# The Jack Chick of Atheism **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 5, 2001, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-atheism/60856 "2001-04-05T00:30:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![McMurphy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e19adc/32.png) [@McMurphy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/McMurphy)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-atheism/60856/1 "2001-04-05T00:30:22Z")
_Title accredited to MEBuckner_ _Also, before I start, I am not a Christian_ In [This](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=66248) thread, massive\_attack posted an OP of such utter mindnumbing, gut wrenching, makes-you-wanna-stick-your-finger-behind-your-eye-and-swirl-your-brain-around stupidity that I felt it needed addressing here. Okeydokey… _Originally Posted by massive\_attack_ \*\* " I would just like to start the ball rolling on a new topic"\*\* Oh, thank you for deigning to broaden our horizons. I don’t think my feeble mind can cope with your pure wisdom and insight. Idiot. A new topic? It is not a new topic. Loose lipped, gibbering, moronic fingerbangers like you pop up at least twice a week. They just tend to slide away like piss off a window never to post again. Please follow their example. \*\* “I personally HATE christianity with a passion”\*\* I personally HATE you with a passion you judgemental little ball of discarded smegma. No, that’s not strictly true. I don’t _hate_ you. I hate the ignorance which saturates every word you print but I don’t really hate _you_ per se. Hopefully my opinion of you won’t get any worse because it sure as hell ain’t getting any better. \*\* “Wether it be the stupid signs out the front of the church saying a stupid message or the baptist ringing on your doorbell.”\*\* So lemme get this straight. You loathe and despise all of Christianity because a couple of baptists have rung on your doorbell? Was it the baptists who dropped you on your head when you were a baby and turned you into the misanthropic little anal swab you are today? No. And you take exception signs placed outside _their_ churches? Well whoopee shit! That is obscene. You should really make 'em pay for that! String 'em up from the nearest drawbridge, naah, death is too good for them, how about fingernail torture? Afterall, they were the bastards who had the sheer temerity to post a “stupid” sign (which couldn’t have been more than a Jesus saves type thing anyway) outside their own church so they deserve whatever they get. Actually, on second thought, scrap fingernail torture, it’s over too soon. Tell you what, why not give them a samurai sword and shove 'em in a room with you and see how long it takes them to commit seppuku? Also, which “baptist” is giving you the hassle? Is it just one? I’m not usually one for pointing out typing errors, but I thought it was pertinent in this case. Still, seeing how “stupid” Christians are I doubt they’d notice anyway \*\* “I would just like to point out my logical arguments”\*\* Ok, go on then…well? I’m waiting…I 'm looking and I’m looking but I can’t see any. I can see plenty of inane, vacuous rantings obvoiusly posted by someone who wouldn’t have a clue if it buttfucked them with a beehive but for the life of me I can’t see anything approaching logical discourse. Please, tell me where I’m going wrong. \*\* “Christians don’t follow there own rules [ie. 70% of murders are commited by christians]”\*\* Believe it or not, this is actually true. My own mother is a Christian and she’s a one woman crime wave. Actually that’s not right, she works tirelessly and selfishly for CAFOD and partakes in as many fundraisers as you’ve had hot dinners (note: That hot dinners remark was addressed to the general population, not you massive\_attack because my mother has organised far more than 3 fund raisers). \*\* “Christians are Biass against all other religions”\*\* And you would know this how? You wouldn’t even open the fucking door to one you cum encrusted genital chancre. Who are you to make such a cras generalisation? Ah yes, that’s right, nobody. \*\* "Christians start a lot of wars over a stupid piece of dirt 1000 miles from where they are at the moment "\*\* And where are all the dreaded Christian legions at the moment? Pittsburg? New Jersey? Papua New Guinea? Where? Well wherever it is it’s obvoiusly exactly 1000 miles away from wherever they’re starting a war, wherever that is. Back this up or fuck off, better yet, just fuck off. \ \*\* “Hello you goddamned chistrians”\*\* Good to see you too, the old place just wasn’t the same without you :rolleyes: \*\* “I was expecting to get thrashed by the mob”\*\* You _were_ thrashed by the mob you ignorant, sneering little fuckstick. Now I know that the ape creatures of the Indas have probably got a better grasp of the English language than you but even so, I would have thought that it would have registered that hardly anyone is on your side. \*\* “Oh… Look… More than 20 posts… It’s a great debate!”\*\* Oh… Look… a cunt. \*\* “Oh… Look… Posted in less than a week… It’s less than 24 hours later”\*\* Okay, kindly allow me a moment to reread your words of wisdom to see what the fuck you’re talking about. \*\* “DING DONG… Is that the baptists?”\*\* Is it? Who knows? I was kinda hoping it’d be Jeffrey Dahmer or a team of yemen rebels on the lookout for someone to kidnap but you can’t get everything you want from life can you? \*\* “Well your pretty stupid aren’t you!”\*\* You haven’t earned the right to call anyone stupid you retarded little whoreson. You haven’t got a fucking brain in your head, you’ve got wheel and a slowly dying hamster. Tell you what, next time you feel one of those tiny withered synapses burn itself out in one last spark of glory, ignore it, just let it die. You may not know it now but it’s for the best. \*\* “HAHAHAHAHAHAHA”\*\* Whoops, looks like final disintegration has begun already. Call the vivisectionists!! \*\* “I know I’ll get canned again”\*\* No shit, you’re obviously the brains of your family. Next time your little clan gets together for thanksgiving, don’t forget to show leatherface your alphabet trick. \*\* “but to see you desperately trying to defend chistianity, It’s priceless,”\*\* Which bears absolutely no relation to my situation of course, as I collapse into a fit of giggles at your desperate attempts to form a coherant sentence. \*\* “Also I was showing the difference between christianity and others when I posted about land claiming.” \*\* You were demonstrating your uncanny ability to lower the national IQ level by about 30 points. Beyond that you were doing nothing other than boring us with your own special brand of inane, hateful horseshit and cracking off 'til your knuckles bled (sits down, catches breath) Listen, you snide, sneering, wretched, worthless, gormless, gut less, tactless, brainless, dickless son of a Shanghai chick boy. Your baseless generalisations and pitiable insults are insulting and offensive to everyone with even the slightest shred of respect for his fellow man. Retract what you’ve posted or back it up or better yet, just go away. As well as verging on trolldom with your very first post, your fallacies of logic are just as offensive to anyone who can think critically (which is the vast majority of people, basically everyone except you) You do nobody any service by being here. Quite while you’re only a mile behind. Moron. ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-atheism/60856/2 "2001-04-05T00:41:16Z")
> [@](#): > > Listen, you snide, sneering, wretched, worthless, gormless, gut less, tactless, brainless, dickless son of a Shanghai chick boy. For that alone I give it a 9.0 on my rant o’meter. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-atheism/60856/3 "2001-04-05T00:43:50Z")
_Golf clap_ See, this is why I generally stay out of GD. Actually, this has absolutely nothing to do with why I stay out of GD, but it sounded good. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-atheism/60856/4 "2001-04-05T00:56:31Z")
I dunno TVOR, my daddy always told me “Son, never get into a pissing match with a skunk”. But to each their own. ---
**Author:** ![jab1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee7513/32.png) [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-atheism/60856/5 "2001-04-05T02:23:48Z")
**massive\_attack** gives Christian haters a bad name. ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-atheism/60856/6 "2001-04-05T02:45:59Z")
**9.5** based on Best Use of Colorful Imagery in a Single Pit Thread. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-atheism/60856/7 "2001-04-05T04:29:24Z")
Duuuuude. You rock. To the subject of the OP: go suck a fork. You’re a waste of good ignorance. And semen, and tax dollars, and oxygen . . . May your children be infected with the blood of a syphillitic water buffalo. ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-atheism/60856/8 "2001-04-05T04:30:25Z")
As Lennon said (Paraphrasing), “Christianity and communism were great ideas. It was the people who fucked them up.” Don’t confuse the message with the messangers. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-atheism/60856/9 "2001-04-05T06:53:05Z")
I wonder… after five posts and his only friend is **Brian Bunnyhurt**. Isn’t that some sort of record? Last I heard, even Serlin didn’t have that shitty of a start. ---
**Author:** ![jeyen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a4c791/32.png) [@jeyen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jeyen)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-atheism/60856/10 "2001-04-05T06:58:28Z")
**TVOR** , I so agree with you. Thank you for providing a voice for my annoyance at what’s his name. That being said, I have to express a contradictory opinion: Hey, any poster that starts a thread that generates responses that made me laugh out loud **three times in five minutes** can’t be all bad. (This from a person who usually doesn’t laugh out loud at SDMB stuff.) And I never get to laugh at GD posts, 'cause they’re all so darned serious. And a poster that generates so much annoyance that the pit thread about him/her/it makes me laugh out loud is nearly too valuable to ban. Think of the entertainment value! Starting a thread that bad is a skill in and of itself, don’t you think? Oh, and I give what’s his name the same statement I give whenever the band named “Massive Attack” comes up: That was neither massive nor an attack. Please choose a more appropriate name. Of course, I won’t miss him/her/it when him/her/it is gone, either. Geez, I hate ambivalence in the Pit. ::Slinks off to another margarita:: Jeyen ---
**Author:** ![Blackclaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e68b1a/32.png) [@Blackclaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackclaw)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-atheism/60856/11 "2001-04-05T12:10:57Z")
> [@](#): > > makes-you-wanna-stick-your-finger-behind-your-eye-and-swirl-your-brain-around stupidity I must thank you for this piece of writing Voice. I’ve encountered this kind of stupidity before and experienced this odd inclination to do something but was unsure what. Now I know! If later I seem incoherent it’s because I’ve given myself a brain swirly as I try to make it through the work day. ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-atheism/60856/12 "2001-04-05T12:11:49Z")
God, I didn’t think anyone could be worse than fatherjohn. I was wrong. Kill the troll. ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-atheism/60856/13 "2001-04-05T13:07:16Z")
> [@](#): > > misanthropic little anal swab heh, heh, heh, he said “_anal_”. ---
**Author:** ![Navigator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/4af34b/32.png) [@Navigator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Navigator)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-atheism/60856/14 "2001-04-05T13:46:50Z")
\*The camera floats high above the landscape zooming in… a road appears a car (looking much like a Family Truckster™) appears driving down the road and turning off into an park The camera focus on the sign\* **Wild Animal Safari - Don’t Feed the Beasts** _camera in the car focusing on the father in the front seat_ Dad: Ahhhhhh… isn’t this great kids _camera focuses on back seat, kids half asleep and drooling_ Kids (zombie like): Yeah, Dad, this is great \*Big smile crosses Dad’s face, put arm around sleeping wife in front seat Boy child in back seat, lowers his GameBoy™ and gazes out the window, eyes become sharper as he strightens up\* Ross: Hey, DAD! what is that, never seen one of those before! Dad: In this natural habitat _looks real quick in the tour guide booklet_ I think that is a … _camera zooms out and the car becomes a HotWheel™ and a doll with wild hair, being played with by a curious looking overweight female with horrendous blue eyeshadow at her desk_ _Camera pans to the left to a smiling man with a crewcut, boyish face, and BuddyHolly™ glasses_ Drew: Where did you think the natural habitat of a **Troll** ™ was??? DNFTT - unless of course you like the fun… ---
**Author:** ![Lauralee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Lauralee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lauralee)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-atheism/60856/15 "2001-04-05T14:02:55Z")
Ha! I love Drew Carey!! Hey, I just thought it was cool watching the various atheists/agnostics/whatevers coming to bash him. That, and this > [@](#): > > If later I seem incoherent it’s because I’ve given myself a brain swirly as I try to make it through the work day. makes it all worth it. ---
**Author:** ![Amedeus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de0a6/32.png) [@Amedeus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amedeus)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-atheism/60856/16 "2001-04-05T14:08:24Z")
Wow, did He state in his thread that he would no doubt be “Canned” again? Is that a blatent admittance of being a troll that was once banned and came back?? Well, even if he is not a troll,(snicker)he seems like a real winner. I am no doubt humbled in his presence. Well that sucked for a pit thread response… Oh well, **IM** a newbie! ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-atheism/60856/17 "2001-04-05T14:19:47Z")
i don’t know…something tells me that at some point in massive’s life… a baptist… turned him down. :: patting him on the back :: It’s OK, Massive, there’s other fish in the sea. Uh oh, I said fish…that’s sometimes a christian symbol! DAMN CHRISTIANS! THEY’RE TAKING AWAY EVEN OUR MOST BASIC LINGO! jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-atheism/60856/18 "2001-04-05T14:28:07Z")
Wow. Kind of reminded me of the boardroom scene in _Liar, Liar_. “Now do Johnson!” This made my day. I think I’m going to print it out and memorize it, just so I can impress my friends. ---
**Author:** ![Blackclaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e68b1a/32.png) [@Blackclaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackclaw)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-atheism/60856/19 "2001-04-05T14:34:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lauralee \* > > > [@](#): > > > > If later I seem incoherent it’s because I’ve given myself a brain swirly as I try to make it through the work day. > > makes it all worth it. \*\* Well good, I finally have a sig. Do I have to give Voice credit for inspiration? ---
**Author:** ![jesuslynch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e99b99/32.png) [@jesuslynch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jesuslynch)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2001, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-atheism/60856/20 "2001-04-05T15:20:05Z")
Mr. Hunnyburt wrote: > [@](#): > > …Oh, and if Jesus were to exist he would also be the devil, by reasons alone! (Duh!)… Fuck me running. I either don’t exist or I’m also the devil. I know what momma would say, but what’s babyjesus going to think? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-atheism/60856.md?page=2)