# The greatest vulgar, obscene, blasphemous, profane, or otherwise NSFW quotations **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 12, 2008, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224 "2008-09-12T04:14:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224/41 "2008-09-13T00:07:54Z")
> [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](#): > > “Fuck you, you fucking fuck.” > > I can never remember where that came from, though. Anonymous drunk asshole, Chicago Bears game, Memorial Stadium, Champaign, Illinois, 2002 ---
**Author:** ![flurb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/51bf81/32.png) [@flurb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flurb)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224/42 "2008-09-13T00:14:21Z")
My absolute favorite line to use when somebody says they’ll try their best, delivered in my best Sean Connery: “Your ‘best?’ Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.” ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224/43 "2008-09-13T00:36:49Z")
**Clerks** had this memorable exchange: \* [Randal is on the phone when a woman and little girl come to the counter]\* _‘Happy-Scrappy’ Mom:_ Excuse me, do you sell videos? \*Randal Graves: \*Yeah, what’re you looking for? _‘Happy-Scrappy’ Mom:_ Happy Scrappy Hero Pup. \*Randal Graves: \*Uh, once second. I’m on the phone with the distribution house now, lemme make sure they got it. _‘Happy-Scrappy’ Mom:_ 'Kay. _Randal Graves:_ What’s it called again? _‘Happy-Scrappy’ Mom:_ Happy Scrappy Hero Pup. _‘Happy-Scrappy’ Kid:_ Happy Scrappy! _‘Happy-Scrappy’ Mom:_ She loves it. \*Randal Graves: \*Obviously. Uh, yeah, hi. This is RST Video calling. Customer number 4352, I’d like to place an order. Okay, I need one each of the following tapes: “Whispers in the Wind”, “To Each His Own”, “Put It Where It Doesn’t Belong”, “My Pipes Need Cleaning”, “All Tit-Fucking Volume 8”, “I Need Your Cock”, “Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers”, “My Cunt and Eight Shafts”, “Cum Clean”, “Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts”, “Cum Buns III”, “Cumming in Socks”, “Cum On Eileen”, “Huge Black Cocks with Pearly White Cum”, “Girls Who Crave Cock”, “Girls Who Crave Cunt”, “Men Alone II: The KY Connection”, “Pink Pussy Lips”, oh, yeah, and, uh, “All Holes Filled with Hard Cock”. Yup. Oh, wait a minute. Uh, what was that called again? ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224/44 "2008-09-13T01:05:39Z")
> [@Krokodil](#): > > **Clerks** had this memorable exchange: Dante Hicks: 37! My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks! Customer with Diapers: In a row? From Pulp Fiction: Jimmie: No, No, No, No, let me ask you a question. When you came pulling in here, did you notice a sign out in front of my house that said Dead Nigger Storage? Jules: Jimmie, you know I ain’t seen no… Jimmie: Did you notice a sign out in front of my house that said Dead Nigger Storage? Jules: [pause] No. I didn’t. Jimmie: You know WHY you didn’t see that sign? Jules: Why? Jimmie: 'Cause it ain’t there, 'cause storing dead niggers ain’t my fucking business, that’s why! ---
**Author:** ![Incensed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Incensed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incensed)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224/45 "2008-09-13T03:00:10Z")
> [@wheresgeorge04](#): > > Absolutely ANYTHING from Sgt. Hartman. I like the (paraphrased) one about “You’re the kind of scumbag who’d fuck a guy in the ass and not have the courtesy to give him a reach-around!” > > Joe Boo for omitting obscenty; I believe the quote is, “…the goddamned common courtesy…” The proper clerks quote for this thread is when Dante, duly shocked by the revelation that his girl is a cockhound, rushes to the door after she storms out and screams, “TRY NOT TO SUCK ANY DICK ON YOUR WAY THROUGH THE PARKING LOT.” (paraphrased) A nominee from the world of print- > [@](#): > > God damn your god damned old hellfired god damned soul to hell god damn you and goddam your god damned family’s god damned hellfired god damned soul to hell and god damnation god damn them and god damn your god damn friends to hell -Text of a letter received by Abraham Lincoln, November 25, 1860 (And the first listing under “Invective” in my Giant Book of American Quotations.) Unfortunate context, but I believe it inspired, and at 28/44 words being obscene, a 64% rate, a record. ---
**Author:** ![Stealth\_Potato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Stealth\_Potato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stealth_Potato)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224/46 "2008-09-13T03:10:53Z")
One of my all-time favorites, from ex-P.F.C. Wintergreen in Heller’s _Closing Time_, speaking with Milo Minderbinder about Yossarian’s possible objection to a plan of theirs to fleece the government on a stealth bomber contract: “He might object.” “Then fuck him,” said Wintergreen. “Let him object. We’ll ignore the fuck again. What the fuck! What the fuck fucking difference does it make if the fuck objects or not! We can ignore the fucking fuck again, can’t we? Shit.” “I wish,” said Milo, “you wouldn’t swear so much in the nation’s capital.” _Closing Time_ didn’t achieve anything like the glory of its predecessor, _Catch-22_, but Heller’s gift for dialogue still shines through. Pure gold, that one. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224/47 "2008-09-13T07:23:38Z")
> [@Incensed](#): > > -Text of a letter received by Abraham Lincoln, November 25, 1860 (And the first listing under “Invective” in my Giant Book of American Quotations.) Unfortunate context, but I believe it inspired, and at 28/44 words being obscene, a 64% rate, a record. Wow. So there were brain-dead, uncreative flamers even in 1860. ---
**Author:** ![amijane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f0a364/32.png) [@amijane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amijane)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224/48 "2008-09-13T09:32:32Z")
_Team America_, drunk guy in bar to Gary, and reprised by Gary later on in order to save the day: “Well, being a dick ain’t so bad. See, there’s three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just wanna fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes, Chuck. And all the assholes want is to shit all over everything. So, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes, Chuck. And if they didn’t fuck the assholes, you know what you’d get? You’d get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit!” ---
**Author:** ![Sr\_Siete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Sr\_Siete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sr_Siete)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224/49 "2008-09-13T10:27:06Z")
From the 1997 movie "Addicted to love: _Maggie: You know Sam, French men are very small. Sam: Yeah? Maggie: But not this guy. It’s like Godzilla’s tail! He could take down Tokyo with that thing!_ _Maggie: The only way that girl is coming back to you is if a blast of semen catapults her across the street and through the window._ _Anton: I like a man who fights for what he wants. But if you ever mess with me again, I’ll rip out your eyes and rape your skull. Excuse my French._ ---
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224/50 "2008-09-13T10:44:14Z")
> [@Krokodil](#): > > **Clerks** had this memorable exchange… More fun from J&SBSB: > [@](#): > > **Jay** : All you motherfuckers are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We’re gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who are making that movie, we’re gonna make 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat. Then you’re all you motherfucks are next. Love, Jay and Silent Bob. ---
**Author:** ![davidw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c4cdca/32.png) [@davidw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidw)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224/51 "2008-09-13T14:07:20Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > **Gunnery Sergeant Hartman:** \* I will motivate you, Private Pyle, IF IT SHORT-DICKS EVERY CANNIBAL ON THE CONGO!!\* > > –R. Lee Ermey, **Full Metal Jacket** Uh, can someone explain what this means? ---
**Author:** ![Ichbin\_Dubist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/51bf81/32.png) [@Ichbin\_Dubist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ichbin_Dubist)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224/52 "2008-09-13T14:54:04Z")
From _Citizen Ruth_: _Ruth’s Mother (on stage at an anti-abortion rally)_: Ruth, you listen to me! Don’t you do it! What if I’d aborted you? \*Ruth (from the crowd) \*: Well at least I wouldn’t have had to suck your boyfriend’s cock! _Ruth’s Mother_: Don’t you bring that up again! That’s ancient history! I’ve been saved! _Ruth_: Fuck you! …and the immortal: _Ruth_: Suck the shit out of my ass, you fucker! ---
**Author:** ![SuntanTigerTamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@SuntanTigerTamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanTigerTamer)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224/53 "2008-09-13T16:06:36Z")
> [@thelurkinghorror](#): > > Way of the Gun: > > Bar Patron: Hey, hey. Yeah you, get up. What are you retarded? Get off the fucking car! > Raving Bitch: Hey dickless, get off the fucking car! Hey fucksuck, get your slippery fucking ass off the car! Listen to me, get off the fucking car with your fucking ass! > Parker: Shut that cunts mouth or I’ll come over there and fuckstart her head! > Raving Bitch: You’re gonna wish you never fucking got up this fucking morning asshole, because my boyfriend’s gonna fuck you up! And then after that while he’s fucking up your fucking gay uncle over there I’m gonna fucking cut off your cock and mail it to your mother, you fucking faggot bitch! You gaylord fucking bitch! How do you like that? You like that a lot you fucking faggot? You like to ass fuck? Fontanella fucking babyheads! > Bar Patron: Go ahead. > Raving Bitch: You like to fuck babyheads? You like to fuck boys? He’s gonna fuck you in the ass, how do you like that? He’s not even gay but he’ll do it just to fuck… > Bar Patron: Honey honey. She’s got a big mouth but she’s not kidding. I’m gonna whip you silly and I’m gonna fuck you stupid. You wanna do the man dance? First dance is yours. > > Note: “Raving Bitch” is a prefame Sarah Silverman. I know she isn’t one who is known for vulgarity 😉 I came in here to post this. Amazing scene in a horrible horrible movie. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224/54 "2008-09-13T16:33:45Z")
> [@Stealth\_Potato](#): > > One of my all-time favorites, from ex-P.F.C. Wintergreen in Heller’s _Closing Time_, speaking with Milo Minderbinder about Yossarian’s possible objection to a plan of theirs to fleece the government on a stealth bomber contract: > > “He might object.” > “Then fuck him,” said Wintergreen. “Let him object. We’ll ignore the fuck again. What the fuck! What the fuck fucking difference does it make if the fuck objects or not! We can ignore the fucking fuck again, can’t we? Shit.” > “I wish,” said Milo, “you wouldn’t swear so much in the nation’s capital.” > > _Closing Time_ didn’t achieve anything like the glory of its predecessor, _Catch-22_, but Heller’s gift for dialogue still shines through. Pure gold, that one. 😃 Wintergreen’s not a PFC anymore? But he loved being a PFC! PFCs get respect! ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224/55 "2008-09-13T17:23:30Z")
> [@thelurkinghorror](#): > > Way of the Gun: > > Bar Patron: Hey, hey. Yeah you, get up. What are you retarded? Get off the fucking car! > Raving Bitch: Hey dickless, get off the fucking car! Hey fucksuck, get your slippery fucking ass off the car! Listen to me, get off the fucking car with your fucking ass! > Parker: Shut that cunts mouth or I’ll come over there and fuckstart her head! > Raving Bitch: You’re gonna wish you never fucking got up this fucking morning asshole, because my boyfriend’s gonna fuck you up! And then after that while he’s fucking up your fucking gay uncle over there I’m gonna fucking cut off your cock and mail it to your mother, you fucking faggot bitch! You gaylord fucking bitch! How do you like that? You like that a lot you fucking faggot? You like to ass fuck? Fontanella fucking babyheads! > Bar Patron: Go ahead. > Raving Bitch: You like to fuck babyheads? You like to fuck boys? He’s gonna fuck you in the ass, how do you like that? He’s not even gay but he’ll do it just to fuck… > Bar Patron: Honey honey. She’s got a big mouth but she’s not kidding. I’m gonna whip you silly and I’m gonna fuck you stupid. You wanna do the man dance? First dance is yours. > > Note: “Raving Bitch” is a prefame Sarah Silverman. I know she isn’t one who is known for vulgarity 😉 Dude, you forgot the great closer to this. Instead of fighting with the boyfriend, Ryan Phillipe decks Sarah Silverman. The majority of Way of the Gun may have been stupid, but the parts that were good were fan-fucking-tastic. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2008, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224/56 "2008-09-14T22:56:07Z")
> [@Mr.Excellent](#): > > Wintergreen’s not a PFC anymore? But he loved being a PFC! PFCs get respect! He was ex-PFC Wintergreen all throughout _Catch-22_ IIRC. I can’t believe no one has mentioned anything from South Park yet. I like: “You are a boner-biting dick-fart fuckface!” And of course: > [@](#): > > Ah, you shit face cock master > Listen, you donkey raping shit eater! > You’d fuck your uncle > _You’d_ fuck _your_ uncle! If I remember later I’ll look through my set of _Preacher_ paperbacks. There are some doozies in there. ---
**Author:** ![moonstarssun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@moonstarssun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moonstarssun)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224/57 "2008-09-15T02:15:17Z")
From _Adaptation_: “I just got shot! Isn’t that fucked up?” ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224/58 "2008-09-15T03:03:32Z")
> [@davidw](#): > > Uh, can someone explain what this means? Yeah, no shit- > [@](#): > > IF IT SHORT-DICKS EVERY CANNIBAL ON THE CONGO!! Yeah! YEAH! Um… huh? ---
**Author:** ![laughingboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@laughingboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/laughingboy)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224/59 "2008-09-15T03:23:26Z")
> [@davidw](#): > > Uh, can someone explain what this means? If Pyle is properly motivated, he will be whipped into shape. Since Pyle will no longer be obese, cannibals on the Congo will be very disappointed at the loss of this prize specimen. So much so that they will lose their current gluttony-inspired erections. ---
**Author:** ![Arglefraster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3bc359/32.png) [@Arglefraster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arglefraster)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2008, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224/60 "2008-09-17T16:20:53Z")
I can’t remember where I hear this one, but it’s one of the most … interesting … threats I’ve ever heard. “Me and him are going to poke two holes in your neck and bump dicks in the middle!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-greatest-vulgar-obscene-blasphemous-profane-or-otherwise-nsfw-quotations/463224.md?page=4)