# The Hags of the Straight Dope **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 13, 2000, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460 "2000-05-13T23:00:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Sweet\_Basil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4bbf92/32.png) [@Sweet\_Basil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweet_Basil)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/121 "2000-05-15T03:46:03Z")
Could I be an auxiliary boy? If not, could I be a cabana boy?? Sweet Basil ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/122 "2000-05-15T03:46:18Z")
Wooohooo! I’m not only an offical hag, I’m a _beautiful_ hag and an officer, too! This honor won’t be taken lightly, Green Bean. Okay, beart check, y’all… Uh, what were those responsibilities again? Name nomination: a hassle of hags. Hmmm? Veb ---
**Author:** ![saucy\_potato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/edb3f5/32.png) [@saucy\_potato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saucy_potato)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/123 "2000-05-15T03:48:27Z")
**Green Bean** , I don’t have a scanner. ☹ However, I will serve cake and beverages in a purely Hag-like fashion… when need be. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/124 "2000-05-15T03:55:40Z")
Locker room attendant! Goodie! All hags, see me for towels, soap, shampoo and to scrub your backs.( or fronts:D:D) ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecccb3/32.png) [@Lord\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/125 "2000-05-15T04:21:57Z")
Maybe I could work for **zyada** as the after practice rub down guy. Is there an officer position for that? I do pretty good at lawn care, is there an officer position for that? Jim ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/126 "2000-05-15T04:24:24Z")
Ah well, I was hoping that I could get away with just a quick request. For the record, I cook. Not only do I cook simple meals, such as ondue, but elaborate affairs that necessitate words such as Flambe, and deglaze. In addition to my culinary skills, I am an accomplished cleaner of things. My home is spotless 98% of the time. I am kind to children and animals. I read women’s magazines to learn how better to please them. I can knit, if necessary. That, and I’m an all around nice guy 🙂 See pic on website, please. Brian ---
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/127 "2000-05-15T04:50:32Z")
Damn! Part of the bourgeousie **and** an officer!!! My apologies to proles everywhere! OK, ok, so I _like_ it… There! Are you happy with what you’ve done??? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/128 "2000-05-15T07:42:53Z")
WooHoo! I’m in the ‘Cute’ category! Thank you, Green Bean. Yes, I do have a great smile, so I’m told. The reason I wasn’t smiling in that pic is because I had broken my front tooth and was very selfconscious about it. ☹ It’s all fixed now, and I’ll work on a more current pic of me for you. 🙂 RTFirefly and JimB, may I be first in line for a full massage? Pretty please?? weirddave, of course you may hand me towels and also scrub my back for me, thanks. I can never really reach it. As for the front… I _think_ I can manage that myself, but I’ll let you know. 😉 zyada, I’ll be happy to help you with the dance, if you need it. Let me know. 🙂 Oh, Grand High Poohbah, I’m so sorry that I forgot to vote on our name. Let’s see, our choices, IIRC, are: Haggis of hags Haggle of hags Hassle of hags(good one, Veb!) NaggingRagHags R Us Knitting Circle Hmmmm. For me, I vote for either a Haggle or a Hassle. ---
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 9:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/129 "2000-05-15T09:22:31Z")
I am honoured beyond words. I shall spend a significant portion of this morning alternating between practicing drill in the garden and standing guard duty in the doorway of the garden shed - where my Benny Hill salute should attract many admiring glances from uhh, well no one, actually. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/130 "2000-05-15T10:03:42Z")
So, who wants to come up to my clubhouse? ---
**Author:** ![Girlbysea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Girlbysea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girlbysea)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/131 "2000-05-15T11:06:08Z")
Thank you so much… Gosh, I really am shy… Walking away blushing… ---
**Author:** ![Globe-trotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cab0a1/32.png) [@Globe-trotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Globe-trotter)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/132 "2000-05-15T11:32:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Let’s see, our choices, IIRC, are: > Haggis of hags > Haggle of hags > Hassle of hags(good one, Veb!) > NaggingRagHags R Us > Knitting Circle > \*\* I suggest that we eliminate “Knitting Circle”. After all, hags _don’t_ knit, they let the lesser mortals do the knitting! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![CanadianSue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@CanadianSue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanadianSue)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/133 "2000-05-15T11:43:06Z")
Stitch and Bitch? ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/134 "2000-05-15T12:47:20Z")
Though honored as I am to be included in this august society, I would like to petition the higher ups for designation as “Founding Member”. I did, after all, originally reply with sound advice to the putz known as lswote and was the first to flame him after his infamous hag line. That should count for something. Oh, and here is [a self-portrait of moi](http://phouka.w1.net/art/self.jpg) as well as [my pirate pic](http://phouka.w1.net/BGBH/images/robin.jpg) for further consideration. Sanibel, you are a consumate cutie. Were I 12 years younger, I would be throwing paperballs at you trying to get your attention. Calredic, if you’re near Dallas at this time - or in SoCal after the next month - why don’t we see what we can do about that lonliness you mentioned. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/135 "2000-05-15T12:55:17Z")
w00h00! I’ve never been called a hag without another three letter word in front of it before! 😉 GreenBean, I’m here for any administrative tasks you wanna throw my way. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/136 "2000-05-15T13:16:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Ogre/Urge/Iswote - You remember when you sent me that e-mail after you were banned and I suggested that you wait a little while then come back and try again without the victim attitude? > > I don’t think you waited long enough. > \*\* \*\* WOAH! \*\* Ogre sent me an e-mail, too, and THEN IMed me! Totally out of the blue, I was freaked out! I can’t BELIEVE I didn’t make the connection! How many other Hags did this freak e-mail? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/137 "2000-05-15T13:31:51Z")
Well, I would say that he IMed me, but _sob_, I’m not a hag. ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/138 "2000-05-15T13:43:37Z")
I hereby and forthwith and forthby and herewith submit my application to be a Certified Hag. My qualifications are as follows: I have two X chromosomes. I have two specialized sweat glands which protrude somewhat from my person (and possibly have their own gravity and village customs). Though I don’t know yoga, I’m willing to learn. I am mentally and physically flexible. I can show you a good time for less than US$50, but I would rather leave you tantalized. I make a mean leg of lamb. I respectfully submit my photo via URL for your consideration: [http://members.xoom.com/iannat/index.html](http://members.xoom.com/iannat/index.html) . The first page shows two of my children. I am maliciously and with harmful intent forcing you to click through my front page in a mercenary attempt to up the numbers on my counter. The next page contains my picture. I am unable at this time to apply for a specific category, since I think “Hag” sums it up pretty well on its own. I am never on the RAG, though I am frequently on the HAG. As is my husband, come to think of it. I am so spikkity-spakkity brand-new that my posts are not yet in double digits. I hope to rectify this situation, but I’m currently fighting off the overwhelming feeling that I am a deadly Thread Killer, and am hiding out to avoid the authorities. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/139 "2000-05-15T13:44:05Z")
_sigh_ Let’s try again. Oh, and here is [a self-portrait of moi](http://phouka.w1.net/art/self.jpg) as well as [my pirate pic](http://phouka.w1.net/BGBH/images/robin.jpg) for further consideration. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/140 "2000-05-15T13:47:02Z")
Oh, Mr C.! You shall be a Hag once I get to the next round of paperwork. Consider yourself a Hag-to-Be. Phouka: I perhaps did not explain the Founding Members thing clearly enough. The Founding Members include me and the three Hags that I was having a fun email exchange with in the day(s?) before I founded the Hags. But, since you asked so nice, I’ll make you an officer… I should be posting the next update this evening. Darn it, I have to go to work and school today. ☹ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460.md?page=8)