# The Jack Batty Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 27, 2000, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940 "2000-11-27T23:51:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/21 "2000-11-28T19:01:05Z")
God DAMN. I _did_ say that out loud! šŸ˜‰ ---
**Author:** ![Sue\_Duhnym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Sue\_Duhnym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sue_Duhnym)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/22 "2000-11-28T19:56:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bottle of Smoke \* > In my mind he is a stooped, wizened old sack of cracked leather with dried crusty Hamburger Helper on his sack cloth shirt and a dripping hot chocolate mustache that frames the two teeth in his demented, cackling smile. Nah, heā€™s a smokinā€™ hot babe! Wicked sexy. Yummmmmmmmy. His wife is nice too. My page seems to be having some difficulties, but hereā€™s the link: [http://my.treeway.com/sueduhnym/home.html](http://my.treeway.com/sueduhnym/home.html) ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/23 "2000-11-28T20:38:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jack Batty \* > \*\*Snooooopy: And someday, youā€™ll come around too. As soon as I am king, soccer will be the mandated national pasttime. > \*\* Never! And when I say never, I mean the part about coming around. I obviously canā€™t control whether or not you become king. But I have to say, at least George W. Bush hasnā€™t made any kind of noise in the pro-soccer direction. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/24 "2000-11-28T21:00:23Z")
Rasa: When I say clean living I mean I have relatively good hygiene. Actually I think it was the daily pot smoking in the 80ā€™s that have kept me preserved. Biggirl: Youā€™re welcome - even though I havenā€™t been on Napster in a month. Ha ha - I strike and then Iā€™m gone. Bwuhahahaha Crunchy: Gee whiz, thanks a heap. Ok, fine. As promised - a recipricle limerick about B.O.S. -ahem- Bottle of Smokeā€™s elation Whether working or on a vacation Is cramping his thumbs Drinking Cokes and some rums With his very best friend Playstation And youā€™re close on my apperance, although Iā€™m not saying which description youā€™re close on. Sue: You little trollop. šŸ˜ƒ Well, if I werenā€™t married Iā€™d like to ā€¦ I gotta stop there, Iā€™m so devoted I feel guilty even fantisizing. Snooooopy: Ok, your choice, mon frere. Left striker or prison time. Iā€™m fair but Iā€™m firm. ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/25 "2000-11-28T21:52:55Z")
Jack Batty, Iā€™ll be your Right Halfback on the Soccer Field of Love. ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/26 "2000-11-28T21:53:54Z")
oh what the hellā€¦ Jack Batty is a pretty good guyā€¦even if Silver Fire could kick his ass at TH2 Here Jackā€¦have a shot of chopinā€¦ šŸ˜‰ ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/27 "2000-11-29T01:49:39Z")
Mag: We in the know call it right-mid-field. But what do I know - I like playing either striker or keeper. But, interesting idea, ā€œthe soccer field of loveā€. Gives a whole new meaning to the word ā€œheaderā€. Oldie: Nobody, but nobody can whup me in Tony Hawk, and I got the thumb calluses to prove it. But thanks for the shot of whatever chopin is (not the composer, I presume). ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/28 "2000-11-29T01:58:11Z")
You want double entendres and football? A BBC commentator actually said this, about the English national goalie: **"Seaman dribbles outside of the box!"** Heh-heh. Heh heh-heh heh šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/29 "2000-11-29T01:59:43Z")
Itā€™s the same one you turned down at sueā€™s cause you wre being all wimpy. Itā€™s still sitting here for youā€¦for whenever you decide to be a man. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/30 "2000-11-29T02:18:11Z")
Does puking all over oneself make one a man? Thatā€™s generally what happens when I drink liquor. Iā€™m a beer man by trade. But ok. Dec 2, Iā€™ve got all afternoon and I donā€™t have to drive, so I guess youā€™ll get to see me puke. šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/31 "2000-11-29T06:36:29Z")
Hope youā€™re feeling better, Jack. šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/32 "2000-11-29T06:43:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jack Batty \* > \*\* so I guess youā€™ll get to see me puke. šŸ™‚ \*\* woohoo! Itā€™ll make my day! ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/33 "2000-11-29T08:20:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jack Batty \* > \*\*Snooooopy: Ok, your choice, mon frere. Left striker or prison time. Iā€™m fair but Iā€™m firm. \*\* Now, see, thatā€™s different. PLAYING soccer would not bother me (although my brutal incompetence might bother my teammates). My mind would at least be occupied by running around and figuring out where I was supposed to be on the field. Itā€™s only when I have to cover soccer ā€“ particularly idiot high schoolers ā€“ that I get irritable. Could I be a defender instead? Iā€™ve always felt more interested in the defensive side of the ball. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/34 "2000-11-29T08:28:30Z")
On an idle whim, I did a Yahoo! search on ā€œJack Batty.ā€ There is a Jack Batty in Australia who is a member of the Victorian Sub-District Cricket Association. I was quite amused. [http://www.viccricket.asn.au/assoc.asp?a=2&i=contacts](http://www.viccricket.asn.au/assoc.asp?a=2&i=contacts) ---
**Author:** ![Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bottle_of_Smoke)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/35 "2000-11-29T14:46:44Z")
Thanks for the link, Sue. I canā€™t seem to access your page, so for the time being Iā€™ll just have to go with my description of him. And Iā€™m not saying which one either, Jacko. ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/36 "2000-11-29T15:38:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jack Batty \* > \*\*Mag: We in the know call it right-mid-field. But what do I know - I like playing either striker or keeper. But, interesting idea, ā€œthe soccer field of loveā€. Gives a whole new meaning to the word ā€œheaderā€. > \*\* Huh. 11 years of being the only girl on a co-ed soccer team doesnā€™t get me ā€œin the know?ā€ We also called the ā€œstrikerā€ a ā€œforwardā€ and the ā€œkeeperā€ the ā€œgoalieā€. Thanks for fighting my ignorance! I am now the opposing sweeper on the Soccer Field of Acquaintance, btw. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/37 "2000-11-29T16:17:57Z")
Coldie: And when Seamen dribbles outside the box, the ā€œgoalā€ is left open and vulnerable. Laugh riot, eh what? I once heard this while watching a hockey game. ā€œIn this replay youā€™ll see how Gretzky deftly beats off the defender.ā€ Huh? How did I miss that? Audrey: Thanks, I feel much better today. OldScratch: You evil person. I hope Iā€™m sitting right next to you when I boot. Snoooopy: two things - 1, Ok, if you play but donā€™t watch maybe Iā€™ll let you slide with probation. 2 - Apparently I should have done a little more research on my user name, there is also a corporate spoksman here in the states for Coke or IBM or something named Jack Batty. Ooops. Iā€™m still anticipating a cease and desist order in the mail anyday now. Bottle: As soon as remove my thumb from my ass, I will do something about getting my pic on the People Pages. Iā€™d hate to make my millions of adoring fans suffer any longer. [sub]Millions of adoring fans: a little too much?[/sub] Mag: Forgive me. Iā€™m a bit of an anglophile when it comes to soccer. In fact I prefer to call it ā€œfootballā€ but that just leads to misunderstandings and sometimes fist fights here in the states. ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/38 "2000-11-29T17:40:34Z")
Jack, do you also speak with a fake British accent? šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/39 "2000-11-29T17:48:27Z")
Only after watching too much Monty Python. ā€œI DONā€™T LIKE SPAM!!ā€ - ā€œSpam, spam, spam, spam, lovely spaaaaaaam ā€¦ā€ ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2000, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940/40 "2000-11-30T03:02:37Z")
Jack Batty likes his wife, A lot Oh and heā€™s cute too. I think he kinda looks like Fabio, but more manly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-batty-thread/42940.md?page=1)