# The greatest movie NEVER made! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 4, 2001, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915 "2001-08-04T17:53:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915/21 "2001-08-05T16:09:27Z")
Must…control…self…inner…peace…counting…to…10… 1… 2… **ENDE** no, calm…calm…calm… [sub]Ender’s Game[/sub] better. Much better. _ **AH FINISH THE DAMN SCRIPT AND FILM IT ALREADY! AHHHHHHHHHH!!** _ ---
**Author:** ![SpaceGhostofArrakis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@SpaceGhostofArrakis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpaceGhostofArrakis)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915/22 "2001-08-05T17:02:14Z")
For my money, it would have to be… A \* Predator v. Batman \* movie, for those of us who loved the comics… ---
**Author:** ![MamaHen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c89c15/32.png) [@MamaHen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MamaHen)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915/23 "2001-08-05T17:44:52Z")
MamaHen, the story of a call girl trapped in a housewife’s body! Ohh if only they would make that movie! ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915/24 "2001-08-05T18:02:54Z")
I’m still waiting for the Fantasic Four movie. ---
**Author:** ![Chas.E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e99b99/32.png) [@Chas.E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chas.E)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915/25 "2001-08-05T19:40:54Z")
I’ll consolidate replies here… Hodge, yes STD is definitely a collector’s item. I’ve seen a copy awarded as 1st prize in a prestigious writing contest. It is exceptionally rare. Most of Rudy’s early writings are locked up in a stupid copyright battle and he’s written about this with some bitterness. One of my early favorites is “The Secret of Life” and I would pay an insane amount for a copy of this book. But I have the ultimate Rucker collectible, a prerelease copy of his first book “White Light” with a xeroxed letter from Bruce Sterling advising people to check out this new author. Guanolad, no, I didn’t WRITE the script or the novelization, I just fixed the script. Over and over and over. And over and over. And over and over again. A script doctor is more of an editor than an author. The movie primarily sucked because the whole script was overworked to death, even BEFORE I got to it. And that’s all I have to say about the subject. ---
**Author:** ![everton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecb155/32.png) [@everton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/everton)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915/26 "2001-08-05T19:42:57Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by Fogglethorpe \* \*\* > [@](#): > > Really Everton? I would be interested in seeing that. Is it available on video anywhere? > Thanks for the info. \*\* 'scuse the slow reply (I’ve been away a few days). You may already have found this yourself, but [Amazon](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/browse/-/518440/102-8275372-1796152) seem to be able to help. By the way, this version doesn’t cover all the books, only the three best known ones, but it’s better than nothing I hope. ---
**Author:** ![Fogglethorpe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Fogglethorpe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fogglethorpe)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915/27 "2001-08-05T21:05:57Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by everton \* \*\* > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fogglethorpe \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > Really Everton? I would be interested in seeing that. Is it available on video anywhere? > > Thanks for the info. \*\* > > 'scuse the slow reply (I’ve been away a few days). You may already have found this yourself, but [Amazon](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/browse/-/518440/102-8275372-1796152) seem to be able to help. By the way, this version doesn’t cover all the books, only the three best known ones, but it’s better than nothing I hope. \*\* Thanks for your help sir. I will check it out. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2001, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915/28 "2001-08-06T00:54:50Z")
Buckaroo Banzai vs. The Empire of Crime The unfilmed script for Alien 3 by William Gibson Alien v. Predator A watchable version of The Phantom Menace The Dark Knight Returns (I’d settle for a decent sequel to Batman) The Illuminatus! Trilogy (although I doubt that it would be physically possible) Watchmen Tim Burton’s Superman, starring Nicolas Cage ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2001, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915/29 "2001-08-06T02:46:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Miller \* > \*\*The Illuminatus! Trilogy (although I doubt that it would be physically possible) \*\* A 10 hrs musical was made of the trilogy. If they can do LOTR in 3 movies, they can do Illuminatus (but will they ? Is there a dark conspiracy to prevent its making ? Only Cecil knows) 😃 [sub] in the meantime, keep seeing the fnords[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2001, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915/30 "2001-08-06T03:03:22Z")
A lot of Robert Heinlein novels could be EXCELLENT movies. “The Moon is a Harsh Mistress”. Come on, you’ve got convicts, big explosions, political intrigue, space scenes, scenes on Earth, really REALLY big explosions, and an intelligent computer that tells jokes. What more could you possibly want? Did I mention polygamy? “Double Star” - In which an actor who looks like a chief of state gets conned into taking over the job when said chief of state is incapacitated. Hilarity ensues. “Dave” touched on this theme. Almost any of the Juveniles would make fine movies. They’re fast-paced, tightly plotted, have memorable characters, and lots of action. In fact, what would be really cool if the juveniles were done on television as a series of interconnected movies. Like a big miniseries, one every few months. I’ll bet it would be popular if done right. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2001, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915/31 "2001-08-06T04:53:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Downhome \* > \*\* > I want to see a movie, with TODAY’S technology and special effects, SOLEY based on the droping of the A-Bombs. You could have such an excelent film about it, and good Lord! Imagine the special effects of the dropings! > \*\* Well, it’s about 10 years old, but there was “Fat Man and Little Boy” ---
**Author:** ![frock75](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ad7895/32.png) [@frock75](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/frock75)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2001, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915/32 "2001-08-06T05:15:14Z")
I would love to see “The Alienist” by Caleb Carr. I just love that book. I thought I heard that it was in the works, a few years ago. Haven’t heard anything since. ---
**Author:** ![sewalk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@sewalk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sewalk)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2001, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915/33 "2001-08-06T09:01:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sam Stone \* > **A lot of Robert Heinlein novels could be EXCELLENT movies.** Oh, I certainly don’t disagree that almost any Heinlein book or short story is a good basis for a film (well, _Sixth Column aka Day after Tomorrow_ probably wouldn’t be very well received and most people don’t get the subtle message in _Farnham’s Freehold_). My point was that numerous times, _Stranger_ has been talked about in Tinseltown but no one’s ever even started anything on it and that _Puppet Masters_ was ho-hum, and _Troopers_ was an abomination. Sometimes I just don’t get it. RAH was the most influential American Sci-Fi author and no one’s done a decent treatment of any of his books in the sixty-two years since he was first published. (_Destination: Moon_ doesn’t really count since nearly every reference to _Rocket Ship Galileo_ was stripped by the time the script was finished.) _The Door into Summer_ has all the elements of a successful movie: Love gone bad (imagine Sharon Stone as Belle), relatively simple technological challenges (Drafting Dan would have to go, but Hired Girl would be easy), trivial touches (the Leonard Vincent anecdote), nudity, a fish-out-of-water situation for the protagonist, a clever animal, and a mushy happy ending. I’d love to see it made. _Citizen of the Galaxy_ could be great, but I don’t imagine Hollywood could resist the temptation to put a blaster in Thor’s hand and send him off after the slavers that killed his parents. I’d really like to see more good science fiction films based on the works of the Grand Masters and other great authors. It seems that only Phillip K. Dick and Arthur C. Clarke (who probably owes a great debt of gratitude to Kubrick for this) have gotten anything resembling decent treatment from Hollywood. For crying out loud, _Screamers aka Second Variety_ is a better film than anything adapted from any of the other great sci-fi authors. Maybe if the Grand Masters had written some books with 8 foot tall pissed-off cyborgs in them Hollywood might get interested;). This thread really brings out rants in me. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2001, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915/34 "2001-08-06T11:56:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Miller \* > \*\*Buckaroo Banzai vs. The Empire of Crime \*\* You mean: _Buckaroo Banzai Against The World Crime Syndicate_ don’t you? ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2001, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915/35 "2001-08-06T13:14:52Z")
I’m still waiting for an adaptation of [Icebreaker](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1557732000/qid=997103518/sr=1-12/ref=sc_b_12/107-0064207-0213373). Perhaps the next movie will be it. With all the Mel Brooks fans here, I can’t belive nobody’s said History of the World: Part 2! ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2001, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915/36 "2001-08-06T13:17:44Z")
Whoops, forgot a quote, knew I should have previewed. Correct link: [Icebreaker](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1557732000/qid=997103518/sr=1-12/ref=sc_b_12/107-0064207-0213373). ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2001, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915/37 "2001-08-06T14:25:14Z")
I remember reading that Frank Herbert was negotiating the film rights to **The Santaroga Barrier** , which is my favorite among his books (sorry, the **Dune** series did nothing for me). Then he died, and apparently the project was shelved. Pity . . . And I have to second (third?) the responses to **Starship Troopers**. “Abomination” doesn’t give it the censure it deserved. Whoever decided to drop the serious discussion of the duty that a member of a society owes to that society in favor of a Fascist/Spartan gorefest should be fed to the Bugs. Slowly. ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2001, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915/38 "2001-08-06T16:18:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MamaHen \* > \*\*MamaHen, the story of a call girl trapped in a housewife’s body! Ohh if only they would make that movie! \*\* I got a camcorder and some spare time, I could help you make that movie 😉 I would also like to see The Chronicles of Prydain in movie form. Real movies, not the crappy Disney “The Black Cauldron” type treatment. And of course _Shadows of the Empire_ so I can get the exposure I deserve. And the Thrawn Trilogy (_Heir to the Empire_,etc) would make good movies. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2001, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915/39 "2001-08-06T16:27:32Z")
Just to tear everyone away from the Wormhole/SpaceTimeContinuum/Alien genre for a second 😃 I’d love to see a good quality…NOT PORN, true to the book version of Justine by the Marquis De Sade. That, my friends, would have the potential to be one of the sexiest, scariest, best movies of all time. justine’s ‘adventures’ in the monastery would be wild enough. And also, I’ve been waiting years and years for a movie version of The Secret History by Donna Tartt, one of my all time favorite books. jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![The\_Raven\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@The\_Raven\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Raven_1)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2001, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915/40 "2001-08-06T19:36:58Z")
Howyadoin, My votes go to either of the Chronicles of Thomas Covenant or the Gap series, both written by Stephen Donaldson. BTW, can I trade those wishes in to alter the past so that the remake of “Vanishing Point” with Jason Priestley was never made? 🙂 Oh well, the original request stands… -Rav [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-movie-never-made/74915.md?page=3)