# "The Knave Abideth" **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 8, 2010, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-knave-abideth/524147 "2010-01-08T10:57:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2010, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-knave-abideth/524147/21 "2010-01-09T01:37:00Z")
> [@](#): > > WALTER > Nihilists! I am beshrewn. Say what thou wilt > Of fascist tenets, Knave; it seeks to stand > Philosophy and politic, not void. > And let it noted be that wildlife kept, > Amphibious rodent, in domestic walls, > Is retrograde to right and civil laws. You know, Walter’s dialogue doesn’t seem that far off from the actual movie dialogue. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2010, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-knave-abideth/524147/22 "2010-01-09T02:56:50Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > Maybe, just maybe, one of the actors in the film or the Coen brothers will read this and get the group together and do this as an opening bit for this years Independent Spirit Awards. > > I really have to hear Sam Elliott intone, mustache a’twitching: > > _In wayfarer’s worlds out west was once a man, > A man I come not to bury, but to praise. > His name was Geoffrey Lebowski called, yet > Not called, excepting by his kin._ Nice touch, calling him ‘Geoffrey’. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2010, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-knave-abideth/524147/23 "2010-01-09T03:33:20Z")
Awesome, much better than I thought it would be. I would love to see a real Shakespeare company put this on. > [@](#): > > Though words in haste be only human nature, > ‘Orient-man’ is not preferr’d nomenclature ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tooth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c67d28/32.png) [@The\_Tooth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tooth)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2010, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-knave-abideth/524147/24 "2010-01-09T03:43:11Z")
> [@](#): > > THE KNAVE > The brew of whitest Russia I would sip > If thou hast rum. How fares thy working trade? > > JAQUES TREEHORN > A playwright and theatre-man am I, > With tendrils dipp’d in lakes of many stripes, > In printed words, in dumb-show and in court. > > THE KNAVE > Which be “Log Jamming”? This must be put on film. ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2010, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-knave-abideth/524147/25 "2010-01-09T05:40:33Z")
I can picture John Turturro in period costume. > [@](#): > > [The bowling green. Enter THE KNAVE, WALTER and DONALD, to play at ninepins] > > THE KNAVE > A strike, a very palpable strike! O, but Quince can roll straight and true. > > WALTER > That he rolleth true, I cannot deny’t, but the man rolls not straight, for he is not a man to stand upright. I have it on good authority that he is one of perversions. Two seasons has he idled in prison for exposing his manhood to a pageboy. > > THE KNAVE > My lands! > > WALTER > When first he came upon the holy wood, he was made to stand in public gallows, and in such great letters as they write “Here is good horse to hire”, it was signified on his sign, “Here you may see a pederast.” > > DONALD > What manner of man be a pederast, Sir Walter? > > WALTER > Hold thy tongue, Sir Donald. > > … > > [Enter JOSHUA QUINCE and LIAM O’BRIEN] > > QUINCE > Hail, masters! I crave thine able readiness > To be dealt with roughly, as the Sodomites. > For men of sport have noted that our play > In semifinal hour draws on apace. > By Jove! I’ll wager well, Liam and me, > To thrash thee soundly at the fair tourney. > > THE KNAVE > Yea, well, that be, forsooth, thy opinion, sir. > > QUINCE > Well; but be forewarn’d. It reach’d mine ears > That combustible Walter, o’ercome with rage > Did shed good sense, and raise his sword in play. > I fear not such jade’s tricks, an seeing ill, > Would snatch the burden from the jealous knight > And pierce his gizzard with the wrongful steel, > Points up, as said of Coriolanus. > > THE KNAVE > Zounds! > > QUINCE > Thou speakest rightly, sir. No man misdeals with Joshua Quince, by Jesu. > > [Exeunt QUINCE and O’BRIEN] Don’t fuck with the Jesu! ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2010, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-knave-abideth/524147/26 "2010-01-09T05:58:18Z")
Wow! This be a most brilliant find. I thank thee soothly for sharing it! ---
**Author:** ![Electronic\_Chaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Electronic\_Chaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electronic_Chaos)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2010, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-knave-abideth/524147/27 "2010-01-09T06:06:09Z")
> [@](#): > > On our most holy Sabbath I am sworn > To keep tradition, form and ceremony. > The seventh and the last day rests the Jew; > I labour not, nor ride in chariot, > Nor handle gold, nor even play the cook, > And sure as Providence I do not roll. > Hath not a Jew rights? Hath not a Jew hands, > Organs, bowling-balls, Pomeranians? > If you schedule us, must you not do right? > If we step o’er the line, do we not mark it nought? > The Sabbath; I’ll roll not, God-a-mercy. Amazing. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2010, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-knave-abideth/524147/28 "2010-01-09T06:18:01Z")
The quality of the verse was up and down in place, but the good parts are great: > [@](#): > > CHORUS > A gentleman wiser than myself did say that on some such days, thou exits, pursued by a bear, and on others, the bear exits, pursued by you. > [@](#): > > WALTER > Hath not a Jew rights? Hath not a Jew hands, > Organs, bowling-balls, Pomeranians? > If you schedule us, must you not do right? > If we step o’er the line, do we not mark it nought? > The Sabbath; I’ll roll not, God-a-mercy. > [@](#): > > WALTER > A glooming peace this morning with it brings: > The sun, for sorrow, will not show his head. > We come here to have talk of these sad things; > Of Donald, he who in his life bowlèd. > > […] Now cracks a bowler’s heart. The “bowlèd” thing is kind of painful, I admit. Giving Walter a parody of “Hath not a Jew eyes” is outstanding, though. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2010, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-knave-abideth/524147/29 "2010-01-09T06:24:15Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > The quality of the verse was up and down in place, but the good parts are great: That is always a risk when a writer tries to appropriate the style of a more talented one. Like, oh…Shakespere. Maybe he can get Marlowe to do a polish on it. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2010, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-knave-abideth/524147/30 "2010-01-09T17:25:17Z")
> [@](#): > > WALTER > Smokey, this be not the foul jungles of the darkest East Orient. This be ninepins. We are bound by laws. This is fantastic. ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2010, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-knave-abideth/524147/31 "2010-01-10T01:25:26Z")
> [@Eutychus](#): > > “That rug, in faith, tied the room together, did it not?” That line was the movie for me, I’m glad it didn’t lose anything in translation 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2010, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-knave-abideth/524147/32 "2010-01-10T21:10:40Z")
> [@TreacherousCretin](#): > > Someone mentioned a link to it at “Dr. McNinja”, which worked for me after the primary link crashed. Thank you. I have it now. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2010, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-knave-abideth/524147/33 "2010-01-10T22:14:03Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > That is always a risk when a writer tries to appropriate the style of a more talented one. Like, oh…Shakespere. Maybe he can get Marlowe to do a polish on it. I don’t think it’s about talent, it’s just a question of familiarity with iambic pentameter and how it works. (Of course if you don’t read and watch a lot of Shakespeare you’re not going to care about this anyway.) But to me this kind of thing sticks out, because the stresses aren’t great and there are a few syllables of filler: “Of Donald, he who in his life bowlèd.” _of DON-ald HE who IN his LIFE bow-LED_ It might work better as “Of Donald, with whom we so oft bowlèd.” ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2010, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-knave-abideth/524147/34 "2010-01-10T22:45:28Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > “Of Donald, he who in his life bowlèd.” > _of DON-ald HE who IN his LIFE bow-LED_ > It might work better as > > “Of Donald, with whom we so oft bowlèd.” I’m not any sort of Shakespeare expert, but you’re right. That does flow much better. ---
**Author:** ![SanibelMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@SanibelMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanibelMan)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-knave-abideth/524147/35 "2010-01-20T23:40:18Z")
What if William Shakespeare had written The Big Lebowski? It might go… something… like [this.](http://www.runleiarun.com/lebowski/) The Knave abideth. My apologies if this has already been posted, but it’s too awesome not to share. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-knave-abideth/524147/36 "2010-01-21T00:29:02Z")
It was posted before, so I’ve merged your post into the previous thread. It looks like the author’s career is really taking off. There are staged readings planned in a few cities and I think he says he is working on a book deal. ---
**Author:** ![SanibelMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@SanibelMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanibelMan)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-knave-abideth/524147/37 "2010-01-21T00:49:17Z")
Whoops, didn’t see the other thread. Figures I’d be beaten to the punch. Sorry you had to go to the trouble. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-knave-abideth/524147.md?page=1)