# The kanicbird konundrum **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 22, 2011, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802 "2011-11-22T22:09:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/81 "2011-11-23T19:43:29Z")
**ClockworkMelon** Think about it for a minute. All the arguments put forth by atheists have counter-arguments. There have been long threads on the problem of free will, the problem of evil, the problem of suffering and so on. But the question “How do you know you are not just crazy like **Kanicbird**?” That’s a tough one. ---
**Author:** ![Lobohan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobohan/32/79_2.png) [@Lobohan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobohan)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/82 "2011-11-23T19:46:32Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > **ClockworkMelon** Think about it for a minute. All the arguments put forth by atheists have counter-arguments. There have been long threads on the problem of free will, the problem of evil, the problem of suffering and so on. But the question > > “How do you know you are not just crazy like **Kanicbird**?” > > That’s a tough one. That’s easy to answer. “Because the Archangel Michael told me. He’s right behind you. Slowly masturbating. [one eye slowly drifts to the left and twitches]” ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/83 "2011-11-23T21:18:21Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > You are either _dangerously_ batfuck insane, if what you claim about your drunk driving escapade is true, or you are just a creepy jerk who likes to threadshit all over science and religion threads. Your occasional “LOL’s” tend to make me think the latter, so if you are actually sincere in your beliefs now would be the time to say so. See, you have to see this place like **kbird** does: God’s sent him here to do His work for Him. He views himself _above_ these attacks and arguments, because God is working through them, so it’s all toward that end. To **kbird,** this is all just the flailings of the “unwashed” and there’s always a Godly purpose behind it… **kbird** is merely the conduit and is immune to any attacks on his “reputation” because it’s all part of the works of God and Love and Strippers and DUIs. LOL! 🙂 Also, Michael the Archangel, the one who _defeated Lucifer_ has apparently been demoted to mere traffic infringements. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/84 "2011-11-23T22:55:08Z")
> [@cmyk](#): > > Also, Michael the Archangel, the one who _defeated Lucifer_ has apparently been demoted to mere traffic infringements. Bah…that match didn’t draw flies. Dusty Rhodes against Lucifer (Kevin Sullivan under a mask) in a cage put asses in the seats. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/85 "2011-11-23T23:08:45Z")
> [@Scylla](#): > > I’m kind of jealous. I wish I was God’s right arm on earth, that i could see and commune with angels, and all that stuff. > > That would be great, wouldn’t it? > > I wonder if it’s real, or if life is bad enough for him that it requires a fantasy of this magnitude to make it tolerable. I wonder if he really believes it. > > One thing he has right though is about the sex with supernatural beings. I never had a succumbs, but before I was married I got captured by a sea nymph named Calliope who lived in a pond near an abandoned amusement park. She kept me prisoner and fucked my brains out continuously. In the process I learned secrets of transcendant sex that allow me to take things to levels that the rest of you can barely imagine. > > That was just a month with a sea nymph. This guy had sixteen years with a succubus! Too bad you weren’t captured by her sister Chthonia, who hung out in the boathouse next to the pond. She gave transcendent sex secrets AND the ability to control groundhogs with your MIND. Funny story. I got both powers taken away from me one night when I got drunk and mixed them up. That was one groundhog who died _happy_, though, I can tell you that right now… ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/86 "2011-11-24T00:29:42Z")
> [@cmyk](#): > > **kbird** is merely the conduit and is immune to any attacks on his “reputation” because it’s all part of the works of God and Love and Strippers and DUIs. Oh crap - **kanicbird** worships the Flying Spaghetti Monster! After all, does not His Noodly Goodness promise us an afterlife filled with stripper factories and beer volcanoes? It all makes so much sense now… ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/87 "2011-11-24T02:38:54Z")
> [@Scylla](#): > > I never had a succumbs Never succumbed to it, eh? Clearly the **k-bird** is mad as a hat full of Wednesdays. But because that madness has a Christian theme rather than, say a Transformers one, at first glance he passes for a Pentacostalist or some other fundy type. Is this a religious version of Poe’s Law? ---
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/88 "2011-11-24T03:51:15Z")
He reminds me of the Rev. Peter Shayne (Anthony Perkins) in _Crimes of Passion_ (with Kathleen Turner as prostitute China Blue). > [@](#): > > **Rev. Shayne:** Save your soul, whore! > > **China:** Save your money, shithead! > [@](#): > > **China:** _[Among other sex toys, China Blue finds a large metallic dildo in the Reverend’s hand bag]_ What the hell…? Is this a cruise missile or a Pershing? > > **China:** _[Approaching the Reverend, holding the dildo towards him]_ What are you gonna’ do, fuck someone to death? You’d like that, wouldn’t you? > > **Rev. Shayne:** Only the right woman. > [@](#): > > **Rev. Shayne:** Don’t fight me, child. I’m the messenger of God and I only want to heal you. > > **China:** Heal thyself, pimp shit! > [@](#): > > **Rev. Shayne:** Oh God, to whom vengeance belongs. How long shall the wicked triumph? How long shall they utter and speak hard things? How long shall they turn 50-buck tricks, and strut their evil bodies and smelly silk underwear? Tear off that dress and she’s as helpless as I am. China Blue, alias Joanna Crane, alias Peter Shayne." ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/89 "2011-11-24T03:56:20Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > **ClockworkMelon** Think about it for a minute. All the arguments put forth by atheists have counter-arguments. There have been long threads on the problem of free will, the problem of evil, the problem of suffering and so on. But the question > > “How do you know you are not just crazy like **Kanicbird**?” > > That’s a tough one. > [@Lobohan](#): > > That’s easy to answer. “Because the Archangel Michael told me. He’s right behind you. Slowly masturbating. [one eye slowly drifts to the left and twitches]” Amazing two posts. Just fucking amazing. 😃 > [@jjimm](#): > > Is this a religious version of Poe’s Law? I thought Poe’s law referred exclusively to religion. But you know what? What he believes honestly isn’t that crazy. I mean, the bare definition of Christianity demands faith in Christ, a jewish zombie who started a new religion, brought someone back from the dead, and did all kinds of crazy shit. The only difference is that his particular insane beliefs have a modern and very active impact, rather than a passive one. ---
**Author:** ![bldysabba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@bldysabba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bldysabba)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/90 "2011-11-24T12:52:13Z")
Crazy bat-shit posting behaviour (which, as a new addition to the Teeming millions, really, really confused me until I learned to tune him out) aside, I was quite impressed by his contribution to[this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=631830)thread started by a raving anti-nuclear nutter > [@nuclear power should abandoned](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nuclear-power-should-abandoned/603335/3): > > I vote for amending the second law of thermodynamics to allow energy producing perpetual motion. Unless, of course, he’s being serious. Which isn’t outside the realms of possibility. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/91 "2011-11-24T12:56:45Z")
> [@bldysabba](#): > > Unless, of course, he’s being serious. Which isn’t outside the realms of possibility. It’s sort of like when Charles Manson tells a dead baby joke-you don’t laugh because he could just be having a flashback. ---
**Author:** ![Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kolak_of_twilo/32/73_2.png) [@Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolak_of_Twilo)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/92 "2011-11-24T13:40:04Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > It’s sort of like when Charles Manson tells a dead baby joke-you don’t laugh because he could just be having a flashback. Thanks for that. I’d almost forgotten how much I enjoy spraying orange juice out of my nose. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/93 "2011-11-24T15:57:46Z")
To all here, I would just like to say that I am thankful for this forum to express my views, even the controversial ones, and hear yours and the exchange, and wish you all a happy thanksgiving. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/94 "2011-11-24T16:05:15Z")
**Your Mother Sucks Cocks in Hell, Karras!** _Head turns_ ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/95 "2011-11-24T16:19:25Z")
And we’re all Thankful you don’t live near us, that we don’t have to see your mug across the table, have to smile and make nice, even if only once a year. And, of course, we’re all very thankful that we have not surrendered our power of thought, to a risen from the dead, virgin raping, drink my blood, eat my body, deity who’s existence relies on a 2000 + yr old work of fiction. Or, maybe that’s just me. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/96 "2011-11-24T16:36:09Z")
Seriously, what’s the board policy about posters who are mentally ill? Aren’t we doing them a disservice by allowing them a continued forum for them to expound on their delusions? And if he isn’t bonkers, he’s just trolling all of us, and we know what we do in such cases. ---
**Author:** ![Zakalwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zakalwe/32/270_2.png) [@Zakalwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zakalwe)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/97 "2011-11-24T16:50:58Z")
> [@John\_DiFool](#): > > And if he isn’t bonkers, he’s just trolling all of us, and we know what we do in such cases. Wait. This was on Final Jeopardy _last night_… Umm…ahhh…What is… …people who have never been in my kitchen? ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/98 "2011-11-24T16:52:50Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > And, of course, we’re all very thankful that we have not surrendered our power of thought, to a risen from the dead, virgin raping, drink my blood, eat my body, deity who’s existence relies on a 2000 + yr old work of fiction. Or, maybe that’s just me. Shit like this is why so man people think atheists are assholes. Shoehorning unwarranted religious attacks into a thread about a schizophrenic, and doing it on a semi-religous holiday, is being an asshole. Next time one of the atheists on this board brings up the old saw that they are always “persecuted” for their stance in real life, I’m going to point to this thread. I’ll tell them that if they act anything in real life like they acted here, then they are being attacked for being an intolerant and judgmental douche bag, not for their stance on religion. ---
**Author:** ![AnalogSignal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/analogsignal/32/1085_2.png) [@AnalogSignal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnalogSignal)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/99 "2011-11-24T17:00:18Z")
> [@A Monkey With a Gun](#): > > doing it on a semi-religous holiday Since when did Thanksgiving become a religious holiday? Did Jesus like stuffing with his turkey? ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802/100 "2011-11-24T17:20:38Z")
**AnalogSigmal** , I said “semi-religous” “A day of thanks” is used by many religions to thank their particular deity for something. The Pilgrims weren’t giving thanks to Milses Standish, after all. Abraham Lincoln just codified the practice in his [Thanksgiving Proclamation](http://showcase.netins.net/web/creative/lincoln/speeches/thanks.htm) > [@Abraham Lincoln](#): > > I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. The stated purpose of the holiday is to praise “our father in heaven”. So yeah, it’s semi-religous. How the fuck did you not know that? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-kanicbird-konundrum/603802.md?page=6)