# The internet DOES NOT WORK **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 12, 2011, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401 "2011-08-12T00:58:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/21 "2011-08-12T21:25:40Z")
You gripe over and over about hardware and software issued, and blame the internet? Excuse me, but when my car runs out of gas, I don’t blame the asphalt. The internet DOES work. You on the other hand, don’t seem to know your tools. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Bosstrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstrain)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/22 "2011-08-12T22:10:20Z")
has it ever occured to you not to use the pethetic devices? I have a desktop computer…desktop…computer…not a laptop, iphone, BB, etc…I don’t even have one of those stupid PSP things or 3DS ‘I’ll shit my pants’ mabobs…a desktop…period, with many exclamation points!!!(these are the exclamation points)!!! Can…I…say…this…slower!!!..will…that…help!!!..you…don’t…need…skype!!! (desktop) ---
**Author:** ![OneMissedPost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8e7dd6/32.png) [@OneMissedPost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneMissedPost)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/23 "2011-08-12T22:14:20Z")
> [@flying saucer](#): > > why is the iphone text message autocorrect always so incredibly wrong? Does steve jobs think i meant to type “let’s go out for dinner and a merlin”? Do you think merlin the fucking wizard of camelot is having dinner with me? lmfao 🙂 Funniest post yet! I hate the auto-correct too. What is a “merlin?” Did the iphone just invent a new word? ---
**Author:** ![Bosstrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Bosstrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstrain)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/24 "2011-08-12T22:24:43Z")
Hold on, I got one more… (sent from my desktop) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/25 "2011-08-12T23:02:51Z")
> [@OneMissedPost](#): > > What is a “merlin?” Did the iphone just invent a new word? [Merlin](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merlin_(bird)). See, you learn something new every day :). ---
**Author:** ![OneMissedPost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8e7dd6/32.png) [@OneMissedPost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneMissedPost)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/26 "2011-08-12T23:15:56Z")
> [@Tamerlane](#): > > [Merlin](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merlin_(bird)). > > See, you learn something new every day :). Indeed. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/27 "2011-08-13T04:00:31Z")
> [@Flying\_Saucer](#): > > Internet, you’ve done a lot of incredible things, but in many ways, YOU STILL SUCK. Would you like some cheese to go with that whine? ---
**Author:** ![dchrisd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8dc957/32.png) [@dchrisd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dchrisd)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/28 "2011-08-13T05:24:30Z")
#firstworldproblems ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/29 "2011-08-13T05:50:14Z")
> [@dchrisd](#): > > #firstworldproblems This gets advanced a lot as dismissing people’s complaints on things (although in this case I can’t really support the OP since, as someone said earlier, these things the OP is displeased with are hardly “necessities”, even in modern society) but the reality is there’s- very approximately- bugger all that the average punter can do to help fix problems in the Third World, and the fact that life sucks for a lot of people in the Third World doesn’t invalidate someone in the USA being irritated that modern technology in their country still doesn’t work perfectly. ---
**Author:** ![DemonSpawn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac8455/32.png) [@DemonSpawn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DemonSpawn)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/30 "2011-08-13T16:30:23Z")
> [@Flying\_Saucer](#): > > Why is the iPhone text message autocorrect ALWAYS SO INCREDIBLY WRONG? Does Steve Jobs think I meant to type “Let’s go out for dinner and a MERLIN”? Do you think Merlin the fucking WIZARD OF CAMELOT is having dinner with me? Your are not alone: [http://damnyouautocorrect.com/](http://damnyouautocorrect.com/) ---
**Author:** ![flag\_not\_set](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@flag\_not\_set](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flag_not_set)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2011, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/31 "2011-08-13T16:38:03Z")
I have to admit I find the auto-correct function a bit annoying at times. But did I read that right, we are pitting the Internet because a bunch of electronic playthings to don’t behave as expected? If so, I believe the OP is not understanding what “the Internet” really is at all. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2011, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/32 "2011-08-14T02:30:52Z")
> [@Flying\_Saucer](#): > > Why is the iPhone text message autocorrect ALWAYS SO INCREDIBLY WRONG? Does Steve Jobs think I meant to type “Let’s go out for dinner and a MERLIN”? Do you think Merlin the fucking WIZARD OF CAMELOT is having dinner with me? Aaarghh! I just tried to type in the word “creepier” into another post and it wanted to put “Freeport.” In fact, it just did it again now. I’m sure “creepier” is used more frequently than “Freeport.” But if you don’t watch as you type, and “X” out the suggested word, though, it’ll happily substitute that word for the one you actually typed instead. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2011, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/33 "2011-08-14T04:06:58Z")
I’m typing this on my Android because I just got home and the DSL is down. Now, the DSL and the home phone both enter the house through the same two little wires, a green and a red.The phone line works just fine. This will magically fix itself eventually but I don’t know why or how. God knows that using the Windows Diagnos This Problem button has never fixed a problem in the history of the web. But I am an optimist so I keep hoping. Oh, there’s the return button on this damn thing! ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2011, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/34 "2011-08-14T04:14:18Z")
Oh, and I DO understand the Internt. It is a series of tubes that ends at my house in a little green and a little red wire. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2011, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/35 "2011-08-14T05:28:15Z")
And now I’m back on the desktop, DSLing like a mo-fo! I didn’t fix anything and it’s all fine now. I’ll tell you what I think, I had some red and some green lights on the DSL modem and now I have all solid green lights, so I think it’s that little red wire lighting up the red lights and causing the problems. Tomorrow I’m yanking that fucking red wire out! I’ll report back on the results, maybe. ---
**Author:** ![Uzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/91b2a8/32.png) [@Uzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uzi)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2011, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/36 "2011-08-14T06:44:20Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > The internet may be imperfect, but the shift key works flawlessly. The shift key on some keyboards is pretty fucked up. The one on a computer at work is about 2/3 the size of a regular key let alone a normal shift key. What the hell is that about? Then there are the keyboards in Frankfurt airport internet kiosks. Some of the highest costs for internet I’ve ever seen - about 3 euros for 5 minutes. And they don’t even have a fucking @ key! You have to know some obscure key combination to activate it. What the fuck do most people do at an airport internet kiosk other than try to send an email? NO FUCKING @ KEY! No wonder the Germans lost the war! Fuck. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Universe\_Lashes\_Out](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8797f3/32.png) [@The\_Universe\_Lashes\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Universe_Lashes_Out)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2011, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/37 "2011-08-14T06:50:55Z")
This was the best OP I’ve read in the past six months at least. Many laughs. Much applause to you, sir. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2011, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/38 "2011-08-14T20:26:57Z")
> [@Uzi](#): > > … NO FUCKING @ KEY! No wonder the Germans lost the war! No, it was _because_ they lost the war. Hitler’s second-to-last sentence was: “Verstecken der @ Schlüssel!” (“Hide the @ Key!”) ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2011, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/39 "2011-08-14T22:08:38Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > Aaarghh! I just tried to type in the word “creepier” into another post and it wanted to put “Freeport.” In fact, it just did it again now. I’m sure “creepier” is used more frequently than “Freeport.” But if you don’t watch as you type, and “X” out the suggested word, though, it’ll happily substitute that word for the one you actually typed instead. I was born in Freeport. Both terms are acceptable usage. ---
**Author:** ![flag\_not\_set](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@flag\_not\_set](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flag_not_set)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/40 "2011-08-15T01:04:24Z")
> [@Dallas\_Jones](#): > > Oh, and I DO understand the Internt. > > It is a series of tubes that ends at my house in a little green and a little red wire. Nothing like a subjective view of an entity that reaches billions of people all over the world. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401.md?page=3)