# The latest assessment essay gems **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 23, 2014, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736 "2014-04-23T03:21:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/41 "2014-08-11T19:39:31Z")
> [@Flander](#): > > Just watch the network. This way you’ll learn not to fear death. True. The “History” Channel, in sufficient quantity, will make you yearn for death, not fear it. ---
**Author:** ![curious11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ac91a4/32.png) [@curious11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curious11)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/42 "2014-08-11T22:55:42Z")
And just last week I happend to research dangling participles by myself. I wish all the people by JFK hadn’t shot him by his wife. [Fixed!] ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2014, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/43 "2014-08-12T12:46:32Z")
> [@vivalostwages](#): > > The future is one of the most terrifying things on this planet mainly bcuz it do not exist yet and we live in it at the same time. I hope you counted off extra for “bcuz”. ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2014, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/44 "2014-08-12T14:25:29Z")
> [@vivalostwages](#): > > The future is one of the most terrifying things on this planet mainly bcuz it do not exist yet and we live in it at the same time. Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. - Criswell (Plan 9 from Outer Space) > [@vivalostwages](#): > > Besides the gangs, police harassment, and fights, I liked my neighborhood. I wonder how the aquaducts are in this neighbourhood. And obviously the roads go without saying. ---
**Author:** ![Srsly\_Dad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/53a042/32.png) [@Srsly\_Dad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Srsly_Dad)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2014, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/45 "2014-08-12T16:02:38Z")
[mother to a kid picking the ash off a burnt tortilla]: “Just eat the ash, son. This way you’ll learn not to fear death.” > [@Sattua](#): > > _jaw drops_ That’s going in my next novella. It’ll be set in the southwest, plenty of Latin, magical realism, Garcia Marquez type action going on. That will be the best line in the whole damn thing… [Need to go farther south to the Yanomami tribe in Brazil](http://www.academia.edu/3632663/They_Eat_Your_Ash_to_Save_Your_Soul_-_Yanomami_Death_Culture) I do think that line would awesome in the right story. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2014, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/46 "2014-08-12T16:28:37Z")
Be sure to include the professor from Düsseldorf in the framing narrative. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2014, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/47 "2014-08-12T21:50:23Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > I hope you counted off extra for “bcuz”. Believe me, I did. Today, we had a paper that included the phrase “and stuff” five times. That lowered the score for sure. ---
**Author:** ![F.Pu-du-he-pa-as](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c89c15/32.png) [@F.Pu-du-he-pa-as](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.Pu-du-he-pa-as)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2014, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/48 "2014-08-13T17:26:35Z")
You mean, that lowered the score and stuff? ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2014, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/49 "2014-08-13T18:33:21Z")
> [@F.Pu-du-he-pa-as](#): > > You mean, that lowered the score and stuff? Like, yeah, that, like, is totally what I meant. ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2014, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/50 "2014-08-13T20:00:51Z")
> [@vivalostwages](#): > > Like, yeah, that, like, is totally what I meant. bcuz it wasn’t what u asked 4? ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2014, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/51 "2014-08-13T20:14:44Z")
> [@Srsly\_Dad](#): > > > [@Sattua](#): > > > > > [@vivalostwages](#): > > > > > > [mother to a kid picking the ash off a burnt tortilla]: “Just eat the ash, son. This way you’ll learn not to fear death.” > > > > _jaw drops_ That’s going in my next novella. It’ll be set in the southwest, plenty of Latin, magical realism, Garcia Marquez type action going on. That will be the best line in the whole damn thing… > > Reason: Can’t get the quote within a quote to work right You have to use multiquote to get each quote that you want, trim them to the bit you wanted, move the first part of each quote tag (the part that has [noparse] [quote=\;\] [/noparse]) to the front of the quotes in the correct order so that the wrong name doesn’t get associated with the wrong text and then make sure you have enough close quotes at the end. Preview really helps. It used to automatically grab the nested quote but we decided this would be easier. ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2014, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/52 "2014-08-13T20:37:18Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > Kids today have it so easy. I learned not to fear death by picking tortillas out of burning ash. Luxury! Luxury! I walked to school through burning ashes of tortillas (all together now, folks) **uphill both ways!** 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2014, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/53 "2014-08-13T21:04:23Z")
> [@Dendarii\_Dame](#): > > Luxury! Luxury! I walked to school through burning ashes of tortillas (all together now, folks) **uphill both ways!** 🙂 In the snow! Uphill! Both ways! And we were thankful! ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_Bow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/85f322/32.png) [@Jim\_Bow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_Bow)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2014, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/54 "2014-08-14T03:03:18Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > I do enjoy these. Even as I weep for the future of our utes. “Pardon me?!” “What?” “Did you say “utes””? “Oh, excuse me your honor … you-the-zzzzzzz! Two you-the-zzz”. One of my favorite movie moments. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2014, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/55 "2014-08-22T23:08:22Z")
## New one from the other day: My little dog pooped all over the house, but he never pooped on my heart. ---
**Author:** ![Construct](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@Construct](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Construct)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2014, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/56 "2014-08-22T23:28:34Z")
> [@vivalostwages](#): > > ## New one from the other day: > > My little dog pooped all over the house, but he never pooped on my heart. Hey, that’s a pretty good zuegma. I’d give him points. Any more? ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2014, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/57 "2014-08-23T03:29:00Z")
> [@Construct](#): > > Hey, that’s a pretty good zuegma. I’d give him points. > > Any more? Not right now, but there are three readings next week. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2014, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/58 "2014-08-24T03:23:32Z")
> [@vivalostwages](#): > > ## New one from the other day: > > My little dog pooped all over the house, but he never pooped on my heart. Rather sweet, even if I wouldn’t choose it for an essay. ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2014, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/59 "2014-08-24T04:57:48Z")
I had to look it up: zeugma: \*the use of a word to modify or govern two or more words when it is appropriate to only one of them or is appropriate to each but in a different way, as in to wage war and peace or On his fishing trip, he caught three trout and a cold. \* Ignorance fought! ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2014, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/60 "2014-08-24T08:59:29Z")
Anyone who uses zeugmas is barking mad and up the wrong tree. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736.md?page=4)