# The Jack Chick of Homosexuality! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 12, 2001, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-homosexuality/61695 "2001-04-12T07:26:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2001, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-homosexuality/61695/1 "2001-04-12T07:26:00Z")
**Episode IV: In which the Jack Chicks of, um, Jack Chick-dom, segue smoothly into the Jack Chicks of Homosexuality** In [this post](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=66857#post1252380) on Fenris’ “The Jack Chick of Pro-Choice! The Comic-Book Tract Edition” thread, Esprix wonders “I wonder what an anti-tract would look like about… _homosexuality_!” Now bear with me here, this could get a little involuted. You see, it turns out that the original “Jack Chicks” of the world have _already_ written the anti-tract for us. In the March 18, 1999 edition of _Rolling Stone_, Robert Dreyfuss wrote an article called “The Holy War on Gays”. In it, Dreyfuss quotes one Dr. Paul Cameron, founder of the “Family Research Institute” and ISIS (the “Institute for the Scientific Investigation of Sexuality”), and one of the most widely cited “authorities” of the “reparative therapy” movement on the Christian Right. Here’s what the good doctor has to say about homosexuality: > [@](#): > > Like many of his allies, Cameron believes that, if left unchecked, homosexuality will destroy America like God did Sodom. “Untrammeled homosexuality can take over and destroy a social system,” says Cameron. “If you isolate sexuality as something solely for one’s own personal amusement, and all you want is the most satisfying orgasm you can get - and that is what homosexuality seems to be - then homosexuality seems too powerful to resist. The evidence is that men do a better job on men, and women on women, if all you are looking for is orgasm.” So powerful is the allure of gay sex, Cameron believes, that if society approves of gay people, more and more heterosexuals will be inexorably drawn into homosexuality. “I’m convinced that lesbians are particularly good seducers,” says Cameron. > > “People in homosexuality are incredibly evangelical,” he adds, sounding evangelical himself. “It’s pure sexuality. It’s almost like pure heroin. It’s such a rush. They are committed in almost a religious way. And they’ll take enormous risks, do anything.” He says that for married men and women, gay sex would be irresistible. “Marital sex tends toward the boring end,” he points out. “Generally, it doesn’t deliver the kind of sheer sexual pleasure that homosexual sex does.” So, Cameron believes, within a few generations homosexuality would become the dominant form of sexual behavior. Herewith, _Homosexuality: The Most Satisfying Orgasm You Can Get!_ _Bob and Susie, an attractive young couple, are in what is clearly a fancy honeymoon suite. Susie, her face buried in her hands, is sobbing uncontrollably. Bob stands tensely, his face turned away from her._ **Susie:** Oh, B-Bob! I th-think the world of you–but is this all there is to sex? I saved myself for marriage–for _you_–and it turns out to be so b-b-b-_boring!!!_ _She breaks down in tears_ **Bob:** _angrily_ You think it’s boring for you? You just don’t understand my needs! **Susie:** _shouting_ How can you say that? I’m a women aren’t I? And you’re a man! Of course I understand your needs! _Suddenly, there is a knock on the door. Bob, glaring angrily, strides across the room and jerks open the door. Standing in the hallway are a man and a women–the man is well-muscled, mustachioed, clad in a leather biker outfit, his shirt open to reveal his well-developed chest; the women is short-haired, spandex-clad, and intense yet attractive._ **Bob:** _curtly_ Can I help you? **Man:** Forgive us for the intrusion… **Woman:** …but we couldn’t help but overhear you. _She smiles apologetically_ Hotel walls, y’ know? **Man:** May we come in? **Bob:** _angrily_ Excuse me?!? We are on our honeymoon! **Susie:** Oh, let them come in, Bob! What does it matter anyway? **Woman:** Susie, I overheard what you said–about being a woman, and understanding Bob’s needs. But you know, it’s just not true. **Susie:** I don’t understand… **Woman:** Susie, have you ever considered lesbianism? **Bob:** Now wait just a minute here! **Woman:** Bob, it’s only logical. The evidence is that men do a better job on men, and women on women, if all you are looking for is orgasm. **Bob:** That can’t be right! **Man:** Bob, homosexuality is _pure_ sexuality. It’s almost like pure heroin. It’s such a rush! **Bob:** _uncertainly_ R-Really? **Woman:** As you’ve been finding out tonight, marital sex tends toward the boring end. Generally, it doesn’t deliver the kind of sheer sexual pleasure that homosexual sex does. **Man:** Within a few generations homosexuality will become the dominant form of sexual behavior! **Susie:** Bob…maybe _we_ should try homosexuality! **Bob:** It…it seems too powerful to resist! _Later: Bob, Susie, and the gay couple are now together–Bob, now also wearing black leather, his body much more toned and muscular, stands arm in arm with the gay man; Susie, her hair shorter, wearing a sleeveless t-shirt and a nose ring, embraces the lesbian women._ **Susie:** Thanks so much guys! I never dreamed I could have this much sexual pleasure! **Bob:** Wow! Me, too! **Susie:** _laughing_ Yes, Bob, you know what they say… **All:** …Men do a better job on men, and women on women! **YES** , I want to have tons of unbelievably great, heroin-like man-on-man action and/or hot lesbian sex! I accept homosexuality into my various orifices and will never again be contented with plain, boring straight sex. Date: \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ _If you have become a homosexual, you have just begun a wonderful new sex life. Now:_ 1.) Have as much gay/lesbian sex as you possibly can, with lots of anonymous partners! 2.) Recruit, recruit, recruit–remember to go to places where young, impressionable children like to hang out–schools are good, but playgrounds and malls offer even better opportunities to talk to the kids without adult supervision. 3.) Don’t forget to advance the homosexual cultural agenda as well. We can never again let there be another tragedy like the cancellation of _Ellen_! ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2001, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-homosexuality/61695/2 "2001-04-12T07:32:58Z")
Brilliant. Can I get that in a handy distributable tract? ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2001, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-homosexuality/61695/3 "2001-04-12T08:02:01Z")
I guess I would be the Jack Chick of Star Wars… “The fuckin’ Enterprise would NEVER be able to even scratch the paint on a Star Destroyer…” ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2001, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-homosexuality/61695/4 "2001-04-12T08:29:30Z")
Love it, love it, love it. Fran ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2001, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-homosexuality/61695/5 "2001-04-12T12:32:14Z")
Is someone gonna compile all these and put 'em in one place? Please? Love it. “Recruit, recruit, recruit!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2001, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-homosexuality/61695/6 "2001-04-12T12:36:16Z")
Well I know **I’m** sold. Where do I pick up my pink triangle? ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2001, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-homosexuality/61695/7 "2001-04-12T12:42:44Z")
Why, I’ve seen the light! Do I get points for signing up? How many points per convert? ---
**Author:** ![PolishSausage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@PolishSausage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PolishSausage)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2001, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-homosexuality/61695/8 "2001-04-12T13:20:08Z")
Hey, that was excellent! ~t ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2001, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-homosexuality/61695/9 "2001-04-12T13:41:11Z")
Ten percent is not enough! **RECRUIT RECRUIT RECRUIT!** Sorry, that just slipped out. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2001, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-homosexuality/61695/10 "2001-04-12T13:46:07Z")
> [@](#): > > I remember when I realized I was gay. It was a bitter January day in 1992 and I was walking through Rehoboth, minding my own business. All of the sudden I was approached by a woman in flannel and Birkenstocks. I was strangely repulsed and attracted by her. As she walked towards me, she removed a small packet from her cargo pants. She caught my gaze. > > “Sweet child, do you know what a lesbian is?” > “Um…” > “Would you like to be one?” > “Er…” > “First I must sprinkle you with fairy dust,” she said before throwing powder onto my head. > > The next day in science class, I couldn’t help but notice that Sharon, the blond girl sitting next to me, was so… attractive… **Andygirl** , from ATGG III. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2001, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-homosexuality/61695/11 "2001-04-12T14:56:24Z")
_Rehoboth!?_ ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2001, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-homosexuality/61695/12 "2001-04-12T17:01:10Z")
That would be Rehoboth Beach, Delaware, a small beach resort with a well-known gay community. Well done, **MEBuckner** , but I have to say that **Fenris** still rules. 😉 Esprix ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2001, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-homosexuality/61695/13 "2001-04-13T00:44:48Z")
Alessan, Reho is named after a town in Israel. A town where my ex girlfriend used to live, actually. So who wants to come to the dyke side? ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2001, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-homosexuality/61695/14 "2001-04-14T04:25:31Z")
Fuck, that’s weird. I mean, I can see them naming a town after Jerusalem or Beersheba, but _Rechovot_? That’s like naming a place after Trenton. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-jack-chick-of-homosexuality/61695/15 "2001-04-15T12:34:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arden Ranger \* > \*\*Is someone gonna compile all these and put 'em in one place? Please? \*\* Yes. We’re working on putting them all together on the _[Teemings](http://www.teemings.com)_ website. If we could get someone to put together some artwork for them we’d do that as well. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?