# The goofy insult thread. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 21, 2000, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goofy-insult-thread/30154 "2000-08-21T14:09:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![daval12](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/838e76/32.png) [@daval12](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/daval12)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goofy-insult-thread/30154/41 "2000-08-22T01:18:29Z")
You bunch of wisenheimers! (did I spell that right?) ---
**Author:** ![Kvallulf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Kvallulf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kvallulf)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goofy-insult-thread/30154/42 "2000-08-22T01:24:49Z")
Poopie Pants!!! Stink butt!!! Diaper Head!!! Fart Face!!! ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goofy-insult-thread/30154/43 "2000-08-22T01:31:27Z")
If you guys like this thread so much then why don’t you marry it? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goofy-insult-thread/30154/44 "2000-08-22T02:16:03Z")
May you stumble through life as a blind horse in a dark ditch at midnight. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goofy-insult-thread/30154/45 "2000-08-22T03:24:56Z")
Yes well. It’s this sort of blinked Phillistine pig ignorance that I’ve come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You whining hypocritical toadies sit all day on your loathesome spotty behinds squeezing blackheads, not giving a tinkers cuss for the struggling artist. You excrement! You and your color television sets and Tony Jaquelyne golf clubs and bleeding secret Masonic handshakes, why, I wouln’t become a Freemason now if you got down on your lousy stinking knees and begged me… (John Cleese as the frustrated architect in part of the Spanish Inquisition episode.) Also: Dumber than a sackful of hammers. Dumb as a box of rocks. A couple tacos short of a fiesta. If you had dangerous you’d be brains. The elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top. All the vigor of old age and all the wisdom of youth. And my personal favorites: Pound sand up it… Yeah, well you can shove it, with walnuts… (Homer Simpson) Someone shot the dots off his dice. (The best) ---
**Author:** ![jcarbon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d78d45/32.png) [@jcarbon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jcarbon)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goofy-insult-thread/30154/46 "2000-08-22T03:31:35Z")
From a Bronx Tale; “He’s so fat, rumor has it, his shadow once killed a dog”. Personal favs; “You dazed faced dome headed monkey” and “Fishcake” ---
**Author:** ![Achernar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e274bd/32.png) [@Achernar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Achernar)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goofy-insult-thread/30154/47 "2000-08-22T07:34:29Z")
“_You_ are a complete and total… a complete and total… A word has yet to be invented to describe what you are, but you are one, and a _complete_ and _total_ one at that!” - Arnold Rimmer ---
**Author:** ![papertiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce73a5/32.png) [@papertiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/papertiger)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goofy-insult-thread/30154/48 "2000-08-22T11:52:43Z")
Bizzarely a kid once came up to me and said “Yer maw’s a DJ!”!? (Scottish for; your maternal parent is a disc-jockey). Anyway I like: You’re a right nippy sweetie. Tumshie-face. You talk one load of poodles, man. If I want any sh\*t from you, i’ll squeeze your head! You’re a bad man/lady. (must be said in infantile voice to be effective) Peni-badildo-brain. Here you, flaberdingus-muftleberry dangle-eye-Joe!!!(?) You’re a silly monkey. You’re a beach ball on legs. ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goofy-insult-thread/30154/49 "2000-08-23T01:21:22Z")
TURD BURGLAR!!! ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goofy-insult-thread/30154/50 "2000-08-23T01:30:40Z")
Did you MEAN to hit every branch when you fell out of the ugly tree, or didja just get lucky? You’re not the sharpest pencil in the box Not the brightest crayon in the pack You’re a few bagels short of a dozen You’re a few gnomes short of an underground utopia (don’t look at me, that was my friend’s). But my all time favorite… Definitely not the smartest bulb on the tree, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goofy-insult-thread/30154/51 "2000-08-23T04:23:43Z")
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Not the sharpest tool in the shed. Not all his dogs are barking. (Fave) And Jester, I believe it’s: Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. ---
**Author:** ![SqrlCub](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SqrlCub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SqrlCub)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goofy-insult-thread/30154/52 "2000-08-23T13:10:37Z")
Hehehe, these are funny. I particularly liked “Not all his dogs are barking.” That is an example of the style of insult that I wanted. Are you going to the movies? No? Then why are you picking your seat? HUGS! Sqrl ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goofy-insult-thread/30154/53 "2000-08-23T14:48:03Z")
My brother-in-law’s father has a habit, when he refers to someone thin, of saying: “He doesn’t have enough fat on his ass to fry his ears.” Not sure that’s an insult, really… ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2000, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goofy-insult-thread/30154/54 "2000-08-24T02:17:04Z")
“Not all his dogs are barking”, and “Someone shot the dots off his dice”, are two of my all time favorite insults. They are sufficiently oblique for anyone to get all bent out of shape and yet so skewering that they are delicious. Glad that you got these gems out of me. You can see how long it took for me dredge them up out of the crevices of my brain. And now for a few more: “Move his plate six inches and he’d starve.” “He’s so Southern, he’s related to himself.” “Takes his momma two hours to watch sixty minutes.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goofy-insult-thread/30154.md?page=2)