The Language of Cinema Cliche: This is how you know that ...

Cafe Society
81

A character who is highly intelligent, has cultured and refined tastes, and speaks with an English accent is a sociopath who kills innocent men, women and children with no sign of remorse.

Death from projectile weapons, strangulation, drowning, asphyxiation, or stabbing is virtually instantaneous, unless the character is a) the hero, b) the villain, c) the villain’s unstoppable bodyguard, or d) some incidental character who must live on to save the hero’s life by a well-placed gunshot or by providing critical information.

Any blow to the head with a blunt object produces instant unconsciousness. The victim sinks slowly to the floor without even uttering “ouch”.

Nobody ever has to use the restroom. Those who claim to have to go are obviously trying to escape from detectives/mafiosi/sinister agents by climbing through the back window into the alleyway.

Christianity is no longer a force against evil – more often than not, it IS the evil. Those who espouse religious beliefs are either small-minded bigots or neo-Nazi terrorists. Every bishop in the Catholic Church is corrupt and abuses his congregation financially and/or sexually. The only ones who quest against Satan are neo-pagans (even though AFAIK they don’t even believe in Satan) or weary agnostic detectives.

A teenage girl being seduced by a grown man is a victim of a sick serial pedophile. A teenage boy being seduced by a grown woman is part of a sensitive coming-of-age story.

Opposing Correlary: sexual pairings between an older man and a much younger woman are used to highten the drama or provide a romantic flair; sexual pairings between an older woman and a much younger man are used strictly for comic relief, especially of the gross-out variety.

There are no single fathers – at least, none worth showing in a positive light.

Overweight people are either obnoxious jerks, feeble cowards, or objects of ridicule / disgust. Any film that claims to have a positive message about size must still indulge in plenty of fat-people-are-disgusting jokes.

Bystanders are never injured during high-speed car chases. They always manage to leap out of the way just in time. All except the lady with the baby carriage, of course, who will stand there like a deer in the lights or try to shield the carriage with her body instead of just pushing the thing out of the way. Of course, she will be saved by some amazing bit of luck anyway.

82

If a character happens to posses a unique skill, and time is taken early in the movie to display the character performing that skill, it is a 100% certainty that skill will become necessary at a crucial point late in the movie.

83

Well, I did kind of like it in “From Dusk till Dawn” where:

Jacob: Has anybody here read a real book about vampires, or are we just remembering what a movie said? I mean a real book.
Sex Machine: You mean like a Time-Life book?

84

Silly! That’s what prop departments are for! :smiley:

Opposing corrolary: A character who dresses down, acts in a “folksy” manner, mangles his grammar, and speaks with a “southern” accent, is clearly a straight-shootin’ Honest Good Guy™ who’d never ever kill innocent men, women and children with no sign of remorse.

85

If a character is about to deliever vital piece of information, there’s a 50% chance something will interrupt him, or the character will be killed to prevent him from talking.

Scientists who have been shut up in a lab for the last few years will be able to easily run, jump and lift heavy objects with the best of action heros(instead of wheezing and vomiting after a 50 yard dash, as in real life).

I don’t know if this has been mentioned yet, but one my pet peeves is where somebody will be pointing a gun at somebody else, and rack the slide for dramatic effect. Occasionally they will do this on an double barrelled shotgun, which has no slide to rack.

However, often somebody decides that it would be even more dramatic to rack the slide again. For the general audience, it may be. For people who know anything about firearms, it’s quite silly. Racking a gun more then once results in the chambered shell/cartridge being ejected, leaving the gun with one less to work with. if nothing is ejected, then it’s even more silly, because it reveals that the gun being racked is empty and thus no threat. Any dramatic tension evaporates quickly at that point.

86

Ah yes, the ol’ “nobody knows about guns” logic. Last night I watched The Salton Sea, and in the climactic scene Val Kilmer reaches for a .357 he had taped to the bottom of the table earlier. They showed in close up as he reached for it, and as it clearly had no bullets, I figured it was bad news for our hero. Nope, just a lazy mistake - he pulled it out and started shooting.

Along those lines let’s not forget this one: “My $2500 H&K Mark 23 has run out of bullets. I will now toss it aside like a cigarette butt, as it is now worthless.”

87

All vehicular crashes will be accompanied by fiery explosions. This will be so even when the vehicle in question is an electric car (Total Recall) or when the vehicle in question is an airplane which has crashed because its fuel tank is empty (Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom).

88

Right now I think it would be appropriate to mention that Fox Mulder, of “X-Files” was always losing his gun to the villains, till in one episode (Nisei) when it happened, he pull one out of his ankle holster and said “I got tired of losing my gun.”

89

Lethal Weapon!

Mel Gibson’s character is seen, early in the movie, showing off his ability to dislocate his own shoulder and then pop it back into place. Later in the movie, the bad guys put him in a straightjacket and toss him in the river. He dislocates his shoulder and slips out of the straightjacket.

90

Good one! Another that comes immediately to mind is the cargo loader in Aliens.

91

And later wakes up with no concussion or skull fracture, only a slight headache.

92

Not to argue with you, but Burke does mention that she’s been working the cargo loaders on gateway since losing her flight status. I guess that’s the highest position she could get after blowing up her old ship.

93

But why add that character dialog and scene at all? She could have just as easily been an air traffic controller after losing her flight status. Unless…

94

Okay. Good point. Though at least they did a good job of justifying why she knew how to use that particular piece of equipment.

95

An exception being if the character is a member of the church who has personally fought and/or killed a supernatural creature within the last five years.

96

Oh And! Catholics have the monopoly on exorcisms. (Unless we’re talking Golems.)

97

Just as in real life . . . :wink:

98

It’s not just establishing that Ripley knows how to use the loader, it’s introducing the loader itself. If it had just shown up during the climactic final battle, the audience would be left wondering “where the hell did that come from?”

In the commentary for The Mummy, the writer/director and editor discuss a scene between Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz that they wanted to cut, but realized it was necessary for its introduction of a white cat. Without that scene, the later sudden appearance of the cat when Fraser uses it as a weapon against Arnold Vorhees (whose character is terrified of cats) would seem especially contrived.

If there’s a bad, unneccessary scene in Aliens, it’s the “let’s figure out what we’re dealing with” expositional conversation in which the characters speculate that the aliens might have a queen. It feels forced and it’s far more likely the marines would be trying to catch a few minutes’ sleep rather than speculate on exobiology. If it was truly necessary for someone to introduce the concept of a queen (I don’t think it was; you see the thing laying eggs after all), it should have been worked into the conversation between Ripley and Bishop:

Bishop: [dissecting facehugger] Magnificent.
Ripley: Each of these comes from an egg, right?
Bishop: Apparantly.
Ripley: So what’s laying these eggs?
Bishop: I’m not sure. A queen? It must be something we haven’t seen yet.
Ripley: Uh-huh. Listen, I want all of these destroyed when you’re done with them, okay?
Bishop: Mister Burke said they were to be kept in stasis for the trip back. He was very specific about it.

99

Christ, you’re a broken record.

100

I know this is getting of topic, but I have to agree with Brain on this issue. While I am sure christianity has done some good things, for the whole it has been a bad influence. However, that is really vearing off topic. For the love of god…

I mean, for the love of a dog, please stop this line of discussion, or risk ruining a pleasant thread. Are their any dogs you love? Please, won’t someone think of the dogs?