone cancer_. The “sales slip” made him out to be ten years younger and said he’d died of a heart attack. ---
**Author:** ![Campion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@Campion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Campion)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fucking-ghouls-who-stole-alistair-cookes-bones/337062/9 "2005-12-24T17:09:05Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > I think the best solution to the problem would simply to be to publish the home address of the heads of the funeral home, and make sure that there was **no** police protection available for them. Natural selection in action, you see. I think the best solution is prison for the people involved, plus disgorgement of all monies made under the scheme, payment of all future medical expenses related to the transplants done with the stolen tissue, plus punitives (I think a multiplier of five is good). Here’s my reasoning: they did this because it was easy, and because it made them money. Take away what they love – money – to hurt them. Leaving them without police protection simply hurts them _physically_. It does not get them where it hurts the most. Incidentally, I’m reading _Stiff: the Curious Lives of Human Cadavers_ (thanks to **Misnomer** ’s recommendation), and it’s strange to realize that with all the protections and procedures in place, we still have “resurrectionists” at work. But I suppose that even when there’s a legal market for something, there will still be a black market. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fucking-ghouls-who-stole-alistair-cookes-bones/337062/10 "2005-12-24T19:52:18Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Can a 95 year old’s tissue (or even that of an 85 year old which they claimed he was) really be of much use in transplants? To follow up on this, I thought transplant material had to be removed while the patient was still nominally alive, or else the tissue began to deteriorate immediately? I don’t mean “alive” as in “alive and kicking” of course, I mean alive as in, still recieving oxygenated blood through artificial respiration & circulation. I thought that once circulation stopped you only have an hour or two at most before the body is unusable? ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fucking-ghouls-who-stole-alistair-cookes-bones/337062/11 "2005-12-24T21:04:04Z")
> [@Campion](#): > > I think the best solution is prison for the people involved, plus disgorgement of all monies made under the scheme, payment of all future medical expenses related to the transplants done with the stolen tissue, plus punitives (I think a multiplier of five is good). > > Here’s my reasoning: they did this because it was easy, and because it made them money. Take away what they love – money – to hurt them. Leaving them without police protection simply hurts them _physically_. It does not get them where it hurts the most. Oh, I don’t think that the families who’ve had their loved ones corpses abused are going to be satisfied with merely _hurting_ the folks. I’m sure some of the more creative ones will try to make the old UL about someone waking up in a bathtub filled with ice and a note stuck to their chest saying they’ve just had a kidney removed and that they should call the police, come true. The ghouls running the funeral home have already been hurt financially, if you think about it. Do you think that they’ll ever be able to work in the industry again? I’m also certain that there’s plenty of lawyers lining up to handle the class action lawsuits which are sure to follow. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fucking-ghouls-who-stole-alistair-cookes-bones/337062/12 "2005-12-24T21:23:26Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Of course I was doubly shocked because I didn’t realize Alistaire Cooke was dead. If he was alive he’d have been here by now, correcting our grammar. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2005, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fucking-ghouls-who-stole-alistair-cookes-bones/337062/13 "2005-12-24T22:51:47Z")
Let’s see, you’re OK with desecrating the dead, causing their families unnecessary grief and stiffing seriously sick people for cash. Well, there are words for people like that and “ghouls” isn’t the one that comes to mind… ---
**Author:** ![Tenar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@Tenar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenar)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2005, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fucking-ghouls-who-stole-alistair-cookes-bones/337062/14 "2005-12-25T02:33:30Z")
“Murderers” is the word that comes to MY mind. A scheme like this is bound to lead (or to have already led) to at least a couple of deaths among the transplant recipients. ---
**Author:** ![Tevildo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Tevildo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tevildo)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2005, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-fucking-ghouls-who-stole-alistair-cookes-bones/337062/15 "2005-12-25T03:21:43Z")
> [@Bryan Ekers](#): > > If he was alive he’d have been here by now, correcting our grammar. If he _were_ alive… I, too, was horrified to find that the Resurrection-Men are still going in this day and age. But, if money can be made from something, it will.