# The Haiku Master says: "You want a piece of me?" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 18, 2000, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318 "2000-04-18T20:53:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/1 "2000-04-18T20:53:00Z")
I am, as you may or may not know, The Haiku Master. In the interests of proving my chops, I want to issue the following self-challenge: I will write a haiku on ANY subject you SDMBers care to request. Come on - I dare you. If you choose something esoteric, you may want to define it for the other people reading this thread. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/2 "2000-04-18T21:00:00Z")
Felching. ---
**Author:** ![Iguana\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@Iguana\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iguana_Boy)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/3 "2000-04-18T21:44:00Z")
The Sip’n Fly * * * The Scots - never trust a race whose national dress includes a concealed knife. ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/4 "2000-04-18T21:46:00Z")
Our newest friend, The Urge ---
**Author:** ![missbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@missbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missbunny)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/5 "2000-04-18T21:55:00Z")
The Sip’n Fly and The Urge, together, felching. Now _that_ I’d like to read! ---
**Author:** ![missbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@missbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missbunny)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/6 "2000-04-18T21:56:00Z")
On second thought, better skip it. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/7 "2000-04-18T21:58:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Esprix: > **Felching.** Erotic pastime, Queasily fascinating. I’ve never been felched. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/8 "2000-04-18T21:59:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Iguana Boy: > \*\*The Sip’n Fly > \*\* Ah, The Sip’n Fly… A thick shell of bravado May hide emptiness. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/9 "2000-04-18T22:00:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by mouthbreather: > **Our newest friend, The Urge** Why’d he choose a name That refers to what I feel When I need to crap? * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/10 "2000-04-18T22:03:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by missbunny: > **The Sip’n Fly and The Urge, together, felching. Now _that_ I’d like to read!** two trolls who suck ass. I know of no clearer way To say this, bunny. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![missbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@missbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missbunny)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/11 "2000-04-18T22:08:00Z")
Thanks for making that a nice G-rated haiku - I was getting queasy thinking of all the possible ways it could have turned out. Bunnies don’t like to have their tummies upset, you know. ---
**Author:** ![Iguana\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@Iguana\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iguana_Boy)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/12 "2000-04-18T22:09:00Z")
The challenge was sent I thought it was too hard, but You are the master The ever-respectful Iguana Boy * * * The Scots - never trust a race whose national dress includes a concealed knife. ---
**Author:** ![missbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@missbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missbunny)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/13 "2000-04-18T22:10:00Z")
Well, relatively G-rated - (see “suck ass”). ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/14 "2000-04-18T22:14:00Z")
## I learned from the [redneck haiku](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/005815.html) thread that Chef reigns supreme over all That movie taught me some important lessons in life. 1. I can build a robot that loves me. 2. I can reanimate my dead girlfriend by jamming bits of metal and silicon into her skull. Both are lessons I use on a daily basis… ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/15 "2000-04-18T22:15:00Z")
1:) Wombats. 2:) Mega the Roo’s hometown of Saskatoon Saskatchewan. 3:) Stuffed trout. Go ahead make my day!!! Keith * * * “I’m tired of being an object of ridicule. I wanna be a figure of fear, respect, and SEX!” -Radar O’Reilly ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/16 "2000-04-18T22:23:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Iguana Boy: > \*\*The challenge was sent > I thought it was too hard, but > You are the master > The ever-respectful Iguana Boy > \*\* My son, your haiku Shows promise. Now roam the earth Like that _Kung Fu_ guy. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Iguana\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@Iguana\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iguana_Boy)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/17 "2000-04-18T22:30:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Chef Troy: > \*\* My son, your haiku > Shows promise. Now roam the earth > Like that _Kung Fu_ guy. > > \*\* At first glance -it’s praise But could you be telling me To go and get lost? I can’t keep this up! (no sexual innuendo, please) * * * The Scots - never trust a race whose national dress includes a concealed knife. ---
**Author:** ![as\_u\_wish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@as\_u\_wish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/as_u_wish)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/18 "2000-04-18T22:32:00Z")
A first effort. You choose where to put the comma(s), if any. The Chef uncloseted On line open only here The breeze blows both ways * * * inconceivable? i don’t think that word means what you think it does ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/19 "2000-04-18T22:33:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Odieman: > \*\*1:) Wombats. > 2:) Mega the Roo’s hometown of Saskatoon Saskatchewan. > 3:) Stuffed trout. > Go ahead make my day!!! > Keith > \*\* 1:) Although they’re smaller, They resemble kangaroos. And what an odd name! 2:) The best thing about Saskatoon, Saskatchewan? Mega the Roo, of course! 3:) Bright quicksilver scales are replaced with crisp breading; crabmeat hides inside. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![as\_u\_wish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@as\_u\_wish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/as_u_wish)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/20 "2000-04-18T22:34:00Z")
This is NOT my day. Take the “The” out of the first line. Chee. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318.md?page=2)