# The latest assessment essay gems **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 23, 2014, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736 "2014-04-23T03:21:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/81 "2015-02-11T07:06:58Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Does this one count as cannibalism too? Well, it certainly sounds painful. ---
**Author:** ![DataX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@DataX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DataX)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/82 "2015-02-11T07:40:24Z")
> [@vivalostwages](#): > > ## The newest: > > I honestly believe that if any Mexican restaurant does not offer Orange Bang as a selection, their food will not be up to par. Hey - that one isn’t too bad 🙂 I love these - especially the JFK and terrorism one. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/83 "2015-02-11T14:48:09Z")
Reminds me of my absolute all time favorite Bullwer Lytton entry (besides mine): Diarrhea runs in my family. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/84 "2015-02-11T15:05:09Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Reminds me of my absolute all time favorite Bullwer Lytton entry (besides mine): Diarrhea runs in my family. Yeah, you carry it in your jeans. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/85 "2015-02-11T15:09:40Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > Yeah, you carry it in your jeans. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2015, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/86 "2015-02-23T01:20:06Z")
We had an essay come through last week that was littered with profanity, done in scrawled handwriting, and ended with these memorable words: “Sorry so sloppy. I have gout.” ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2015, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/87 "2015-02-23T01:46:14Z")
Haha! I always enjoy this thread. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2015, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/88 "2015-03-01T01:38:31Z")
And two more: I want to influence the world around me and make it a better place by becoming the Jesus of today’s time (figuratively speaking, of course). One of my favorite stories involves a high school girl that goes through depression and ends up killing herself. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2015, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/89 "2015-03-01T03:16:50Z")
I am very impressed by the choice of _figuratively_ over _literally_. ---
**Author:** ![california\_jobcase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@california\_jobcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/california_jobcase)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2015, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/90 "2015-03-02T01:52:04Z")
Not a test answer, but an excuse note from a parent- “Please excuse my daughter from school for last week, as she had chickenpox. She wanted to come take her testes.” ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2015, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/91 "2015-03-02T05:09:28Z")
> [@vivalostwages](#): > > “I want to influence the world around me and make it a better place by becoming the Jesus of today’s time (figuratively speaking, of course).” I know this is off-topic, but this statement just got me wondering. I’m not a Christian; however if I understand it correctly, Jesus is considered a saviour because formerly there was not much latitude with sinning – you screwed up, you were damned. His death by crucifixion is believed to have been an atonement by proxy for everyone else’s otherwise cardinal sins. That critical function having been taken care of, and the gospel of Christianity being more or less readily available to everyone everywhere – what would there be for “the Jesus of today’s time” to do? Don’t get me wrong – it’s a nice, gentle statement and I have no problem with it ideologically. I just wonder what that aspiration would entail. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2015, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/92 "2015-03-02T06:14:17Z")
There is a school essay assignment joke in Asia: Teacher gives students an assignment to write an essay in English. One student writes: - (in English): Once upon a time, a person met another person. He asked him, “Do you speak Chinese?” The other person replied, “Yes.”\* The rest of the essay - a conversation between the two people - is written in Chinese. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2015, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/93 "2015-03-02T16:18:48Z")
I like to look at these from time to time, but this popped out at me: > [@vivalostwages](#): > > Two more from yesterday: > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ > > The line moved so slow, like an old lady taking a walk after dinner. > > _Nice simile!_ Agreed. That is one of the better similes I’ve seen since, “I’m outta here like an Italian Cruise Ship captain.” ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2015, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/94 "2015-03-02T17:09:58Z")
> [@brujaja](#): > > … I just wonder what that aspiration would entail. Nowadays, I would think electrocution or lethal injection. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2015, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/95 "2015-03-02T17:42:52Z")
> [@vivalostwages](#): > > One hardly knows whether to laugh or cry… > > [http://shitmystudentswrite.tumblr.com/](http://shitmystudentswrite.tumblr.com/) I find some of these disturbingly profound. > [@](#): > > Much like using a quote, paying for sex is not only a convenience but it’s a way of showing that you couldn’t have said/done it better yourself. Or > [@](#): > > …but we live in a time where losing your phone is more dramatic than losing your virginity. Others, perhaps less so - > [@](#): > > Sojourner Truth is the Beyonce of Suffrage. > [@](#): > > For instance, historian Ibid saw Stalingrad as a turning point in the war. I’m familiar with that historian’s work, and the author is right. This worries me. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2015, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/96 "2015-03-02T23:37:29Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > For instance, historian Ibid saw Stalingrad as a turning point in the war. > > I’m familiar with that historian’s work, and the author is right. This worries me. > > Regards, > Shodan I’m going to need more context than this. For all we know, the student was writing about the American Civil War. ---
**Author:** ![Double\_Foolscap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85e7bf/32.png) [@Double\_Foolscap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Double_Foolscap)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2015, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/97 "2015-03-03T10:43:46Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > I’m familiar with that historian’s work, and the author is right. This worries me. > > Regards, > Shodan Sadly, my first thought was, “That student’s making things up - Ibid was Greek.” I blame Terry Pratchett. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2015, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/98 "2015-03-03T14:25:26Z")
No no - Ibid wrote _A Doll’s House_. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2015, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/99 "2015-03-10T02:52:21Z")
## The newest one: In life I have a passion that I am more passionate about than most of my life’s passions. My passion is music….It is my life’s most passionate passion. ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2015, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736/100 "2015-03-10T02:55:33Z")
I wish I had a most passionate passion, or even a passionate passion. These days even my passions are sadly apathetic. ☹ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-assessment-essay-gems/686736.md?page=6)