# The hardest and/or worst news you ever had to break to someone **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 8, 2013, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hardest-and-or-worst-news-you-ever-had-to-break-to-someone/662980 "2013-07-08T21:43:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hardest-and-or-worst-news-you-ever-had-to-break-to-someone/662980/41 "2013-07-09T15:01:46Z")
> [@Mister\_Owl](#): > > You don’t want to know. And seriously folks, why would anyone want to share something like that online? If you don’t want to share, that’s fine…but other people do. Something in human nature makes people want to share their secrets. Look up the story about King Midas and his barber; it’s nothing new. The anonymity of the internet makes sharing secrets even more appealing. In fact, [there’s a whole website devoted to it.](http://www.postsecret.com/) ---
**Author:** ![JerrySTL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e274bd/32.png) [@JerrySTL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerrySTL)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hardest-and-or-worst-news-you-ever-had-to-break-to-someone/662980/42 "2013-07-09T15:12:43Z")
When I was stationed with the USAF in England around 1990 I got a call from the Red Cross that the daughter of one of my guys had been killed. She was run over by a drunk while walking home. I knew that another of his daughters had died in a car accident about 4 years before. Brad and his wife didn’t have a phone, and I wouldn’t have called anyway. So at 3 AM I had to deliver the sad, sad news in person. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hardest-and-or-worst-news-you-ever-had-to-break-to-someone/662980/43 "2013-07-09T15:19:50Z")
> [@Sudden\_Kestrel](#): > > For me, it was telling my mother when I was 16 that I was pregnant. It especially galled me because I knew she wouldn’t be surprised. I always managed to live down to her expectations. This was mine too, except I was 17 and I thought it was worse because I knew she would be shocked. I’d tried to hint around for a month or so that I felt nauseous and stuff, but she didn’t get it at all. She thought I was a virgin. She knew I was in a serious relationship but she couldn’t believe that telling me over and over again not to have premarital sex hadn’t worked. She never did understand teenagers… ---
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hardest-and-or-worst-news-you-ever-had-to-break-to-someone/662980/44 "2013-07-09T15:20:15Z")
My wife had a hard time getting and staying pregnant with many a disappointing miscarriage, which became a very senstive issue. We were finally successful with our first son, but then went through a devastating 6-month still-born which was hard to tell my wife. Our second son was an extremely difficult pregnancy with an in-utero bleed, placenta previa, and some other complications but he eventually came out healthy. But the worst was for our third, my wife went away for the weekend to our island in Georgian Bay which was, at the time, off the grid. Right after she left, the lab called to inform us that the results for the IPS (Integrated Prenatal Screening) had come back positive and we needed to report to the genetics lab ASAP. I had to sit on this news all weekend, knowing that this was an extrememly sensitive issue and it would have a devastating effect on her, physically, mentally and emotionally. FTR- After about a week, the doctor at the genetics lab discovered that the ultrasound technician had reversed the month and day on the records (06/07/2009 instead of 07/06/2009) We were pissed…but that’s another story! ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hardest-and-or-worst-news-you-ever-had-to-break-to-someone/662980/45 "2013-07-09T15:31:42Z")
> [@TreacherousCretin](#): > > My father had exploratory surgery. I was the person who told him what they found- inoperable, widespread, late-stage cancer, months to live. He was 67, I was 42. > > Hard as it was, I wanted to be the one to tell him. Nobody else in the immediate family was capable, mother and sisters being crazy-hysterical with grief, and I sure as hell didn’t want his cool, detatched surgeon giving him the news. > Nine weeks later I was also the only one at his bedside for the final several hours, holding his hand as he died. (Mother and sisters still “not up to it.”) > I consider my part in both events to have been a privilege. 20 years ago. Gotta go, something in my eye. How long ago was this? Nowadays, it’s the doctor’s job to tell someone that. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hardest-and-or-worst-news-you-ever-had-to-break-to-someone/662980/46 "2013-07-09T15:34:03Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > This was mine too, except I was 17 and I thought it was worse because I knew she would be shocked. I’d tried to hint around for a month or so that I felt nauseous and stuff, but she didn’t get it at all. She thought I was a virgin. She knew I was in a serious relationship but she couldn’t believe that telling me over and over again not to have premarital sex hadn’t worked. She never did understand teenagers… Even though she was one at one time? ---
**Author:** ![Crotalus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crotalus/32/41_2.png) [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hardest-and-or-worst-news-you-ever-had-to-break-to-someone/662980/47 "2013-07-09T15:49:16Z")
When my wife died, I had to tell my 10 year old stepdaughter that her mother was dead. I also had to tell my wife’s mother and sisters. I called her mother and sisters first, then told my stepdaughter in person. What a horrible, painful day that was. ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hardest-and-or-worst-news-you-ever-had-to-break-to-someone/662980/48 "2013-07-09T15:56:24Z")
I’m pretty sure the hardest thing my husband had to tell me was that the World Trade Center had been hit by two planes. We were living in Staten Island on that day. He pulled me outside our house and halfway down the block to show me Manhattan on fire. He had seen the second plane hit from the ferry. What followed was a week of complete hell. We were unable to leave the island because they blocked off the two bridges and shut down the ferry. So we sat there together smelling smoke we knew contained dead bodies unable to go anywhere else and terrified the crazy people would be back with nuclear weapons. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hardest-and-or-worst-news-you-ever-had-to-break-to-someone/662980/49 "2013-07-09T16:22:13Z")
When my father passed away, 5 hours after he was gone I started calling clients and letting them know. I must have talked to over 30 people w/in a 2-hour period, all with the same message: “Dad passed away, stepmom is doing OK but is at home, the company has been ready for this to occur for quite some time so you shouldn’t experience any drop in service/quality, for now please contact person X, funeral is scheduled for this date/time, Dad requested that in lieu of flowers a donation be made to [this charity](http://www.dav.org/)” It was one of the harder things that I’ve had to say, but compared to much of the rest of the funeral, it was relatively easy. For example, stepmom didn’t like Dad’s charity and kept trying to change it so that people would donate to [this guy](http://www.joelosteen.com/Pages/Home.aspx) instead. Dealing with that madness was rougher than making those calls. Convincing the Deacon not to quit the funeral 11 hours prior to it starting was rougher than making those calls. Ugh… I could go on, but that’s outside the topic. Carry on! ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hardest-and-or-worst-news-you-ever-had-to-break-to-someone/662980/50 "2013-07-09T16:27:12Z")
Making the phone calls to peripheral family and friends after my mother died. It was not unexpected and therefore no surprise, but still it was tough. ---
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hardest-and-or-worst-news-you-ever-had-to-break-to-someone/662980/51 "2013-07-09T16:47:37Z")
> [@Mister\_Owl](#): > > You don’t want to know. And seriously folks, why would anyone want to share something like that online? > [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > If you don’t want to share, that’s fine…but other people do. Ditto! IMHO, it’s therapeutic, reviewing and relating my experience now, has made me feel much better about it because I am able to process what happened and file it away with alot less emotion than it demanded at the time. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hardest-and-or-worst-news-you-ever-had-to-break-to-someone/662980/52 "2013-07-09T17:25:52Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > How long ago was this? Nowadays, it’s the doctor’s job to tell someone that. 20 years. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hardest-and-or-worst-news-you-ever-had-to-break-to-someone/662980/53 "2013-07-09T17:35:05Z")
I had to tell a cousin her son was involved with mass murder (if not actually pulling a trigger he was involved in rounding up people and transporting them to sites with full knowledge of what was going on). ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hardest-and-or-worst-news-you-ever-had-to-break-to-someone/662980/54 "2013-07-09T19:47:25Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > How long ago was this? Nowadays, it’s the doctor’s job to tell someone that. (I came back to add…) That’s one of the reasons I wanted to tell him myself. To the surgeon it would have been just another “job”; Dad deserved to hear it from someone who loved him. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hardest-and-or-worst-news-you-ever-had-to-break-to-someone/662980/55 "2013-07-09T20:02:53Z")
I’m still waiting for some of the previously listed moments. Hopefully still years away. The hardest news I’ve had to deliver is to folks that have thrown away their money on land that is useless. This was during the big real estate bubble here in S FLA and folks were buying everything in sight without performing their due diligence. So folks would come in with a piece of swamp that was either totally undevelopable or would require so much time and money to develop that there was no return possible at any price. Sometimes the folks would be assholes about it which actually made it easier for me since I would lose much of my sympathy. The worst ones would be the stricken old and/or poor folks who would suddenly realize that they had flushed ALL their life savings down the tubes with nothing but a “Caveat Emptor” from the seller and realtor. ETA: I’m posting this as a warning to all of you. Never trust a seller. ALWAYS PERFORM YOUR OWN DUE DILIGENCE WHEN BUYING LAND! ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2013, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hardest-and-or-worst-news-you-ever-had-to-break-to-someone/662980/56 "2013-07-09T20:13:40Z")
Not to make light of some of the very sad examples already provided, but I have one that was genuinely bad news, with a surreal twist. A close friend’s mother passed away suddenly, and I volunteered to help with notifying others. Coincidentally, the friend had invited a fairly large group of people to attend a professional event at a circus as her guests. Obviously, with her family obligations, she was no longer able to host people at the circus. So I had to call people, break the sad news about the death of the mother, and then say “so … let’s talk about the circus.” ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hardest-and-or-worst-news-you-ever-had-to-break-to-someone/662980/57 "2013-07-10T20:10:04Z")
> [@delphica](#): > > Not to make light of some of the very sad examples already provided, but I have one that was genuinely bad news, with a surreal twist. > > A close friend’s mother passed away suddenly, and I volunteered to help with notifying others. > > Coincidentally, the friend had invited a fairly large group of people to attend a professional event at a circus as her guests. Obviously, with her family obligations, she was no longer able to host people at the circus. > > So I had to call people, break the sad news about the death of the mother, and then say “so … let’s talk about the circus.” Heh. When I was but a Little Snicks, I went to some family friend’s funeral with my mother. Mom asked 5ish-year-old me if I wanted to go, and not really knowing what it was, I said yes. After, Mom asked me what I thought. I got very thoughful, then replied, “I thought it’d be more like a circus.” Apparently, I’d connected the two. Why? I don’t know. I’d never been to a circus, either, so I’ve no idea why I thought to compare a funeral to one. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hardest-and-or-worst-news-you-ever-had-to-break-to-someone/662980/58 "2013-07-10T20:20:21Z")
> [@Snickers](#): > > Heh. When I was but a Little Snicks, I went to some family friend’s funeral with my mother. Mom asked 5ish-year-old me if I wanted to go, and not really knowing what it was, I said yes. After, Mom asked me what I thought. I got very thoughful, then replied, “I thought it’d be more like a circus.” Apparently, I’d connected the two. Why? I don’t know. I’d never been to a circus, either, so I’ve no idea why I thought to compare a funeral to one. Did you know that it began with “fun” and thought that it would be more fun? ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hardest-and-or-worst-news-you-ever-had-to-break-to-someone/662980/59 "2013-07-10T21:10:31Z")
I had to tell my neighbor that my dad had passed away. Hearing her cry over the phone was very hard. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-hardest-and-or-worst-news-you-ever-had-to-break-to-someone/662980.md?page=2)