# The internet DOES NOT WORK **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 12, 2011, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401 "2011-08-12T00:58:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/41 "2011-08-15T02:04:32Z")
> [@OneMissedPost](#): > > > [@Tamerlane](#): > > > > [Merlin](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merlin_(bird)). > > > > See, you learn something new every day :). > > Indeed. šŸ†’ Well, when I think of Merlin, my first thought is usually of [this](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rolls-Royce_Merlin). OTOH, I would guess that the confused word for which MERLIN was substituted was **merkin**. šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/42 "2011-08-15T03:34:38Z")
Thatā€™s a pretty long list of products, functions, utilities, and applications the OP has there. Got any problems with the porn, **Flying Saucer**? That is, after all, what the internet is FOR. [Or so I have been given to understand.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKNnwLL991c&feature=player_embedded) ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/43 "2011-08-15T04:13:16Z")
> [@The\_Universe\_Lashes\_Out](#): > > This was the best OP Iā€™ve read in the past six months at least. Many laughs. Much applause to you, sir. No kiddinā€™. THAT is how you do a pit thread. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2011, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/44 "2011-08-15T22:03:29Z")
> [@digs](#): > > No, it was _because_ they lost the war. Hitlerā€™s second-to-last sentence was: ā€œVerstecken der @ SchlĆ¼ssel!ā€ > > (ā€œHide the @ Key!ā€) Wait, German uses the same word for _key (used with a lock)_ and \*key (used to type), \*just like English? Or did you just dump the sentence into Google Translate? Looks like \*keyboard \*is _Tastatur_, so Iā€™m kind of skeptical. Using the Wikipedia method of translation (find a relevant page in English and then look at it in other languages), it seems like the appropriate noun might in fact be \*Taste \*(button, plural _Tasten_). ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2011, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/45 "2011-08-16T03:09:48Z")
Uhh, **Guns** , I think thereā€™s a thread over in MPSIMS right now thatā€™s full of some hilarious jokes, that are absolutely _begging_ for you to nitpick all the funny out of. Chop, chop! Off you go! ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2011, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/46 "2011-08-16T14:40:57Z")
Dinner and a merlin. Hee. If you try to type ā€œcock,ā€ the iPhone corrects it to ā€œVick.ā€ ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2011, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/47 "2011-08-16T14:42:29Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Uhh, **Guns** , I think thereā€™s a thread over in MPSIMS right now thatā€™s full of some hilarious jokes, that are absolutely _begging_ for you to nitpick all the funny out of. Sorry, it started as genuine interest, since SchlĆ¼ssel is one of the words I actually know in German (long story involving some foreign exchange students in Japan). I then stopped to actually see if I could figure it out myself, so I figured I might as well post what Iā€™d discovered. **ALSO I HATE FUN.** ---
**Author:** ![Rocketeer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocketeer/32/4437_2.png) [@Rocketeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rocketeer)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2011, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/48 "2011-08-16T20:51:43Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > The internet may be imperfect, but the shift key works flawlessly. ā€¦and the Caps Lock key. The one key I wish were inoperative. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/49 "2011-08-17T15:04:40Z")
> [@Rocketeer](#): > > ā€¦and the Caps Lock key. The one key I wish were inoperative. :rolleyes: BUT CAPSLOCK IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. srsly. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Bosstrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstrain)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/50 "2011-08-18T14:22:34Z")
> [@Rocketeer](#): > > ā€¦and the Caps Lock key. The one key I wish were inoperative. :rolleyes: You _can_ remove keys you donā€™t want. Not only is my capslock key gone (my brother ripped it out), but I took out the End key cause I kept hitting it when trying to hit the Delete keyā€¦youā€™re welcome. (sent from my desktopā€¦hehehehehehe) šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Hogfather65](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/7bcc69/32.png) [@Hogfather65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hogfather65)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/51 "2011-08-18T14:48:19Z")
Why not do a refresher on the internet - [Start Here](http://www.the-last-page.com/the_first_page.htm) - maybe one day you will get to [here](http://www.mbgj.org/end-of-net.htm) without getting lostā€¦ ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/52 "2011-08-18T15:52:43Z")
> [@Bosstrain](#): > > You _can_ remove keys you donā€™t want. I think the problem is that \*\*Rocketeer \*\*wants to get rid of other peopleā€™s Caps Lock keys. WHY DO YOU HATE OUR FREEDOM, **ROCKETEER**?! ---
**Author:** ![Rocketeer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocketeer/32/4437_2.png) [@Rocketeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rocketeer)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/53 "2011-08-18T17:29:54Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > I think the problem is that \*\*Rocketeer \*\*wants to get rid of other peopleā€™s Caps Lock keys. > > WHY DO YOU HATE OUR FREEDOM, **ROCKETEER**?! No, no, I would never impinge upon your freedom to look like a newb; my rant was strictly about my own Caps Lock key. Iā€™m a lousy typist and watch my hands instead of the screen, so if I hit the CL key inadvertently, I can very easily get all the way to the end of a sentence before I notice that I look like an excitable putz. šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Bosstrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Bosstrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstrain)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/54 "2011-08-18T18:01:41Z")
> [@Rocketeer](#): > > No, no, I would never impinge upon your freedom to look like a newb; my rant was strictly about my own Caps Lock key. Iā€™m a lousy typist and watch my hands instead of the screen, so if I hit the CL key inadvertently, I can very easily get all the way to the end of a sentence before I notice that I look like an excitable putz. šŸ˜ƒ Then take a screwdriver and pop the damn thing off! šŸ˜ƒ Note: you can replace it later if you want or use a pen to hit the button instead. (sent from my desktopā€¦Bwahahahahahaha) šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![mrklutz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@mrklutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrklutz)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/55 "2011-08-18T18:51:45Z")
> [@Rocketeer](#): > > No, no, I would never impinge upon your freedom to look like a newb; my rant was strictly about my own Caps Lock key. Iā€™m a lousy typist and watch my hands instead of the screen, so if I hit the CL key inadvertently, I can very easily get all the way to the end of a sentence before I notice that I look like an excitable putz. šŸ˜ƒ Well, he kept on typing with the caps lock on ā€“ ā€œExcitable putzā€ they all said ā€“ And it looked like shouting ā€œHEY GET OFF MY LAWN!ā€ ā€“ ā€œExcitable putzā€ they all said ā€“ Well, heā€™s just an excitable putz (Apologies to the late great Warren Zevon) ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/56 "2011-08-18T19:46:26Z")
CARRY ON THEN. quite. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401/57 "2011-08-18T23:30:18Z")
CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR AWESOME sneaky nocaps text [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-internet-does-not-work/592401.md?page=2)