# The Hags of the Straight Dope **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 13, 2000, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460 "2000-05-13T23:00:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/161 "2000-05-15T21:26:17Z")
I think I am going to change my UserName to “The Forgotten”. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/162 "2000-05-15T22:16:08Z")
Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Pick me! I know I don’t participate very much on the board, but I’d love to be a Hag! Please? This is me. I am the one in the middle in the second shot. [http://www.sugar-beast.com/me.htm](http://www.sugar-beast.com/me.htm) Thank you for your consideration. ---
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/163 "2000-05-15T22:24:33Z")
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**Author:** ![Kricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f14d63/32.png) [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/164 "2000-05-15T22:41:06Z")
I think I submitted my picture to Green Bean yesterday, and I am awaiting acceptance. Long live the Hags!!! ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/165 "2000-05-15T22:41:18Z")
Yowza! This group is cohesing like snot on the upper lip. (I’ve been practicing metaphors – like that one?) I’ll send a pic as soon as I get a camera that works. I **do** have some Seattle photos on disk, but the only one of me was taken at the zoo, and my sweet little face is sticking out of a butterfly cutout. Won’t do at all. Looks like I’m auditioning for a part in a low-budget version of The Fly III. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecccb3/32.png) [@Lord\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/166 "2000-05-15T22:49:20Z")
I do hope that the **HHH** ( **H** ead **H** oncho **H** ag) allows me to serve in that capacity. I’ll be a willing and able assistant. I’ll work the long grooling hours of rubbing, stroking, kneading the Hag’s various body parts. Being an _un_married type of guy, I can step up in those delicate situations where you are unable to perform. Wait, that didn’t come out right. Let’s make that, when conflicts of interest prevent you from giving the attention to detail that is required for the situation at _hand_. Yeah, that’s better. That’s the kind of sacrifice I am willing to do for the Haggle of Hags. Jim ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/167 "2000-05-15T22:50:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > I’m honored indeed to have been named Masseur of the SD Hags. > > JimB, if the Head Honcho Hag OKs it, I can definitely use an assistant - > them’s more backs than I can give justice to in an evening. Also see below. > > purplebear - being the married kinda guy, only my wife gets the **full** massage! > I’ll be happy to rub your back, neck, and feet; maybe JimB will take care of > anything else you want rubbed. 😃 > \*\* :o :o I am married also, RTF. Ummmmm. That’s what I meant, what you said, yeah, that’s it. :o 😉 How about my arms and legs? Would that be acceptable? 🙂 What can I say? At least he’s coming home on Thurs! 😃 Even if it is only for 2 weeks. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Calredic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@Calredic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calredic)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/168 "2000-05-15T23:03:22Z")
Nacho4Sara: Believe me, I’d gladly accept your proposal, but I have a shameful confession to make… um, I don’t know who Etta James is, and only the vaguest idea of Billie Holliday. No, I _don’t_ get out much. It’s too bad, really–I always _have_ liked nachos; especially the crisp, salty kind… 😉 phouka: _Sigh_… unfortunately, I’m stuck in the middle of the unending flatness of Illinois, or I’d be more than happy to take you up on that offer. Still, don’t think I don’t appreciate the thought–in this thread alone, I’ve gotten two more offers from women than I have in the last five years IRL. Take my word for it–I appreciate it! –Calredic ---
**Author:** ![ChrisCTP](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@ChrisCTP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChrisCTP)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/169 "2000-05-15T23:07:02Z")
Well, shit. I got voted “Ms. Congeniality” and “Most Patient with Newbies” in the recent TMHP awards… how the hell am I supposed to qualify as a hag? Does it count that I spend 99 percent of my spare time on this board and the 3FMB? How 'bout the fact that I’ve met somewhere in the neighborhood of 35 regs? Or that my room at the Renaissance was “Headquarters” for the Spiffled Dopefest? Or that I have an extensive SD photo album on my homepage? Ooh! I have an “in”! **TVeblen** is a close, personal friend of mine. It’s true. Even her _dog_ adores me. :::searching memory banks for public forays into hagdom::: I was the first person ever to respond to Phaedrus. I was vile with Mark Serlin and MikeyLikesIT. Ahh, jeez. It’s almost my one-year board anniversary fercryinoutloud, it’s gotta count for something. Right? ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/170 "2000-05-15T23:16:27Z")
Coinkidinkilly, it entered my mind today that Chris had not been given her proper Hag status. I’ll vouch for her. She would make a marvelous Hag! ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/171 "2000-05-15T23:18:27Z")
:::knocking on UncleBeer’s door::: Hey! Open up! Listen, I know you’ve got elelle in there, but I can guarantee she won’t mind if you let me in. I brought artichokes! ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2000, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/172 "2000-05-15T23:26:45Z")
Artichokes? Yuck! Leave those nasty things outside and come on in. Or better yet, bring them in, I’ve can use them to scrub the dogshit off the bottom of my shoe. Oh elelle, are you decent? We have company. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2000, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/173 "2000-05-16T00:44:29Z")
Relax, pb, I know you’re married…I just had to ‘misunderstand’ you to see what sort of reaction I’d get. 😛 Besides, it fit in with the rest of the post! JimB: that post was a hoot - I’ve been trying to compose a witty response, but I’ve been laughing too hard! ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2000, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/174 "2000-05-16T01:22:05Z")
Ok ladies as a founding member of the Hags (I love that stitch and bitch, Sue) it is quite evident that I, as also the number one bitch on **concrete’s** list of bastards to beware of, and also don’t forget I’m arrogant, need to whip you ladies in shape. Running through the thread, it seems you are letting the gents off way too easy. This will be submitted as the first agenda item to our Great One Green Bean at the first meeting. Bring your torches, we don’t furnish them. ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2000, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/175 "2000-05-16T01:32:10Z")
Ummm, being a Hag, I’m ALWAYS decent, ecstatic, and decscending into ascendency. Open the door, UncaB, to Cristi & all other Hags who wanna join in! Sexxy Peep Hag, toss those artychokes in the jacuzzi, they’ll be tongue worthy bout right shortly. I’m a little bleery, what to do with that swing over the jacuzzi? Madame Supreme Hag, care to join? I don’t wanna violate any of the rules of true hagitude… ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2000, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/176 "2000-05-16T01:35:10Z")
> [@](#): > > Running through the thread, it seems you are letting the gents off way too easy. This will be submitted as the first agenda item to our Great One Green Bean at the first meeting. Bring your torches, we don’t furnish them. Oh, but I disagree, esteemed ultress FM! From the _thread_ it may seem that I am being too easy on them…Much goes on behind the scenes, grasshopper. [whisper] Higher JimB, Higher! Yeeeeahhh! [/whisper] Well, my Hags, I am back from my long long day. I am pleased to see that this little thread is growing up to be big and strong! I am reviewing the latest batch of applications and other business at hand. I just wanted to drop by and say howdy…I didn’t want you all to think I had forgotten about you! See ya later, Hag-igators! ---
**Author:** ![Nacho4Sara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Nacho4Sara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nacho4Sara)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2000, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/177 "2000-05-16T01:39:56Z")
> [@](#): > > Nacho4Sara: Believe me, I’d gladly accept your proposal, but I have a shameful confession to make… um, I don’t know who Etta James is, and only the vaguest idea of Billie Holliday. No, I _don’t_ get out much. It’s too bad, really–I always _have_ liked nachos; especially the crisp, salty kind… Oh, Calredic…it’s ok. I’ll forgive you since we are both English majors. And I am crisp and salty, too! I’ll just give you Etta and Billie CDs as a wedding gift! 🙂 when ya coming to visit me in Baltimore, sweetie? 😉 Love Sarah, one VERY beautiful hag! PS I don’t know what’s come over me! Why am I flirting shamelessly…must be this hag gig. PPS Can I be the resident flirt? Pretty please? ---
**Author:** ![jjjfishe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/46a35a/32.png) [@jjjfishe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjjfishe)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2000, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/178 "2000-05-16T01:41:15Z")
Any speaking assignments?.. Spokesmodel here…at your service! ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2000, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/179 "2000-05-16T01:43:01Z")
elelle OH, Hags hang out with whoever the heck they want! ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2000, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460/180 "2000-05-16T01:45:59Z")
Oh jeez! I meant that “they hang out with whoever the heck they want **to hang out with** ” :o ::steels herself for the onslaught:: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hags-of-the-straight-dope/19460.md?page=10)