# The funniest graffito I've ever seen... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 10, 1999, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272 "1999-12-10T23:46:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![labradorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@labradorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/labradorian)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 1999, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272/61 "1999-12-15T17:51:00Z")
This is a place to empty your guts NOT a place to bust your nuts So keep it nice, keep it neat Go somewhere else to beat your meat. To which was added in a different hand: Or if you must then be discreet Don’t spooge all over the toilet seat. * * * [http://members.xoom.com/labradorian/](http://members.xoom.com/labradorian/) ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 1999, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272/62 "1999-12-16T06:12:00Z")
Well, these aren’t great, but since nobody has mentioned them yet… (over urinal) No matter how you shake and dance the last 3 drops go in your pants. (way up near ceiling over urinal) You’re pissing on your shoes. (in stall) Anyone can piss on the floor. Be a hero; shit on the ceiling. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 1999, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272/63 "1999-12-16T06:15:00Z")
Capitalism is man’s exploitation of man. Communism is just the opposite. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 1999, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272/64 "1999-12-16T06:50:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Nuh UH! I grew up (well, the teen years) in Thousand Oaks: TOHS, class of '91 right here! Hey Laura! Didn’t we discover a long time ago on the old SDMB that we both lived in Lynn Ranch (at different times) - or maybe that was someone else? My family moved to T.O. (Wildwood) in 1969, moved to the Ranch in 1971 or 72. At that time, most of the kids in the Ranch were shipped off to Newbury Park to attend NPHS (I’m class of '77). Ohmygod that sounds SO old! Anywho, mom and dad still live in T.O. so I visit regularly, and I can assure you that it’s the same quiet, safe, sleepy community - only a bit bigger. I expect they’ll lose their place in the top three Safest Cities (of their size) in the country, within the next 5 years. As for the “Stop Disco” thing, at the time, it completely freaked the city fathers out. Everyone was up in arms about how our youngsters were turning into hooligans and the town was going straight into the toilet, yada yada yada. Then, when they realized that the pranksters had used water-soluble paint, and that it washed right off, they all kinda blustered around a bit, then agreed it was a good, mostly harmless joke on the whole town, but please don’t do it again… I never did find out who the culprits were, but I’d love to shake their hands. Hey, _Stop Disco_ dudes/dudesses! Out yerselves!! * * * **StoryTyler** _I am too in shape! :::muttering::: Round is a shape._ [C’mon up and see me sometime.](http://sites.netscape.net/storytyler/homepage) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Raven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dbc845/32.png) [@The\_Raven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Raven)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 1999, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272/65 "1999-12-16T02:22:00Z")
Well, I go to an art college, and one of the guys I know there told me he saw, in the men’s room this witty exchange on the wall: “Are ALL the girls in this place gay?” and, under it, in a different handwriting: “No, just the ones YOU try to talk to” The other good one was not really ‘graffiti’ as I have seen it. First, a quick background- the college dorms are five stories tall, and around Halloween, several people put out pumpkins on the balcony walkways facing the street. So, naturally, every night people used the pumpkins for target practise on the people below. Lots of squished pumpkin remains on the sidewalk. So someone decided to chalk in the outline, police style, of a person right in the middle of the biggest splat mark. Sometime later someone added a chalk outline of a dog too…but it made some great pictures for the college scrap book. ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 1999, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272/66 "1999-12-16T08:39:00Z")
This is one that never actually happened but would have been hilarious. Akin to the “Lord is God” billboard, we had one in town that said, “Don’t Make Me Come Down There–God.” My husband, respectful man that he is, had the great idea to paint over the words “Don’t”, “Down”, & “There.” I had to talk him out of it. * * * _The margarine of evil_ ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 1999, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272/67 "1999-12-16T08:49:00Z")
Hey, that was my 100th post! I know, I’m slow. But give me a break, I lurked for the appropriate time first. * * * _The margarine of evil_ ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 1999, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272/68 "1999-12-19T22:36:00Z")
_For God so loved His Son, he gave His only begotten world, that we might worship Him like mindless savages._ ---
**Author:** ![Sylence](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b19c9b/32.png) [@Sylence](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylence)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 1999, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272/69 "1999-12-19T23:10:00Z")
From an outhouse in Canada: _We’re bushwackers, we’re bushwackers We’re dirty sons of b_\*\*_s We wipe our a\*\* with broken glass And laugh because it itches!_ – Sylence * * * I don’t have an evil side. Just a really, really apathetic one. ---
**Author:** ![Born2Read](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cdc98d/32.png) [@Born2Read](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Born2Read)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 1999, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272/70 "1999-12-23T00:52:00Z")
When I was in high school the neighborhood idiots used to hang around on a huge boulder at the end of the street. One day my mom and I drove by and one of them had spray-painted “Claudia Is a Hor” on it. To this day (15 yrs later) we still laugh about this every thime we hear that name. ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 1999, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272/71 "1999-12-23T01:12:00Z")
_I hate graffiti._ **Yeah, and his brother Guido is a real prick, too.** * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![Kakkerlak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bb73d2/32.png) [@Kakkerlak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kakkerlak)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 1999, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272/72 "1999-12-23T03:20:00Z")
In the midst of an ear-infection-induced vertigo attack, I stumbled into a bathroom at the engineering hall of my old college and had the strange experience puking while watching the stall spin then looking up to see scratched into the enamel: “Dr. Stanisic, it’s me, Ensign Pulver, and I threw your god-damn palm tree overboard !” (A reference to the classic film Mr. Roberts, and to a tyrant engineering prof). It wasn’t until the room slowed down I realized that I’d scratched that there seven years previously. ---
**Author:** ![Kakkerlak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bb73d2/32.png) [@Kakkerlak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kakkerlak)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 1999, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272/73 "1999-12-23T03:21:00Z")
And more Canadian outhouse limericks: Here I sit, asshole a-hurtin. Just gave birth to another Albertan. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 1999, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272/74 "1999-12-23T16:48:00Z")
“Jesus is coming! Are you going to spit, or swallow?” ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 1999, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272/75 "1999-12-23T19:31:00Z")
My favorite graffiti was written by someone who must have been a cousin to Rodd Hill’s artist. In the early eighties in Canada there was a bike gang who was moving into the Hell’s Angels territory. They weren’t active around here but some one tried to inply it by writing the gang name, unfortunately he misspelled it as “Satins Choice”. I always wanted to see their colours. Keith * * * You want brilliance BEFORE I’ve had my coffee!!! ---
**Author:** ![LongHrn99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e4f/32.png) [@LongHrn99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LongHrn99)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 1999, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272/76 "1999-12-24T16:07:00Z")
In one of the stalls in the government building (UT Austin)is a chart for floaters, sinkers, and bombs. Added sometime down the road was a bell curve for the findings. * * * “I hear the mermaids singing, each to each. I do not think that they will sing to me.” -T.S. Eliot ---
**Author:** ![lvick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d07c76/32.png) [@lvick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lvick)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 1999, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272/77 "1999-12-25T06:08:00Z")
Seen over a urinal in a cheesy bar: Don’t Eat the Big White Mint that still cracks me up Larry ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 1999, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272/78 "1999-12-25T03:52:00Z")
Over a urinal: Stare at this dot to avoid suspicion. I’ll blow your mind if you promise not to think in my mouth. ---
**Author:** ![spankboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@spankboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spankboy)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 1999, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272/79 "1999-12-26T06:45:00Z")
Not exactly graffiti, but here goes… I was in Ponce, Puerto Rico, a few years back, and we were driving by a Burger King when my then-girlfriend started busting up. My Spanish being pretty poor, she had to explain it to me. The Burger King had just celebrated its year anniversary, but instead of (misspellings ahead) complean\os, it just said compleanos. The difference being, the former means ‘happy year’ and the latter means ‘happy butthole’. I thought I was going to die right there. -El Spankboy * * * From Hell’s heart, I stab at thee- ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 1999, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272/80 "1999-12-27T22:56:00Z")
Written on condom machine: _Don’t buy this gum. It tastes like rubber._ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-graffito-ive-ever-seen/15272.md?page=5)