# The Large Hadron Collider has failed to bring catastrophe. I am vexed. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 10, 2008, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972 "2008-09-10T18:55:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972/81 "2008-09-11T13:02:27Z")
> [@The\_Weird\_One](#): > > Ye gods, the large Hadron collider has disappeared Pluto! The Devouring of Worlds has begun! I’m converting! _Cthulhu ftaghn! Io Yog-Sothoth! Ia Nyarlathotep!_ ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972/82 "2008-09-11T13:16:17Z")
> [@Pushkin](#): > > This device is even more sinister than I thought, instead of disappearing things, it reclassifies them instead. The human race will be destroyed not in a cloud of subatomic particles but will reappear as a branch of the shrimp family :eek: Cynically, I’d say coackroaches and no two ways about it. Viruses would be good, too, if Agent Smith hadn’t already taken it. :dubious: I just skip the _stupido_ news about it and try to look for the more interesting reports. ---
**Author:** ![Mame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/858c86/32.png) [@Mame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mame)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972/83 "2008-09-11T13:43:54Z")
> [@MaxTheVool](#): > > [Here’s a useful link for tracking the status of this situation](http://www.hasthelhcdestroyedtheearth.com/) Oh good. Beer and Twisties all OVER the monitor. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972/84 "2008-09-11T13:58:48Z")
Non-event? Hardly. The turned the thing on, and _POOF_, Otto disappeared. I’m looking forward to Monday, when they turn it on again and try to make Otto reappear. It will be cool to learn where it sent him. ---
**Author:** ![Gorsnak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gorsnak/32/7587_2.png) [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972/85 "2008-09-11T14:13:21Z")
What I want to know is if anyone said “Commence primary ignition” when they turned the thing on. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972/86 "2008-09-11T14:14:43Z")
> [@OtakuLoki](#): > > Naw. No need to worry that Excel has left some kind of flaw in the construction of the LHC. > She’s just part of the operations team. AAAAHHHHH!!! Now I’m _really_ worried. ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972/87 "2008-09-11T14:25:01Z")
It’s my understanding that when they turned it on, the number “41” appeared in the proton beam. Not to be needlessly messianic, but I predict that since this machine is obviously busted, we’ll just have to start over with a bigger, better machine. _Then_ everyone can worry. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972/88 "2008-09-11T14:29:13Z")
> [@beowulff](#): > > Not to be needlessly messianic… Messiahs _never_ think they’re needless. > [@beowulff](#): > > …but I predict that since this machine is obviously busted, we’ll just have to start over with a bigger, better machine. Time to restart the Superconducting Supercollider! ---
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972/89 "2008-09-11T15:23:17Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Cynically, I’d say coackroaches and no two ways about it. Viruses would be good, too, if Agent Smith hadn’t already taken it. :dubious: > > I just skip the _stupido_ news about it and try to look for the more interesting reports. Usually I find [http://www.badastronomy.com/](http://www.badastronomy.com/) to be a fount of good scientific knowledge (it’s not just about astronomy for the site anymore) ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972/90 "2008-09-11T15:34:46Z")
> [@CrazyChop](#): > > Usually I find [http://www.badastronomy.com/](http://www.badastronomy.com/) to be a fount of good scientific knowledge (it’s not just about astronomy for the site anymore) Thank you! ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972/91 "2008-09-11T15:46:18Z")
I _thought_ I saw a rabbit in the startup video. It was only a couple of frames, but I’m sure he was carrying an Eludium Q36 Explosive Space Modulator. > [@DocCathode](#): > > No, I lay awake afraid the sun will spontaneously become golden sponge cake with creamy filling. That’s a big Twinkie. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972/92 "2008-09-11T16:32:55Z")
> [@Balance](#): > > That’s a big Twinkie. After me: Twinkie Twinkie little star How I wonder what you are Up above the world so high Processed spongecake in the sky… 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972/93 "2008-09-11T16:37:04Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Thank you! > > People, it’s an _adventure_. It’s a really incredibly awesomely cool thing. It’s not something to be afraid of! And like I say, if you know what you’re doing, it’s not an adventure! Miller: Good heavens, what do you expect for a couple sacks of explosives? A raging volcano? Give it a little time. Even if they did manage to make a teeny little black hole, it’d take it, like, a while before it ate enough of the Earth to make us all go boom. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972/94 "2008-09-11T16:39:37Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > And like I say, if you know what you’re doing, it’s not an adventure! **Ethilrist**! Holy crap I almost didn’t recognize your name. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! Welcome back! ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972/95 "2008-09-11T16:51:22Z")
Figured it was nothing to worry about. Now if you put a large hadron collider on a treadmill… ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972/96 "2008-09-11T16:54:30Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Figured it was nothing to worry about. > > Now if you put a large hadron collider on a treadmill… shutupshutup they’ll actually start trying to figure it out or worse yet descend into puns ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972/97 "2008-09-11T17:01:32Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > shutupshutup they’ll actually start trying to figure it out or worse yet descend into puns Puns? Nah. It’s pure science. And the results would be plane to C… ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972/98 "2008-09-11T17:03:13Z")
> [@MacTech](#): > > I prefer the more pedestrian term “Atom Smasher” myself “Proton smasher” might be a more accurate term. (“Hadrons” means particles made of quarks, which includes protons.) Or maybe “Ion Smasher”, since it will also be used to smash lead ions (and protons can be considered hydrogen ions). ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972/99 "2008-09-11T17:05:50Z")
> [@tim314](#): > > “Proton smasher” might be a more accurate term. (“Hadrons” means particles made of quarks, which includes protons.) Or maybe “Ion Smasher”, since it will also be used to smash lead ions (and protons can be considered hydrogen ions). But if they’re gonna be smashing together particles made of Quarks, who is gonna run the bar on Deep Space Nine? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972/100 "2008-09-11T17:21:51Z")
The way I see it, even if the LHC does create a black hole and destroy the Earth, that’s a pretty good way to go, and it’ll make a great movie. I mean, “An Inconvenient Truth” was good and all, but YAWN! On the other hand, I expect the action movie “Black Hole: Earth” to be a summer blockbuster on Xerxes 5. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-large-hadron-collider-has-failed-to-bring-catastrophe-i-am-vexed/462972.md?page=6)