# The Great Boulder Penis Flap! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 8, 2001, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-boulder-penis-flap/92180 "2001-11-08T14:02:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-boulder-penis-flap/92180/41 "2001-11-14T05:33:37Z")
I find it _hard_ to believe that no one’s suggested “WHITE MALE OPPRESSOR PENIS” as a band name! Preferrably a grrl band with a sick sense of humor. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-boulder-penis-flap/92180/42 "2001-11-14T06:02:47Z")
> [@](#): > > What **dryer-eating socks** have to do with the theme of domestic violence remains a mystery to the ages. That’s a big sock. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-boulder-penis-flap/92180/43 "2001-11-14T07:43:37Z")
I find it ironic that the artist’s piece is created to be against domestic violence. If I was a man, I would be very insulted. It implies that domestic violence is only about women. well, it’s not. imagine the outcry if a male artist made casts of breasts (or vaginas)and hung them in knit scocks. ---
**Author:** ![YWalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/6f9a4e/32.png) [@YWalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YWalker)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-boulder-penis-flap/92180/44 "2001-11-14T14:21:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fenris \* > \*\*Look: El Penis Bandito isn’t gonna fry. The powers that be don’t want him to! > > You just don’t understand about Boulder. They’re so repressive there that the mayor is appointed, rather than voted on in free and open _erections_. Things aren’t debated in a _pubic_ forum, only behind closed doors. > > And you should see how the cops treat the mayor with _vas deferens!_ \*\* Ah, **Fenris**. I have enjoyed our little penis pun-fest, but I’m afraid that at this point, I must concede. You are truly the master. You even managed to work in the vas deferens. I can’t _beat_ that! ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-boulder-penis-flap/92180/45 "2001-11-14T15:08:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*YWalker \*\* > Ah, **Fenris**. I have enjoyed our little penis pun-fest, but I’m afraid that at this point, I must concede. > > You are truly the master Feh, you just had to go and _stroke_ his…ego. ---
**Author:** ![ModernRonin2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@ModernRonin2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ModernRonin2)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-boulder-penis-flap/92180/46 "2001-11-14T19:15:12Z")
And I find this whole thing absofrikkin’lutely hilarious!! People who have lived in Boulder for a while eventually pick up this saying: “Only in Boulder.” For instance: - Only in Boulder… is the CEO of a multi-billion dot-com startup also a veteran Tri-athelete. - Only in Boulder… Do we have enough little plows to plow the bike paths in winter but not enough for the regular roads. - Your plumber is a woman, your babysitter is a guy, and your Mary Kay salesperson is a drag queen… only in Boulder. etc, etc… This whole brouhaha over penises at the library is so incredibly whacked out, but so perfectly Boulder, it sends me into gales of laughter every time I hear about it! The amusement value just never seems to wear out. Love it or hate it (or both at the same time, like me), never accuse this town of being boring! -Ben ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-boulder-penis-flap/92180/47 "2001-11-14T19:53:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JeffB \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Fenris \* > > To date, the penisnappers have made no demands. > > When I first read this, I thought it said penis-snappers, which sounds much worse than penis-nappers. \*\* That often happens at first glans. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2001, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-boulder-penis-flap/92180/48 "2001-11-14T20:01:06Z")
BWAHAHAHAHA! ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2001, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-boulder-penis-flap/92180/49 "2001-11-19T13:59:06Z")
An update on the great Penis Snatch! El Penis Bandito speaks: 3 Boulder cops came to his door at 1:30 am in the morning to retrieve the stolen penises. It took the Boulder police approximately 18 hours to figure out that the card that said _“Hi! I took the penises! My name and address are (name and address)… If you want 'em, come and get 'em! El Penis Bandito”_ that was pinned up in place of the missing penises was a clue! El Penis Bandito, at 1:30 am a week ago, Sunday morning, surrendered the penises without a fight after holding them for 18 hours. They were placed in a clear plastic bag and handed over to one of Boulder’s Finest, who got to bodyguard the 20 day-glo penises! “It was the Boulder Police’s finest moment!” sez I Now, El Penis Bandito has been charged with “2nd degree criminal tampering (with penises).” and potentially faces 1 year in jail and up to $1000 in fines. (I think think this is reasonable, or perhaps others would be tempted to tamper with _other’s_ penises! Let’s send a warning to all would be penis-tamperers!) Their original charge of “1st degree criminal tampering (with penises)” and/or “Grand Theft (penises)” was reduced. Several radio stations have taken up collections for him. He admits that he needs to discuss this with a lawyer, but says that his inclination is to plead “guilty”. The Kultural Kommissar says that she fears for the saftey of other library employees (someone might tamper with their penises) and exhibits. She’s very concerned about “the chastity belt exhibit” (?!!! Obviously a story in itself!) The Boulder police also note that the Purloined Purple Passion Penis is still missing and presumed erect. To quote someone from the Ramsey case “There’s someone still out there! Protect your genitals!” Stay tuned for breaking news! Fenris PS **Wolfman** … 😃 I think that was the seminal pun in this thread! ---
**Author:** ![YWalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/6f9a4e/32.png) [@YWalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YWalker)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2001, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-boulder-penis-flap/92180/50 "2001-11-19T18:43:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fenris \* > \*\*It took the Boulder police approximately 18 hours to figure out that the card that said _“Hi! I took the penises! My name and address are (name and address)… If you want 'em, come and get 'em! El Penis Bandito”_ that was pinned up in place of the missing penises was a clue! > \*\* The Boulder PD must’ve put their best _dicks_ on this case. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fenris \* > The Kultural Kommissar says that she fears for the saftey of other library employees (someone might tamper with their penises) and exhibits. She’s very concerned about “the chastity belt exhibit” \*\* Hey, after the case of the purloined penises, it seems perfectly rational to expect that someone might _snatch_ the chastity belt exhibit. (My kudos also to **Wolfman**. Of course, others may have have seen this too, but just didn’t want to _bring it up_) ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2001, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-boulder-penis-flap/92180/51 "2001-11-19T20:10:37Z")
Why has no one suggested prayer WRT the missing Purple Passion Penis? I suggest the 23rd Psalm… considering it contains the immortal phrase, _…thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me_… it seems appropriate. It’s important to remember, however, that force will not be effective in returning the PPP to its rightful place in the nightmares of Boulder’s literate children. As the saying almost goes, _the penis mightier than the sword._ ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2001, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-boulder-penis-flap/92180/52 "2001-11-19T20:16:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ModernRonin2 \* > \*\*\ > People who have lived in Boulder for a while eventually pick up this saying: “Only in Boulder.” For instance: > \ > > - Only in Boulder… Do we have enough little plows to plow the bike paths in winter but not enough for the regular roads. > \ > -Ben \*\* Sorry to burst your bubble, but this one is not true, because Calgary has the same problem. In a vast, sprawling city of ~850 000 people (and I do mean **vast** ; Calgary is known for being a very spread out city), we have 3 snow plows (IIRC). We had a really snowy winter a couple of years ago, and people in the suburbs literally could not get into or out of their neighbourhoods for weeks at a time. But somehow, the bike paths are always clear. ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2001, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-boulder-penis-flap/92180/53 "2001-11-20T15:03:38Z")
Another piece of “art” has been swiped (or, mutter the conspiracy theorists…hidden by the library)!!! A female torso roughly molded out of red clay (and apparently anatomically correct), is missing! The statue, which I’ve dubbed Torso Van Moreso\* has vanished. It, along with Purple Passion Penis, are the two exhibits missing from the porn-shop atmosphere of the Boulder County Library. (Some of the other “exhibits” designed to “raise awareness” of domestic violence, in addition to the severed penises and Torso Van Moreso include prettily decorated chain-mail and velvet chastity belts, and an “erotic” nude painting of a woman (the person who described it used the word “erotic” in a positive sense). The Penis Artiste has claimed that she has had her First Ammendment Rights violated by El Penis Bandito, apparently not realizing that only a governmental agency can violate the First Ammendment. Apparently she’s as wise as she is talented. :rolleyes: Four theories abound regarding the missing Torso Van Moreso [li]That a copycat criminal kidnapped her [li]That a pervert kidnapped her for _carnal purposes_! [li]That the library staff swiped and hid her, to make El Penis Bandito look bad (the conspiracy theory) [li]That she’s been having a torrid affair of PASSION with the Purple Penis and they’ve run off together. [/list] More reports from the front of this steamy controversy as new events occur! Fenris \*Name unapologetically swiped (and marginally modified) from “Angel and the Ape” by Howie Chaykin ---
**Author:** ![Shyabrick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b487fb/32.png) [@Shyabrick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shyabrick)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-boulder-penis-flap/92180/54 "2001-11-21T08:14:08Z")
Did the cops have to send a “special insertion” team to retrieve the stolen display? ---
**Author:** ![december](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/838e76/32.png) [@december](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/december)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 9:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-boulder-penis-flap/92180/55 "2001-11-21T09:08:54Z")
From Elizabeth Mattern of the Daily Camera in Boulder, Co, as picked up by Scripps-Howard News Service > [@](#): > > The phallic artwork has since been stolen, then recovered by police and will not be re-hung in the library. (As pointed on at [http://www.andrewsullivan.com/](http://www.andrewsullivan.com/) ) ---
**Author:** ![nani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/58956e/32.png) [@nani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nani)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2001, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-boulder-penis-flap/92180/56 "2001-11-24T07:46:21Z")
BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!! I haven’t laughed this hard since Sept. 10 - my Birthday. This is without a doubt the funniest thread i have ever seen. keep me posted on every new development on this great Penis caper, Fenris! Looking at all those penises… Loretta Bobitt musta cum to town… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-boulder-penis-flap/92180.md?page=2)