# The funniest (human) names you've come across **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 5, 2008, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224 "2008-09-05T19:28:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224/181 "2008-09-09T18:13:20Z")
> [@kaoswolf](#): > > also isnt there a thing in canada where the name register clerk can reject a name if its too stupid? There is in [New Zealand.](http://abcnews.go.com/WaterCooler/wireStory?id=5439648) ---
**Author:** ![CAT\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@CAT\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CAT_1)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224/182 "2008-09-09T18:16:32Z")
> [@wheresgeorge04](#): > > All my life, I’ve been living under the impression that former Providence, RI mayor [Buddy Cianci](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddy_Cianci) named his daughter “Nancy Ann.” But before I posted, I checked the Wikipedia site, which doesn’t mention it. A Google search brings up links saying that it was his wife, also not confirmed by the Wiki. Snopes was no help. Anyone know if it’s true? > > Joe Not sure if it helps but I did find [This.](http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/11.html) ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224/183 "2008-09-09T18:20:05Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > In my lifetime I have known at least five David Clarks. And no, they weren’t a [band](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Clark_Five). In my high school in rural Minnesota, there were multiple Dean Johnsons. So they had to be referred to including middle initial whenever paged. For one year, there were two Dean E. Johnsons, so they had to page either “Dean E Johnson, the sophomore” or “Dean E Johnson, the senior”. Not to be confused with Dave E Johnson, the junior. Or about a dozen other Johnsons in the school. And a fair number of Olsons, Swensons, etc. in this Scandinavian area. ---
**Author:** ![hellpaso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ecae2f/32.png) [@hellpaso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hellpaso)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224/184 "2008-09-09T18:20:11Z")
i have an ancestor whose first name was “buzzard”. i’ve run across a few “belchers”, “boozers”, “roaches”, and “glasscocks”. knew one guy who changed his last name from “dick” to “dixon”. and here in texas, you can’t forget “ima hogg” and “h. e. butt”, (founder of the h-e-b groceries and central markets. ---
**Author:** ![Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc79bd/32.png) [@Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amber_in_Treasury)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224/185 "2008-09-09T18:25:25Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > We also have a Mr Cecil Sucksmith …who changed his last name to Adams before applying for a job at a certain newspaper, right? ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224/186 "2008-09-09T18:31:04Z")
I collect students’ names from my colleagues and from my own rosters in college. Here are some: King Koc Bich Hung Wei Lo (this is my favorite) Dung Phuoc Phuoc Yu Wonderful Splendid Harris Twat Yur Majesty Boogie Precious Ruru Ruzzle Libertine So Hung How Wong Jigger Jonnifer Sherlock Ho Sin Li King Nip Bunly Yuk InHee Her (imagine the possibilities) Burgundy Bridges Mignon ---
**Author:** ![Catsmeow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Catsmeow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catsmeow)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224/187 "2008-09-09T18:52:29Z")
I’ve worked with both a Dr Payne and a Dr Ache (ah kee). Figured they should have gone into practice together. Also have seen Green Lipps Red Bush Stirling Silver Cindy Rellie Cinderella and her daughter Snow White Harley Jean Davidson Jacquline Daniels Shannen Shannon Pam Hamm My band director was Mr Mann and my HS librarian was Mrs Lady My cousin is named Snow, her daughter is Snow Baby and I’m told that Snow Baby is pregnant…if it’s a girl, she’ll most likely be called Snow III I know where the Oranjello and Lemonjello “myth” started, but because of patient confidentiality laws, I can’t prove it. (Much to my eternal frustration!!!) (and yes, I’m sure I’ll get called on this one. Don’t care. I’ve seen the Driver’s licenses. _G_) Kae ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224/188 "2008-09-09T19:09:59Z")
> [@Rascal\_s\_Mom](#): > > It might be just me, but this makes no sense to me. Proper punctuation and use of the shift key would help. It’s not real clear, but I think I got it. Let’s say his name is Jackson Smith. Hers is Mary Jackson. So if she were to use a possesive form as a user name here, she’d be Jackson’s Jackson. I think. Kinda like that joke, if Olivia Newton John were to marry Elton John, she’d be Olivia Newton John-John. I think it works better if the woman’s first name is the same as the guy’s last name. Like if his name was John Nancy, and her name was Nancy Smith, and they married, she’d be Nancy Nancy. Or something. * * * I forgot, I know a Shannon Bannon - which is her married name. ---
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224/189 "2008-09-09T19:51:50Z")
I had a friend named Robert Roberts. He had seven older brothers, and always defended his parents by saying they ran out of names. But, the brothers had very common names like Joe, Bill, Tom… I think it was just a lack of imagination. My mom had a friend with the last name of Pickleheimer. We knew a family of O’Dears ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224/190 "2008-09-09T20:35:22Z")
[Quote=LightWithoutHeattttttttttttttt] Jennifer Restems (large breasted girl, of course) [/Quote] > [@Scarlett67](#): > > I’m not getting this one. “Jenny Res-” = Generous? But what are “tems”? (Hey, I’ve been up since 4 am, gimme a break.) Maybe it would help if you parsed it as “generous **s** tems”. Not that “stems” is a synonym for “breasts” as far as I know, but… [Quote=kaoswolf] oh an my GF’s name is [her 1st name] [my 1st name]s eg using my screen name her surname would be “kaoswolfs” its like destiny or sumthin [/quote] [Quote=Rascal’s Mom] It might be just me, but this makes no sense to me. Proper punctuation and use of the shift key would help. [/Quote] If her name is Amy Roberts, his first name is Robert. [Quote=Finally] Getting into the game a little late but I once had a client whose name was Rotunda. Rotunda??? [/Quote] The “golden girl” of the 1984 USA Olympic gymnastics team would have been known as [Mary Lou Rotunda](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Lou_Retton#Personal_life) had none of her ancestors been gifted with the foresight to change the family surname. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224/191 "2008-09-10T01:23:51Z")
My all-time classic: Roosevelt Cabbagestalk. Mr. C appears only on a few lists of “Funny Real Names” on the web, but IIRC from some sites now vanished, he is now deceased and lived in the Detroit area. At one point I was going to name a rhythm & blues band **Roosevelt Cabbagestalk and the Hydrocephalic Presbyterians** , until I realized that I had no rhythm & blues band, nor any gigs for one. Also, far be it from me to offend hydrocephalics, Presbyterians, hydrocephalic Presbyterians, or anyone else who might be named Roosevelt Cabbagestalk. Still. What a name. ---
**Author:** ![JustThinkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f0a364/32.png) [@JustThinkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustThinkin)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224/192 "2008-09-10T01:23:59Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > I almost forgot – I really honest-to-god truly went to school with a Jack Knoff. And The k is not silent. I have a very vivid memory of hearing his name announced over the PA, and vaguely understanding it was something dirty but too young to really get it. We had a family joke about a friend or acquintance of my parents who was named Jack Knoff. The story was around for so long that I thought it might be an urban (rural?) legend. This would have been in Idaho in the 40s, though. Sad to think there might have been two. My mom has a cousin named Theda Butt, poor woman. (Tame compared to some of your doozies.) ---
**Author:** ![auRa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c4cdca/32.png) [@auRa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auRa)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224/193 "2008-09-10T01:52:39Z")
> [@LifeOnWry](#): > > It’s not real clear, but I think I got it. > > Let’s say his name is Jackson Smith. > Hers is Mary Jackson. > > So if she were to use a possesive form as a user name here, she’d be Jackson’s Jackson. > > I think. I read it as his name is, say, Carl, and her name is Mary Carls. Or if he were Jim, she would be Mary Jims. Which, if you add the apostrophe, indicates the possessive. So she is Mary, and she is Jim’s. ---
**Author:** ![Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/face_intentionally_left_blank/32/288_2.png) [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Face_Intentionally_Left_Blank)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224/194 "2008-09-10T03:45:55Z")
At LAST! (Stands up, walks to filing cabinet, removes battered, creased piece of notebook paper) I KNEW this day would come! I used to work at a call center for a major cell phone company. I have quite a few, but here are my favorites. I’ll omit the foreign names I have, as most are just odd or silly sounding, and don’t measure up to the ones posted before me. Mike Hammer Virginia Hamm Huck Finn Robin Masters (as in the Magnum, PI novelist/estate owner) Sean Francisco Magazine Punch A couple of unfortunate surnames: Janis Lint Lisa Slutz Nice combo of middle initial and surname. Brian F. Her I didn’t run into a Joe Coffey, but I did talk to a Joe Booze. I smiled fairly broadly when I helped Karl Marx Freund. “Freund” is German for friend. I don’t know if it makes it funnier, but it doesn’t make it less odd. When I worked at a bank, my boss and I were looking thru an email list, and saw the name Baby Girl (surname). He said he saw “Caraway Seed” one time, but I didn’t see it myself. One of the reps I sat next to was named, Omega Renee (surname). She went by Renee, sensibly enough, but fessed up to Omega when she saw the list I was making. I rather thought her to be a very good sport because of that. She said her older sister’s first name was Alpha. I can’t vouch for Alpha, but I saw Omega’s drivers license. 😃 And my all-time favorite customer name was Nippy Toes Jackson. I think Nippy Toes was his full first name, rather than first-middle. Bear in mind that these were contract customers, and needed to pass a credit check with these names, so they were real enough. I did work on prepaid occasionally, and had an irate customer who claimed his name was “Anger Fuck”, so that was the name I put on his acct when I activated it. I don’t think it was his real name, but it would’ve gone a long way towards explaining his attitude. ---
**Author:** ![Toxylon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f05b48/32.png) [@Toxylon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxylon)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224/195 "2008-09-10T07:51:56Z")
An obituary I recently saw, of a woman named Lempi Patja, which translates accurately to Favorite Mattress (or even Lust Mattress, in slightly arcane Finnish). What were her parents thinking? ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224/196 "2008-09-10T13:05:21Z")
I know of a Dick Wunderlich. My sister worked at a call center and heard a coworker ask for the Pukers of Amarillo, TX. There was a Sandy Butt at my high school. I worked with a guy named Hung. He changed it legally to Alex. My paternal grandfathers first and middle names are Forney Hybritt. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224/197 "2008-09-10T16:37:43Z")
> [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](#): > > And my all-time favorite customer name was Nippy Toes Jackson. I think Nippy Toes was his full first name, rather than first-middle. Was he from Liberia? If so, he’s mentioned [here](http://www.aberdeenmethodist.info/Reichsermons/injustice.htm) (about halfway down the page, with a singular Toe). ---
**Author:** ![N.Sane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f19dbf/32.png) [@N.Sane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N.Sane)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224/198 "2008-09-10T20:34:09Z")
When I was in elementary school, I knew a guy named Dusty Rhodes. And I worked once with someone whose first and middle names were Clytemnestra Lysistrata. At work I’ve seen La’Treena, Rotunda, and Charnel. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![pohjonen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pohjonen/32/423_2.png) [@pohjonen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pohjonen)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224/199 "2008-09-10T23:17:17Z")
I went to school with a girl named Sandy Lane, and also an unfortunate boy named Richard Nibler. Also many moons ago there was a dentist in Pomona California named Dr. Toothacher. More recently, we have actually printed business cards here at work for Dorcas Moo and Parlie Gates. Not a real one, but there ought to be a gynecologist named Buster Hyman and a geneticist named Imogene Splicer and a urologist named Peter Leaky. ---
**Author:** ![pohjonen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pohjonen/32/423_2.png) [@pohjonen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pohjonen)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224/200 "2008-09-10T23:32:29Z")
I tried unsuccessfully to get my niece whose last name was Van to name her daughter Minnie, Cara or Lisa. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-funniest-human-names-youve-come-across/462224.md?page=11)