# The Haiku Master says: "You want a piece of me?" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 18, 2000, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318 "2000-04-18T20:53:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/21 "2000-04-18T22:44:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by as\_u\_wish: > **This is NOT my day. Take the “The” out of the first line. Chee.** Don’t beat yourself up. But ALWAYS count syllables. Then you’ll be just fine. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Iguana\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@Iguana\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iguana_Boy)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/22 "2000-04-18T22:45:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Chef Troy: > \*\* 1 🙂 > Although they’re smaller, > They resemble kangaroos. > And what an odd name! > \*\* A small kangaroo? Isn’t that a wallaby? Now I’m in for it! 😃 The improving (?) Iguana Boy * * * The Scots - never trust a race whose national dress includes a concealed knife. ---
**Author:** ![missbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@missbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missbunny)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/23 "2000-04-18T22:49:00Z")
Chef, I’m sad to say That wombats are not like 'roos But rather small bears. ---
**Author:** ![missbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@missbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missbunny)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/24 "2000-04-18T22:51:00Z")
Not actual bears But stocky bear-like creatures Or so says Webster’s. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/25 "2000-04-18T23:06:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by missbunny: > **Not actual bears > But stocky bear-like creatures > Or so says Webster’s.** I made a mistake. The one I was thinking of Is a wallaby. I apologize. May I be permitted to Write a replacement? “Don’t trust the wombat. this bear-like critter is a Wallaby lover.” * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/26 "2000-04-18T23:10:00Z")
All right I admit it. You ARE the master. I bow down in front of your superior poetic abilities. Call me a Cheffie Keith * * * “I’m tired of being an object of ridicule. I wanna be a figure of fear, respect, and SEX!” -Radar O’Reilly ---
**Author:** ![Iguana\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@Iguana\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iguana_Boy)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/27 "2000-04-18T23:13:00Z")
I’m on GMT And it’s well after midnight So I’m off to bed But when work is done And I can get back on-line I’ll surely be back The “expecting to get his newbie haiku butt kicked overnight” Iguana Boy * * * The Scots - never trust a race whose national dress includes a concealed knife. ---
**Author:** ![missbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@missbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missbunny)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/28 "2000-04-18T23:15:00Z")
Chef shows true talent But the real test is to write A wombat sonnet. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/29 "2000-04-18T23:16:00Z")
**Chef,** I’m looking for a good recipe for a chiffonade salad dressing. Needless to say, I’d like it in the haiku form, please. * * * Uke ---
**Author:** ![Iguana\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@Iguana\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iguana_Boy)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/30 "2000-04-18T23:24:00Z")
But one last haiku Another challenge for Chef Will he dare say yes? My challenge is this- Dare the Chef write a haiku About…The Straight Dope? See ya all tomorrow IB * * * The Scots - never trust a race whose national dress includes a concealed knife. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/31 "2000-04-19T00:10:00Z")
Can you do Villanelles? seriously. How about one on Groundhogs? ---
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/32 "2000-04-19T00:10:00Z")
spam- I’ve already got one- tender pink morsel glistening with salty gel what the hell is it? try to beat that ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/33 "2000-04-19T02:52:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Ukulele Ike: > \*\ ***Chef,** I’m looking for a good recipe for a chiffonade salad dressing. > > Needless to say, I’d like it in the haiku form, please. > \*\* Oil and vinegar, basil cut into fine shreds, thyme, garlic, dijon. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/34 "2000-04-19T02:57:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Scylla: > \*\*Can you do Villanelles? > > seriously. > > How about one on Groundhogs?\*\* I’d do villanelles, But I don’t know what it is. How many syllables? As for groundhogs…sure! The meteorologist: Punxsutawney Phil. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/35 "2000-04-19T03:02:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Iguana Boy: > \*\*But one last haiku > Another challenge for Chef > Will he dare say yes? > > My challenge is this- > Dare the Chef write a haiku > About…The Straight Dope? > > See ya all tomorrow > > IB > \*\* Here’s a triad: VERY clever folks, All too smart for their own good (except for the trolls…) Not one ever met a question they didn’t like, 'cept the “GRY” one. They rally around the flag of Cecil Adams: “Long live the Straight Dope!” * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/36 "2000-04-19T03:03:00Z")
{applause} But what of the egg? Hard-boiled, and the beets? Leek? Was I misinformed? ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/37 "2000-04-19T03:06:00Z")
Haiku two, line three In the above post should read, “'Cept **for** the ‘GRY’ one.” * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/38 "2000-04-19T03:14:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by red\_dragon60: > \*\*spam- I’ve already got one- > > tender pink morsel > glistening with salty gel > what the hell is it? > > try to beat that\*\* I’ll try. Granted this is not an original, but it’s my favorite spam haiku. ## salty pink temptress– I can no longer remain vegetarian That movie taught me some important lessons in life. 1. I can build a robot that loves me. 2. I can reanimate my dead girlfriend by jamming bits of metal and silicon into her skull. Both are lessons I use on a daily basis… ---
**Author:** ![as\_u\_wish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@as\_u\_wish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/as_u_wish)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/39 "2000-04-19T03:14:00Z")
## Head hung low in shame A new post, a missing word Recounting new hope inconceivable? i don’t think that word means what you think it does ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318/40 "2000-04-19T03:15:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Ukulele Ike: > \*\*{applause} > > But what of the egg? > Hard-boiled, and the beets? Leek? > Was I misinformed?\*\* You are correct, sir. I didn’t look up the list of ingredients. I just created A salad dressing for you. It’s in your honor. See, the chiffonade **technique** is to finely shred an herb for garnish. The **salad dressing** Is a diff’rent recipe. It is as follows: Start with French dressing. Mince hard-boiled egg, green pepper, Chives, parsley, and beets; Also mince onion. Take the above minced veggies; Blend into dressing. But it sounds nasty. My own dressing recipe Will taste better. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haiku-master-says-you-want-a-piece-of-me/16318.md?page=3)