# The House of the Dead...Beware! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 6, 2004, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-house-of-the-dead-beware/227798 "2004-02-06T05:27:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Love\_Rhombus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/love_rhombus/32/10694_2.png) [@Love\_Rhombus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Love_Rhombus)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2004, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-house-of-the-dead-beware/227798/1 "2004-02-06T05:27:03Z")
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a cinemasochist. I especially love bad horror or science fiction/fantasy movies, such as D&D or Bulletproof Monk. However, I feel honor-bound to warn you about a particularly terrible movie that recently was unleashed upon an innocent and defenseless world. That movie is **The House of the Dead** , and it is a puddle of diseased rhinoceros urine. You may have seen this movie in the theatres, and if so I cry you mercy for reminding you of it. I don’t usually feel the need to tell people what movie they should or shouldn’t see, mainly because someone here has usually already done so, and far more eloquently than I could have done. However, I don’t want you to fall into a state where you’re unaware of the danger this movie can cause to an unsuspecting person. You get bored in the video store, it catches your eye, and …BLAMMO! Another one bites the dust. So I beg you: be smart. Be safe. Friends don’t let friends rent crappy movies alone. ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2004, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-house-of-the-dead-beware/227798/2 "2004-02-06T18:05:00Z")
Yeah, I mocked my friend a bit because he kept jumping at the “scary” parts. I kept wondering how bad they were trying to make the movie by throwing in sequences from the videogame. ---
**Author:** ![Tremmie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5fc32e/32.png) [@Tremmie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tremmie)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2004, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-house-of-the-dead-beware/227798/3 "2004-02-06T18:19:00Z")
I was ready to start a thread about how dissapointed i was in all of you for not warning me about this pos movie before i rented it. But then it occured to me this is the kind of movie that is so bad when you describe it to others they have to watch it because they don’t believe something could possibly be that bad. Well, it is bad, and i am sorely dissapointed in all of you for not warning me about it. Now go to your rooms and think about what you’ve done! ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2004, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-house-of-the-dead-beware/227798/4 "2004-02-06T18:23:37Z")
A word to all filmmakers…just because spinning the camera around a character as they are fighting in slowmotion was cool in The Matrix, it doesn’t mean you have to do it too. And what the f@#$ was that girl doing jumping into the friggin’ air to fire a shotgun??? ---
**Author:** ![Tremmie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5fc32e/32.png) [@Tremmie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tremmie)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2004, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-house-of-the-dead-beware/227798/5 "2004-02-06T18:31:42Z")
> [@Max Carnage](#): > > A word to all filmmakers…just because spinning the camera around a character as they are fighting in slowmotion was cool in The Matrix, it doesn’t mean you have to do it too. > > And what the f@#$ was that girl doing jumping into the friggin’ air to fire a shotgun??? Specially when they do it 50 times in a row for every-single-actor and the who scene consist of nothing but that one cheap camera trick. The real question is what the f@#$ was the chinese chic doing matrix style hand to hand fighting with a freaking zombie! ---
**Author:** ![MeanJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanjoe/32/5693_2.png) [@MeanJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanJoe)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2004, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-house-of-the-dead-beware/227798/6 "2004-02-06T18:51:55Z")
So… is this move better or worse than Cabin Fever? ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2004, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-house-of-the-dead-beware/227798/7 "2004-02-06T19:05:47Z")
I had a friend ask me that question the other day and I was stumped. After a few days thought I have to say House of the Dead is worse. Now if you ask me which is worse: House of the Dead or Fear Dot Com, then my head would explode. ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2004, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-house-of-the-dead-beware/227798/8 "2004-02-06T19:32:18Z")
This movie is ugh terrible, and i love bad movies. From the video game shots replacing kills, to the long matrix garbage, to the editing being done by a chimp with ADD, to the scene directly from LOTR, it just is bad. I give the director credit for the nudity and Clint Howard, but the rest was inexcusable. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2004, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-house-of-the-dead-beware/227798/9 "2004-02-06T19:37:13Z")
I may regret you refreshing my memory, but which LotR scene was ripped off? And the nudity in Cabin Fever was better. Makes me wanna seek out Ginger Snaps to see if that girl is naked there too. ---
**Author:** ![DogsLunch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@DogsLunch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DogsLunch)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2004, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-house-of-the-dead-beware/227798/10 "2004-02-07T04:55:03Z")
May I add “Underworld” and “Resident Evil” to to the steaming pile? ---
**Author:** ![Paranoid\_Randroid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paranoid_randroid/32/18_2.png) [@Paranoid\_Randroid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paranoid_Randroid)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2004, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-house-of-the-dead-beware/227798/11 "2004-02-07T05:02:46Z")
> [@Max Carnage](#): > > And the nudity in Cabin Fever was better. Makes me wanna seek out Ginger Snaps to see if that girl is naked there too. No nudity in Ginger Snaps, sadly. Still a good movie. Its Katherine Isabelle is _sorta_ naked for a bit in Freddy vs. Jason - but I’ve got my suspicions that it’s not really her. ---
**Author:** ![Tremmie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5fc32e/32.png) [@Tremmie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tremmie)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2004, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-house-of-the-dead-beware/227798/12 "2004-02-07T05:35:24Z")
> [@DogsLunch](#): > > May I add “Underworld” and “Resident Evil” to to the steaming pile? I really hate to call “Resident Evil” best of anything, but if you really must watch a zombie movie based on a video game at least pick the one with the almost nude Mila Jovovich. Underworld at least had some redeeming qualities, House of the Dead is much much much worse than either of those two movies. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2004, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-house-of-the-dead-beware/227798/13 "2004-02-07T05:51:38Z")
Loved “Resident Evil” but “Underworld” was such a disappointment. You know, in a movie about Vampires fighting Werewolves, you might actually expect to see some claws and fangs. But no, they faught each other with guns. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![erislover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/71e660/32.png) [@erislover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erislover)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2004, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-house-of-the-dead-beware/227798/14 "2004-02-07T05:59:49Z")
Just be glad they didn’t base it off [The Typing of the Dead](http://www.3dgamers.com/games/typingdead/), which was “The House of the Dead” remade as a typing game, where you, er, somehow damage the dead with, er, phrases. In the cutscenes, all the characters have keyboards. In the cutscenes where other characters are killing the dead, they _type at them_. So, yeah, this movie could have been much, much worse. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2004, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-house-of-the-dead-beware/227798/15 "2004-02-07T08:23:39Z")
> [@erislover](#): > > Just be glad they didn’t base it off [The Typing of the Dead](http://www.3dgamers.com/games/typingdead/), which was “The House of the Dead” remade as a typing game, where you, er, somehow damage the dead with, er, phrases. In the cutscenes, all the characters have keyboards. In the cutscenes where other characters are killing the dead, they _type at them_. > > So, yeah, this movie could have been much, much worse. What? I was just about to suggest that before I saw your thread. If they tried to make a “real” zombie movie with _House of the Dead_ and failed (I can’t say since I didn’t see it, but I heard nothing but bad about it), then why not just go all the way and make it as goofy as possible? The Typing of the Dead game is so infinitely superior to the original version anyway, I think the movie would’ve been a surreal masterpiece. My costume for Halloween one year was one of the Typing of the Dead agents, with a back-mounted Dreamcast and a keyboard harness in front of me. In the game, they use their keyboard to shoot zombies _and_ shoot open locked gates. Brilliant. I’d sure as hell pay to see a Typing of the Dead movie. And by the way, count me in the camp that loved _Resident Evil_. What’s not to love? Nearly-naked Milla Jovovich, inexplicable flashbacks, gruesome death scenes including decapitation by elevator (although they overused the laser room, I think), ridiculous climax monsters, and silly ending, all to a pounding techno soundtrack. Sheer cheesy movie bliss. ---
**Author:** ![erislover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/71e660/32.png) [@erislover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erislover)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2004, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-house-of-the-dead-beware/227798/16 "2004-02-07T17:02:46Z")
While I love the hell out of TotD, it would have made a terrible movie whose novelty wore off in about three minutes. That is a kick ass costume, though. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2004, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-house-of-the-dead-beware/227798/17 "2004-02-07T19:11:50Z")
> [@Tremmie](#): > > I really hate to call “Resident Evil” best of anything, but if you really must watch a zombie movie based on a video game at least pick the one with the almost nude Mila Jovovich. > [@SolGrundy](#): > > And by the way, count me in the camp that loved _Resident Evil_. What’s not to love? Nearly-naked Milla Jovovich,[…] What do you mean, “almost” or “nearly”? Were we watching the same movie? Near the beginning, you get nipplage. Minutes from the end, you get what Milla herself called on the DVD commentary the “twat shot”. What else did you want her to show? ---
**Author:** ![erislover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/71e660/32.png) [@erislover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erislover)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2004, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-house-of-the-dead-beware/227798/18 "2004-02-07T19:22:14Z")
I can think of a few positions that would have been nice, **Max**. RE was a good flick. I hope RE2 is as much fun. Only with more zombies. Too much development time in the first one for a zombie movie. ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2004, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-house-of-the-dead-beware/227798/19 "2004-02-07T19:28:02Z")
I didn’t think RE was THAT bad. On the other hand, aside from the end, it didn’t have much in common with the video game. If they’d called it something OTHER than “Resident Evil,” I would have gone in with no expectations, and might well have liked it. But EVERYONE’s been telling me to stay the hell away from _House Of The Dead._ I take that as a bad sign. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2004, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-house-of-the-dead-beware/227798/20 "2004-02-07T20:43:07Z")
> [@Max Torque](#): > > What do you mean, “almost” or “nearly”? Were we watching the same movie? Near the beginning, you get nipplage. Minutes from the end, you get what Milla herself called on the DVD commentary the “twat shot”. What else did you want her to show? Well… sorry, I was miles away there. What was the question? If we had said, “naked Milla Jovovich,” that implies a full unveiling at some crucial point in the movie. Like everything’s off, presented for your inspection, perhaps some sort of dance is involved. While _Resident Evil_ does end up showing everything, it kind of makes you work to get at it, in bits and pieces and fits and starts. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-house-of-the-dead-beware/227798.md?page=2)