# The kanicbird konundrum **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 22, 2011, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802 "2011-11-22T22:09:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/1 "2011-11-22T22:09:21Z")
[The latest missive from our resident village idiot.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=14490767&postcount=386) I think there should be a sticky at the top of Great Debates warning all as to the utter uselessness of logical argument when dealing with this lunatic. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/2 "2011-11-22T22:10:17Z")
Band name! ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/3 "2011-11-22T22:20:51Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > Band name! Or a Robert Ludlum novel. Anyway, **kanicbird** truly is one of the board’s more bizarre people. When i first joined, he was just a right-wing asshole, but somewhere along the line he found religion and became a total fucking proselytizing nutbar. I don’t have anyone on this message board on “Ignore,” but i rarely pay much attention to anything that **kanicbird** has to say. ---
**Author:** ![pakalolo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/57b2e6/32.png) [@pakalolo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pakalolo)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/4 "2011-11-22T22:22:01Z")
One of my favorites: > [@](#): > > I’ve had angels stop traffic for me on occasion. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/5 "2011-11-22T22:24:43Z")
When traffic stops for me, i find that it’s usually the devil or the four horsemen of the apocalypse who can take the credit. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/6 "2011-11-22T22:25:09Z")
> [@pakalolo](#): > > One of my favorites: > > > [@](#): > > > > I’ve had angels stop traffic for me on occasion. Angel to driver: Say, there’s a drooling cretin standing in the middle of the road looking directly into the sun. Better stop. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/7 "2011-11-22T22:26:21Z")
Really, OP? That’s the part you quoted? He stopped _my_ traffic with [this particular gem](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=14485555&postcount=359). ---
**Author:** ![steronz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steronz/32/11765_2.png) [@steronz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steronz)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/8 "2011-11-22T22:27:02Z")
I’ve seen some crazy kanicbird shit before, but that thread truly has some epic gems. For those who’d rather not wade through them: > [@Your explaination for this work of God](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-explaination-for-this-work-of-god/603223/254): > > I had a cop stop me while I was with 3 people who where fairly to very drunk, and I have also has some to drink. There were open bottles of wine in my car, and I was exceeding the speed limit by a fair amount when he started his pursuit. > > At my side appeared Arch Angel Micheal who told the officer ‘you are not needed here, I am watching over them’, the officer immediately returned my license wished me a good day and returned to his car. > > When you are doing God’s work you are above earthly authority. In response to, “How was the stripper party?”: > [@Your explaination for this work of God](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-explaination-for-this-work-of-god/603223/304): > > Actually pretty boarding. Strippers are not sexual to me. Years ago I had a demonic being called a succubus, from about age 2 to well into adulthood. That relationship had to be split by God which was done. But in the vein of all things working for the good, I found out about incredible levels of sexuality well beyond what I believe anyone here has experienced. What the strippers appear to me is small children putting on a play, nothing more. > > Now on the other side I have been able to bring that incredible into my life at the appropriate time with the right person and a person who wants to experience those things. > > But the trip was good as I did have a enjoyable time talking before the show and hope that a failing marriage can be reunited and a life restored. Why doesn’t he just not go to the stripper parties, you might ask? > [@Your explaination for this work of God](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-explaination-for-this-work-of-god/603223/359): > > One year I decided to not go, and state outright my objection based on standard Christian doctrine. The event still happened. After which I got the message taht I should have gone because the Lord has made me immune to lust (at least lust at that level) and I could have been useful for Him. The following year I went, though I tried to not go, let my g/f know I didn’t want to go but felt that I should go. Even though she objected to stripper parties in general she told me I need to go. > > So while there one of the strippers came over to me and started a lap dance, in my eyes it was as if she was a totally innocent and young child, I was seeing her soul as Jesus sees her soul, just caught up in worldly ways, but with the innocence of a child. It was a amazing experience of God that I am very privileged to be a part of. ---
**Author:** ![wisernow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@wisernow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wisernow)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/9 "2011-11-22T22:27:56Z")
But the interesting part is that he/she still manages to get the thread going and can find people who respond to his diatribe and try to reason with him. ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/10 "2011-11-22T22:30:11Z")
> [@steronz](#): > > I’ve seen some crazy kanicbird shit before, but that thread truly has some epic gems. For those who’d rather not wade through them: > > In response to, “How was the stripper party?”: > > Why doesn’t he just not go to the stripper parties, you might ask? And the twisted part? I can believe most of the other stuff before I could believe he has a GF. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/11 "2011-11-22T22:31:19Z")
Just when I was thinking, “What is even the point of Pitting kanicbird?” I see this: > [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Really, OP? That’s the part you quoted? He stopped _my_ traffic with [this particular gem](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=14485555&postcount=359). For those who don’t believe in clicking, here’s an excerpt: > [@Your explaination for this work of God](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/your-explaination-for-this-work-of-god/603223/359): > > So while there one of the strippers came over to me and started a lap dance, in my eyes it was as if she was a totally innocent and young child, I was seeing her soul as Jesus sees her soul, just caught up in worldly ways, but with the innocence of a child. It was a amazing experience of God that I am very privileged to be a part of. I pretty much died laughing after reading this. Thanks, purple, that was comedy gold. Edit: Damn, I got all kinds of ninja’d there. ---
**Author:** ![Ludy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Ludy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludy)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/12 "2011-11-22T22:32:06Z")
I generally skip over his posts because I don’t like his brand of crazy, but wow those posts are all comedy gold. ETA: apparently I think like **MeanOldLady**. ---
**Author:** ![pakalolo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/57b2e6/32.png) [@pakalolo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pakalolo)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/13 "2011-11-22T22:33:02Z")
I have a hard time believing this guy is not a troll. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/14 "2011-11-22T22:36:28Z")
> [@Ludy](#): > > I generally skip over his posts because I don’t like his brand of crazy… Yep. Him and at least a dozen others. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/15 "2011-11-22T23:03:39Z")
I WAS RAPED BY **DEMONS FROM HELL** _And all I got was this lousy hairshirt!_ ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/16 "2011-11-22T23:18:36Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > I’m just going to address this part, I was raped by demons from hell, endured unspeakable torment, constant fear and also the shear loneliness of a place called outer darkness. So let me get this straight: You bought tickets from TicketMaster, saw a Nickleback concert, and it was in Baltimore. That about right? ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/17 "2011-11-22T23:26:25Z")
I have this image of someone dragging him out of a strip club as he’s flailing with a hand full of ones, “No, you don’t understand! I see them as innocent young children! God has made me immune to lust! This is a boner of salvation!” ---
**Author:** ![Speak\_to\_me\_Maddie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Speak\_to\_me\_Maddie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speak_to_me_Maddie)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/18 "2011-11-22T23:31:59Z")
> [@A Monkey With a Gun](#): > > So let me get this straight: You bought tickets from TicketMaster, saw a Nickleback concert, and it was in Baltimore. That about right? I’ve never posted in the pit before, but I have to say that was great joke. ---
**Author:** ![Cyningablod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc29f/32.png) [@Cyningablod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyningablod)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/19 "2011-11-22T23:47:17Z")
**kanicbird** used to strike me as a rather harmless religious woo-woo’ist. But this stuff makes me think he’s gone off the deep end and burned any remaining bridges between himself and Sanity. :eek: And yes, **MwaG** , that was truly an epic joke. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2011, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/20 "2011-11-22T23:49:25Z")
> [@pakalolo](#): > > I have a hard time believing this guy is not a troll. No, he seems not all that unusual for a Christian true believer; there’s tens of millions just as irrational. The only unusual thing is that he’s a long term poster on a board like this, where his claims are treated with skepticism instead of “Praise Jesus!” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802.md?page=2)