# The Great Beat The Fuck Out Of Each Other Thread

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-beat-the-fuck-out-of-each-other-thread/52592>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [January 31, 2001, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-beat-the-fuck-out-of-each-other-thread/52592 "2001-01-31T18:57:45Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\
**Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-beat-the-fuck-out-of-each-other-thread/52592/21 "2001-01-31T23:40:34Z")

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\<------Jamming Quaker Oats guy kind of flat brim hat on head, curling up in corner in pool of beer and very cheap vodka, rocking compulsively and trying to keep the bodily fluids that are spattering everywhere out of my eyes…

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**Author:** ![Upham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Upham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Upham)\
**Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-beat-the-fuck-out-of-each-other-thread/52592/22 "2001-01-31T23:44:41Z")

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Stabs folks who got mad at him over the “killing” thread in the eye 13 times with a jagged broken shooter glass

**HOW DARE YOU PEOPLE CALL ME VIOLENT**

Where the fuck’s Pharm Boy? i feel the need to rip someoen’s spine out

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**Author:** ![Kricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f14d63/32.png) [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)\
**Post date:** [February 1, 2001, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-beat-the-fuck-out-of-each-other-thread/52592/23 "2001-02-01T00:56:28Z")

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See, being a dominatrix is good for something…I carry my own whips and chains.  
But, Matt you scare me. I bet you could deliver one hell of a bitch slap.

Now, stop breaking all the full bottles of liquor before someone breaks something other than the cheap stuff!  
Don’t make me use this whip!

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**Author:** ![Danielinthewolvesden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Danielinthewolvesden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danielinthewolvesden)\
**Post date:** [February 1, 2001, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-beat-the-fuck-out-of-each-other-thread/52592/24 "2001-02-01T01:33:44Z")

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It is just like you folks to bring your fists & toy weapons to a sword fight. 28" of damascus steel- who wants it?

Umm, kricket- are you in full leather? \<drool\>  
However, i don’t want to fight with anyone i am really angry with- remember my motto= “You don’t FIGHT with pissants, you just step on 'em”. 😃

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**Author:** ![deb2world](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@deb2world](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deb2world)\
**Post date:** [February 1, 2001, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-beat-the-fuck-out-of-each-other-thread/52592/25 "2001-02-01T01:43:22Z")

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Since I might get up the energy to be offended next week from a post, it is better that I get in my slugs in before that. Therefore I :: rolleyes :: at all 12,528 of you low down rotten slinky organic field matter.

😃

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**Author:** ![Kricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f14d63/32.png) [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)\
**Post date:** [February 1, 2001, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-beat-the-fuck-out-of-each-other-thread/52592/26 "2001-02-01T02:12:38Z")

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Damn, I really need to get some leather! It could be a great distraction obviously.  
Okay, I’ll be right back…

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**Author:** ![DarkJudicator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@DarkJudicator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkJudicator)\
**Post date:** [February 6, 2001, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-beat-the-fuck-out-of-each-other-thread/52592/27 "2001-02-06T17:33:32Z")

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Screw all those nice, friendly “Welcome the newbie!” threads. No, this first-time Doper is choosing to start his posting career right here, in the biggest brawl thread in the Pit. But, I am a StraightDope virgin, so be gentle with me…

\<waits until everyone is lulled into a false sense of security…\>

BANZAIIIIIIIIIIII!!!

… damn, where’s **peace** when I need him?

\<runs, jumps off a bar stool, springboards off the Love Tester in the corner of the bar and nails **Ogre** with a cross body block. rolls to his feet, sits at the bar and briefly jokes with **Upham** about the drek Americans laughingly call beer, then ducks a thrown bottle and jumps back into the fray.\>

\<slides over the hood of **racerx** ’s awesomely cool Shooting Star, and engages in a staredown with **Danielinthewolvesden** … until being clocked over the head with a chair by **Anthracite** \>

\<slowly collapses to the floor, gurgling.\>

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**Author:** ![Just\_A\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@Just\_A\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_A_Girl)\
**Post date:** [February 6, 2001, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-beat-the-fuck-out-of-each-other-thread/52592/28 "2001-02-06T21:05:23Z")

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_Just A Girl walks into the bar_

_Sees everyone is too busy fighting to notice her_

_Saunters up to bar and casually swipes an unopened bottle of Tequila from behind the counter_

_Looks around briefly to see if anyone noticed the 17-year-old swiping alcohol_

Nope!

_runs out, dodging slying bottles_

(I haven’t been here long enough to have any enemies so, I’ll be on my way…)

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**Author:** ![Just\_A\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@Just\_A\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_A_Girl)\
**Post date:** [February 6, 2001, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-beat-the-fuck-out-of-each-other-thread/52592/29 "2001-02-06T21:07:58Z")

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More likely than not, those bottles would be flying instead of slying…

The one time I get lazy and choose not to preview…

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**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\
**Post date:** [February 6, 2001, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-beat-the-fuck-out-of-each-other-thread/52592/30 "2001-02-06T22:43:10Z")

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Upham, are you planning some sort of [Straight Dope Bar Fight](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=33020)?

'Cause that’s been done, ya know. 😉

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**Author:** ![Upham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Upham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Upham)\
**Post date:** [February 7, 2001, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-beat-the-fuck-out-of-each-other-thread/52592/31 "2001-02-07T01:59:20Z")

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:::smashes a bottle over **Coldfire** ’s head:::::

That’s what you get for doing a search!

:::knees him in the groin:::::

and THAT’S for coming in here with out hitting anyone!

(honestly, i didn’t know it’d been done, but what the fuck, you can NEVER have too much mindless bottle smashing)

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**Author:** ![inor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@inor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inor)\
**Post date:** [February 7, 2001, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-beat-the-fuck-out-of-each-other-thread/52592/32 "2001-02-07T01:59:51Z")

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:inor LEAPS through the door(well, ok, he kinda hops/stumbles), strikes a magnificent pose wherein he has one greased little lock sticking up, yet kinda dangly from his forehead. He folds one arm across his chest, makes a fist with that hand, flexes his legs, thrusts his pelvis forward and hold the other arm behind him at an angle and yells in a thunderous, magnificent, stentorian singing voice- ‘Here Iyam to save the dayyyyyyyyyaughcough hack couOWW OWW OWW OUCH THAT HURT HEY THAT HUR OWW OWW OOO HAY, CMON, KNOCK IT OFF, THAT HURTS OWWWWW! HEY GUYS, I DON’T WANT ANY PROBLEMS WI OWWW! C’MON, HEY, I GOT ASTHMA, OWW OOOCH…’  
and so on, fading, as he rolls into the street…

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**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\
**Post date:** [February 7, 2001, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-beat-the-fuck-out-of-each-other-thread/52592/33 "2001-02-07T02:57:59Z")

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_Runs in, jumps on Ogre, and gives him an atomic wedgie_(

Fucking pit lurker! You sit there, reading the threads, smirking at how irrelevant we all are. BITE ME.

_Removes bra and uses it like a giant rubber band to thwack Upham’s head_

That’s for taking Uncle Beer’s side, prick.

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**Author:** ![strawberriesandcream](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@strawberriesandcream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/strawberriesandcream)\
**Post date:** [February 7, 2001, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-beat-the-fuck-out-of-each-other-thread/52592/34 "2001-02-07T03:32:10Z")

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Why can’t you beat someone with a fork instead of a rusty spoon…

It would be much more effective… spoons are dumb

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**Author:** ![strawberriesandcream](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@strawberriesandcream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/strawberriesandcream)\
**Post date:** [February 7, 2001, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-beat-the-fuck-out-of-each-other-thread/52592/35 "2001-02-07T03:40:30Z")

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Why can’t you beat someone with a fork instead of a rusty spoon…

It would be much more effective… spoons are dumb

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**Author:** ![Pucette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/278dde/32.png) [@Pucette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pucette)\
**Post date:** [February 8, 2001, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-beat-the-fuck-out-of-each-other-thread/52592/36 "2001-02-08T20:57:42Z")

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_Pucette strolls in, crunches on broken glass, and jumps into action. She grabs the nearest person, Ogre, by the hair (hoping he has enough to grab) and starts whapping him._

“Threadkiller!”

_While trying to dodge Cranky’s bra, and being a complete klutz, Pucette slips on a beer puddle, and falls on her ass, which now looks like a glass porcupine_

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**Author:** ![Pucette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/278dde/32.png) [@Pucette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pucette)\
**Post date:** [February 8, 2001, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-beat-the-fuck-out-of-each-other-thread/52592/37 "2001-02-08T20:58:32Z")

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_Pucette strolls in, crunches on broken glass, and jumps into action. She grabs the nearest person, Ogre, by the hair (hoping he has enough to grab) and starts whapping him._

“Threadkiller!”

_While trying to dodge Cranky’s bra flail, and being a complete klutz, Pucette slips on a beer puddle, and falls on her ass, which now looks like a glass porcupine_

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**Author:** ![Pucette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/278dde/32.png) [@Pucette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pucette)\
**Post date:** [February 8, 2001, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-beat-the-fuck-out-of-each-other-thread/52592/38 "2001-02-08T20:59:49Z")

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_Pucette strolls in, crunches on broken glass, and jumps into action. She grabs the nearest person, Ogre, by the hair (hoping he has enough to grab) and starts whapping him._

“Threadkiller!”

_While trying to dodge Cranky’s bra flail, and because she is a complete klutz, Pucette slips on a beer puddle, and falls on her ass, which now looks like a glass porcupine_

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**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\
**Post date:** [February 8, 2001, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-beat-the-fuck-out-of-each-other-thread/52592/39 "2001-02-08T21:05:03Z")

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I dunno whether it’s worse to get “whapped” three times or to fall down in broken glass three times! 🙂

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**Author:** ![Pucette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/278dde/32.png) [@Pucette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pucette)\
**Post date:** [February 8, 2001, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-beat-the-fuck-out-of-each-other-thread/52592/40 "2001-02-08T21:06:28Z")

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Klutz? that doesn’t begin to say it. Geesh. Not twice, but thrice?!

Humblest apologies…

**extends arms, waiting for a massive onslaught of beer bottles and thwacks**

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