# The Guy Stuff Novelette promised by Falcon
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-stuff-novelette-promised-by-falcon/12096
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [December 16, 1999, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-stuff-novelette-promised-by-falcon/12096 "1999-12-16T21:27:00Z")
**Posts on this page:** 15
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)
#### Post date: [December 16, 1999, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-stuff-novelette-promised-by-falcon/12096/1 "1999-12-16T21:27:00Z")
Not to bust her tail feathers, but I’m busting her tail feathers.
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### Author:  [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)
#### Post date: [December 16, 1999, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-stuff-novelette-promised-by-falcon/12096/2 "1999-12-16T21:37:00Z")
Well Chief, we don’t we just sit back, put our feet up on the coffee table, and have a cold brew while we wait?
* * *
“There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.”
~P.J. O’Rourke~
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### Author:  [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)
#### Post date: [December 16, 1999, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-stuff-novelette-promised-by-falcon/12096/3 "1999-12-16T21:46:00Z")
Jesus Mary Joseph! You let ONE little thing slide, and suddenly I have an F-14 on my tail! No, it’s not done. Honestly, it hasn’t been started. The weekend I went away was…busy, to say the least. (And after that tattoo, I was in NO mood to write.) This week has sucked as well. Besides…you ever try to print that thread out??? Good lord!
The most I can promise is soon. Hopefully this weekend.
* * *
“Jesus Mary Joseph…you’re a biker chick!” - co-worker, upon hearing of my tattoo.
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### Author:  [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-stuff-novelette-promised-by-falcon/12096/4 "1999-12-17T00:21:00Z")
::Pops a cold one and sits down beside Uncle resigned to the wait::
So Beer, been to any good parties/road trips recently?
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### Author:  [@Byzantine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Byzantine)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-stuff-novelette-promised-by-falcon/12096/5 "1999-12-17T00:37:00Z")
If you need a writer…
(Pulls out all her tear sheets, awards, other shit)
I’m also a photographer…
(Pulls out another set of sheets, awards, other shit)
I’m also heavily into blackmail…
(Pulls out cash receipts, cancelled checks, other shit)
## That’s why I don’t work for a living, folks! 😉
Best!
Byz
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### Author:  [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-stuff-novelette-promised-by-falcon/12096/6 "1999-12-17T00:49:00Z")
Hey, Beer! Five bucks says Falcon finishes the novelization first, is more accurate and more entertaining.
::flips a fin on the coffee table, pops another cold one::
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### Author:  [@Byzantine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Byzantine)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-stuff-novelette-promised-by-falcon/12096/7 "1999-12-17T00:53:00Z")
Jesus! Was that a MAJOR slam or what? Ow! Be still my fucking ego…
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### Author:  [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-stuff-novelette-promised-by-falcon/12096/8 "1999-12-17T02:02:00Z")
Sorry, Byz!
::scrambling quickly to explain::
Upon re-reading my previos post, I realize how it must have sounded.
I wasn’t trying to slam you, rather I was hoping for a “journalistic topless mud wrestling match” between you and Falcon.
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### Author:  [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-stuff-novelette-promised-by-falcon/12096/9 "1999-12-17T02:54:00Z")
::_sniff!_::
I, however, am deeply concerned about the accuracy and journalistic integrity of this novelization.
I am _sooooo_ concerned that I have here a full case of Cuervo and 2 lbs. of beef jerky for the writer who will honestly and accurately portray the latecoming but svelte, witty and funloving librarian in the saga in an suitable (and flattering) manner.
Ignore any bitchy comments by the Yeti to the contrary. He (it?) is just having snit over the truck wash/hygiene thing.
Preening,
Veb
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### Author:  [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-stuff-novelette-promised-by-falcon/12096/10 "1999-12-17T03:33:00Z")
Veb -
You want consultation credit on this? Of course, I want to accurately portray the witty and lovely librarian, and the dashingly handsome naval aviator. (Hmm…anyone else I need to suck up to?) Let’s discuss…that Cuervo looks MIGHTY good right now.
* * *
“Jesus Mary Joseph…you’re a biker chick!” - co-worker, upon hearing of my tattoo.
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### Author:  [@Byzantine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Byzantine)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-stuff-novelette-promised-by-falcon/12096/11 "1999-12-17T07:00:00Z")
Well, (taking a drag on her cigarette) Falcon (sizing her up and down) we meet again (spewing smoke in her face) for the first time!
(Baring teeth, extending fingers, contracting them over the keyboard) I knew this day would come! It was foretold in the sagas of the Viking Women Against The Sea Serpent.
As all the women cast spears into the tree, you and I stood watching and waiting…
## Aw, fuck it, let’s go get a beer!
Best!
Byz
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### Author:  [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)
#### Post date: [December 17, 1999, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-stuff-novelette-promised-by-falcon/12096/12 "1999-12-17T14:02:00Z")
Just don’t forget to include the tequila swigging guy with the magical flamethrower.
* * *
You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing.
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### Author:  [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)
#### Post date: [December 18, 1999, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-stuff-novelette-promised-by-falcon/12096/13 "1999-12-18T06:17:00Z")
Oooh, ooh! I missed the first guy stuff thread, can I join this one? I can do guy stuff (you know, this room could really use some track lighting), I’m really good at belching (excuse me!), and I just adore scratching (who the hell chose drapes over curtains in here?).
Well, can I?
* * *
The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of legs. – E. Grebenik
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### Author:  [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)
#### Post date: [December 18, 1999, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-stuff-novelette-promised-by-falcon/12096/14 "1999-12-18T05:18:00Z")
::Sealemon fired his flame thrower in a single virile burst. Muscles flexing beneath tanned, taut skin, UncleBeer heaved projectiley into Coldfire’s lap.
Cristi, the temptress, cooed that she craved pork rinds. Coldfire smiled coldy and shoved another Rush cd into the dash.
Ayesha tossed back her tawny rippling locks and taunted that the Yeti ate the dashboard into plastic smithereens 2 states back.
Neurro Trash, clad in tight black leather, clutches her dead wombat…uh, cat…and cries vengeance unto the heavens.
Wally sips a saucy Pinot Grigio and passes out when the Yeti collapeses on top of him.
The Yeti…metabolizes.
The svelte, witty and funloving librarian suggests a group shower.
Over to you, Byz and Falc.
Just consulting,
Veb
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### Author:  [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)
#### Post date: [December 18, 1999, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-guy-stuff-novelette-promised-by-falcon/12096/15 "1999-12-18T05:35:00Z")
“The temptress”? Although I like it very much, I’m afraid it it woefully inaccurate. I am a redhead, you see, and I do not tempt. I _insist._
Now back to the novelization already in progress…