# The greatest joke ever told. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 28, 2005, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643 "2005-04-28T23:58:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Atheist\_Princess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@Atheist\_Princess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atheist_Princess)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643/41 "2005-04-29T04:50:23Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > I just scrolled to the punchline…and my shaggy dog suspicions were confirmed. > > Personally, I’ve always like the Johnny versus the clown shaggy dog. Ya know, the one that ends “fuck you, clown!” Yeah, that one’s good. I’m intrigued… ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643/42 "2005-04-29T05:10:34Z")
> [@Wesley Clark](#): > > A man calls 911 frantically saying ‘I am on a hunting trip and my friend has been shot’. The operator tries to calm him down and help him through the situation. The first thing she says is ‘are you sure he is dead’. the man says, ‘hold on’, and leaves the phone on the ground. A few seconds later a gunshot is heard by the operator, followed by the man a few seconds later. He says ‘ok now what’. No, it has to be “first, make sure he’s really dead”. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Love](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Dr.Love](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Love)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643/43 "2005-04-29T05:20:58Z")
I enjoyed the story, and knew quickly that the punchline would be a bad one. I was pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be better than I had thought (the only other joke of this, er, magnitude I’ve heard ended with “I didn’t know dogs could talk”. That’s a letdown). ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643/44 "2005-04-29T05:31:47Z")
> [@](#): > > I’d settle for the second greatest joke ever told, provided it’s one or two lines long. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643/45 "2005-04-29T05:32:01Z")
I enjoyed the story as well. What made it all the more enjoyable was the knowledge that the ending would be a real groaner. The longer it went, the more suspense I was in. ---
**Author:** ![Keapon\_Laffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e274bd/32.png) [@Keapon\_Laffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keapon_Laffin)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643/46 "2005-04-29T06:14:07Z")
Make. the. hurting. stop. Okay, I admit it. It was a little funny. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643/47 "2005-04-29T06:41:16Z")
I guess I’m just easier to please, or I’ve felt the thrill of that collective groan. **Muad’Dib** , you are my new hero. (Don’t get too puffed up over that, Yesterday, my hero was **Cervaise** , for creative swearing.) My shaggy is about Mr. Oppornoccitti, but since I’ve posted it somewhere sometime in the past, I won’t do it again. Besides, no one would read it. Shaggies have to be come upon by serendipity to be fully experienced. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Atheist\_Princess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@Atheist\_Princess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atheist_Princess)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643/48 "2005-04-29T06:44:50Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > I guess I’m just easier to please, or I’ve felt the thrill of that collective groan. > > **Muad’Dib** , you are my new hero. (Don’t get too puffed up over that, Yesterday, my hero was **Cervaise** , for creative swearing.) > > My shaggy is about Mr. Oppornoccitti, but since I’ve posted it somewhere sometime in the past, I won’t do it again. Besides, no one would read it. Shaggies have to be come upon by serendipity to be fully experienced. 🆒 [hijack] Where is this creative swearing? [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643/49 "2005-04-29T07:02:01Z")
I enjoyed it immensely,\*\* Muad’Dib\*\*. I sat and munched on some leftover ribs while I read it, and my husband kept asking me what had me so entranced, sitting in front of my monitor, slowly chewing, hyper-focused… I don’t care that it was a cheesy punchline! It was a satisfying story. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![zagloba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/977dab/32.png) [@zagloba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zagloba)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643/50 "2005-04-29T07:53:42Z")
Figures **Muad’Dib** would tell us a story about the desert. But shouldn’t Nate and Sammy have been sandworms instead? ---
**Author:** ![Gymnopithys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/fbc32d/32.png) [@Gymnopithys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gymnopithys)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643/51 "2005-04-29T08:22:08Z")
Just before the last post I smelled something fishy and knew the “joke” would fizzle out. So I jumped to the last paragraph, and I realized I wasted all that time. Still I marvel how some people can make a short story long. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643/52 "2005-04-29T08:37:59Z")
I liked it a lot and intend to use it at the first opportunity. Not many people like me anyway, so why not? ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643/53 "2005-04-29T12:45:44Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > I just scrolled to the punchline…and my shaggy dog suspicions were confirmed. > > Personally, I’ve always like the Johnny versus the clown shaggy dog. Ya know, the one that ends “fuck you, clown!” Yeah, that one’s good. That clown one must be a Chicago thing because I’ve never heard it outside of this area. Pretty funny one, though. I made it about halfway through the first post before realizing that a joke that long had to be a shaggy dog. Once it hits a certain length, the joke is that people will continue to read. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643/54 "2005-04-29T13:19:38Z")
Heh. Read a one-paragraph version of the joke in _Boy’s Life_ when I was eight–but your version was far superior. Thanks, **Muad**! Here’s my latest joke, that I thought of all by myself (can you tell?) Q. Which candidate in the 1976 Presidential Election was jazzier? A. Ford. Carter was the donkey’s James, but Ford was the elephant’s Gerald. HAW HAW HAW! Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643/55 "2005-04-29T13:41:18Z")
I thought the punch line was going to be something like “Wiper? I thought you said viper!” And **LHoD** - I got the “elephant’s Gerald” part, but “donkey’s James”? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643/56 "2005-04-29T13:49:59Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > And **LHoD** - I got the “elephant’s Gerald” part, but “donkey’s James”? It’s only there for parallel structure–and “donkey’s Jimmy” just sounds dirty. Groucho Marx I’m not. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643/57 "2005-04-29T14:23:47Z")
> [@1920s Style "Death Ray"](#): > > Related hijack: > > Do Americans pronounce _lever_ to rhyme with _never_? The joke works better if you do, but down here we pronounce it _leaver_. I’m American, and I don’t. I pronounce it leaver. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643/58 "2005-04-29T14:38:46Z")
> [@Atheist Princess](#): > > [hijack] Where is this creative swearing? [/hijack] Why, in the [Pit](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=313057), of course. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643/59 "2005-04-29T14:41:02Z")
Two Pickets to Tittsburgh, Ha very funny! ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643/60 "2005-04-29T15:10:18Z")
> [@E-Sabbath](#): > > That, folks, is a true Shaggy Dog story. Or scaly snake. Seconded. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-joke-ever-told/301643.md?page=4)