# The imaginary black man strikes again.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-imaginary-black-man-strikes-again/539342
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [May 13, 2010, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-imaginary-black-man-strikes-again/539342 "2010-05-13T20:42:31Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2010, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-imaginary-black-man-strikes-again/539342/1 "2010-05-13T20:42:31Z")
Extending a long career of felonies and misdemeanors, the imaginary black man has struck again, this time shooting a Philadelphia police officer. A massive police investigation was launched, and the search began for the dangerous perpetrator, said to be wearing cornrows and sporting a mark or tattoo under his left eye. The suspect was allegedly in the company of another non-existent African American male.
The weeks-long investigation, costing about a quarter of a million dollars, turned up no sign of the perpetrator, even though the Fraternal Order of Police offered a $10,000 reward for information.
While the imaginary black man managed to slip away, and will no doubt move on to commit further acts of violence and aggression, predominantly against white victims, the citizens of Philadelphia now have to contend with the fact that the cop, Sgt. Robert Ralston, has admitted to intentionally shooting himself and making up the story.
[Story 1](http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/05/11/philadelphia.cop.shot.self/)
[Story 2](http://boston.com/community/blogs/crime_punishment/2010/05/police_cops_a_pathetic_plea.html)
[Story 3](http://www.philly.com/philly/news/breaking/93466604.html?cmpid=15585797)
This paragon of virtue and credit to the force is on suspension, and the department is in the process of dismissing him. In news that will no doubt reassure the residents of Philadelphia, and make them feel much better, Ralston will not face criminal charges, and, according to the _Philadelphia Inquirer_ (Story 3, above), will most likely get to keep his police pension. I’m sure Philly citizens will be happy to fork over 24 grand a year to this noble public servant once he’s off the force.
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2010, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-imaginary-black-man-strikes-again/539342/2 "2010-05-13T20:43:25Z")
I resent this.
Some of my Best Friends are Imaginary!
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### Author:  [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2010, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-imaginary-black-man-strikes-again/539342/3 "2010-05-13T20:46:24Z")
Yayyyyyyyy! Police officers are teh greatest. I wish they had more of my taxes to spend on shit-hot guns and cattle-prods.
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### Author:  [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2010, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-imaginary-black-man-strikes-again/539342/4 "2010-05-13T21:09:33Z")
> [@mhendo](#):
>
> In news that will no doubt reassure the residents of Philadelphia, and make them feel much better, Ralston will not face criminal charges, and, according to the _Philadelphia Inquirer_ (Story 3, above), will most likely get to keep his police pension. I’m sure Philly citizens will be happy to fork over 24 grand a year to this noble public servant once he’s off the force.
From Story 3:
> [@](#):
>
> Ralston will not face criminal charges because he was offered immunity from prosecution in exchange for his confession. That means he will most likely receive his pension, Ramsey said.
>
> “It was the only way we could tie this up,” Ramsey said of the arrangement.
>
> Ralston’s pension has not yet been calculated, but a city official estimated that he would collect about $24,000 annually if he took his pension now.
>
> Some of that may be used to recoup the expense of the massive manhunt that was sparked by his lies, Ramsey said.
I’m not sure what that last sentence means. Maybe he can be sued, and the money to pay off the suit come from the pension??
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### Author:  [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2010, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-imaginary-black-man-strikes-again/539342/5 "2010-05-13T21:44:29Z")
What bothers me about this is that it’s going to be used as an excuse for further police profiling of imaginary people.
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### Author:  [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2010, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-imaginary-black-man-strikes-again/539342/6 "2010-05-13T21:57:01Z")
I thought this was going to be about the [NRO blog entry about how blacks are bringing down the red states.](http://corner.nationalreview.com/post/?q=NWJkN2Y5OTRjZjMxMDJiMTNkOTJhN2FlMzIwYzI0YjU=) But no, this is a different imaginary black man.
Or is it? I betcha this tatoo’ed cop shooter is illiterate. He’s a dangerous fellow. Didn’t he carjack some white kids a few years back and drown them in a lake in South Carolina? And shoot a pregnant white wife in Boston? Wasn’t it his poor ass that started the housing bust by getting loans from Barney Frank that he couldn’t afford? He’s a busy, busy non-reading, fecund man of color.
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### Author:  [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2010, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-imaginary-black-man-strikes-again/539342/7 "2010-05-13T22:07:06Z")
[His transparency makes it difficult to tell, but this guy is, in fact, an African-American.](http://ken-jennings.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/notme.jpg)
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### Author:  [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2010, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-imaginary-black-man-strikes-again/539342/8 "2010-05-13T22:12:29Z")
> [@ivan\_astikov](#):
>
> Yayyyyyyyy! Police officers are teh greatest. I wish they had more of my taxes to spend on shit-hot guns and cattle-prods.
Yes, because all cops are exactly like the one in the story.
Tell me, does _any_ part of your brain scream “fuckwit” back at you when you make these kinds of statements?
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### Author:  [@Gustav](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gustav)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2010, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-imaginary-black-man-strikes-again/539342/9 "2010-05-13T22:37:31Z")
I do not understand this. Why give him immunity from prosecution in exchange for a confession? Isn’t that just raising a white flag? He doesn’t have any accomplices to give up, no “where did you stash the money”… They even had some circumstantial evidence, like his story not adding up. At the very least keep the case open in case he slips up later. What’s the upside to this?
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### Author:  [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2010, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-imaginary-black-man-strikes-again/539342/10 "2010-05-13T22:40:32Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#):
>
> I resent this.
>
> Some of my Best Friends are Imaginary!
Some of my best black friends are imaginary! 😛 (some of my friends are imaginary black?)
I don’t see why this guy should get his pension, unless he’s mentally ill or something. I’ll bet that imaginary black guy drove a white van.
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### Author:  [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2010, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-imaginary-black-man-strikes-again/539342/11 "2010-05-13T22:42:22Z")
I don’t understand that either. He’d confessed already, just not on the record. I can’t imagine it would have cost (30 x $24,000) to pull the bullet from evidence and see if it matched his gun.
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### Author:  [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2010, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-imaginary-black-man-strikes-again/539342/12 "2010-05-13T22:45:30Z")
> [@Biggirl](#):
>
> Or is it? I betcha this tatoo’ed cop shooter is illiterate. He’s a dangerous fellow. Didn’t he carjack some white kids a few years back and drown them in a lake in South Carolina? And shoot a pregnant white wife in Boston? Wasn’t it his poor ass that started the housing bust by getting loans from Barney Frank that he couldn’t afford? He’s a busy, busy non-reading, fecund man of color.
Now I’ve got that song running through my head:
_Imaginary Black Man,
Stay away from me.
Imaginary Black Man,
Mama let me be…_
---
### Author:  [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2010, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-imaginary-black-man-strikes-again/539342/13 "2010-05-13T22:52:56Z")
> [@Biggirl](#):
>
> He’s a busy, busy non-reading, fecund man of color.
[He can’t read but he can write. A backwards “B” anyway.](http://www.thepittsburghchannel.com/news/17789356/detail.html)
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### Author:  [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2010, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-imaginary-black-man-strikes-again/539342/14 "2010-05-13T22:56:38Z")
> [@Gustav](#):
>
> I do not understand this. Why give him immunity from prosecution in exchange for a confession? Isn’t that just raising a white flag? He doesn’t have any accomplices to give up, no “where did you stash the money”… They even had some circumstantial evidence, like his story not adding up. At the very least keep the case open in case he slips up later. What’s the upside to this?
That was exactly my reaction upon first encountering this story.
My impression, gleaned from years of watching _NYPD Blue_ and _Law & Order_ (:)), was that these sort of deals generally required the accused to give up something the cops didn’t already know, or lead them to someone further up the chain of criminal command, or something like that.
I never realized that there are deals where they basically say, “Tell us what you did, and we’ll let you off without any charges.”
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### Author:  [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2010, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-imaginary-black-man-strikes-again/539342/15 "2010-05-13T23:01:19Z")
Silly cop. You’re supposed to blame some Puerto Rican guy, of average Puerto Rican height, for stuff like this.
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### Author:  [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2010, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-imaginary-black-man-strikes-again/539342/16 "2010-05-13T23:07:36Z")
> [@Gustav](#):
>
> I do not understand this. Why give him immunity from prosecution in exchange for a confession? Isn’t that just raising a white flag? He doesn’t have any accomplices to give up, no “where did you stash the money”… They even had some circumstantial evidence, like his story not adding up. At the very least keep the case open in case he slips up later. What’s the upside to this?
According to the OP, the investigation was “about a quarter of a million dollars” (cite?).
A quarter of a million dollars doesn’t buy much of an investigation against a police officer, though I’m sure the imaginary black man would face several felony charges if only he were caught.
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### Author:  [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2010, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-imaginary-black-man-strikes-again/539342/17 "2010-05-13T23:11:25Z")
Note to liars: if you want to get away with it, lay off specifics and details. Cornrows and a tat under the eye? That shit just sounds made up. He should’ve just said that he didn’t get a good look at the guy.
The guy needs to lose his badge and pension just for making it this far without figuring out proper lie protocol.
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### Author:  [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2010, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-imaginary-black-man-strikes-again/539342/18 "2010-05-13T23:12:07Z")
> [@BubbaDog](#):
>
> Yes, because all cops are exactly like the one in the story.
Your outrage would be justified if cops were drafted. But they’re not. As a rule–please don’t point out that there are exceptions, which, duh–the people who are cops are not the peaceloving newagers that make college so annoying. They are, for the most part, the bullies and assholes who made high school so miserable. They’re the guys who always WANTED to be cops. I knew a cop in Chicago, when I worked in a bookstore, who was a thoughtful, interesting, generous guy who read a lot of poetry. He became a cop because in his experience cops were uniformly such assholes that he took it upon himself to try to change that from within, as it were. Yeah, I know, naive at best. But also, notable mostly by how he stands out against your average cop.
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### Author:  [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2010, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-imaginary-black-man-strikes-again/539342/19 "2010-05-13T23:14:02Z")
> [@mhendo](#):
>
> That was exactly my reaction upon first encountering this story.
>
> My impression, gleaned from years of watching _NYPD Blue_ and _Law & Order_ (:)), was that these sort of deals generally required the accused to give up something the cops didn’t already know, or lead them to someone further up the chain of criminal command, or something like that.
>
> I never realized that there are deals where they basically say, “Tell us what you did, and we’ll let you off without any charges.”
Right. They’d need to get something in return. In this case, the only thing they got in return was confirmation that they should call off the investigation.
Clearly it was a brothers-in-blue thing.
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### Author:  [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2010, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-imaginary-black-man-strikes-again/539342/20 "2010-05-13T23:14:07Z")
> [@Dag\_Otto](#):
>
> According to the OP, the investigation was “about a quarter of a million dollars” (cite?).
Actually, it seems that, according to my third link, the full cost of the investigation hasn’t yet been determined.
I got the figure from [this story](http://www.myfoxphilly.com/dpp/news/local_news/disgraced-former-cop%3A-a-troubled-career), which also notes that they haven’t actually tallied it up yet:
> [@](#):
>
> Mayor Nutter wants to city to bill Ralston for the cost of the investigation into his phony shooting story. Experts told Schratwieser that the bill could go as high as $250,000.
Given the number of work hours that must go into an investigation of a cop shooting, no doubt involving considerable overtime, i don’t find the figure especially difficult to believe.
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