# The Jack Batty Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 27, 2000, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940 "2000-11-27T23:51:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2000, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/1 "2000-11-27T23:51:18Z")
Inspired by our very own Jack Batty in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=48015) who said **“IMHO more people on this board should spontaneously mention me in their threads, just because I’m one Hell of a guy.”** And then later said, **“What I really need is an entire thread devoted to just how much of great all around human being I actually am. Of course modesty prevents me from doing that myself.”** So without further ado: _ahem_ **Ode to Jack Batty** (a hastily and poorly written sonnet) May the greatest Doper of all be Jack Batty? He’s an good enough guy who sure isn’t a rat-ty. What would we do without our lovely Jack Batty? Where would we go, with whom would we chat-ty? The enemy of ignorance is good old Jack Batty. He’s spot on the ball, he sure knows where it’s at-ty. Everyone wants to be friends with Jack Batty 'Cuz he’s seldom mean and he’s never been catty. [sub](\<— oh look! I used a real word to rhyme there!)[/sub] He’s oh-so-smart, is the Straight Dope’s Jack Batty When he has a scab, he would never pick at-ty. I’m running out of things to rhyme with Jack Batty So I’ll end this poem before it goes flat-ty. He’s greatness shines through, he’s a regular brainiac. Jack Batty, Jack Batty, that megalomaniac. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2000, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/2 "2000-11-27T23:56:13Z")
Lil’ ol’ me? Aw Gawsh. You forgot to include a line about what a whore for attention I am. But at least I’m up front about it. ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2000, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/3 "2000-11-27T23:58:43Z")
I’m impressed. With both the concept and the \ poem. I think I’ll go sulk now. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@SeaDiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDiver)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/4 "2000-11-28T00:02:39Z")
Yeah, that Jack Batty is an alright guy. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/5 "2000-11-28T00:03:54Z")
Jack Batty is the poster whom I want to be like when madness comes Oh, dear Jack Batty I dream of you late at night Not really, but still Modesty is not the greatest virtue of Jack yet we love the putz I adore Jack so much that I am not writing my anthro paper Whenever I read a Jack Batty post, I start to think of noodles ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/6 "2000-11-28T00:19:46Z")
I hear that Jack Batty guy drinks his hot chocolate without marshmallows. Heresy! ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/7 "2000-11-28T00:26:31Z")
Marshmellows?!?! How dare you even think about uttering that word in my presence. Yes, all this lavish attention is keeping me from my sick bed, but I’ll hang there because, well, I don’ know if I’ve mention it but … **I’m a gigantic whore for attention!** Thank you, carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/8 "2000-11-28T00:32:03Z")
I hear that Jack Batty is a **GIGANTIC WHORE**. [sub]_… for attention!_[/sub] 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/9 "2000-11-28T00:51:07Z")
Not just _any_ whore, but a **two bit whore**! ::gets hit with a bag of quarters:: **OW!** ---
**Author:** ![waterj2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/858c86/32.png) [@waterj2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/waterj2)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/10 "2000-11-28T03:56:38Z")
Well, he certainly was born on the best day of the year. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/11 "2000-11-28T15:48:59Z")
Jack Batty likes soccer. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/12 "2000-11-28T15:55:27Z")
Jack Batty dislikes marshmallows. But I guess he still gets mad style points for the soccer thing. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/13 "2000-11-28T15:57:08Z")
And also. Jack Batty is not some old guy. The pictures from Sue D’s party prove otherwise. Ahem. Must go adjust worldview. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bottle_of_Smoke)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/14 "2000-11-28T16:53:03Z")
In honor of Jack, a couple limericks: There once was a doper named Jack. A thread of his own he did lack. Crunchy started this thread To feed Jack’s swelling head, Cuz attention he craves just like crack. I thought I would post in here too To say Jack’s a good guy – it is true. When he’s not on this site, He sits up all night Playing Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/15 "2000-11-28T18:20:10Z")
Don’t I just feel loved. :: blush :: Coldfire: What can I say, you’ve got my number. Zenster: A lubs ya too, ya big lug. Waterj: I planned it that way, you know. Snooooopy: And someday, you’ll come around too. As soon as I am king, soccer will be the mandated national pasttime. Rasa: I’ve always wanted mad style points. One more thing to cross off my Christmas list. And don’t let looks fool you, I’m actually 103 years old - clean livin’, don’t ya know. Bottle O’: Good limericks, I’d reply in kind but my brain isn’t wired for limericks, I’d be up all night trying to think of rhyme for playstation (just like the Ringo Starr-Charles Schwab commercial). Signing off from my sick bed, surrounded by 37 hot chocolate stained mugs. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/16 "2000-11-28T18:27:59Z")
Clean living? Gah. Must rethink worldview again… damn you! ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/17 "2000-11-28T18:39:10Z")
Jack Batty inspired me to download napster-- the bastard. Jack Batty knows more about Friends than any man has a right to. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/18 "2000-11-28T18:47:09Z")
I’ll help you out, Jack. Rhymes for Playstation: 2 syllables: haitian, nation 3 syllables: alsatian, carnation, castration, cessation, citation, creation, cremation, croatian, crustacean, dalmatian, damnation, deflation, dictation, dilation, donation, duration, elation, filtration, fixation, flirtation, flotation, formation, foundation, frustration, gestation, gradation, gyration, hydration, inflation, lactation, location, migration, mutation, narration, negation, nitration, notation, oration, ovation, plantation, privation, probation, prostration, quotation, relation, rotation, salvation, sedation, sensation, stagnation, starvation, summation, taxation, temptation, translation, vacation, vibration, vocation 4 syllables: aberration, acclimation, accusation, activation, adaptation, admiration, adoration, adulation, advocation, affectation, affirmation, aggravation, agitation, allegation, allocation, alteration, altercation, amputation, animation, annexation, annotation, appalachian, application, arbitration, aspiration, augmentation, automation, aviation, calculation, calibration, cancellation, celebration, combination, commendation, compensation, compilation, complication, computation, concentration, condemnation, condensation, confirmation, confiscation, confrontation, congregation, conjugation, connotation, consecration, conservation, consolation, constellation, consternation, constipation, consultation, consummation, contemplation, conversation, coronation, corporation, correlation, culmination, cultivation, declaration, decoration, dedication, defamation, deformation, degradation, dehydration, delegation, demarcation, demonstration, deportation, depravation, depredation, deprivation, derivation, desecration, desiccation, designation, desolation, desperation, destination, detonation, devastation, deviation, dilatation, disinflation, dislocation, dispensation, disputation, dissertation, dissipation, distillation, divination, domination, duplication, education, elevation, elongation, emanation, embarkation, emigration, emulation, equitation, escalation, estimation, evocation, excavation, excitation, exclamation, exhalation, exhortation, exhumation, expectation, expiration, explanation, explication, exploitation, exploration, fabrication, fascination, federation, fermentation, fibrillation, figuration, fluctuation, fluoridation, foliation, formulation, fragmentation, fumigation, gastrulation, generation, gene mutation, germination, glaciation, graduation, granulation, gravitation, habitation, heat prostration, hesitation, hibernation, illustration, imitation, immigration, implantation, implication, importation, impregnation, imputation, incantation, incarnation, inclination, incrustation, incubation, indentation, indexation, indication, indignation, infestation, infiltration, inflammation, information, inhalation, innovation, inspiration, installation, instigation, insulation, integration, intimation, intonation, inundation, invitation, invocation, irrigation, irritation, isolation, jubilation, laceration, legislation, levitation, liberation, limitation, liquidation, litigation, loan translation, lubrication, machination, malformation, masturbation, maturation, mediation, medication, meditation, menstruation, ministration, miscreation, miseration, mitigation, moderation, modulation, molestation, motivation, mutilation, navigation, nomination, nucleation, obfuscation, obligation, observation, occupation, operation, orchestration, ordination, oscillation, ostentation, ovulation, oxidation, pagination, paid vacation, pair creation, pair formation, palpitation, penetration, perforation, permutation, perspiration, perturbation, pigmentation, point mutation, pollination, population, preparation, presentation, preservation, proclamation, procreation, profanation, propagation, protestation, provocation, publication, punctuation, radiation, raft foundation, realization, recantation, recitation, reclamation, recreation, reformation, refutation, registration, regulation, rehydration, relaxation, relocation, renovation, reparation, replication, reputation, reservation, resignation, respiration, restoration, retardation, revelation, revocation, rumination, sanitation, saturation, segmentation, segregation, separation, sequestration, simulation, situation, skin sensation, speculation, stimulation, stipulation, strangulation, subluxation, suffocation, superstation, syndication, tabulation, taste sensation, termination, titillation, toleration, touch sensation, transformation, transplantation, transportation, trepidation, tribulation, unimation, univation, usurpation, vaccination, vacillation, validation, valuation, variation, vegetation, ventilation, vindication, violation, visitation Now you have no excuse. Slacker. ---
**Author:** ![Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bottle_of_Smoke)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/19 "2000-11-28T18:48:40Z")
Rasa, do you have a link to these pictures? I want to see if Jack actually looks like my mental image of him. In my mind he is a stooped, wizened old sack of cracked leather with dried crusty Hamburger Helper on his sack cloth shirt and a dripping hot chocolate mustache that frames the two teeth in his demented, cackling smile. Oh wait, this was supposed to be a complimentary thread…I meant to say I picture him as a manly gentleman whose rugged good looks accentuate his devilish charm. Or something like that. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/20 "2000-11-28T18:59:28Z")
Aah, I did a search and can’t find them. They’re on Sue Duhnym’s page somewhere. Sorry! But I will say that, were he not married, and I not smitten with a certain other Doper, I would not kick Mr. Batty out for eating crackers in bed. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940.md?page=2)