# The Goops **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 2, 2002, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goops/101367 "2002-04-02T11:20:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goops/101367/1 "2002-04-02T11:20:26Z")
Anybody else know who [The](http://www.thegoops.net/index.html) [Goops](http://www.library.utoronto.ca/utel/rp/poems/burgess8.html) are? They’ve always appealed to me. I’ve always liked the one about being on time. Especially the start “Goodness gracious sakes alive.” My mother also used certain poems to recite to us when we were naughty. Although I’ve never heard that second poem though. I still like it. Mmm? ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goops/101367/2 "2002-04-02T11:30:37Z")
This one’s my favorite. He’s so perfect. But he lied once or twice. Oh dear, oh my, a child lie? Heaven forbid. > [@](#): > > The Gentle CEPHAS tried his Best to Please his Friends with Merry Jest; > He tried to Help Them, when he Could, for CEPHAS, he was Very Good; > _And Yet – They Say he Used to Cry, and Once or Twice he Told a Lie!_ ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goops/101367/3 "2002-04-02T12:57:31Z")
The Goops, they lick their fingers The Goops, they lick their knives They spill their broth on the tablecloth Oh they lead _disgusting_ lives. From memory, after 30 years, yet! I used to love The Goops. Fenris ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goops/101367/4 "2002-04-02T12:59:03Z")
I just clicked on **Osiris** ’s link: there was a _second verse!_ Kewl! ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goops/101367/5 "2002-04-02T13:27:31Z")
Ahh, Gellett Burgess. He also gave us the infamous poem “The Purple Cow”, and added several odd words to the English Language. He was a big influence on Winsor McCay, and seems to have been the first person to illustrate that now-cliche, the Giant Monster Attacking a City while people stampede away. ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goops/101367/6 "2002-04-02T22:35:40Z")
So did they make you any more moral Fenris? I can honestly say the first one about being on time has always motivated me to indeed be on time. And as I kid I didn’t want to be called, of all things, a Goop! ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goops/101367/7 "2002-04-02T23:34:29Z")
Nah. Frankly I always thought the Goops were kinda cool. _I_ wanted to lead a disgusting life. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goops/101367/8 "2002-04-02T23:45:08Z")
To tell you the truth, the Goops - looking like bizarre deformed mutants - always creeped me out. I also _hated_ their moral messages. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goops/101367/9 "2002-04-03T00:38:50Z")
I too knew, while growing up, The exploits of THE GOOPS; Such tales would merit my mother’s tupp’ In steering me through my hoops. Gellett Burgess’ didactic verse Covers every conceivable error: Of soiled hands, and tantrums, and worse, Ever wielded by tyros of terror. And so THE GOOPS have now so schooled Five generations of would-be brats. But can we honestly say we’re ruled By Burgess’s graduates? IS IT PROPER, one could ask, To parade like Andersen’s emperor? As if for Oscar glory one should bask In finery that’s, um, “caveat emptor”? And IS IT PROPER, one could query, Of one’s moral failings (or plain bad luck), To reveal it all on national T.V., As if the millions gave a f—? 😃 And IS IT SPORTING, they cry throughout the land, When vying in athletic competition, To cheat one’s way to the medal stand, Or win through a judge’s corrupt decision? And IS IT MORAL, one could sigh, To drum up millions for one’s own coffers, In the Name of He Who Liveth On High, Or for a much-hyped Initial Public Offer? And IS IT FITTING, one could ask with yearning, To manipulate the market? To lay off workers or falsify earnings To meet a quarterly target? And IS IT JUSTICE, one might shout, To view the world in ME’s and YOU’s, And to muster all the angry MEs’ clout And shroud the day with war-like news? I’m afraid to spoil Burgess’ mirth, But the children should be told That the meek (and polite) don’t own this earth. But who would be so bold? ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-goops/101367/10 "2002-04-03T03:09:59Z")
Hmmm, I’m not sure if that’s a sign of brilliance of having too much time on your hands **Scrivener**. But I like it.