# The "I'm Not Gay, But..." Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 27, 2009, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-im-not-gay-but-thread/504411 "2009-07-27T08:42:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-im-not-gay-but-thread/504411/1 "2009-07-27T08:42:36Z")
To all the straight men and straight women I ask this… For instance if you’re a straight male you might say “Now I’m not gay, but I do enjoy musical theatre.” Or if you’re a straight female. “Now I’m not gay, but I do enjoy dressing up as a lumberjack.” Disclaimer: This is all in fun 🙂 So straight men and straight women, do you have “gay habits?” ---
**Author:** ![Neverender](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/848f3c/32.png) [@Neverender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neverender)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-im-not-gay-but-thread/504411/2 "2009-07-27T10:02:48Z")
“I’m not gay but I straighten my hair” and, err… “I’m not gay but I’d do Johnny Depp”. That count? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-im-not-gay-but-thread/504411/3 "2009-07-27T11:42:50Z")
I’m not gay but I don’t wear makeup. (female) ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-im-not-gay-but-thread/504411/4 "2009-07-27T11:50:44Z")
I’m not gay, but I wear Birkenstock clogs almost exclusively. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-im-not-gay-but-thread/504411/5 "2009-07-27T12:10:47Z")
I’m not gay but I can catch and clean a fish! And fry it up in a pan, too. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-im-not-gay-but-thread/504411/6 "2009-07-27T12:10:57Z")
I like musicals, theatre, eating at little homey cafes with my Mom & her female friends. When Mom asks me clothes & jewelry advice, I can actually tell her what to wear & give good reasons for it. If Mom & I are going somewhere & we dress in similar colors, we laugh & usually don’t bother to change. And of course, I’m in my 40’s & live with Mom. ---
**Author:** ![otorophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3ab097/32.png) [@otorophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/otorophile)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-im-not-gay-but-thread/504411/7 "2009-07-27T12:16:57Z")
I’m not gay but I trim my body hair. I’m not gay but I don’t like football or baseball. I’m not gay but I like fancy, luxurious clothes. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-im-not-gay-but-thread/504411/8 "2009-07-27T12:32:55Z")
I’m not gay but I [ul] [li]don’t care about cars or sports[/li][li]am mechanically inept[/li][li]can cook, clean house and fold a fitted sheet[/li][li]have a decidedly catty sense of humor[/li][li]like musicals and can sing a number of show tunes from memory[/li][li]have a good knowledge of women’s fashion[/li][/ul] At various points in my life my parents and several of my friends and acquaintance have assumed I’m gay. But I’m not. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-im-not-gay-but-thread/504411/9 "2009-07-27T13:01:02Z")
I’m not gay, but I’ve been outted. The story was told in an MMP long ago, and is now part of my list of fire and rescue tales. > [@](#): > > **Bob comes out of the closet, sort of… September 2007** > > Morning, y’all. Not 5 minutes after I posted last in the old thread about busting my butt at home because the weekend was quiet in the emergency context, there was a page for a 17 year old, (barely) 7 months pregnant girl having abdominal pains. > > I was literally getting nekkid at the time to hop in the shower 'cuz I was nice and stanky from working outside, so it was easy to put on the EMT duds and I took off. When I got to the scene, buddy and potential adoptive grandma Sue (she makes the _BEST_ cookies, hence my trying to get her to adopt me as a grandson) was helping the young girl out the door to the ambulance. We got her inside and settled, and the most awkward call of my life to date began. > > I have no problem trauma stripping an adult of either gender, and I’ve seen plenty of naughty bits doing CPR and trauma exams. Kids are different, even older teens, and I was way uptight because of her age, but also because I’ve never had to deal with potential childbirth before. > > Her britches had to go; I kept busy hanging a sheet over the back door of the ambulance to keep the peepers out. That kept my back to her and my awkwardness down. > > Her contractions were about 3 minutes apart, but were not regular. Some came on time, some were late; a good sign. Even better, she had not lost her mucus plug, nor her water. If we got her to the hospital in time, there was a chance the docs could get her labor stopped. > > So off we went. Then the awkward moment came to a head. I had to look under the sheet to check on things. By this time, I came to grips with what I had to do, but now the patient had the problem because I was a guy. Deb, the other EMT, said, “Bob is good and a professional. He needs to look.” The real reason was I needed the clinical experience. > > “Why can’t you? He’s a guy!” > > “He’s not doing it for his jollies. He’s a professional. [pause] Besides, he’s gay.” > > I went :eek:, then 😉 > > “Well, OK. He can look.” > > I looked, and saw no crowning or discharges. Let me tell you, there is nothing sexy about looking at mommy parts when there are children involved, either as owner or occupant. > > We got her to the OB unit in plenty of time. I still don’t know if she sprouted or not, but in some ways this call was happier than Friday night’s attempted suicide. I hope they got labor stopped so the kid has a little more oven time. > > To add insult to injury, there was another fire page right after midnight, for a yet another automated alarm misfire. The second one of the day, and the third in 2 weeks. > > Epilogue: I stopped the next day to ask about the young patient. She was having contractions because of dehydration, and had dilated to 2 cm. The folks at the hospital rehydrated her and stopped the labor, so the girl has another shot at getting her sprout to full term. > > Second Epilogue: The Saturday following VWife’s knee surgery, I ran into the girl and her mother at Hooterville Hardware. She was well into her 9th month, and looked like she was carrying a pumpkin. The sprout will be a big one… > > Third Epilogue: Little Cheyenne was born on Friday, 7 December, her projected due date. Seven pounds, 12 oz, 20 inches long, and everything in their proper places. Mom and child are doing fine. ---
**Author:** ![Jettboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/85e7bf/32.png) [@Jettboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jettboy)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-im-not-gay-but-thread/504411/10 "2009-07-27T13:35:38Z")
I’m not gay, but…I AM an artist by trade, I don’t get into sports, I’m in charge of cooking, cleaning and laundry, I’m our child’s primary caregiver, I’m very well-mannered, I dress _interestingly_, and I could easily imagine a scenario wherein I’d kiss Johnny Depp. OK, I AM gay; I just like sex with women rather then men. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-im-not-gay-but-thread/504411/11 "2009-07-27T13:51:56Z")
I’m not gay but I do enjoy watching lesbians make out. Does that count? ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-im-not-gay-but-thread/504411/12 "2009-07-27T13:57:56Z")
I’m not gay but I am a big fan of female singer-songwriters. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-im-not-gay-but-thread/504411/13 "2009-07-27T14:30:06Z")
I’m not gay, but at parties, family gatherings, and what-not, I generally would rather hang out with the women than the guys. I’m not gay, but I’m very sensitive. I’m not gay, but my clothes take up probably 75% of the closet I share with my wife. I’m not gay, but I like shopping. For my wife, not so much for myself. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-im-not-gay-but-thread/504411/14 "2009-07-27T14:32:22Z")
I’m not gay but I don’t carry a purse, and I do carry my wallet in the back pocket of my pants. ---
**Author:** ![Cumberdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@Cumberdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cumberdale)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-im-not-gay-but-thread/504411/15 "2009-07-27T15:15:20Z")
I’m not gay but I… can’t stand sports and if I get stuck going to a game, I’ll take a book. would be willing to be intimate with a man, if we found each other appealing and had a good relationship, (ie no one-night stands or anonymous experiences) and if the wife agreed to bring someone else into the relationship. She on the other hand has said she’d rather bring in another female and just not participate, but I’m not interested in that since she is really all I want. ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-im-not-gay-but-thread/504411/16 "2009-07-27T16:47:40Z")
> [@FriarTed](#): > > I like musicals, theatre, eating at little homey cafes with my Mom & her female friends. When Mom asks me clothes & jewelry advice, I can actually tell her what to wear & give good reasons for it. If Mom & I are going somewhere & we dress in similar colors, we laugh & usually don’t bother to change. > > And of course, I’m in my 40’s & live with Mom. Yes…but are you gay? 😉 I’m not a lesbian, but I own a Subaru. ---
**Author:** ![Gail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Gail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gail)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-im-not-gay-but-thread/504411/17 "2009-07-27T17:00:13Z")
I’m not gay but I have tools and I will assemble things I buy. I have a gas grill and if there is any grilling to do, I do it. (Yes, I put the gas grill together, too.) ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_Jewett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/bcef8e/32.png) [@Helen\_Jewett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_Jewett)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-im-not-gay-but-thread/504411/18 "2009-07-27T17:01:09Z")
I’m not gay but I know how to weld and use a plasma cutter. And I never wear makeup. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-im-not-gay-but-thread/504411/19 "2009-07-27T17:08:41Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > I’m not gay but I don’t wear makeup. > > (female) Ditto. > [@Scarlett67](#): > > I’m not gay, but I wear Birkenstock clogs almost exclusively. Double ditto. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-im-not-gay-but-thread/504411/20 "2009-07-27T17:35:12Z")
I’ve already asked a friend of mine to say this at my funeral: “ **Kunilou** wrote fashion copy, loved musicals and could dish with the best of us. Who would’ve believed he was straight, too?” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-im-not-gay-but-thread/504411.md?page=2)