I would have been more promiscuous, too. A great deal more. 
I would have not had sex with some people, and had sex with a few others. I would have stuck with Weight Watchers when I was fifteen, and perhaps not looked like I do now. I would have gone to college earlier. I would have learned to drive already.
I’d have slept with the girl in college! I forgot about her. (I’m straight by the way).
I would have tried pot, once.
Off the top of my head:[ul][li]I would have made myself get involved with some kind of sport in high school, for several reasons.[/li][li]I would have just been myself with Brice while we were still dating, instead of waiting until we were “just friends” (that lesson extrapolates into “I would have just been myself with a lot of people a lot sooner”).[/li][li]I wouldn’t have slept with Rich … well, not more than once.[/li][li]I would have tried harder to stay in radio after graduating from college.[/li][li]I would never have quit my public relations job to go do “marketing” for that Flying Fruit Fantasy fucker.[/li][li]I would have called Jon again (dammit :().[/li][li]I would have left Aaron’s apartment as soon as I dropped him off, way before the weird fooling around that ruined the nice little sexual tension in our platonic friendship.[/li][li]I wouldn’t have slept with Ike. At all. :smack:[/li][li]I would have started grad school 3 years ago.[/ul][/li]There are a lot of relationship things here, but I’m glad that’s the worst of it!
I wouldn’t have gotten married so young. I was 21, way too young. But at least I learned what not to do, if I ever get married again. My number one rule now is to not get involved with anyone who doesn’t like parts of me–take it or leave it, it’s all me. You can’t choose which bits you want and send the rest back.
Sometimes I’d think I’d like to go back and change things, but if you wait long enough, those things don’t seem to matter so much anymore.
You can still do one of these things.
I’d definitely have spent much, much, much less on adult entertainment. DAY-UM, there’s an ungodly amount of unerotic crap out there. And adult games? One cheap CD for kicks, and no more. Ever.
In my first semester of college, I would’ve defied my screwball advisor’s delusions and taken two meaningless, super-easy fluff courses I could pass in my sleep, and that many only because it’s the minimum to get an on-campus job. Screw that not-coddling-you-anymore and work ethic and adult self-reliance garbage; priority one is learning to enjoy school, not a small issue after the four-year nightmare that was high school. Build the damn foundation, and then I can work toward becoming a man. Oh yeah, and not losing the job due to insufficient GPA…also a plus.
At the first hint of unpunished flaming on a GameFAQs message board, I would’ve cut out of there and never ever ever posted or marked anything again, ever. Why did I think I could stem the tide of total anarchy?
Oh, and I would’ve gotten out of Samurai Shodown Forever sooner, too.
And DDRFreak.
New bicycle? Thanks but no thanks. The last one was nothing but problems, and there’s no reason to believe this one would be any different. Besides, these things tend to turn up missing in Hawaii.
Temp agencies, every single one of you, just go to hell. Really, all you’re going to do is feed me a bunch of empty promises and cost me hundreds of dollars in unemployment benefits.
The first time a boy scout meeting went south, I should’ve just gotten the hell out of there and walked home. Damn the consequences, I am not spending another minute with that sociopath of a patrol leader.
Oh, Mr. Psychologist? Look, I appreciate your kindness and all, but you’re being paid a helluva lot of money to actually help my problems, so I want you to do something. A meeting with that waste-of-flesh principal, a public call for justice, a newspaper article, something that’ll draw attention to the problem and possible help my situation. If you can’t be bothered to attack the problem at its source, I really don’t see any point in wasting my breath.
So in other words, most of my regrets were due to 1) not having the balls when I needed to, or 2) not having the brains when I needed to. As I’m sure it is for most of us.
Ive learned to ask for support and help sooner when I or my family needed it, and been less reluctant to áccept it when it was offered.
I would’ve chosen to live in a city closer to my parents and my husband’s mom (although not in the same city), not half the country away.
I would have been more of a ladies’ man. Not that any man understands women, but I’m a lot more knowledgeable about them now.
I would have gone for my masters degree.
I would have not accepted that promotion that landed me in a job I despised for a year.
I would have hung out around Nicole Brown’s house with a camcorder the night that OJ came by for a visit.
To quote Charlie Brown’s Lucy: What do I know now?
I’d have come out of the closet much earlier. I lived in fear of being discovered until I was 24, and when I finally made my “revalation” to all and sundry, it was practically anti-climactic. They typical reaction was “Yeah, I’ve only known this for years. Where have you been?”
As a corollary to the above, I’d have gotten in that many more years of ahem “fun” before settling down. Then again, I might not be with my SO now, so I guess it all worked out for the best.
I’d have decided what I wanted to do with my life 15 years ago and finished college before I had to try to squeeze it in around work.
I would have been making high-quality recordings of all those MKST3K episodes from the very begining instead of just watching them.
As a young Christian, I’d have read less Hal Lindsey and more C. S. Lewis and Francis Schaeffer. I’d avoid any involvement with fringe religion or fringe politics other than reading their materials for amusement & the occasional interesting fact/insight.
I’d have spent a lot more time in college going to plays & concerts, deepening friendships & social involvements, and making connections, and a bit less time studying for good grades.
I’d have focused on college stuff I knew I was good at & was more flexible & could have pursued easily as a career- Literature & Communication rather than Politics & Psychology.
I’d have defied Dad’s pathological need to control family transportation & would have gotten my drivers license, a car, and thus a decent job, much sooner (maybe with the college fund Grandmom had started).
I’d have gotten in shape in junior high, or failing that, would have stayed in shape after college.
I’d ask out the nerdy girls.
I wouldn’t ask out the troubled girls.
I’d visited a lot more churches.
I wouldn’t have been as humorlessly earnest when sharing my beliefs & feelings. That’s doesn’t convey sincerity & candor. It conveys creepiness.
Oh- and I’d actually label the videos I record, rather than have hundreds of tapes laying around I have no idea what’s on.
I would have started submitting my science fiction stories about eight years earlier.
I would have asked Moka to that dance a week or two earlier. I waited too long and she made other plans. I would have worked harder at both schoolwork and sports in high school and gone to college. I would never had that “run-in” with the cops at Walmart. I would have saved my money for a car instead of blowing it all on D&D stuff and video games. I never would have gotten rid of all my childhood toys (which are now worth a fortune on ebay). I never should have traded that '77 Olds Cutlass in.
Are you volunteering?
For the most part, I’m satisfied with my choices. But…
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Wouldn’t have rushed to buy a townhouse when we first moved to Virginia. If we’d held off and rented for a couple of years, we could have waited and gotten a detached house instead of getting locked into a townhouse during a period of falling prices. And we’d have a 1990s-era mortgage balance instead of a 2000’s era mortgage payment.
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Would have made the time / money to travel more pre-kids.
- I would have broken up with my manipulative psycho college girlfriend a couple of months earlier and not gone back.
- I would have experimented a little more with casual sex and a little less with fundamental Christianity.
- I would have majored in what I wanted to major in, not what I thought I should major in.
- I would have started meditating in high school.
- I would not have taken anything seriously in high school (although I am glad I went out for sports.)
- I would have been a little bit less nice in breaking up with my manipulative psycho college girlfriend. Specifically, I would have told her to go sleep with whomever she wanted and leave me the hell alone, rather than “Hey, let’s stay friends and keep in touch.”
- I would not have told the heavyweight wrestling champion of our high school to go fuck himself.
- I would have sought to become financially independent much sooner.
- I would have made a point to teach myself math when I was a kid.
- Actually, I probably would have just taken a year off from college and worked as a paramedic or volunteer somewhere in a big city to get a taste of real life while I waited for my manipulative psycho college girlfriend to graduate and go far far far away before returning to school.
- I would have extended my army tour in Korea for one more year. Ten years later, I still kick myself for not doing this.
- I would have learned to dance and play an instrument.
- I would have knuckled down and read the bestselling self-help book “Manipulative Psycho College Girlfriends And The Hopeless Dipshits Who Fall In Love With Them.”
I would’ve calmed the hell down as a kid and stopped worrying about everything from global warming to the way I smelled.