# The Haunted SDMB Death Thread of Terrorrrrrrr **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 31, 2001, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719 "2001-10-31T15:47:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719/21 "2001-10-31T16:15:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bobkitty \* > \*\* > Okay… I’ll take the attic, but I’ll need two hormonally driven teenagers to go with me so they can rut like weasels while I’m investigating. \*\* Sorry, my pet. Screw the kitchen, I’m following you. ---
**Author:** ![wolfstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d6d6ee/32.png) [@wolfstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfstu)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719/22 "2001-10-31T16:20:20Z")
::Gets up off a table in the basement, dazed. ::Sees **jarbabyj**. Touches her on shoulder. 'j screams, staggers backward. ::Looks down. Notices wires and cables coming out of his legs and chest. Grimaces… ::Jarbaby, stuttering, holds up a mirror: “Lo-look”. ::Loses control of jaw. Sees mechanical implant where left eye had been. Screams. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719/23 "2001-10-31T16:24:56Z")
And…and…what’s that over there? An unwed mother having a back alley abortion while smoking dope and shooting up heroin? OH MY GOD!!! We’re in a PENTACOSTAL HAUNTED HOUSE! ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719/24 "2001-10-31T16:25:35Z")
**CHA Cha cha** CHA Cha cha [sub]CHA Cha cha[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719/25 "2001-10-31T16:28:29Z")
… Meanwhile, _wayyyyy_ down in the sub-cellar… Miss Creakula, Really Crabby Vampiress and original owner of the house, hears noises on the floors above and opens one red eye. Sitting up, she stretches and swings her red plaid jammie-covered legs over the side of her CraftMatic Adjustable Casket, slipping her dead-white size 9 1/2 clawed feet into waiting bunny slippers. More thudding from upstairs, and doors slamming. People in the house. Bunch of crazy kids, by the sound of them. Good God, where were these people _raised_? In _her_ day, ladies and gentlemen did _not_ slam doors. General Washington never slammed a door in his life. Miss Creakula snorted angrily. Didn’t they know this house was on the _National Historic Register_? Voices, now, getting closer. Must be Halloween. My, how time flew! Time to get up and “greet” the intruders… ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719/26 "2001-10-31T16:35:12Z")
Damn it, Janet… ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719/27 "2001-10-31T16:36:52Z")
**Mnementh waits patiently, all tooth and claw, for someone to try and run through the woods. His stomach grumbles a bit, startling some nearby pre… err, humans.** ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719/28 "2001-10-31T16:43:12Z")
Wait! Stop! I’m here to _help_ you… … ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719/29 "2001-10-31T16:50:38Z")
Sitting in the cozy library of an ancient manse, drinking my cognac. Hmmm, this volume looks interesting, _The Necronomicon_, by the mad Arab, Abdul Al-Hazred. Must be some Middle Eastern folk tales, like the Arabian Nights. Might be worth a look. Opening the…book. Feeling…weak. Some… force… is… inside…me… Ngaaaa! Ya, ya, Yog Sothoth! Hail, Nyarlotothep, the Lurker at the Threshold! Shub-Niggurath, the Goat of a Thousand Young! Cthulhu f’tagn R’lyeh! Oh my God, what is that rugose, eldritch beast swimming into my ken? It’s horri… (wet, crunching sounds) ---
**Author:** ![Trion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Trion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trion)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719/30 "2001-10-31T16:53:13Z")
This is odd. I’ve found some writing on the wall. It says “Help jarbabyj come home”. Did any of you write it? ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719/31 "2001-10-31T16:55:41Z")
Hey, I found a pile of expository newspapers in the living room. It appears that in 1991 at this house, a group of parents killed a school janitor by burning him in the furnace in the basement. Then in 1981, this house used to be on the grounds of a summer camp where a young kid named Jason was teased relentlessly and eventually “drowned.” Boy this is weird. Oops then in 1971, it appears that an ex-Saturday night live actor escaped from a mental hospital and tried to kill his sister, Jamie Lee Curtis. In 1961, some kid killed his entire family and left them dangling from meathooks in the kitchen. Oh yeah, and this house sits on land that used to be a Native American burial ground. Then in 1951, police came here and found … Huh? What the heck was THAT sound?.. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719/32 "2001-10-31T16:55:52Z")
…Meanwhile, in the attic… **Superdude** and **bobkitty** sneak, hand in hand into a room straight out of Hell! Many wires funnel in from a conduit in the ceiling, all connected to many body-shapes under sheets on slabs of steel[sub]try saying that five times fast[/sub] Curiousity getting the better of her, **bobkitty** peeks under a sheet, and shrieks! **Superdude** looks, and sees **Silo**! Under another sheet, **Satan**! _My God,_ he screams. _Someone is trying to resurrect all of the banned posters!_ ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719/33 "2001-10-31T16:58:30Z")
That’s it. This is the last time I go to a Halloween party in Innsmouth. :: Why A Duck wonders why Tim Curry and Lesley Ann Warren are running all over the house. ---
**Author:** ![Kiki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kiki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiki)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719/34 "2001-10-31T17:03:53Z")
_::Rachelle humming softly while shampoo dribbles down into her eyes::_ \<_creeeeaaakk_\> Hmmm, the door must’ve opened all by itself. I’ll just keep shampooing my hair and ignore it. \ OK guys… knock it off. You’re not scaring me. ::_rinshes shampoo out of eyes and flings back the shower curtain_:: **Aghhhhhhh, noooooooooo, please, nooooooooooo** \ ---
**Author:** ![wolfstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d6d6ee/32.png) [@wolfstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfstu)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719/35 "2001-10-31T17:04:09Z")
Deducing that **jarbabyj** has fainted, wolfstu begins to search the house. No, wait… can’t leave her behind… they might get her too! ::Carries silent Jarbaby towards stairs ---
**Author:** ![rundogrun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5daacb/32.png) [@rundogrun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rundogrun)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719/36 "2001-10-31T17:12:02Z")
I’m sorry. But this thread is way too creapy for me. I’m gonna call a moderator and have it locked up. Hey, wait a minute…the telephone is dead… ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719/37 "2001-10-31T17:12:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gobear \* > \*\*…Opening the…book. Feeling…weak. Some… force… is… inside…me… > Ngaaaa! Ya, ya, Yog Sothoth! Hail, Nyarlotothep, the Lurker at the Threshold! Shub-Niggurath, the Goat of a Thousand Young! Cthulhu f’tagn R’lyeh! > > Oh my God, what is that rugose, eldritch beast swimming into my ken? It’s horri… > (wet, crunching sounds) \*\* Miss Creakula, still wearing her jammies and a matching robe, stomps into the library. In a chair, _Daddy’s favorite chair_, by the fireplace, clutching the cognac that had been a present from Governor Ridgely, is a frightened but nice-looking man, holding Sister’s old copy of _The Necronomicon_. Poor man looks distressed, and he should be! Went and said the Magic Words and called up Cthulhu, didn’t he just? That old Cthulhu! Worse than that nasty ole hunting dog Daddy had that only bit women. Well, intruder or not, this gentleman in the chair looks far too nice to be menaced by some hellish monster. Not in _her_ house, by God! Miss Creakula sighs and, walking over to Cthulhu, grabs him by the smelly, squishy, damp scruff of the neck and shakes him, hard. “Bad, _bad_ eldritch sea god!” scolds Miss Creakula. “Stop scaring that poor man!” Miss Creakula looks closely at her “guest” and shrugs apologetically. “I’m terribly sorry, sir. He’s actually more bark than bite…” ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719/38 "2001-10-31T17:17:38Z")
\*lightning flashes thunder crashes ominous music plays a loose shutter pounds against the side of the house somewhere in the distance, a dog howls mournfully ---
**Author:** ![Sophie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@Sophie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophie)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719/39 "2001-10-31T17:24:58Z")
Wait, you guys. It looks there’s an old cemetery just in back of the house, right next to where I parked my car, in which I should drive into town and get help since the phones are dead. I’ll saunter nonchalantly through the cemetery to get to my car, since I don’t believe in ghosts, vampires or zombies. I will then get into my car, which has been unlocked all night, and I will not check the backseat before I get in. I’ll be back soon. I’ll just turn on the radio to keep me company. No, no, I don’t need anyone to go with me. You guys stay here. I’ll be back. ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719/40 "2001-10-31T17:33:50Z")
Why did **Sophie** have that video camera pointing at herself right up to her face? And what was the deal with that hat? I mean it’s cool out, but no need for that hat. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-haunted-sdmb-death-thread-of-terrorrrrrrr/90719.md?page=3)