# The least erotic sexual fetish **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 28, 2008, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038 "2008-03-28T12:52:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2008, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038/61 "2008-03-29T17:18:02Z")
[QUOTE=Struan] I’ve got a cluster of helium-filled balloons tied to the end of my cock right now. It’s fucking tricky getting through to the kitchen though. [/QUOTE] Careful! When you cut it off, you don’t want to have the balloons and cock fly out through the window. Just think how you’d be horrifying some poor kid who found your balloons and junk. ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2008, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038/62 "2008-03-29T20:05:04Z")
[QUOTE=OtakuLoki] Just think how you’d be horrifying some poor kid who found your balloons and junk. [/QUOTE] :eek: _puts down garden shears_ ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2008, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038/63 "2008-03-29T20:17:36Z")
[QUOTE=OtakuLoki] Careful! When you cut it off, you don’t want to have the balloons and cock fly out through the window. Just think how you’d be horrifying some poor kid who found your balloons and junk. [/QUOTE] I once saw a cock fly out a window. Didn’t bother me in the least. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2008, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038/64 "2008-03-29T20:29:38Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] I once saw a cock fly out a window. Didn’t bother me in the least. [/QUOTE] I was thinking more about those release and track balloons that kids do for various class projects. And how most kids expect, when they see a balloon losing its lift, that if they find such a balloon, they’ll be able to turn in the accompanying coupon for a burger or something. Hence the shock and horror of finding a balloon and junk, instead. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2008, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038/65 "2008-03-29T21:26:53Z")
[QUOTE=OtakuLoki] I was thinking more about those release and track balloons that kids do for various class projects. And how most kids expect, when they see a balloon losing its lift, that if they find such a balloon, they’ll be able to turn in the accompanying coupon for a burger or something. Hence the shock and horror of finding a balloon and junk, instead. [/QUOTE] For some reason this reminds me about that old John Bobbit joke: An old couple are driving along behind Lorena Bobbit when she throws her husband’s severed member out the window. It lands on the elderly couple’s windshield and quickly rolls off. The man, in shock, says to his wife, “did you see the size of that bug?” To which the old woman replies, _Yeah, did you see the size of its dick?!_ ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2008, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038/66 "2008-03-29T23:32:44Z")
[QUOTE=Shodan] Being spanked is one thing (although not my thing). Being dressed up like a panda bear is another. Regards, Shodan [/QUOTE] Speaking of pandas and plushies, three words: Strategically placed holes. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2008, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038/67 "2008-03-30T01:08:26Z")
[QUOTE=Struan] I’ve got a cluster of helium-filled balloons tied to the end of my cock right now. It’s fucking tricky getting through to the kitchen though. [/QUOTE] Viagra works better and is less cumbersome. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2008, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038/68 "2008-03-30T01:10:59Z")
[QUOTE=Struan] :eek: _puts down garden shears_ [/QUOTE] Oh man, I’m in Thailand. PLEASE don’t be talking about snipping the old fella off. :eek: One lady here did tie her wayward husband’s good buddy to a balloon and sent it on its way. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2008, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038/69 "2008-03-30T01:27:31Z")
[QUOTE=Struan] I’ve got a cluster of helium-filled balloons tied to the end of my cock right now. It’s fucking tricky getting through to the kitchen though. [/QUOTE] When you have an orgasm, is it weirdly high pitched? ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2008, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038/70 "2008-03-30T19:19:24Z")
[QUOTE=RealityChuck] When you have an orgasm, is it weirdly high pitched? [/QUOTE] Please tell me there isn’t a dwarf shouting “follow the yellow-dick load…!” :eek: [QUOTE=RandMcnally] He’s having sex in his bedroom with the table, but more importantly, also on his deck. [/QUOTE] And if he kept his deck in his pants, he wouldn’t be in this kind of trouble, would he? _readies hose to squirt the kids on the lawn_ ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2008, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038/71 "2008-03-30T21:01:51Z")
Anything involving bodily waste products. Followed by, in decreasing order of revulsion: bestiality, necrophelia, asphyxiation, flagellation, lesser S&M/bondage. Oh, and the picnic table thing sounds pretty bad too, so I’ll add that and any other kind of sex that might involve splinters. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2008, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038/72 "2008-03-30T21:10:09Z")
[QUOTE=Jragon] We call foot fetishes the “gateway fetish,” today you want her feet in your pants… tomorrow she’s at the bottom of a pit hearing you say “it rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again!” [/QUOTE] Lucky me I don’t want her feet in my pants, hey? There are much more interesting places for feet. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Terminus\_Est](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terminus_est/32/3087_2.png) [@Terminus\_Est](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terminus_Est)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2008, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038/73 "2008-03-30T22:50:07Z")
[QUOTE=LurkMeister] Wasn’t there a woman who had a website several years ago about how she wanted to have both her arms amutated and replaced with “#5 Dorrance Hooks”? I seem to remember some discussion here about whether she was for real. [/QUOTE] That’s TWIN BODY-POWERED PROSTHESIS WITH DORRANCE #5X STAINLESS STEEL HOOKS!!! ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2008, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038/74 "2008-03-31T05:29:38Z")
Anyone here want to [ride a bicycle](http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/10/26/nsex126.xml)? ---
**Author:** ![neutron\_star](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/51bf81/32.png) [@neutron\_star](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neutron_star)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2008, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038/75 "2008-03-31T07:03:24Z")
[QUOTE=Freudian Slit] Oh yeah, I agree with balloons. Also, I HATE balloons and have a minor phobia of them [/QUOTE] Hey, [globophobia](http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2006/balloon-phobia-p1.php) (video link) is no laughing matter! Okay, maybe it is. As far as non-erotic fetishes go, how about a medical equipment fetish? http : [//www.medicaltoys](https://www.medicaltoys) .com/ (probably NSFW) Wacky, random fetishes like that are always good for a laugh, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2008, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038/76 "2008-03-31T07:06:55Z")
[QUOTE=SiouxChief] How about sex with a [picnic table?](http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/strange/news-article.aspx?storyid=105778) [/QUOTE] Why am I suddenly thinking of Monty Python? ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2008, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038/77 "2008-03-31T07:16:34Z")
I have never encountered a fetish (and believe me, I’ve encountered virtually all of them) that I couldn’t wrap my mind around theoretically, if not enjoying it in practice. But in reality, the one thing that has always turned me immediately off is cross-dressing (or “transvestic fetishism”). It’s far more common than most of the others, but I really can’t relate sexually to anything that’s feminine. ---
**Author:** ![Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc79bd/32.png) [@Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amber_in_Treasury)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2008, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038/78 "2008-03-31T13:16:10Z")
I “get” emetophilia, but not furries. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2008, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038/79 "2008-03-31T22:38:12Z")
[QUOTE=gravitycrash] Unless I missed it, why has nobody wondered how you have sex with a picnic table? The splinter issue alone would be a potential problem. [/QUOTE] The hole in the middle for a picnic umbrella? ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2008, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038/80 "2008-03-31T23:35:49Z")
[QUOTE=Beware of Doug] Note that **Jeep’s** is not referring to cognitive-behavioral therapy or the Chicago Board of Trade, but to a paraphilia involving the deliberate infliction of pain on the male, uh, junk. [/QUOTE] Ooo…thanks for clearing that up. 😃 (I couldn’t think of the proper name for it, so I posted the acronym.) [QUOTE=SiouxChief] Tease! (What, no Smithsonian Magazine?) [/QUOTE] Sadly, no. I used to subscribe to an MIT magazine a few years ago though! (They went electronic-only, and I didn’t renew.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-least-erotic-sexual-fetish/443038.md?page=5)