# The guy in the next cubicle just farted **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 15, 2007, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813 "2007-10-15T18:06:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![LadyMack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4491bb/32.png) [@LadyMack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LadyMack)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/21 "2007-10-15T19:37:48Z")
Find out what type of flower scent he hates, then buy a can of air freshener as close to that as possible. Every time he farts, send a fog of freshener over the wall. If he complains, tell him you’ll stop when he does. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/22 "2007-10-15T19:45:29Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] **Dung Beetle** , that’s so hot. Chick fight, but with odors instead of claws. [/QUOTE] Join us for a threesome? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/23 "2007-10-15T19:47:47Z")
[QUOTE=Dung Beetle] Join us for a threesome? 😃 [/QUOTE] The two of you will have to buy me dinner first. May I suggest Mexican? ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/24 "2007-10-15T19:50:42Z")
[QUOTE=LadyMack] Find out what type of flower scent he hates, then buy a can of air freshener as close to that as possible. Every time he farts, send a fog of freshener over the wall. If he complains, tell him you’ll stop when he does. :dubious: [/QUOTE] I _like_ this. I’d also suggest coming into work next time in a HazMat suit, but I have absolutely no idea where you’d get one, so. ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/25 "2007-10-15T20:00:19Z")
[QUOTE=Winston Smith] He just let it rip. I think there was some lady in there with him. He didn’t even excuse himself. WTF? [/QUOTE] I don’t know but the evidence is pretty clear that it was her. First, he is always there, unfarting. Now there is a new person and there is a fart. Why would he fart as he never does in the worst possible circumstances? Also, had it been him, he should have apologized. Had it been her, the polite thing is to play possum. You heard no apologies and you have no previous reason to think the guy is a pig. It must have been her. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/26 "2007-10-15T20:01:23Z")
[QUOTE=fetus] Oh, hush. Like you’ve never had to let one out at work before. [/QUOTE] No, never. I am a lady. Ladies do not have emissions. (Where’s \*\*Eve \*\* and her lorgnette when you need her?) > [@Sunspace](#): > > Call Plant Maintenance! The ivy is wilting! Well, really! ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/27 "2007-10-15T20:02:48Z")
People sometimes have gas. Get over it. ---
**Author:** ![Bobotheoptimist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/919ad9/32.png) [@Bobotheoptimist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bobotheoptimist)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/28 "2007-10-15T20:10:39Z")
[QUOTE=ivylass] Boys are weird. Honestly, what kind of workplace is it where such emissions are tolerated? [/QUOTE] I once worked with a woman who called HR when someone farted around her. She was convinced they did it maliciously. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/29 "2007-10-15T20:10:46Z")
[QUOTE=Sapo] I don’t know but the evidence is pretty clear that it was her. First, he is always there, unfarting. Now there is a new person and there is a fart. Why would he fart as he never does in the worst possible circumstances? [/QUOTE] Wow, that’s interesting. It’s like she brought it to him like a gift. How thoughtful. Or maybe it was a work-related thing. Possibly she just decided it was better for her not to stink up her own cubicle, and hey, she gets to pass on the blame to boot. ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/30 "2007-10-15T20:13:07Z")
[QUOTE=Winston Smith] There he goes again, that ballbag. Gah! Muthafucka! God damn it! I can hear him sniffin’! [/QUOTE] Boys are gross, that’s why I throw rocks at them! **Zsofia** – not to be gross, but, yeh, if someone’s ass smells like freshly fried deeply salted kill ya in a few years country ham – I am so going to hang out with them when they have it for breakfast. I’m just sayin’ ---
**Author:** ![Jolly\_Roger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/91b2a8/32.png) [@Jolly\_Roger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jolly_Roger)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/31 "2007-10-15T20:17:34Z")
I knew a guy that let out such a tremendously bad fart, it cleared the office. We were all outside gasping for air. It took about 2o minutes before the boss gave the “all clear”. Maybe its a guy thing, but we were impressed. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/32 "2007-10-15T20:21:17Z")
Maybe so, but have you ever unleashed a fart that caused a military medical center’s entire waiting room staff to scramble for fans, right in the middle of processing a long line of injured trainees? I have, brother, and let me tell you, it felt good to get all of that pure, concentrated evil out of my ass. How it got in there in the first place is an impossible and disheartening question. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/33 "2007-10-15T20:21:43Z")
[QUOTE=ivylass] Boys are weird. Honestly, what kind of workplace is it where such emissions are tolerated? [/QUOTE] I work in some converted offices way back yonder that usta be something else, and instead of nice, spacious well-appointed restrooms we have converted closet one-holers. God help us when one of the boys goes in there to take a big giant dump. The entire floor _reeks_. Gag! It’s like monster, wall-to-wall fart-o-rama. With no ventilation! ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/34 "2007-10-15T20:28:34Z")
[QUOTE=Jolly Roger] Maybe its a guy thing, but we were impressed. [/QUOTE] Ivylad once cleared out the sonar shack of a US Navy submarine. He was held in awe for that one. ---
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/35 "2007-10-15T20:31:25Z")
[QUOTE=ivylass] No, never. I am a lady. Ladies do not have emissions. (Where’s \*\*Eve \*\* and her lorgnette when you need her?) Well, really! [/QUOTE] Right, women don’t fart. They just store it up till they turn 50. Then they explode. We were on a conference call one time and my coworker let one rip. It gave off that seismic rumble you could feel through the floor, the odor could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon and the noise was so loud that the people on the other end of the call heard it over the speaker phone. We were gagging and running from the room, he’s sitting there with a big-ass grin on his face and the regional VP, who sounded like Foghorn Leghorn, said over the speaker, “Boy, I shore am impressed! I think I can smell it from here!” ---
**Author:** ![rhythmonly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ee59a6/32.png) [@rhythmonly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhythmonly)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/36 "2007-10-15T20:35:12Z")
Since it’s our job here to fight ignorance, the OP’s response to his co-worker is clear: 1. Inform co-worker that he should not remain stationary while venting to outboard. 2. Instruct co-worker that he should tour the cube farm while emitting shit particles, and refer to it as Crop Dusting. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/37 "2007-10-15T20:36:56Z")
[QUOTE=erie774] Right, women don’t fart. They just store it up till they turn 50. Then they explode. [/QUOTE] Or wait until they get married. 😉 Ivyboy is off at college. He has a girlfriend. He has farted in front of her. She has not farted in front of him. ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/38 "2007-10-15T20:46:06Z")
[QUOTE=fetus] Maybe so, but have you ever unleashed a fart that caused a military medical center’s entire waiting room staff to scramble for fans, right in the middle of processing a long line of injured trainees? I have, brother, and let me tell you, it felt good to get all of that pure, concentrated evil out of my ass. How it got in there in the first place is an impossible and disheartening question. [/QUOTE] Similar situation. I was sitting in one of the control rooms (EOS) in an aircraft carrier’s engineering plant. Everyone was trapped in the space, and couldn’t leave for five hours. About three hours into the watch, the coffee I had been drinking all day finally hit the old pooter, and even the ventilation fans on highspeed couldn’t keep everybody else’s eyes from tearing up. One of my proudest underway moments, I tell ya. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/39 "2007-10-15T21:20:43Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Wow, that’s interesting. It’s like she brought it to him like a gift. How thoughtful. Or maybe it was a work-related thing. Possibly she just decided it was better for her not to stink up her own cubicle, and hey, she gets to pass on the blame to boot. [/QUOTE] I used to work retail with a guy who’d trap the dumb puppy-like kid behind the counter, drop one, and run away while Puppy Kid dealt with a customer. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but yeah, it was a laugh riot. He tried to teach me how to do it - “First you fart, and then you run away! You do not fart and then NOT run away! You do not run away and then fart! Got it, maggot?” Was it here that somebody told the story of how an airplane was almost forced to an emergency landing after their beer-and-brats hangover fart? Because that one had me in gales of silent laughter, especially the part about pretending to look around for the culprit. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/40 "2007-10-15T21:51:43Z")
Just skimmed the thread; am I the only one who thought of the London airport announcements prank? (http:// www .hendess.net/london.htm ; link broken because some words and definitely the sound links on that page are NSFW.) Specifically “Makollig Jezvahted and Levdaroum DeBahzted.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813.md?page=3)