# The latest tragic wave of drug-related crime: Cheese theft **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 30, 2004, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-tragic-wave-of-drug-related-crime-cheese-theft/266851 "2004-09-30T14:50:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2004, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-tragic-wave-of-drug-related-crime-cheese-theft/266851/21 "2004-09-30T18:38:41Z")
Did they find the muenster in his pants? ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2004, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-tragic-wave-of-drug-related-crime-cheese-theft/266851/22 "2004-09-30T19:44:22Z")
He’d better be careful in prison. He could end up chèvred. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2004, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-tragic-wave-of-drug-related-crime-cheese-theft/266851/23 "2004-09-30T19:50:33Z")
As long as addicts camembert to go without their fix, this sort of thing will continue to take place. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2004, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-tragic-wave-of-drug-related-crime-cheese-theft/266851/24 "2004-09-30T20:03:31Z")
> [@vunderbob](#): > > The Wisconsin state motto: “Smell our dairy air.” \ And _YOU_ got some kind of nerve saying I can be counted on always with the juvenile remarks! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2004, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-tragic-wave-of-drug-related-crime-cheese-theft/266851/25 "2004-09-30T20:14:24Z")
Y’know, **matt\_mcl** , if this took place in St. John’s… that must mean… …it was _Canadian_ cheese! :eek: Who in God’s good name would steal Canadian cheese?!? ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2004, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-tragic-wave-of-drug-related-crime-cheese-theft/266851/26 "2004-09-30T20:33:35Z")
Where the cheese at? Where the cheese go? Ok. Commence beating. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2004, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-tragic-wave-of-drug-related-crime-cheese-theft/266851/27 "2004-09-30T20:41:05Z")
The cops _claim_ they found cheese on the perp, but I would demand to see evidence that the crime a curd. ---
**Author:** ![indecisive1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/41988e/32.png) [@indecisive1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/indecisive1)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2004, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-tragic-wave-of-drug-related-crime-cheese-theft/266851/28 "2004-09-30T21:10:24Z")
Chees-is , it’s hell being from Wisconsin. Everybody making all their cheesey jokes. Nobody’s worked in Co-jack yet, how about cottage cheese, Huh smarty butts? Brick, harvarti (sp?), romano, Velveta, yes I said Velveta (I dare you!). Bout the only thing funnier than cheese is Cows! But that’s anudder story. ARGGGGGG! Sincerely, Indecisive1 From the land of cheese, cows, and sick mass-murderers ::twitch:: ---
**Author:** ![jk1245](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/49beb7/32.png) [@jk1245](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jk1245)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2004, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-tragic-wave-of-drug-related-crime-cheese-theft/266851/29 "2004-09-30T21:24:13Z")
Seeing as I’m the cheese equivalent of Medellin, Colombia, I’m ditching this 9 to 5 crap and becoming the Pablo Escobar of the North American cheese-drug trade. I can’t wait for my parade of mistresses at my many mansions, all paid for by my billions in ill-gotten gains. Of course, I will be dead of a heart bloackage by age 40 after sampling too much my own produc. That is, unless the USDA agents bring me down in a hail of gunfire first. ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2004, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-tragic-wave-of-drug-related-crime-cheese-theft/266851/30 "2004-09-30T21:28:25Z")
Cheese it! The cops! ---
**Author:** ![Etherman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/958977/32.png) [@Etherman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Etherman)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2004, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-tragic-wave-of-drug-related-crime-cheese-theft/266851/31 "2004-09-30T21:30:01Z")
> [@indecisive1](#): > > Nobody’s worked in Co-jack yet, how about cottage cheese, Huh smarty butts? Brick, harvarti (sp?), romano, Velveta, yes I said Velveta So cheese theft is becoming a cottage industry in Canada huh? If I use food coloring on my cheese product, can I make a velveta elvis? Was co-jack the detective assigned the case? Did he shit a brick when he saw what happened. That’s all I got. ---
**Author:** ![indecisive1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/41988e/32.png) [@indecisive1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/indecisive1)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2004, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-tragic-wave-of-drug-related-crime-cheese-theft/266851/32 "2004-09-30T21:46:07Z")
You win the official smarty-butt award! ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2004, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-tragic-wave-of-drug-related-crime-cheese-theft/266851/33 "2004-09-30T21:59:15Z")
Velveta got to the case earlier, but ve vas vatching “Everybody Loves Romano” back at the “cottage”. Cheese! Give us a brick, already. Havarti started on your case. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2004, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-tragic-wave-of-drug-related-crime-cheese-theft/266851/34 "2004-10-01T00:30:06Z")
In Canada, first you get the gorgonzola, then you get the money, then you get the women! You suppose they fence the stuff to rats? Can’t you just see the deal going down? Junkie Cheese Thief: Look man, I’m hurtin’ bad. I got you this cheddar, so give me enough so I can score some oxys, man. Rat: I’m hurtin’ too, man, but I can’t handle cheddar, man. It gives me the shits. Have you got any ricotta, man? Dude, I’d fuckin’ kill for some ricotta. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2004, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-tragic-wave-of-drug-related-crime-cheese-theft/266851/35 "2004-10-01T00:52:52Z")
The price of cheese where I live has gone to almost friggin’ 5 bucks a pound. That’s store-brand cheddar! If there was black market cheese here I’d consider buying it, ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2004, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-tragic-wave-of-drug-related-crime-cheese-theft/266851/36 "2004-10-01T01:09:15Z")
_From an actual convo two of my friends had in High School_ (names have been changed to protect the guilty): **Willow** : Did you know that in Scandinavia, cheese was used as a currency? **Xander:** Scandinavia - now that’s my kind of town! **W** : Scandinavia isn’t a town. **X** : Cheese isn’t a currency! ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2004, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-tragic-wave-of-drug-related-crime-cheese-theft/266851/37 "2004-10-01T04:24:07Z")
Don’t worry, I heard the police ricotta the thieves who were involved. Queso closed! ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2004, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-tragic-wave-of-drug-related-crime-cheese-theft/266851/38 "2004-10-01T05:44:53Z")
Manchego take a long walk off a short pier, huh? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2004, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-tragic-wave-of-drug-related-crime-cheese-theft/266851/39 "2004-10-01T11:39:14Z")
37 responses and no has said: Who moved my cheese? ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2004, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-tragic-wave-of-drug-related-crime-cheese-theft/266851/40 "2004-10-01T12:34:21Z")
> [@Ponder Stibbons](#): > > Velveta got to the case earlier, but ve vas vatching “Everybody Loves Romano” back at the “cottage”. Cheese! Give us a brick, already. Havarti started on your case. Cheese-wiz, Gouda for you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-latest-tragic-wave-of-drug-related-crime-cheese-theft/266851.md?page=1)