I now bow out. The Greatest Thread Ever will live, or die with you. I will be back if it makes the 500 post mark. It most likely will not. It is the Sea Turtle that hatches, and struggles to reach the ocean. Be not sad if it does not live on, for it is only one of the many. The actual Greatest Thread Ever will eventually emerge.
Can I interest you in a monkey butler carrying a pickle? I hear OpalCat has some to sell on the Black Pickle Market (though who would buy a black pickle is beyond me.)
Soulis had the same cauld grue as twice that day afore, an’ it was borne in upon him what folk said, that Janet was deid lang syne, an’ this was a bogle in her claycauld flesh. He drew back a *pickle *and he scanned her narrowly. She was tramp-trampin’ in the cla’es, croonin’ to hersel’; and eh! Gude guide us, but it was a fearsome face.
I like pickles, but if it’s black, then I can tell you where to stick it.
Well, what about pie? The greatest thread ever MUST have pie.
I’m kinda hungry and pickles sound pretty good right now. What kind of pie would the Best Thread Ever have?
I won the lottery.
Monkey butlers serving pickle-merange pie. Mmmmmm.
Really? When I visited the US last year, I went to a few movie theatres when it was bad weather and there were huge pickle jars there. At first I thought it was a joke, but I was assured that it wasn’t.
It amused me no end anyways 
Nay, sirrah! I prithee, stand and watch as the thread grows!
Th’art no Doper if thou believest that the thread will not grow
Is’t not already long beyond thine first expectations?
Look at it–already a fine root, a strong stalk, a flowering.
Yea, all plants in their time must die. But this, not yet–
Lo, still it flowers–see the references to the pickle–
This is such stuff as Dope legends are made of.
Sure to gain the ranks of Hi Opal and Death Rays
And never to sink to the depths of All Your Base.
But soft! Thou hast been a poster some time now
And must be aware of the life of a thread.
I’faith! You have birthed a baby
Who now requires your attention.
Thus, Crinz, you must return
And care for this child thou hast borne
Unto the Dope. Feed it, nourish it, give to it,
See that it has what it needs to be a true Dope thread
And thus to make thee proud, and by extension,
To make the Dopers proud too.
You have embarked upon a mission, Crinz,
To which I wish you Godspeed, but I prithee, do recall
That we are Dopers and do not take kindly to those
Who would play us for fools, for we are not such.
Still, 'tis been pleasant to partake of your view
And with that, and a pause, I will bid you adieu.
Adapted from my own thoughts. No Shakespeare was harmed in the writing of this post, although a few iambs were badly hurt.
Okay, okay, those are the criteria… I think. Wait! That’s one of them! Wow, that’s easy! We might do this after all! I’m… touched that I can be a small part of this. …Whoa, some humility snuck in there. That’s two. Lessee… three must be… Hi, Opal!
Ah, this is overwhelming. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Maybe I’ll do both… YES! Ha ha! Anyone got a tissue, I’ve got something in my eye - sob!
Anyhow, I’ve loved the time I’ve spent composing this, but - I hate saying this - it’s time for me to post this.
Thank you all for making this possible. Thank you.
I just didn’t want to be left out. I have no monkeys or pickles-- all I can offer is my heart. Oh, and I make good cookies.
Shaped like pickle-carrying monkeys.
The first rule of The Greatest Thread Ever is…
There is no Greatest Thread Ever.
What happened to the free pickles?
Rules? In the Greatest Thread Ever? There aren’t any rules in the Greatest Thread Ever!
Someone count one-two-three-go.
That’s Rule #1. Didn’t you hear?
We also have pie monkey butlers, and Shakespeare adaptations.
Sweet. Mine has fnords in it, though. Great minds an’ all that.
I love you. I swear to god I do.
Are you just looking at things in the thread and saying you love them? :dubious: I mean, do you really love me or are you just saying that because you saw me?
Actually, that was more of a Donnie Baker/Bob and Tom Show thing.
As for posting twice in a row, I got a bit distracted. Sorry for any freakiness.
This thread is.
The subject line immediately made me think of the Onion article:
Amazing New Hyperbolic Chamber Greatest Invention In The History Of Mankind Ever
What thread can claim the be the greatest without links?