# The GOP's worst nightmare: Democratic platform spoof **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [May 23, 2012, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gops-worst-nightmare-democratic-platform-spoof/622870 "2012-05-23T20:16:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BigAppleBucky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigapplebucky/32/178_2.png) [@BigAppleBucky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigAppleBucky)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2012, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gops-worst-nightmare-democratic-platform-spoof/622870/21 "2012-05-24T02:08:25Z")
1. No federal funds shall be used to support the manufacture of weapons of any kind including firearms, artillary, naval ships, fighting aircraft, missles, and any and all weapons of mass destruction. ---
**Author:** ![gamerunknown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6bbea6/32.png) [@gamerunknown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gamerunknown)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2012, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gops-worst-nightmare-democratic-platform-spoof/622870/22 "2012-05-24T07:18:03Z")
1. We’ll support SOPA/CISPA/PIPA just so we can keep an eye on people’s “good news” emails. We are actually in support of piracy and wikileaks, but don’t let Hollywood know. 2. Turns out that on signing up to the UN, there was a little clause stating that refusing to ratify a treaty with support from 90% of other countries is grounds for ejection from the security council, removal of veto and post hoc overriding of all previous vetoes. Secession from the UN obligates every other member state to declare war on the country removing itself. 3. As one door closes, other doors open. Close all the prisons (turn Wall Street into a federal penitentiary) and re-open Tupac’s murder case. ---
**Author:** ![lawoot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/35a633/32.png) [@lawoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lawoot)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2012, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gops-worst-nightmare-democratic-platform-spoof/622870/23 "2012-05-24T07:35:19Z")
> [@gamerunknown](#): > > 1. The edit window will be reduced to three seconds. Your own damn fault for not previewing the post. > > \*Last edited by gamerunknown; Yesterday at 02:54 PM. \* Wonderful juxtaposition there… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![gamerunknown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6bbea6/32.png) [@gamerunknown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gamerunknown)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2012, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gops-worst-nightmare-democratic-platform-spoof/622870/24 "2012-05-24T09:32:25Z")
1. In concordance with our support for legitimate reprisals, all foreign nations are entitled to one limb of any US citizen they come across. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2012, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gops-worst-nightmare-democratic-platform-spoof/622870/25 "2012-05-24T11:23:47Z")
1. All AM radio stations will exclusively play NPR programming. ---
**Author:** ![rockle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@rockle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rockle)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2012, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gops-worst-nightmare-democratic-platform-spoof/622870/26 "2012-05-24T12:10:15Z")
1. NASCAR regulations shall be amended to require that all vehicles must be hybrids, and their speed cannot exceed 42 mph. 2. Tony Stewart is hereby declared to be Public Enemy No. 1. ---
**Author:** ![willthekittensurvive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/91b2a8/32.png) [@willthekittensurvive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/willthekittensurvive)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2012, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gops-worst-nightmare-democratic-platform-spoof/622870/27 "2012-05-24T13:51:27Z")
90)the N.R.A will become a subdivison of N.A.M.B.L.A. who now will represent the interests of both parties ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2012, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gops-worst-nightmare-democratic-platform-spoof/622870/28 "2012-05-24T14:00:04Z")
1. The top priority of the State Department will be the restoration of communism in Eastern Europe and the former Soviet Union. ---
**Author:** ![Yumblie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/76d3ee/32.png) [@Yumblie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yumblie)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2012, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gops-worst-nightmare-democratic-platform-spoof/622870/29 "2012-05-24T17:34:42Z")
1. Illegal immigrants must be hired for any job they apply for, no questions asked. Also, they are to receive more benefits and higher pay than those legally employed. 2. War will be declared on Christmas. Secret police will search every person’s home for any kind of nativity display and destroy it. Any Christians who pray or put on any public religious display will be rounded up into camps and detained indefinitely. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2012, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gops-worst-nightmare-democratic-platform-spoof/622870/30 "2012-05-24T18:28:55Z")
1. A Fairness in Faith doctrine will be applied to all churches. Any Christian services will be required by law to allow a Muslim, Wiccan, Satanist, or atheist an opportunity to present an opposing viewpoint to any Christian message given. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2012, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gops-worst-nightmare-democratic-platform-spoof/622870/31 "2012-05-24T18:43:01Z")
1. The FCC will require NBC to bring back _The West Wing_ as a condition of its 2014 broadcast license renewal and to place it in a favorable time slot with a strong lead-in. The FCC suggests those singing shows seem to be popular and inquires if NBC has one of those. 2. In the spirit of governmental non-interference, the FCC will allow the network to decide if it will continue the series under the traditional “Jed Bartlett” administration, the new “Matt Santos” administration, or an as-yet-unnamed new administration. But the network will be warned not to try to slip in any Arnie Vinnick nonsense. ---
**Author:** ![Baal\_Houtham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baal_houtham/32/13604_2.png) [@Baal\_Houtham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baal_Houtham)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2012, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gops-worst-nightmare-democratic-platform-spoof/622870/32 "2012-05-25T17:39:20Z")
I’ve always liked this solution (from the old National Lampoon) to the persist problem of racial inequality: Integrate families! ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2012, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gops-worst-nightmare-democratic-platform-spoof/622870/33 "2012-05-28T22:34:38Z")
1. Maximum established salaries for CEOs at no more than five times the way of the lowest worker in the firm. 2. All utilities to be nationalized. 3. Mandatory multi-cultural sensitivity training for all U.S. citizens to earn the right to vote. ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2012, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gops-worst-nightmare-democratic-platform-spoof/622870/34 "2012-05-29T00:37:55Z")
1. The Anthem of the United States shall be the “Internationale” 2. Darwinian evolution shall be mandatory teaching in the public schools and all who refuse to subscribe to it by oath or affirmation shall summarily fail the class 3. It shall forbidden to teach the social impllications of Darwinian evolution ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2012, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gops-worst-nightmare-democratic-platform-spoof/622870/35 "2012-05-29T00:38:43Z")
1. All citizens will still be required to rise for the playing of the national anthem, but only if you’re really centered, and your chakras aren’t too red. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-gops-worst-nightmare-democratic-platform-spoof/622870.md?page=1)