# The Gay "Lifestyle" **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [April 25, 2002, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gay-lifestyle/105552 "2002-04-25T16:11:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gay-lifestyle/105552/1 "2002-04-25T16:11:29Z")
First things first: ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gay-lifestyle/105552/2 "2002-04-25T16:15:00Z")
First things first: Include an actual statement of fact or opinion. ( duck goes off to find a chair) ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gay-lifestyle/105552/3 "2002-04-25T16:15:25Z")
well? ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gay-lifestyle/105552/4 "2002-04-25T16:18:32Z")
Yeah, and? - s.e. ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gay-lifestyle/105552/5 "2002-04-25T16:19:56Z")
OK - maybe first things second… (strange finger-stutter problem) 1. This is going to be full of generalizations. 2. I’m not trying to make a morality thing here… Here goes… My spouse and I have an occaisional disagreement. She, having had two gay roommates for a while, claims that there’s a whole “gay lifestyle” that includes frequent partying, promiscuous semi-anonymous sex, etc. My thought is that this is probably media hype. Then the back of my brain says _“However”_… When I get together with friends, we don’t do “hetersexual” things. When my gay coworker throws a party it’s the “Naked Cocktail Party”. When I see a regular parade, it’s a bunch of people in marching in straight lines. When it’s the gay pride parade, it’s gold lame, cross-dressing, hip-gyrating action. There seems to be more to being gay that just preferring omebody with matching plumbing - there’s this whole cultural thing that seems to celebrate excess. So - what’s the story, is the “gay lifestyle” real or media. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gay-lifestyle/105552/6 "2002-04-25T16:20:02Z")
First things first is actually a good motto for all lifestyles. The homosexuals usually just say it in a wittier manner. J ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gay-lifestyle/105552/7 "2002-04-25T16:32:43Z")
I had a gay roommate in college, and he instituted a lot less naked parties than my straight friends did. closest he came ot joining the “gay lifestyle,” as near as I saw, was that he worked for a local gay/lesbian newspaper. Hell, my straight friends and I went to more gay clubs than he did. Is there a subculture every bit as identifiable as, say, Star Trek subculture that’s made up primarily of gay men? I’m pretty sure there is. Are all gay men part of it? Of course not. Did your wife room with members of this subculture? Sounds like it. I remember when my first girlfriend went lesbian. She cut her hair really short in back, stopped wearing skirts, and did a couple of the other dyke-culture things. Do all lesbians? Of course not. But people often look for a subculture to join, and if you’re gay or lesbian, that’s definitely one of the options. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gay-lifestyle/105552/8 "2002-04-25T16:41:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Belrix \* > > 1. This is going to be full of generalizations. > 2. I’m not trying to make a morality thing here… You forgot 3. Hi, Opal! > [@](#): > > My spouse and I have an occaisional disagreement. She, having had two gay roommates for a while, claims that there’s a whole “gay lifestyle” that includes frequent partying, promiscuous semi-anonymous sex, etc. Yes, it includes those things, and many more, including a rich history going back thousands of years (maybe even more). > [@](#): > > When I see a regular parade, it’s a bunch of people in marching in straight lines. When it’s the gay pride parade, it’s gold lame, cross-dressing, hip-gyrating action. We’re not trying to prove we’re “like everyone else” at Pride parades. We’re having a celebration of the diversity that exists within our commuity. > [@](#): > > So - what’s the story, is the “gay lifestyle” real or media. Real, baby. As the song goes, “Got to be real!” - s.e. ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gay-lifestyle/105552/9 "2002-04-25T17:07:55Z")
Someday I’m going to have to learn to type, or spellcheck: hetersexual==heter **o** sexual omebody== **s** omebody lame==lam **é** I’m sitting here in a state that recently debated a law that would forbid same-sex couples on birth certificates (it lost, although gay marriage is forbidden). Rosie is on CNN saying that gay adoption is no different that straight adoption. Dateline had a story on gay foster parents forbidden to adopt the children they love. The straight folks - especially the conservative straight folks - look at the “gay lifestyle” and say that that would be a bad environment for kids. It’d be the same judgement call that would say that placing kids with Hugh Hefner or with junkies would be a bad environment. So when the local news shows coverage of the gay pride parade the straights point and say “See! Look at that! There’s more to this gay life stuff than just sexual preference!” The pride parade is fuel for their arguments. I guess I’m just trying to see how much they’re right. _…and in a grammar note, when do I capitalize “gay”._ ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gay-lifestyle/105552/10 "2002-04-25T17:22:23Z")
You know, I know some heterosexual couples that are “swingers.” Know some straight people into S&M. Know straight people who playact during sex. I’ve been at straight parties where clothing was removed. Know straight people who do drugs and drink too much and party too much. Know a couple of straight guys who can’t make a committment, because they think casual sex is still too much fun. Maybe, we should be pointing at those folks and saying that a straight home is no place to raise kids. Are there gay people who do these things, too? Who knew!, guess I have more in common with them than I thought! (And I’m an adoptive mom). Parties interested in gay adoption should read Dan Savage’s book “The Kid.” I think he points out that straight couples that engate in kinky either stop or hide it from the kids when they become parents, too. Its the choice good parents - straight or gay - make. ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gay-lifestyle/105552/11 "2002-04-25T17:23:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Belrix \* > The straight folks - especially the conservative straight folks - look at the “gay lifestyle” and say that that would be a bad environment for kids. It’d be the same judgement call that would say that placing kids with Hugh Hefner or with junkies would be a bad environment. Well, IMHO, the type of gay/les couple that would adopt a child probably aren’t ones to go out clubbing & sleeping around & cruising the baths. I may very well adopt one day (or conceive with a surrogate) when I’m settled down, responsible, and in a long-term relationship. But for the time being, I still have some wild oats to sow, debt to get out of, and so on. Just like anyone else, gay or straight. > [@](#): > > So when the local news shows coverage of the gay pride parade the straights point and say “See! Look at that! There’s more to this gay life stuff than just sexual preference!” The pride parade is fuel for their arguments. It’s the media’s fault, not ours. Like I said, it’s _our_ celebration, for _us_. We’re not trying to prove a point. About ten years ago, the organizers of the (then-small) Montreal Pride parade tried to ban drag queens and kissing, so as to “prove a point” to str8 people that we’re “just like them.” Well, we’re not. Period. > [@](#): > > _…and in a grammar note, when do I capitalize “gay”._ Don’t capitalize gay or lesbian. The jury’s still out on “queer,” though. Cheers. - s.e. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gay-lifestyle/105552/12 "2002-04-25T17:32:16Z")
Between this and the “Queerdope” thread, my head is spinning. I can’t wait to see how it plays out. j ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gay-lifestyle/105552/13 "2002-04-25T17:47:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*Between this and the “Queerdope” thread, my head is spinning. I can’t wait to see how it plays out. > > j \*\* Just wait till **matt\_mcl** gets his little hands on this thread. 😉 - s.e. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gay-lifestyle/105552/14 "2002-04-25T17:51:05Z")
believe me, I’m anxious to see it, and how the OP is treated. ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gay-lifestyle/105552/15 "2002-04-25T17:55:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by scott evil \* > \*\* > > It’s the media’s fault, not ours. Like I said, it’s _our_ celebration, for _us_. \*\* Now this I don’t buy. You _hold_ a parade so that somebody else can _watch_ a parade. It’s like a theater presentation. If the curtain opened, and there was no audience the actors would look at each other, shrug, and go home. The audience is part of the presentation. The gay pride parade is intended as a statement, both to straights and gays. ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gay-lifestyle/105552/16 "2002-04-25T18:07:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Belrix \* > \*\*Now this I don’t buy. You _hold_ a parade so that somebody else can _watch_ a parade. > > It’s like a theater presentation. If the curtain opened, and there was no audience the actors would look at each other, shrug, and go home. The audience is part of the presentation. > > The gay pride parade is intended as a statement, both to straights and gays. \*\* I’ll let **matt\_mcl** or someone capable of more acidic vitriol deal with this one. - s.e. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gay-lifestyle/105552/17 "2002-04-25T18:20:00Z")
Actually, I’m with Belrix on the parade thing. It’s a public event in a public location; surely the public is invited? And surely the public isn’t all gay. Saying “it’s our celebration, for us” seems disingenuous to me. If that’s the case, why not hold it in someone’s backyard, or at a club? Why the mugging for the cameras? Why the slogan, “We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it”? Sure, folks go to gay pride parades for fun. Sure, they’re exciting spectacles. but part of the point of any parade is to have a public presence. ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gay-lifestyle/105552/18 "2002-04-25T18:30:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DanielWithrow \* > \*\*Sure, folks go to gay pride parades for fun. Sure, they’re exciting spectacles. but part of the point of any parade is to have a public presence. \*\* Yes, a **public** presence, as opposed to the days when you needed a password to get into a gay bar and still risk getting arrested if the cops decided to bust the place. Thank God for Stonewall. And BTW, the drag queens were among those rioting against the police **for all of us** , not the suburban vanilla republican “homosexual but not gay” weenies. - s.e. ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gay-lifestyle/105552/19 "2002-04-25T18:58:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by scott evil \* > **Yes, a public presence,** But the “gay lifestyle”, as shown on TV, seems to be more than just a statement of existence and a desire of acceptance. Again - this may be a generalization - or a media image - but it seems to be an advertisement. Its not just saying “I’m gay.” It’s saying “I’M GAY! DO YOU HERE ME? GAY! GAY! **GAY!** ” I want to say “OK, I get it, get out of my face, already.” It seems that when a party is held, it must be a _gay_ party, a costume party, a sex-themed party, etc. If you hang art on the wall, it has to be _gay_ art. Don’t gay folks just get together, each Chex mix, drink a beer and watch the game? According to Philadelphia, The Birdcage, and nearly every other mainstream portrayal of gay life, nearly every choice that is made by a gay person is a _gay_ choice. My original intent was not to disrespect gay people with this thread. It was intended to find out to what degree this portrayal is true. ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gay-lifestyle/105552/20 "2002-04-25T19:05:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Belrix \* > But the “gay lifestyle”, as shown on TV, seems to be more than just a statement of existence and a desire of acceptance. Yeah, there’s a lot of justified anger there, too. > [@](#): > > Its not just saying “I’m gay.” > > It’s saying “I’M GAY! DO YOU HERE ME? GAY! GAY! **GAY!** ” Because some people need it rammed into their tiny little heads. > [@](#): > > I want to say “OK, I get it, get out of my face, already.” It’s fine for you to say you “get it” (though I have a feeling you don’t, really, or else you wouldn’t have written the OP), but I don’t like being told to get out of someone’s face because of who I am. Sorry. > [@](#): > > It seems that when a party is held, it must be a _gay_ party, a costume party, a sex-themed party, etc. If you hang art on the wall, it has to be _gay_ art. It’s because we have a unique culture and we like taking the opportunity to enjoy and support it. > [@](#): > > Don’t gay folks just get together, each Chex mix, drink a beer and watch the game? Sure, why not? But does that make me a disgrace to those people because I don’t care for sports? (Though I like beer…) > [@](#): > > My original intent was not to disrespect gay people with this thread. It was intended to find out to what degree this portrayal is true. To what degree? It varies. Hence the idea of diversity within the community as opposed to homogeneity. - s.e. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gay-lifestyle/105552.md?page=2)