# The guy in the next cubicle just farted **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 15, 2007, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813 "2007-10-15T18:06:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Jolly\_Roger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/91b2a8/32.png) [@Jolly\_Roger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jolly_Roger)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/41 "2007-10-15T21:57:24Z")
[QUOTE=erie774] Right, women don’t fart. They just store it up till they turn 50. Then they explode. We were on a conference call one time and my coworker let one rip. It gave off that seismic rumble you could feel through the floor, the odor could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon and the noise was so loud that the people on the other end of the call heard it over the speaker phone. We were gagging and running from the room, he’s sitting there with a big-ass grin on his face and the regional VP, who sounded like Foghorn Leghorn, said over the speaker, “Boy, I shore am impressed! I think I can smell it from here!” [/QUOTE] That made coke come out of my nose. 🙂 I learned that women fart long time ago. This is kind of disgusting, but heres what happened. Way back in my single soldier days I had this german girlfriend that would come visit me in the barracks. Any old troops here remember linen turn in? I haven’t lived in the barracks for some time, so its a distant memory. Anyway, my girl and I were making the beast with 2 backs one evening when she let one rip…an impressive one, too. It was loud and lasted for about 30 seconds. It sounded like two wet slabs of meats being slapped together rapidly too. (Which I guess was the sound of her buttocks hitting each other) I think it actually lifed us off of the bed. We kind of laughed it off and kept doing what we were doing though. After she left I was straightening up the bed and I noticed a long brown streak on the linen. UGH! She shit my bed! No problem, the next day was linen turn in. I stripped the bed and used my sleeping bag that night. The next morning I took the sheets to turn in. The supply sergeant would take the old ones and give me nice clean ones. And no one ever went to linen turn in, most folks had gthier own sheets. Plus, the supply sgt NEVER checked the sheets for holes or anything. He was supposed to, but he never did. Except he wasn’t there, his assistant was. And it seemed this one morning the entire company decided to show up. And of course the assistant unfurled the sheets before throwing them in the take away pile. In front of ebveryone. Showing the giant brown streak. And as is natural with my lousy luck, the commander happened to be there. All he could say was “GAWD DAMN! What did you do, Shit yourself!?”. (and of course, everyone is laughing at me…_sigh_) I told him that it was actually my girlfriend that made this huge stinky skidmark, and everyone said in unioson, “Suuuuure it was”. I had to endure about 2 weeks of having nicknames like “The Streak”, “Skidmark” and “Specialist Shitty pants”. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/42 "2007-10-15T21:57:58Z")
I am reminding myself that I don’t find farts amusing. It’s not working. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/43 "2007-10-15T22:01:25Z")
[QUOTE=Jolly Roger] Anyway, my girl and I were making the beast with 2 backs one evening when she let one rip…an impressive one, too. It was loud and lasted for about 30 seconds. It sounded like two wet slabs of meats being slapped together rapidly too. (Which I guess was the sound of her buttocks hitting each other) I think it actually lifed us off of the bed. We kind of laughed it off and kept doing what we were doing though. After she left I was straightening up the bed and I noticed a long brown streak on the linen. UGH! She shit my bed! [/QUOTE] So she let out a long, wet, slappy fart that actually left feces in your bed…and you only interrupted sex long enough to laugh it up? :eek: Dude, I would have been DONE. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/44 "2007-10-15T22:20:08Z")
Well, he didn’t realize there was poop AT THE TIME. Which I guess is testament to how great the sex was. Keep 'em coming, folks. You all know I love a good fart story. ---
**Author:** ![Jolly\_Roger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/91b2a8/32.png) [@Jolly\_Roger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jolly_Roger)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/45 "2007-10-15T22:39:15Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] So she let out a long, wet, slappy fart that actually left feces in your bed…and you only interrupted sex long enough to laugh it up? :eek: Dude, I would have been DONE. 😛 [/QUOTE] It wasn’t a turd, man, it was like…a stain. We laughed at the fart, not the…shit. I don’t think she even realized that there was more than gas in it. I’m not crazy…I mean if she had blow large chunks of brown matter all over the place I think it would have sunk any boner into the ground no matter how hot she was. I think the championship fart goes to this guy named Ruiz, though. It was in Fort Jackson, right after a 5 mile run. The platoon was marching back to the barracks in formation. He let one go, that was barely audible but had the power of Galactus behind it. This girl that was right next to me was behind him and she instantly started gagging and groaning “OMIGOD…I’m gonna get sick!” She immediately fell out of formation and started vomitting. Ruiz was laughing so hard he almost fell out too. We had to give it to him…a fart that can make an otherwise healthy and fit person instantly throw up is a lethal weapon. I mean, I caught some of it, too. It was awful. I think I had to burn that PT uniform since that funk could only be cleansed with fire. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/46 "2007-10-15T22:44:29Z")
> [@Jolly Roger](#): > > After she left I was straightening up the bed and I noticed a long brown streak on the linen. UGH! She shit my bed! :eek: :eek: :eek: Seriously, who _shits the bed_ while having sex with their SO? That is all kinds of weird. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/47 "2007-10-15T22:52:24Z")
Speaking of military farts… There was this one guy in clerk school named Kisamore. The latrine was at one end of a big bay full of bunk beds. He went into the can and proceeded to serenade us for a couple of minutes with huge butt blasts in between what sounded like a flock of otters diving into a kiddy pool. Then the stench rolled into the bay. Oh, God…it smelled like burnt, used diapers. A couple of tons worth. Maybe more. A Kisamore Kiloton. Nobody has ever, to my knowledge, achieved that level of _stink_. By the way, it is possible to be admired and ostracized at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/48 "2007-10-15T23:10:15Z")
OK, I take it back. These are not mere farts, but ass cataclysms. If the odor is more than a little smelly and is better described as a manifestation of Satan’s Own Bunghole Eruption, call an exorcist. ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_Venom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9fc348/32.png) [@Lady\_Venom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_Venom)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/49 "2007-10-15T23:18:49Z")
[QUOTE=Winston Smith] There he goes again, that ballbag. Gah! Muthafucka! God damn it! I can hear him sniffin’! [/QUOTE] Sorry, that made me laugh. Of course, I read it in Cartman’s voice. 😃 But seriously, I feel your pain. I have a co-worker who will not only fart in MY cubicle, but insists on scratching his nuts about a gazillion times a day, while standing right next to me. I swear, one of these days I’m going to put a tube of jock itch cream and an air freshener on his desk!! (and if I’m feeling evil, I’ll take pictures and send to everyone on our interoffice email list) ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/50 "2007-10-15T23:37:41Z")
There was a guy in my A school class named Grupe. Seaman Grupe cleared the room on more than one occasion with his highly potent gas. It got to the point where he was ordered to go to medical to be diagnosed and treated. It turned out that he was lactose intolerant but insisted on drinking milk with every meal. Once he cut the dairy out, life for the rest of us got easier. Robin ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2007, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/51 "2007-10-15T23:55:12Z")
I know women fart. I do sometimes, though I do try to contain things unless I’m by myself, but sometimes they just happen, ya know? And my 87-year-old grandma does, a whole lot. Every time she gets up, in fact. She doesn’t even notice anymore, I don’t think. ---
**Author:** ![Savannah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Savannah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Savannah)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/52 "2007-10-16T00:16:10Z")
[QUOTE=whiterabbit] I know women fart. I do sometimes, though I do try to contain things unless I’m by myself, but sometimes they just happen, ya know? And my 87-year-old grandma does, a whole lot. Every time she gets up, in fact. She doesn’t even notice anymore, I don’t think. [/QUOTE] Like my husband’s late grandmother, she probably can’t hear them, so doesn’t realise the rest of us can. I made some delicious homemade chili one time, and my husband got up in the night and left the bedroom for some reason, and when he came back in, his nose had un-climitized itself from my post-chili poofs. He said he couldn’t believe he’d been sleeping with that scent all night. That’s how I finally won the “bedroom door OPEN for fresh air” battle. With my FARTS! ---
**Author:** ![Indian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@Indian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indian)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/53 "2007-10-16T03:30:43Z")
I do not know why people make such a big fuss out of a vapor lock issue. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![SomeUserName](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e480ec/32.png) [@SomeUserName](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SomeUserName)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/54 "2007-10-16T10:16:15Z")
My BF made his famous bean soup Sunday night. It was defiantly one of his best batches. We woke each other up several times with our loud explosive farts. When I woke up at five and let out a boisterous fart he stirred and stated he was glad he took out the air conditioner and we had window open or we would have killed each other with the methane gas. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/55 "2007-10-16T10:55:41Z")
[QUOTE=SomeUserName] My BF made his famous bean soup Sunday night. It was defiantly one of his best batches. We woke each other up several times with our loud explosive farts. When I woke up at five and let out a boisterous fart he stirred and stated he was glad he took out the air conditioner and we had window open or we would have killed each other with the methane gas. [/QUOTE] _wipes away tear_ Ah, love… …at least I HOPE that was a tear I wiped away…did someone shoot a butt nugget at me from across the room? ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/56 "2007-10-16T11:43:57Z")
He’s at it again. I haven’t even been here ten minutes, and he’s fucking at it again. It’s gonna be a long day. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/57 "2007-10-16T12:23:38Z")
[QUOTE=Winston Smith] He’s at it again. I haven’t even been here ten minutes, and he’s fucking at it again. It’s gonna be a long day. ☹ [/QUOTE] Has he excused himself to tuck his colon back in? 'Cause if not, then you don’t have it so bad. ---
**Author:** ![Jolly\_Roger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/91b2a8/32.png) [@Jolly\_Roger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jolly_Roger)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/58 "2007-10-16T12:57:18Z")
[QUOTE=Winston Smith] He’s at it again. I haven’t even been here ten minutes, and he’s fucking at it again. It’s gonna be a long day. ☹ [/QUOTE] Whats this guy eat? A steady diet of beans? ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/59 "2007-10-16T13:08:22Z")
[QUOTE=Jolly Roger] Whats this guy eat? A steady diet of beans? [/QUOTE] No, he’s fucking at the lady farter. ---
**Author:** ![Jolly\_Roger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/91b2a8/32.png) [@Jolly\_Roger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jolly_Roger)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2007, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813/60 "2007-10-16T13:18:44Z")
[QUOTE=Jolly Roger] Whats this guy eat? A steady diet of beans? [/QUOTE] It sounds like you sit next to the guy featured in [this old commercial.](http://www.ifilm.com/video/2729248/collection/2687) Perhaps you should light a match every time he blows one. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-in-the-next-cubicle-just-farted/422813.md?page=4)